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Ballad of the Belligerent Non-Retiree
Oh, I feel a sniggerin’ chuckle comin' up, a guffaw burstin' out
By Sriram Dayanand
who blogs at Boundary Conditions and protects his tweets @sdayanand
Ain't over for me at least darlin’, while you may twist n' shout
Givin’ up ain't so simple asshole, it's been my ass and life
Oh so you think I'll cut my balls off, just coz' the team's in strife?
<chorus >
Heidi-heidi-heidi-hi, Heidi-heidi-heidi-ho
So you think the time is nigh? So it's time for me to blow?
I am your precious national monument baby, I tend to last for life
Just gaze upon my pretty ass, lose thoughts of weildin' that knife
I am primo T-bone steak yo, I be the whipped cream on the top
Relishin’ is all your lazy ass gotto do, yet you moan for me to stop?
<chorus>
Heidi-heidi-heidi-hi, Heidi-heidi-heidi-ho
You think I dunno when to stop? Dunno when I friggin’ gotto go?
This been just a lil' stutter honey, ain't worth a hue and cry
When we play back in our backyard, everyone's ass is bheja-fry
Overseas results are just a wee glitch, our glory be at home
When we nail their butts up sky high, and their mouths begin to foam
<chorus>
Heidi-heidi-heidi-hi, Heidi-heidi-heidi-ho
I can feel them home wins comin’, my badass game begin to flow
Don’t ya know livelihood's a f**kin’ pain? Just makin' it itself a bitch?
Do you even have a job? Have ya ever felt the naggin' itch?
Why dontcha try n' make it big ya loser? Climb up the treacherous hill
Just unclench your rigid ass man, for f**k's sake swallow a chill pill?
<chorus>
Heidi-heidi-heidi-hi, Heidi-heidi-heidi-ho
Just watch me pout n' preen, just watch my golden ass glow
Now, I ain’t prone to abdication you imbecile, I've never been a quitter
I got a constitution of lead, not like your sorry chicken liver
Just coz you ain’t got no patience, ain’t packin a rigid spine
I am gonna fly the coop? So loooong before my time?
<chorus>
Heidi-heidi-heidi-hi, Heidi-heidi-heidi-ho
Just calm the f**k down, try suckin’ on your own big toe
I'm a smooth cat on steroids baby, and this be my life No. 9
Stop pokin’ your nose in my business, and it'll all be spit n' shine
I ain’t scrapin’ at the bottom, I got reserves built in my ass
Just wake me up, hand me my teeth and don't forget my balls of brass
<chorus>
Heidi-heidi-heidi-hi, Heidi-heidi-heidi-ho
Glory be to me, ya sorry a** sucker, just welcome me back to the show
who blogs at Boundary Conditions and protects his tweets @sdayanand
Song for the unsung hero: SAHA!
OK, now he is the sung hero. Saha! More power to cricketers who are players, not stars.Swaaha!
Sad Indian cricket fan seeks pleasure.
Cricket Honeymoon - Watch White Bored (5) with Mahek Vyas
Bored Members Mahek and NC chat about honeymooning at the first Test, and Adelaide as an afterthought.
Produced by Roop Khanna. Shot on location at The Bored Room, Yawn T Roads.
Mixing Drinks & Cricketers - White Bored (4) with Keith Ribeiro
Keith, Roop & NC again. Shot on location at the Bored Room, Yawn T Roads.
Watch the WHITE BORED 3 - Cricket Jugalbandi before the Adelaide Test with Keith Ribeiro
Produced by Roop Khanna. Jugalbandi between Keith Ribeiro and NC.
Shot on location at the Bored Room, Yawn T Roads.
Shot on location at the Bored Room, Yawn T Roads.
Watch WHITE BORED 2 - Cricket Jugalbandi (Indian team for Adelaide) with SP
Produced by Roop Khanna. Jugalbandi between Bored Members SP and NC. Shot on location at the Bored Room, Yawn T Roads.
Bajj gaye re - subah ke 5 (devotional song for India's cricket in Australia)
To all those days when both you and the team should have stayed in bed. Oh right, they did.
Bad people making fun of beloved Indian cricket team.
Our 2nd appearance on NDTV 24X7, this time, in far more trying circumstances: Australia 3, India 0. Impatient? Go straight to 1:20 and watch Bored Cricket Crazy Indians (BCC!)
