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Showing posts with label Dubai. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dubai. Show all posts

A note to Virat.

by Gaurav Sethi

 To the current all-format Team India skipper: It’s a good thing you’re not formatted

Dear Virat,

Years back, when you rollicked on the verge of batting immortality, I would beseech the boys who had lapsed, to watch cricket again. I would tell them there is no better time, watch for Kohli, watch for what he’s doing with the bat.

They had lapsed so bad, even you couldn’t pull them back to cricket. Instead, they would romance a time they had played the game. They didn’t know what they were missing, they were missing out on you: your batting trance.

 ***

Then the other day, Asha aunty asked me to write about you. I excused myself then but maybe not entirely, so here we are.

Perhaps your knock against Pakistan compelled me to write about you again. Days later, I’m still thinking about it. The control, the saneness of it, the self-knowledge, yes, most importantly, the self-knowledge.

For the longest time, your batting had been about self-knowledge. About knowing your own abilities.  This was far more evident in the white ball game, where you read the course of the innings as a masterful composer – you summoned the ebbs and flows of the innings with your bat; eventually thrown into a tizzy with that final spurt. 

You were the batting equivalent of my Black & White TV memory when Zubin Mehta summoned his powers to Delhi in the mid 80s. If Mehta was “Baron of the baton”, you were baron of the bat.

But you know this, or at least I hope you do. Over the last few years, it’s been convenient for many to unknow this.

That is unimportant. Or is it? Has this marred your self-knowledge? Has this compelled you to reinvent yourself?

Probably not. Not from what was evident against Pakistan. My realistic expectation of you is to strike at 120, steer the innings to a shore where the mad hatters and hitters can rave with their bats in the death overs.

In the IPL, as too against Pakistan, you were well within that ballpark of 120. Coincidentally, it’s been similar in the last two IPLs. Not that it matters. You could be AWOL during the IPL, it wouldn’t matter much to me. 

Or play fewer matches; when you spoke of player burnout not too long ago, you did mention that India regulars should be given a breather from the IPL calendar – but it doesn’t work that way. Even if the IPL is bang in the middle of a World Cup, chances are, key Indian players will have to play both.

For some reason, my mind always goes back to the aftermath of the 2011 World Cup win – followed by the IPL within no time, followed by the drubbing in England.

 ***

I cannot make sense of this entire mentor business. Or your twin retirement announcements.

The hype around the mentor business borders on propaganda, akin to those years when every Indian cricketer was thanking Tendulkar for anything good that happened to him. There is a mentor-cam. It’s a soap opera out there.

As with any soap opera, there’s this urge to suck this story dry. So the story goes on and on.

On the sidelines is a coach on his last assignment. There is little interest there.

And then there are your parallel stories, as captain and player. Gracious to a fault after a defeat, thoughtfully eloquent in your interviews.

This is all pretty much autopilot, both you and your handlers have excelled here.

There is you on the field, easily triggered, yet dispassionate in defeat.

There is both restraint and knowledge of the game’s vagaries.

What I wonder though is, how are you coping with the appointment of the mentor? Beyond the platitudes, the laughs on camera, what does it do to a team management already in place – in particular to the captain.

This is team India, not some IPL franchise where a dugout has to be endowed with former greats.

By the looks of it, you seem to be doing quite well. Who knows, maybe you saw an angle to this mentor business that’s eluded me. And if that’s the case, these last few weeks could be pivotal in your career as a captain.

The timing of your twin retirement announcements, the appointment of the mentor, everything moving to steady your batting grip.

That’s probably all that ever mattered. All those years where you just had to bat. Where you notched up those 70 centuries.  

There was also a time, not too distant, when you were at your batting peak; you often spoke in post-match interviews of not knowing how long you had in the game. 

It was a curious comment. One that made me wonder about you. And yet not altogether surprising, as who would know a sportsperson’s body and mind better than the player himself.

And that’s something you’ve been all along – the player. And Waddaplaya!

There is a point when the soundbites take over, and even through your driest patch, each innings tends to have that one bite, where the voice in the box becomes a child again.

Something which you yourself are quite familiar with – for often, that’s what you are on the field. No wonder you collude so well with Rishabh Pant standing alongside. It’s no mean feat, alongside you, even Pant appears to be the serious one.

