Stuart Broad swears to bowl a maiden to Yuvraj Singh

The world refuses to let Stuart Broad forget that fateful night in Durban.

It was more than eight years ago, and akin to being mugged in broad daylight. Broad was only 21 and playing in his eighth Twenty20 international.

His tormentor, Yuvraj Singh, was batting in only his third innings. Broad knew of Yuvraj or Singh-2 as they would call him, Harbhajan was always Singh-1.

Previously in the tournament Singh-2 had scores of 1 and 5, threat perception was low to moderate. That night Singh-2 became just Yuvraj Singh to the England team.

Broad has tried his best to move on, especially when he hopes to lose himself on the internet. But that’s when it all comes back to haunt him.

It’s common knowledge that Stuart Broad loves searching for Stuart Broad on the internet – always looking out for the top searches and YouTube videos.

But no, nothing has changed. Even today, that "damn video" of Stuart Broad being hit for six 6s tops Stuart Broad searches. "How can I move on? Will Google ever let me? What do they have against me?" a distraught Broad almost yelps out.

A ranting Broad continues: "Does anyone even know that I bowled 7 dot balls in that spell? Everyone only remembers the six 6s. Yeah right, they don’t even know other than that over, I was only hit for one more six and one more boundary. But people are quick to judge you. How can they call me Yuvraj’s bunny to this day? I despise these people as much as I despise KP and you can quote me on that."

It appears matters have come to such a head that Broad now wants to rewrite his past. How? Does he hope his influential father, Chris Broad, will tinker with the scorecard? No.

Broad believes it must be done ethically on the field of play and that too in a World Twenty20 match between Yuvraj and himself. When informed that India and England are in separate groups in the World T20, Broad is unfazed and claims to have done his homework.

"I know" he says with that smug knowing smile. "I’m not a walker and I don’t intend walking away from this one," he quickly adds, even more smugly if that were even possible.

Stuart Broad feels that there’s a strong chance that India and England will play each other in the semi finals or the finals.

"What better place than Delhi, Mumbai or Calcutta to bowl a maiden over to Yuvraj. Ideally, I’d like it to be the final over of the match – six runs needed for a win. Me bowling. Yuvraj batting. Imagine that. I have it all sussed out. Each and every ball I will bowl to him. I have been planning this for years. My time will come. First ball. Dot.

Second ball. Dot. Third ball. Dot. Fourth ball. Dot. Fifth ball. Dot. Sixth ball. Dot. India win by 5 runs. Oh I got excited there, I mean England win by 5 runs! Hurrah!"

When contacted Yuvraj Singh said he was surprised that Stuart Broad was still playing cricket.

(However plausible this might sound, this is largely a work of fiction.)

First published here

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What scared India.

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Urinating at The Oval

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Disgraceful England Deserve Censure But The ICC Thanks Them

Ian Bell is a good batsman. Thats all he is. He is not an umpire. He is not a match referee. He is not the sole authority on the cricket field. At some point yesterday he decided he was all of these things. He assumed that the ball was dead. Him and him alone. His batting partner, Eoin Morgan didn't. The bowler didn't. The fielder who had thrown the ball in didn't. And the umpires didn't. Yet in a supreme display of arrogance, Bell trotted over to his batting partner, who looked most uncomfortable about the whole affair since he had just put his bat in the crease after attempting to warn Bell, and knew something unfortunate was about to occur.

Make no mistake, the error was Bell's and Bell's alone, nothing but sheer stupidity. But it gets worse from here. Ignore the indignation from the English, who almost drowned twitter out with calls for Dhoni's head for, well, doing the correct thing. As the umpires asked Dhoni if he wanted to uphold the appeal, they also turned to the English batsmen and asked them to wait on the field until a decision had been made. Bell's arrogance took to the fore again and he marched off, seemingly as oblivious to their request as he seemed to the entire run out fiasco. Note that even at that point the umpires had still not called Tea, it was Bell who took it upon himself to declare the session over. Bell was actually stopped just before he left the ground to his obvious disgust by the fourth umpire, who politely reminded him that the session had not in fact officially ended.

For such blatant disregard to an umpire's authority, a player has already been penalized in this test, too bad he isn't English though, because they are praised for this sort of behavior. Already in this test we've seen Graeme Swann kick the stumps in disgust at his own performance, and despite being his second offence in under three months, escape with a reprimand. "Look here you jolly old fellow, we love your witty banter on twitter, but you can't go around kicking the stumps when you feel like it. Just quickly apologize for it and we'll sweep it under the carpet."