For our NDTV debut, here you go
Cement Head
Now you’ve done it, you’ve done it haven’t ya?
Yes, you’ve opened up your addled mind
Squelched out a priceless and noxious beauty
A tracer bullet off your copious behind
A mind and behind of opulent plenty - aye we know
Buckling under its glorious Orca gluttony
Bereft of hint of nurturing thought
Numb in pursuit of absolute hegemony
Oh, the remains were still smoldering yet
Painful smoke was still wafting around the WACA
Ere you unclenched your copious cheeks
And deposited a colossal mountain of kaka
Come on home to papa in India you said
Come hither and we’ll cream Aussie arse
Oh, bygone be bygones suckers, you smirked
Like 3-0 was a concocted farce
We’ll smack English behinds too, you squeaked
Collect and usurp unsuspecting Kiwi scalps
And when Australia came knocking at home
You’d go goddamned medieval on their arse
Hell, Melbourne be damned (Adelaide don’t exist)
Excuse me, did Sydney even happen?
Now in Perth, whatever it’s bloody worth
Was there even a result worth a mention?
Marquee this tour had been touted as
Would wipe England’s nightmares off our retina
Alas and alack, it careened shit-side
As the team wore out its erstwhile patina
Yes, you didn’t bat, no, you didn’t bowl
For that we won’t slather you with blame
But do you even care, have a fucking clue
What responsibility comes with your name?
Your primo product just laid a colossal turd
Mind you, one reinforced with India cement
But this is how you choose to ignore it
And belittle that ignominious event?
Dare I ask, do you ever even hurt?
Do you forgo or feign an occasional sigh?
Can anything ever bring you down?
Off your spectacular TV revenue high?
Drunk on your moolah, sauced like a boss
High as a kite on your loaded coffers
You sit barricaded in your shiny fortress
Surrounded by your fawning tossers
Helplessly we look on, in pain we squirm
Glance at you custodians of our game
As you blow even our miniscule expectations
And bring us to our knees in shame
Super King my friend, superman you are
Unlike your team which mislaid its pluck
With your brazen words, and your demented gravitas
You’ve now convinced us you don’t give a fuck
By Sriram Dayanand
who blogs at Boundary Conditions and protects his tweets @sdayanand
Yes, you’ve opened up your addled mind
Squelched out a priceless and noxious beauty
A tracer bullet off your copious behind
A mind and behind of opulent plenty - aye we know
Buckling under its glorious Orca gluttony
Bereft of hint of nurturing thought
Numb in pursuit of absolute hegemony
Oh, the remains were still smoldering yet
Painful smoke was still wafting around the WACA
Ere you unclenched your copious cheeks
And deposited a colossal mountain of kaka
Come on home to papa in India you said
Come hither and we’ll cream Aussie arse
Oh, bygone be bygones suckers, you smirked
Like 3-0 was a concocted farce
We’ll smack English behinds too, you squeaked
Collect and usurp unsuspecting Kiwi scalps
And when Australia came knocking at home
You’d go goddamned medieval on their arse
Hell, Melbourne be damned (Adelaide don’t exist)
Excuse me, did Sydney even happen?
Now in Perth, whatever it’s bloody worth
Was there even a result worth a mention?
Marquee this tour had been touted as
Would wipe England’s nightmares off our retina
Alas and alack, it careened shit-side
As the team wore out its erstwhile patina
Yes, you didn’t bat, no, you didn’t bowl
For that we won’t slather you with blame
But do you even care, have a fucking clue
What responsibility comes with your name?
Your primo product just laid a colossal turd
Mind you, one reinforced with India cement
But this is how you choose to ignore it
And belittle that ignominious event?
Dare I ask, do you ever even hurt?
Do you forgo or feign an occasional sigh?
Can anything ever bring you down?
Off your spectacular TV revenue high?
Drunk on your moolah, sauced like a boss
High as a kite on your loaded coffers
You sit barricaded in your shiny fortress
Surrounded by your fawning tossers
Helplessly we look on, in pain we squirm
Glance at you custodians of our game
As you blow even our miniscule expectations
And bring us to our knees in shame
Super King my friend, superman you are
Unlike your team which mislaid its pluck
With your brazen words, and your demented gravitas
You’ve now convinced us you don’t give a fuck
By Sriram Dayanand
who blogs at Boundary Conditions and protects his tweets @sdayanand
Series to Series OR Oh I'm Happy, Hope You're Happy Too!