And that, for whatever it is, is you, Virat. The prankster, the silly commenter on the field, the compulsive reviewer, the foot soldier hurling one from the boundary. Those uncalled for arguments with the umpire. The entitlement, yeah, that too. It’s far more telling than your post-match corporate avatar.

The comparisons with the mentor will only grow through this tournament – it’s that one narrative that needs no thought. If India wins this World Cup, chances are, the mentor’s guiding light will shine brighter. That’s the lazy narrative, it’s already written.

However, if this is yet another ICC trophy that eludes you, you know how that will pan out.

***

There are other noises which emanate from beyond the cricket field. Trust you have blocked them out.

These 22 yards are your f******g backyard.  Your language is your language. Whether it is in Hindi or Punjabi, Hinglish or English. Whether it is served at that West Dilli ka Dhaba or your Peruvian restaurant.

In a few days, you will turn 33. India will take on Scotland that day. You’ll probably make some Scotch jokes with the boys.

Before that though, there’s Afghanistan and New Zealand.

Happy cricket, and Happy Birthday. Prove the naysayers wrong. Whichever way you want to spell that.

Sincerely,

Gaurav Sethi


First published here

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Pakistan's winning strategy against India.

by Gaurav Sethi

 On 24th October, 2021, some team in green, playing under the guise of Pakistan, defeated India for the first time in a World Cup match.

The trick was, this team unlearnt everything they knew about World Cup encounters with India. Or at least it seemed so.

Somewhere, someone, not for the first time said, we will treat this as just another match.

Then someone from the team said, but you always say that, or someone always says that. It doesn’t work like that.

Once we are on the field, it always feels like a World Cup match. 

Then that voice said: We are in Dubai on a Sunday.

So, it’s not the same as Sharjah on a Friday, pat came the reply.

It isn’t, but you know how close Dubai is from Sharjah, how close Sunday is to Friday?

Pretty close, no?

Pretty close, yes. It’s less than 30 kms away, it takes less than 30 minutes to get there.

That close, Matt?

Yeah, mate, that close.  And Friday was less than two days back. What I’m basically trying to say is that, you guys have to transport yourself to Sharjah on a Friday. Got it?

Mathew Hayden, batting coach, man of many passions, was doing his best IPL commentary routine of platitudes with the Pakistani team. If it meant saying strange stuff, so be it. Logic wasn’t about to work with this bunch. He needed to apply some of his meditative principles. 

But Pakistan captain Babar Azam was far from convinced.

Pardon my Urdu, Matt, but I’m not convinced.

Hayden was all cracked up – Mate, there’s nothing to pardon, not right now, it’s just that if we lose to India again, they will continue to make those horrendous Mauka Mauka ads. And we as a nation of proud Pathans cannot allow that to happen. 

So without a further ado, Hayden packed the team in the team bus, and off they went to Sharjah. 

Once there at the Sharjah Stadium, the team couldn’t believe it. Quite a few of them were already believing it was Sharjah on a Friday. For the others, Hayden instructed them to change the day on their phone. There was an initial reluctance, “The match is today, today it’s 24th October and you want us to make it to 22nd – what kind of fools do you take us for?”.

Hayden with his trademark smirk, set off in his patronizing tone, “Exactly that, mate, exactly that…sometime you have to become a fool…to be in love…to be in love with victory…y’kno what I’m saying here, mate. It’s like putting the meat in the fire, and it’s never quite the same – it’s cooked, it’s edible…we need to cook ourselves…Sharjah on a Friday is our grill, and once we’re grilled, we grill those Indians…it doesn’t matter what day of the week it is, we do it, 8 days a week…”

At this Shoaib Malik guffawed, “Matt, easy with the Beatles’ analogies, they don’t know who they are…”

Hayden was pleased that Malik knew. With dates and time machine work accomplished, the Pakistan team stomped back into their team bus. They looked like a changed bunch. With a new found belief, that they could do what never had been done. 

