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Dr. Mallya’s Team Building Exercise – At the BRC Camp

by Naked Cricket

At the hottest nightclub in town, Mallya addresses his boys, as his sycophants look on mesmerized. His son Sid Mallya and friend Deepika Padukone stand by him either side.

Mallya:
Tonight’s game will not be played in the bedroom..(waits for laughter, the coterie obliges as they roll over with laughter) it will be played on a cricket field..let’s drink to that!

The coterie raises their glasses, drinks bottoms up. Kumble and Dravid raise their mugs (concealing the hot choco and sip determinedly)

Mallya (continuing): Tonight we play Guyana…and we’re gonna beat them…(applause) and to make sure we beat the pants off them…I wanna make sure you boys are inspired…yeah, Uthappa…you hear me dude?

Uthappa obliges with his customary bow

Mallya: So here’s the deal…the Man of the Match…and like hell he’s gonna be from The Bangalore Royal Challengers will have a dinner date with the lovely Miss Deepika Padukone

The coterie gasps…Kumble and Dravid smile at each other..Uthappa dabs himself with cologne..Taylor practices his cross batted heaves…and Kallis runs his hand through his non-existent hair

Sid Mallya (pleading): Daddy…

Mallya: Don’t Daddy me…

Sid Mallya: Make it a dinner with the lovely Deepika and Sid Malaya…

Mallya (ignoring his son): OK boys, in front of each of you there’s a bottle…and in it…there’s a message..haha that’s why it’s called…

Coterie (chorus): Message in a bottle

Mallya: Yah, that’s right…your roles have been clearly defined…but to get to the message..you gotta empty the contents first…

In front of each player is a miniature RC bottle, and each player takes a shot. In front of Dravid and Kumble however, there’s a miniature Kingfisher soda bottle. Everyone has a shot, and proceeds to read the message.

Mallya: OK, any questions…

Deepika: Do I do my item number now?

Mallya: Yeah, Sid you and Uthappa will join her…

Sid Mallya: Daddy…

Item number starts as Mallya sits on his throne like a B grade Bollywood villain sipping his whiskey, as his chelas swoon around him.

Kumble: Dr Mallya, excuse me, but Rahul and I need to turn in for the night..

Mallya: OK Anil, but I gotta tell you, this Rahul is a very bad influence on you…

The coterie goes nuts laughing, the two players exit. And Deepika dances a badminton dance, while Sid and Uthappa act like the shuttlecocks being hit around by her.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

1 2 3 4 band karo ye atyachar

Sujan Rao said...

LOL. Good one.. NC you can start something like Fake CLT20 player blog ;)

Anonymous said...

WTF?? BUT WTF IT ROCKS!

Govind Raj said...

NC,

Haven't laughed like this in my office before. This is a RIOT !

Uthappa dabs himself with cologne.Taylor practices his cross batted heaves…and Kallis runs his hand through his non-existent hair

Every bit of this post is like the 3 Idiots movie; non-stop laughter ! If there has to be an award for the 'Laugh Riot Blog post' of the year; I have already given the ayes, thumbs up and in fact hands up :-)

ROTFL !

Govind Raj said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Govind Raj said...

And I love the 'Respect' you have shown to Kumble and Dravid with the miniature Soda bottles. This shows you know your balls very well

Great stuff !

Shridhar Jaju said...

What about Praveen Kumar??

raj said...

Great stuff NC

Naked Cricket said...

Sujan, no, no not fake. Even he doesn't want to be fake anymore. Cheers man.

Naked Cricket said...

Haha, thank you Govind, thank you! And yeah, gotta respect them, they make this whole CLT quite entertaining, tho unintentionally

Naked Cricket said...

Shridhar, PK deserves a full goal post, not crumbs.

Thanks man, Raj.

Mahek said...

You forgot to mention Virat Kohli practising his scowl for when he beats up the goons who molest Deepika on their date.

vmminerva said...

ROFL! This is the best humor I've read a while!

Naked Cricket said...

Mahek, Kohli squatting Indian style, practising his scowl today, one for the archives.

Hey, thanks VM.