Inspired by the genius of N. Srinivasan's "They cannot beat us here and we will feel very happy" and urm (sorry to put you in the same sentence champ), David Bowie
Series To Series
Do you remember a team that's been
In such a grisly loss
I've heard a rumour from Board Control
Oh no, don't say its true
They got a message
from the Chairy Man
"Oh I'm happy, and you'll be happy too
We've lost
All we had to lose
Domestic T20 following" ;)
The shrieking journos are grinning
Just pictures of stars gone by
in sinking ships
Ain't got no future and ain't got no care
But we're hoping to clip the past it bellowing
Series to series, humped by Humpty
We know CSK's Boss is
a numpty
Sprung out as cricket lies
hurtling to an all time low
Time and again they tell us all
White washes happen now and again
But the little blue caps turn purple and orange
Oh no, not again
Getting rich with our valuable friends
"Oh we're happy, we've made you happy too"
One flash in the pan
but its happened yet again
I've never done good things
I've never done bad things
I've never done anything for the men in the blue
Want to axe a senior or two?
Wanna see a home win instead?
Series to series, humped by Humpty
We know CSK's Boss is
a numpty
Sprung out as cricket lies
hurtling to an all time low
Series To Series
Do you remember a team that's been
In such a grisly loss
I've heard a rumour from Board Control
Oh no, don't say its true
They got a message
from the Chairy Man
"Oh I'm happy, and you'll be happy too
We've lost
All we had to lose
Domestic T20 following" ;)
The shrieking journos are grinning
Just pictures of stars gone by
in sinking ships
Ain't got no future and ain't got no care
But we're hoping to clip the past it bellowing
Series to series, humped by Humpty
We know CSK's Boss is
a numpty
Sprung out as cricket lies
hurtling to an all time low
Time and again they tell us all
White washes happen now and again
But the little blue caps turn purple and orange
Oh no, not again
Getting rich with our valuable friends
"Oh we're happy, we've made you happy too"
One flash in the pan
but its happened yet again
I've never done good things
I've never done bad things
I've never done anything for the men in the blue
Want to axe a senior or two?
Wanna see a home win instead?
Series to series, humped by Humpty
We know CSK's Boss is
a numpty
Sprung out as cricket lies
hurtling to an all time low
My chairman says
to get things won
you better not stray
outside homely dens
Sing it, it can't be half as loony as the bleatings emanating from our administocrats:
Watch the first episode of THE WHITE BORED - why has India lost it
Produced by Yash Chawla, NDTV. Rambling by Bored Member NC.
Shot on location at The Bored Room, Yawn T Roads.
Fickle Me This, Fickle Me That, Who's Afraid Of The Media's Crap?
Pardon the corny headline, it is at least in keeping with the low standards set by cricket's general newsmedia. Ricky Ponting struggles for a year and a bit, the press demands his head, he scores a hundred in vain during the World Cup quarterfinal and retains his batting position but loses the captaincy. Michael Clarke scored 151 against South Africa, an innings described by many as one of the best of the year. Australia were bowled out for 47, Clarke and his men are slaughtered by the press for being unable to bat with the necessary temperament. Australia win a thriller against South Africa to level the 2 match series, the press said Haddin, Ponting and Hussey had done enough to survive another day.
Australia lose to New Zealand at home, Clarke's captaincy is questioned, everyone thinks Ponting should call it a day. Australia win at the MCG, a match that was competitive for a while, the media still demands Ponting's head, Clarke's captaincy is reflected on as being better than Dhoni's, not much of a compliment considering the Indian skipper's leadership during the match. Clarke scores 329, Ponting scores a hundred, as does Hussey and suddenly everyone's glad Ponting has decided to stick around, and Clarke gets rich accolades for his brilliant captaincy.
While the flip-flops are typical of media - no less than Gideon Haigh, whom many accord the title of the best contemporary writer in the sport because of his commanding vocabulary and presumptuous and often misinformed opinion, has had to eat humble pie after yet another of his tiring pieces on T20's included that wonderful question about whether David Warner would ever bat more than 60 balls in his career - that has devolved from stating the facts to jingoistic misinformed opinion pieces, its how they misuse the responsibility handed to them and the privilege of freedom accorded to them that disappoints. The media heavily influences readers who are unable to make their own minds on the state of affairs either because they don't have access to information or because they trust a paper that echoes views they want to hear. Which is what news media has become, rather sadly even in cricket.