But there was a problem. The bus had a flat tyre. A few players thought it was the handiwork of the Indians who didn’t want them to turn up for the all-important-tie, “It will be like all our World Cup teams who did not turn up for the match against India…we too will not turn up, only we will not actually turn up, we will not turn up”

This is when bowling coach Vernon Philander offered his assistance, “Let me swing by…” and with that he was gone. His words were pitched up, moving to the right extent. And within no time, Philander had them all dismissed from Sharjah, back to Dubai, with a new bus, hugging the curves of the road, just as Vernon’s venomous new ball deliveries had, once upon a time. 

The players sang a Punjabi English remix of ‘He’s a jolly good fellow’, something that Hayden had taught them as he impressed them with his BBQ skills.  

Back at the Dubai stadium, the players were a rejuvenated bunch. 

Hayden had one last class for them though, “I want you to start visualizing what you will do after you win this all-important tie against India, this may be getting ahead of ourselves, but sometimes visualisation is the only way to do it, start thinking NOW”

Babar Azam, “I want to shake hands with Kohli after the win. I want to pat him on his…”

Too much information, Babar…but good, you are already there, and shaking hands with the opponent is a sign of your greatness, you are already traversing the great outer space hallowed glory of one gent going by the name of Kane Williamson”

None of them seemed interested in this unnecessary Hayden detail, but were far keener on giving their own two paisas on visualisation. 

Mohammad Rizwan opened with, “I want a hug from Kohli. I want to bat through the innings and hug Kohli first”

Hayden shrugged, “One things for sure, you guys are not Australian”

At this, Mohammad Hafeez asked, “Don’t tell me, you want us to imagine that we are Australians now”

And that is exactly what happened. 11 Pakistanis who believed they were Australians took the field on a Friday in Sharjah. 

 Hayden had also made the boys fall in love with the Coldplay song, Yellow.

Once on the field, the Pakistanis sledged the Indian batting with Sharjah! Sharjah! Remember Sharjah? This is Sharjah! Also doing the rounds was Thank God it’s Friday! Friday! Friday! And oh look, Chetan Sharma! They didn’t stop there. They even started sledging them like Aussies – Remember Ponting from Wanderers, 2003? 

Whether it was these sledges, or those two deliveries from Shaheen Shah Afridi, that broke the back of the Indian batting, we will never know for sure.

But both Pak openers visualised well. And they had their moment with Kohli. Sometimes, all you need to do is believe.

Befittingly, Hayden made the boys sing, “I’m a believer” after their triumph. The singing skills were severely tested. 

First published here

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After Dubai, where should England runaway to now?

by Gaurav Sethi

After losing in time for Yuvraj Singh’s wedding, England went and lost on Yuvraj’s birthday. After an early finish in Mohali, the Indian team just had to drive down the block to Yuvi’s wedding. Now after the Mumbai Test, the Indians probably headed to Yuvi’s birthday celebration.

You can read the full post here

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Before Tendulkar tweeted to British Airways

by Gaurav Sethi

Much as Sachin Tendulkar has been a cricketing master, the handling of his non-cricketing affairs has been masterful - excuse the comparison, but it has been a study in contrast in every way to the way Vinod Kambli handled them. In the years following Sachin's retirement from cricket, his aura is very much intact, and being carefully embellished; meet "Sachin The Traveller" on his Facebook page. Few cricketers do a selfie with the family better, or for that matter, selfie with us folk better. But it was "Sachin The Traveller" that made me aware of Musafir.com first; he's their brand ambassador, and a Google search for a Dubai visa led me to their website. Whyever not? Sachin endorses them; so I am happy to go with them too.
The visas arrived and my wife and I were at the airport on October 4. At the Indigo Airways' counter, my papers were processed but my wife's were not. There was a small snag - her passport number on the Dubai visa did not match with the number in the passport. What next? It was up to Musafir.com and I was informed by the airline representatives that a fresh visa, as it arrives from Dubai, could take time - maybe a flight for the following day should be scheduled. It was 3pm then, and our flight left in little over two hours, at 5.05pm. SOS - called up Musafir.com. Hold on. Listen to SRT say "Ghoom Musafir Ghoom" repeatedly, quite annoying on a loop. It was a Sunday. Appears Musafir.com was understaffed. After speaking to someone I was on hold again. From 3pm, it was nearly 3.25pm. I had no answers, and neither did my travel agents.
More calls. More holding on. More jingles. I was informed that they would have updates only by 4pm. I didn't expect much. Then it struck me, why not tweet to Sachin Tendulkar - he'd definitely have his handlers on his account 24X7, they're bound to see my tweet, and if anything, get across to Musafir.com faster than me at any rate. At 3.50pm my first tweet to @sachin_rt