The most petulant and a serial offender in the English side, much like his father before him, and rewarded with T20 captaincy - this is the same bowler who is the only international cricketer to have conceded 6 sixes in an over in a T20 match - Stuart Broad, took it upon himself to step into his father's shoes and check if VVS Laxman had applied Vaseline to his bat. The English seem to think this sort of behavior is amusing, its a bit like throwing jelly beans on the pitch, its all in good fun when you're not at the receiving end. Insinuate that an Englishman might be a cheat and you'll get the response the Pakistani team received after their counter accusations during the spot fixing brouhaha.

Andrew Strauss and Andy Flower chose to approach Dhoni during the Tea interval and ask him to reconsider his appeal. This has been described as "most unorthodox" but the more simple way of describing it is that it was way out of line. You cannot go to the opposition and ask them to play in a manner that suits your players after your very players are solely responsible for an incident because of their stupidity, and especially not after the mob you're leading onto the field has already acted so disgracefully. The trouble is, nobody seems to be telling England that they're behaving terribly. Oh no, quite the opposite.

Here's how Haroon Lorgat, CEO of the ICC, described the incident and the conduct of the players. "Absolute credit must go to Team India, the England team and the match officials - Ranjan Madugalle, Asad Rauf and Marais Erasmus as well as the off-field umpires Billy Bowden and Tim Robinson - for the superb way that they all handled a tricky situation. While the initial appeal and umpire decision may have been acceptable to the letter of the law, the decision by India captain M S Dhoni and his team -as well as the Team India coaching staff - to withdraw the appeal shows great maturity. To see players and officials uphold the Great Spirit of cricket, which has underpinned the game for more than a century, is very special. I am indeed grateful for the way that the teams and match officials handled what was clearly a difficult situation and their behaviour reflects well on everyone."

I'm not sure what Lorgat is smoking, but he did get a few things right, so it might not be the best stuff out there on the market. The umpires and the Indian Team deserve praise. Don't discount the role of the umpires here, they could have chosen to act as heavy handed as Daryl Hair did at the Oval during Inzimam's protest and taken the incident to a whole different level. Madugalle's lenient reprimand to Swann and his overlooking Broad's distasteful accusation, doesn't deserve credit. And England's conduct definitely does not either. The "Great Spirit of Cricket" shouldn't win any accolades today, it was in fact insulted because it asks players to play fair, within the rules and to respect umpires. But more so because it promotes equality and equal treatment to players, and by all indications from the ICC's statement, equality seems to be used rather judiciously, and certainly selectively.

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England Threesome

30th May, 2011. England v Sri Lanka: The final Sri Lankan wicket falls to complete a dramatic victory at Cardiff: Lakmal caught Cook bowled Broad under the captaincy of Strauss - The Terrific Threesome (of Captaincy)

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New T20 captain Stuart Broad celebrates

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Player Profile: Stuart Broad

There was a saying in the Broad household when a boy child was born, “Spare the Broad, and spoil the child”. And instead of the spank on the bottom, doctors were instructed to pat the little Broad’s butt. The Broad family tree reveals the name Petticoat used by one branch, whereas another twig that journeyed India in the late 1800s, went by the title of Memsahib. However, Broad was, and has been, the most acceptable name.

Spoiling reached a new low when Chris Broad turned match-referee to indulge his son, Stuart, who turned super brat to indulge himself. Momentarily, Stuart brat was sixed to his senses by Yuvi Brat.

The comedown was short lived, as Flintoff vanished, and Stuart Broad attained superbrat-superstar status in the English camp. His Ashes’ analysis had something to do with it. Clearly Stuart little was becoming much too big again.

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Stuart Broad Celebrates Maiden Test Hundred.

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Ranjan Madugalle punishes Stuart Broad.

by Mister & Missus Cricket Couch
who blog at half and half and the cricket couch

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Spare the Broad and spoil the child

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What did Broad do now

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Place Your Bets On Yuvraj Hitting Less Than One 6 Today

1) Golden Duck - 1:1.4
2) Duck - 1:1.07
3) One 6 - 1:5
4) Two Sixes - 1:9
5) More Than Two Sixes - 1:1.02

Go figure. Broad did. Pity no Freddy this time to wind him up though.

All bets must be placed in "honour" currency and winnings can be redeemed with special "honour" coupons. Really. If you would like to donate 10% of your winnings to England's Ashes Charity Bowling, you're a loon and shouldn't be betting in the first place.

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