There is always an agenda behind a piece, sometimes paid for, and almost always influenced by how many eyeballs can be brought to glance at the myriad of ads strategically placed near the provocative headlines. Cricinfo has often used inflammatory headlines simply to spark a controversy for what is a poorly written piece about nothing in particular. Along with sections of the British and Australian press, they have successfully pulled wool over the blinkered eyes of the majority of cricket's followers into believing the BCCI's sole purpose for existence is greed and the eventual destruction of cricket. Rarely are there any articles about the BCCI's many development projects, some of which are quite admirable. The BCCI of course don't help matters by banning some groups from attending matches and refusing to promote their own successful endeavours sufficiently.
Take the DRS for instance. The BCCI's stand isn't that they don't want the DRS, but rather that the technology behind it isn't foolproof, and until it is there is hardly any point in using it to influence decisions wherein it might only add to further controversy, as was quite evident during India's tour of England. Most people who have bothered looking at the facts agree that this is a sensible outlook. Yet there are people who leave comments such as "Why does India have a right to overrule Cricket Australia's use of the DRS" primarily because the piss-poor variety of journalists like Malcolm Conn mislead people with statements proclaiming the BCCI directly denies bowlers the ability to appeal. Not too surprisingly, -and whether they see it or not, its what they choose to write based on their audience's mood at the moment- Conn and the like have led the way with adulations over Clarke's captaincy, which not too long ago they questioned.
Clarke has benefited from having a good set of bowlers who've done well at home against a side that has for the most part had a perennial weakness against quick bowlers on seaming wickets. His captaincy against tailenders was as bad as Dhoni's in recent times, and when the game has drifted away from him he looks as lost as his predecessor, who was also falsely proclaimed as a great captain based on his stock of players. Clarke plays it up of course, his decision to declare while admirable is a touch nauseous, and reminds of his decision to dump Lara Bingle when it appeared *her* character might have cost him the captaincy [this criteria in picking a skipper is a topic for another day, Warne , Ponting etc etc...]. But the media is blind to all of this at the moment, the flavor of the moment is Michael - benevolent pup - Clarke, and so logical discourse takes a back seat.
Move over to the Indian media, which swings with more regularity than a pendulum. The usual scapegoat, VVS Laxman, finds that he is about to be axed in the country that he has his best record against. Laxman has often been treated unfairly by the Board, more often by the media, but he doesn't do his case too much good by remaining among the slackest of fielders and runners in the game. That isn't what he is being picked on for, its whether he should be staying in a team which should look towards rebuilding. Indian cricket's second golden boy, Rahul Dravid, cannot be touched of course, despite looking all at sea since Tendulkar's arrival at the crease in the first innings of the tour. This is because Dravid was the only batsman to do well in England. After 3-4 miserable years where he relied on scoring against weak attacks on flat tracks to retain his position in the team.
One might ask, if Laxman should be axed - as he probably deserves to be based on his recent overseas record - in keeping with blooding the next generation, why not Dravid. Indeed, why not Dravid 2 years ago when he relied on inside edges to score the bulk of his runs. Exactly what did Indian cricket gain from Rahul's recent exploits in England? We lost by the most embarrassing of margins anyway, didn't we? And why did he insist on playing on after the tour, nearing the ripe old age of 39? One paper says Dravid and Laxman will probably decide on their own to retire rather than leave it to the selectors - which is allegedly their right for their great contributions to Indian cricket - but going by their decisions over the last few years its pretty hard to see that happening, right?
Why were these players, including Sachin, touring Bangladesh, we all asked these questions at the time and its time to ask them again. If the seniors don't take a back seat and let the selectors gracefully blood the next generation, then after a tour like this one they are culpable on two counts - overstaying their welcome and foiling the future. These questions were somehow stowed away by the media after the English debacle, when they chose to pick on the scheduling since it was all the rage back then to ape the British fixation with the IPL's devious influence on the sport.