At 3.53pm, my second tweet to @sachin_rt

At 3.56pm, my third tweet to @sachin_rt
It was a few minutes past 4pm. No call received. I decided to brave it, and listen to that "Ghoom Musafir Ghoom" jingle on a loop again. By now they were aware of my case but would only know in 15 minutes. The line got disconnected.
Meanwhile the flight was about to be closed in a few minutes. The counters were closed except for one staffer who had been both quite sane and supportive.
Then my phone rang. They were going to email me the corrected Dubai visa; it would take 15 minutes - couldn't it be done any faster? The flight's closing, man. Need it now. OK, sending. Sent! The visa arrived on my phone. They reopened the flight. We made the flight, we made it to Dubai.
Don't know how far it's true, but both my wife and I believe the tweets to @sachin_rt pulled it off. It was a slow day at the travel agent's; and everyone we spoke to, be it at the airlines or in Dubai, advised us to book for the next day but before that, make the agents confirm a visa for then. Two days after our flight, this tweet came in:
By now, everyone on Twitter has seen Sachin's tweets to British Airways. If you're in the minority, here goes:


If that wasn't bad enough, BA asked SRT for his full name. British Airways is the top Indian trend, and being collectively flogged by every Indian who knows how to abuse in 140 characters.
Anyway Sachin, hope things work out for you, as they did for me. And next time, please don't hesitate to tweet to me. I think I owe you one, pal.

First published here

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The Pak-SAF Freak Show.

by Gaurav Sethi

On the surface, Pakistan are playing South Africa. Hang in till the last ten overs, Pakistan start to play themselves. Then around the last 7-8 overs, South Africa start playing themselves. The series is Pak vs SAF vs SAF vs PAK vs PAK. Who needs a triangular, these teams are two faced.

1. The Run-out: Haider plays back to Parnell. Runs a few paces down, and as it should be Haider’s call (but isn’t), Wahab runs more than a few paces down. There is time for a mid pitch conference, instead Parnell runs Wahab out. Wahab looks so sad, if only he could see the run out, he’d laugh too. (And so we tweeted: Next, they should try and run before the ball has been delivered. Even better when the bowler is gng back to his mark.

2. The Run-out that wasn’t: The tailenders go for a second which wasn’t. Ball thrown at bowler’s end, Steyn collects, with his back to the runner, responds to AB’s call, and instead of knocking the bails at his end, about turns and throws to keeper. If only he could see the replay, appears he does. He resembles an annoyed Wahab.

3. Brain fade that wasn’t: It was just Afridi. Just over a 100 to get, 18+ overs to get them in. Boom Boom down the wicket to hit Botha outta the ground. Yes, he’s the captain.

4. Return of the other Y: So the other, other Y has gone away. The world is not big enough for both Ys. Today, Younis hung in long enough to face more balls than Afridi has faced in his entire ODI career. He even made it to the Man of the match. He didn’t smile much, spoke in Urdu. Refreshing.

5. Return of the other captain: Smith was setting the field. Appears he was captain. The other day he wasn’t, Botha was. It is obvious now, both teams complement each other – but not themselves.

6. Gibbs takes his lance out – he sticks it into Smith and his gang. As a result, Smith, Kallis, AB, continue to think about weird excerpts from Gibbs’ book (most expensive shag) when they really should keep their eyes on the ball. Catch dropped. Demands for a new tech called Speech Blurb Cloud find voice.

7. Steyn takes his place – goes for 79 of 10. And that run out.

8. Shoiab Akhtar takes his place – scores 0 runs again to see Pak through. In the 2nd ODI he faced 1 ball, in the 4th, no ball. He did not however receive a free hit.

And so we tweeted: Gng by the freak cricket they produce, SAF and Pak should be part of each others' domestic tournaments.