Ah, the future. And here we see the circus coming full circle. The greats are venerated and paid homage to just as overrated film stars in the country buy undue hype. So to the hype accorded to "the next best thing... well at least for the moment." Currently, on the back of glorious innings on flat tracks in the Ranji trophy, the boy who seems to exude so much talent that for a minute you might ignore the accompanying Mumbai-biased sycophancy, Rohit Sharma has apparently earned his spot in the team. Rohit has earned his spot in the ODI team almost as many times as Yuvraj has in tests, and has disappointed just as many but the trigger happy media searching for a hero are convinced this time will be different, like last time.
If he does well, the poor chap - just look at Kohli who did well in 2011 and now has irked just about everyone after two matches in which his seniors have played with far greater trepidation and irresponsibility - can hope for a year's worth of accolades before being consigned to obscurity like Mukund, Das, Ramesh, Vijay, hell even WV Raman and the plethora of next best things of yesteryear. If he does great, he becomes the next Laxman. And as he rides this journey, the crests and troughs amplified by the irresponsible sensationalist tabloid rubbish masquerading as journalism, he will at times loathe his fans and the media and scoff at their influence over each other and himself.
Australia lose to New Zealand at home, Clarke's captaincy is questioned, everyone thinks Ponting should call it a day. Australia win at the MCG, a match that was competitive for a while, the media still demands Ponting's head, Clarke's captaincy is reflected on as being better than Dhoni's, not much of a compliment considering the Indian skipper's leadership during the match. Clarke scores 329, Ponting scores a hundred, as does Hussey and suddenly everyone's glad Ponting has decided to stick around, and Clarke gets rich accolades for his brilliant captaincy.
While the flip-flops are typical of media - no less than Gideon Haigh, whom many accord the title of the best contemporary writer in the sport because of his commanding vocabulary and presumptuous and often misinformed opinion, has had to eat humble pie after yet another of his tiring pieces on T20's included that wonderful question about whether David Warner would ever bat more than 60 balls in his career - that has devolved from stating the facts to jingoistic misinformed opinion pieces, its how they misuse the responsibility handed to them and the privilege of freedom accorded to them that disappoints. The media heavily influences readers who are unable to make their own minds on the state of affairs either because they don't have access to information or because they trust a paper that echoes views they want to hear. Which is what news media has become, rather sadly even in cricket.
There is always an agenda behind a piece, sometimes paid for, and almost always influenced by how many eyeballs can be brought to glance at the myriad of ads strategically placed near the provocative headlines. Cricinfo has often used inflammatory headlines simply to spark a controversy for what is a poorly written piece about nothing in particular. Along with sections of the British and Australian press, they have successfully pulled wool over the blinkered eyes of the majority of cricket's followers into believing the BCCI's sole purpose for existence is greed and the eventual destruction of cricket. Rarely are there any articles about the BCCI's many development projects, some of which are quite admirable. The BCCI of course don't help matters by banning some groups from attending matches and refusing to promote their own successful endeavours sufficiently.
Take the DRS for instance. The BCCI's stand isn't that they don't want the DRS, but rather that the technology behind it isn't foolproof, and until it is there is hardly any point in using it to influence decisions wherein it might only add to further controversy, as was quite evident during India's tour of England. Most people who have bothered looking at the facts agree that this is a sensible outlook. Yet there are people who leave comments such as "Why does India have a right to overrule Cricket Australia's use of the DRS" primarily because the piss-poor variety of journalists like Malcolm Conn mislead people with statements proclaiming the BCCI directly denies bowlers the ability to appeal. Not too surprisingly, -and whether they see it or not, its what they choose to write based on their audience's mood at the moment- Conn and the like have led the way with adulations over Clarke's captaincy, which not too long ago they questioned.
Clarke has benefited from having a good set of bowlers who've done well at home against a side that has for the most part had a perennial weakness against quick bowlers on seaming wickets. His captaincy against tailenders was as bad as Dhoni's in recent times, and when the game has drifted away from him he looks as lost as his predecessor, who was also falsely proclaimed as a great captain based on his stock of players. Clarke plays it up of course, his decision to declare while admirable is a touch nauseous, and reminds of his decision to dump Lara Bingle when it appeared *her* character might have cost him the captaincy [this criteria in picking a skipper is a topic for another day, Warne , Ponting etc etc...]. But the media is blind to all of this at the moment, the flavor of the moment is Michael - benevolent pup - Clarke, and so logical discourse takes a back seat.
Move over to the Indian media, which swings with more regularity than a pendulum. The usual scapegoat, VVS Laxman, finds that he is about to be axed in the country that he has his best record against. Laxman has often been treated unfairly by the Board, more often by the media, but he doesn't do his case too much good by remaining among the slackest of fielders and runners in the game. That isn't what he is being picked on for, its whether he should be staying in a team which should look towards rebuilding. Indian cricket's second golden boy, Rahul Dravid, cannot be touched of course, despite looking all at sea since Tendulkar's arrival at the crease in the first innings of the tour. This is because Dravid was the only batsman to do well in England. After 3-4 miserable years where he relied on scoring against weak attacks on flat tracks to retain his position in the team.
One might ask, if Laxman should be axed - as he probably deserves to be based on his recent overseas record - in keeping with blooding the next generation, why not Dravid. Indeed, why not Dravid 2 years ago when he relied on inside edges to score the bulk of his runs. Exactly what did Indian cricket gain from Rahul's recent exploits in England? We lost by the most embarrassing of margins anyway, didn't we? And why did he insist on playing on after the tour, nearing the ripe old age of 39? One paper says Dravid and Laxman will probably decide on their own to retire rather than leave it to the selectors - which is allegedly their right for their great contributions to Indian cricket - but going by their decisions over the last few years its pretty hard to see that happening, right?
Why were these players, including Sachin, touring Bangladesh, we all asked these questions at the time and its time to ask them again. If the seniors don't take a back seat and let the selectors gracefully blood the next generation, then after a tour like this one they are culpable on two counts - overstaying their welcome and foiling the future. These questions were somehow stowed away by the media after the English debacle, when they chose to pick on the scheduling since it was all the rage back then to ape the British fixation with the IPL's devious influence on the sport.
Ah, the future. And here we see the circus coming full circle. The greats are venerated and paid homage to just as overrated film stars in the country buy undue hype. So to the hype accorded to "the next best thing... well at least for the moment." Currently, on the back of glorious innings on flat tracks in the Ranji trophy, the boy who seems to exude so much talent that for a minute you might ignore the accompanying Mumbai-biased sycophancy, Rohit Sharma has apparently earned his spot in the team. Rohit has earned his spot in the ODI team almost as many times as Yuvraj has in tests, and has disappointed just as many but the trigger happy media searching for a hero are convinced this time will be different, like last time.
If he does well, the poor chap - just look at Kohli who did well in 2011 and now has irked just about everyone after two matches in which his seniors have played with far greater trepidation and irresponsibility - can hope for a year's worth of accolades before being consigned to obscurity like Mukund, Das, Ramesh, Vijay, hell even WV Raman and the plethora of next best things of yesteryear. If he does great, he becomes the next Laxman. And as he rides this journey, the crests and troughs amplified by the irresponsible sensationalist tabloid rubbish masquerading as journalism, he will at times loathe his fans and the media and scoff at their influence over each other and himself.
Comprehensive Bored 2012 Sydney New Years Test Review
If you have problems loading the audio, please let us know in the comments.
What has happened to this Indian Cricket Team?
Its been 4 hours since the close of play and I can't sleep. After just 6 of the allotted 24 playing days for this series, it looks like we've conceded it. I can't for the life of me comprehend the manner of this abject capitulation. Is this the same team that fought back every tour for the last four years to at least share honors if not win outright? That embodied the spirit of never giving up, determinedly standing their ground and never giving an inch and that has a world cup to show for it?
Dravid has been dismissed three times this series almost falling over his tentative front foot, Laxman doesn't look like he knows how to bat overseas anymore, Sehwag swishes like he always does but its more like 75% effort swish, Gambhir can't buy a run but keeps selling his wicket to the first low bid, the tail is cut away before its had a chance to wag, Sachin looks imperious and in the form of his life... in short its like the team of the 90s all over again, except a phase when Sachin gets the worst of luck.
The bowlers, poor guys - two of whom are not anywhere near 100% fit, are bowling their hearts out but the kinds of fields being set for them and the complete lack of support from the batsmen means they're drawing unnecessary flak. The last overseas tour we struggled to pass 300, this tour from three efforts we've managed to get past 200 once. While the opposition has managed to pass 300 twice (and looking like getting 600 at least in this match) and their tailenders have looked more comfortable than 3 of our top 6.
But its worse than that. This team doesn't look like it wants to play unless things are going their way. That seems to mean the bowlers get overcast conditions and reduce the opposition to less than a hundred for 6, or that they're playing in the comfort of their subcontinental stronghold. And boy do they win then. But the minute things start to go against them, like Harbhajan whose attitude seems to have infected the entire team, they go into a shell, get defensive, the shoulders droop and they just give up, surrender without a fight. Not to take anything away from their opponents who've bowled sharp and executed plans splendidly, but ultimately have been assisted by unfocussed, cluttered and often thoughtless batting.
A lot can and has been said about the players, but you've got to wonder what the hell the coach's role is. How can he sit back and watch defensive, mind-boggling field set day after day, squandering the advantage tour after tour, getting into to a good position, losing it, and then not giving a fuck about trying to get it back? Exactly what has Fletcher achieved with this Indian team? Has Gary's departure had such a negative impact? Have we just lost the hunger to compete after having accomplished the long cherished dream of winning the world cup again? More than one English player felt Fletcher's presence gave us a strong edge against their side, we have a lovely 0-4 result to show for his presence there, and we're staring at potentially 0-6, even 0-8 if things don't change soon, results from our recent overseas tests.
When Tim Bresnan said it, I thought he was just being the usual arrogant English muppet talking trash while benefiting from home advantage. I didn't believe. I couldn't, this team had often looked battered but then they batted and batted and forced their way back into a series. Now they don't appear remotely interested. The enthusiasm with which they bowled their part-timers for the sole purpose of exiting the field as early as possible today (an on-time finish, no extra half hour, when was the last time that happened?) seems to reflect their mood since departing for England. Perhaps Bresnan was quite right, if you don't want to play, go home. Saves us the worry of waking early/staying up late and then just being pissed the rest of the day for ruining our schedules hoping you'd at least try and make some small part of it worthwhile.
Dravid has been dismissed three times this series almost falling over his tentative front foot, Laxman doesn't look like he knows how to bat overseas anymore, Sehwag swishes like he always does but its more like 75% effort swish, Gambhir can't buy a run but keeps selling his wicket to the first low bid, the tail is cut away before its had a chance to wag, Sachin looks imperious and in the form of his life... in short its like the team of the 90s all over again, except a phase when Sachin gets the worst of luck.
The bowlers, poor guys - two of whom are not anywhere near 100% fit, are bowling their hearts out but the kinds of fields being set for them and the complete lack of support from the batsmen means they're drawing unnecessary flak. The last overseas tour we struggled to pass 300, this tour from three efforts we've managed to get past 200 once. While the opposition has managed to pass 300 twice (and looking like getting 600 at least in this match) and their tailenders have looked more comfortable than 3 of our top 6.
But its worse than that. This team doesn't look like it wants to play unless things are going their way. That seems to mean the bowlers get overcast conditions and reduce the opposition to less than a hundred for 6, or that they're playing in the comfort of their subcontinental stronghold. And boy do they win then. But the minute things start to go against them, like Harbhajan whose attitude seems to have infected the entire team, they go into a shell, get defensive, the shoulders droop and they just give up, surrender without a fight. Not to take anything away from their opponents who've bowled sharp and executed plans splendidly, but ultimately have been assisted by unfocussed, cluttered and often thoughtless batting.
A lot can and has been said about the players, but you've got to wonder what the hell the coach's role is. How can he sit back and watch defensive, mind-boggling field set day after day, squandering the advantage tour after tour, getting into to a good position, losing it, and then not giving a fuck about trying to get it back? Exactly what has Fletcher achieved with this Indian team? Has Gary's departure had such a negative impact? Have we just lost the hunger to compete after having accomplished the long cherished dream of winning the world cup again? More than one English player felt Fletcher's presence gave us a strong edge against their side, we have a lovely 0-4 result to show for his presence there, and we're staring at potentially 0-6, even 0-8 if things don't change soon, results from our recent overseas tests.
When Tim Bresnan said it, I thought he was just being the usual arrogant English muppet talking trash while benefiting from home advantage. I didn't believe. I couldn't, this team had often looked battered but then they batted and batted and forced their way back into a series. Now they don't appear remotely interested. The enthusiasm with which they bowled their part-timers for the sole purpose of exiting the field as early as possible today (an on-time finish, no extra half hour, when was the last time that happened?) seems to reflect their mood since departing for England. Perhaps Bresnan was quite right, if you don't want to play, go home. Saves us the worry of waking early/staying up late and then just being pissed the rest of the day for ruining our schedules hoping you'd at least try and make some small part of it worthwhile.
To all those who want Laxman's head...
Before you brandish your machete...
Take a look at this
Take a look at this
Sydney 2012: What Controversy Would You Like To See?
2008, meh. Shoddy umpiring, batsman standing after edging, the odd racist ('allegedly') remark, match refs blah blah.. Happens just about every game. And they called that controversial. No, we think the bar can be set a lot higher in 2012, which of these inflammable events would you like to see at Sydney during this year's New Year Test?
- Bhajji and Symonds spotted sitting together in the crowd, incessantly booing Clarke and Sachin
- Cricket Australia springs a surprise and brings in a special DRS (dirty rotten scoundrel) umpire - STEVE BUCKNOR!
- Sunil Gavaskar becomes the first ex-international cricketer to streak the SCG during the post match ceremony, all the while screaming "Mind you, the balls might be in the right place, but they still have to be put away." He is banned and never allowed back during the post match ceremony.. oh, wait, that happened last time too, right?
- Sachin is batting on 98*, plays his trademark tuck to square leg and hairs off for a double. But as he leaves the bowler's end, Peter Siddle pulls Sach's pants down and starts laughing, Sachin wallops him with his bat thereby improving Siddle's appearance ten-fold and starts to pull his trousers up just as Laxman runs past him (thinking he's completing the second run) to the bowler's crease. The stumps are broken at the batsman's end and Sachin is run out on 99.
- India crash to a humiliating innings defeat and 400 runs, and a very drunk Rahul Dravid says in a post match interview "Well all I can say is only one team was playing with the right spirits in the match."
- A sensationalist tabloid trash newspaper, whose initials might or might not be TOI, contracts Nasser Hussain to cover the Test while getting a few jibes in at the Aussies. Hussain pokes fun of Warner and Ponting's fielding, calling them "a pair of Asses". He then strikes that out and replaces it with "pack of wild donkeys". He then strikes out donkeys and replaces it with (teri don ki *wink wink*).
- Everybody shuts up about the decision review system. ITS LIKE IT DOESN'T EXIST.
- Ishant Sharma gets a plain to see inside edge onto his pads which pops up for an easy catch to short leg. Erasmus appears unmoved by Cowan's appeal for the edge and catch, and Ishant screams "Karma is a bitch Eddie", just as Erasmus rules him out LBW.
- Dhoni refuses to play unless the BCCI sends in a charter flight to evict three certain Indians (and their stupid tweeting phones) in the crowd who have followed the team's losses in England and brought their (bad) luck to Australia too. Rohit Sharma immediately says he's mentally prepared to keep wickets too, so the BCCI declines. It is to be the costliest error they have made in a while.
Should WAGS go on tour?
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| Saha: What have I done to deserve this... |
After the England series and the first Test in Australia, you could also ask: Should India go on tour?
Today, as I waded through a tree of pulp, first the TOI, then the Mail Today, what do I see- our boys with their ladies. And yeah, there was one of Ashwin with Ojha, as there usually is one of Kohli with Rohit.
Sachin, MS, Gambhir, Ashwin, Saha, all have their wives on tour, and in the papers – the P3P of cricket, a no-brainer, take pic, put in print. Usually I’d let something like this pass, like Viru, arms’ folded in the Delhi Police Ad.
Also, as Allen Stanford is locked up, WAGS should consider themselves safe.
But seeing as some of our boys aren’t too keen on the extra net or practice match, how much of a good thing is this?
You know about football, how some coaches prefer players don’t wank or crank it up in the bedroom before a big game – what about a big tour Down Under, and as I say this, my mind goes to two players who should still be on their honeymoon.
Gambhir: Take another #@%$ photo and I'll elbow your camera
Stray thought: If two players are sharing a room, and one of them is married, how do they sort that? Who sleeps on the couch? Is the toilet seat up or down?
Anyway, if they win Sydney, we can forget I even mentioned this. If they don’t, then we’ll ask another question: Should video games go on tour?
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| Ashwin: We play carrom... |
Pictures: Times of India, Mail Today. Surprised not to find any in HT, Indian Express.
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