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Was Afridi really banned for biting the ball ?

by RajaB


I don’t know how many of us noticed Shahid Afridi in the center of the park yesterday, during the first T20 between England and Pakistan. He was seen in the middle talking to Shoaib Malik, the captain of Pakistan in yesterday’s game. This happened during the innings break, as his team warmed up with some fielding drills. Most importantly, throughout the game he was sitting on the bench along with the players and officials who were (officially) part of the game.

This makes one think if Afridi was punished at all.

In football, when a player is red carded he is lead out of the field of play, which includes the dugout. Post being red carded the player also undergoes a suspension from the subsequent matches, as per the rules applicable. Even during this time the player is not allowed into the field of play. Many a times, we have seen footballers serving a suspension watching their team from the stands. That is how far a suspended player could get.

This brings us to the question if Afridi served any punishment at all ?

Is it ethical for a suspended player to access the dressing room / dugout during a match ?

Even if he reaches as far as the dugout, can he be allowed by the officials into the field of play ?

If Afridi can do that yesterday, then why can’t the match fixers, drug cheats and others do the same in the future ?

Or may be Mr Madugalle gave Afridi something of a house arrest equivalent, serve your sentence being present in the field of play.

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balls

by Ankit

balls

the icc have started another round of talks.

talks in which all they do is decide what’s on the menu.

well, almost till they eat, of course.

when they were fed up of the London fish-n-chips, they moved their shop to Dubai, to get more of the international variety of food.

there is a saying in India - “Sab khaate hain”. This should be put up on the notice boards on all floors of the ICC HQs.

now when the ICC doesn’t see much beyond food, even this post is having similar thoughts.

but we are posts of the higher moral fibre, we are much above thoughts of the gourmet.

so we move on…

after the officials are done eating, one of them suddenly looks at the clock - which has the watermark of Lalit Modi, with dollar signs for eyes – and shouts - “OMG, its almost time. What do we tell the press?”

F****!

The above word was in chorus and correct.

“Quick” claims the top dude. “Being the top dude, I instruct all quick thinkers here to think quickly and come up with some suggestions to improve the game we al dearly *burps* love.”

People think. Someone from Pakistan raises his hand, and is duly ignored by the top dude.

The Australian doesn’t even raise a hand, just murmurs out loud - “eh, what about the reinstatement of the super series, with Oztralia as the fixed team playing the best players from around the world, Whatd’ya say maite?” The Modi on the clock chuckles in glee.

“first of all, I am not your mate or maite or whatever the f*** you want me to be your”, barks the top dude…

to be continued…

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Cabby Cabby Mere Dil Mein (tale from Padosan)

by Bhaskar Khaund

When I asked the Pakistani taxi driver to switch on his radio for the Eng-NZ commentary this evening , he asked me where I was from ( ám often mistaken for a Philipino ). When I said India , he laughed softly. It was the sort of soft laugh that comes from trying to supress a really booming loud laugh. him. "Ärre tumaera team to nikel geya..."he said in that inimitable Pathan style and accent.
I laughed along : "Ärre , tum logo ne hamey nikaal diya aur ab tumhe hasi aa rahi hain. Kuch to rehem karo , yaar". He laughed nervously but loud now "Arre nehi nehi bhai , ek hi baar to aesa huea hein...warna nahi to India to bahut zyaadae jeeta haein na bhai "he tried. Then he went on for about five minutes about how winning -losing is part of the game. "Kabhei India jeetae , kabhei Paaki-staan jeetae..."
I remembered those tales from Indian old timers here in the UAE about how they couldn't get into cabs (which are mostly driven by Pathan Pakistanis) for days on end after Ind-Pak games during those Sharjah days of yore. This was clearly that - and not quite that ,at the same time. This guy was much too polite and was evidently embarassed at his own outburst. And besides , i guess a 25-km customer for a taxi guy in the Dubai of 2009 - a couple of weeks after the launch of the Metro at that-can be a more valuable thing than a cricket victory !
But it was apparent how unstoppable and spontaneous was the urge in him to laugh .
Which is fantastic !
Considering he seemed surpised there was a game on today (Eng-NZ) , it's quite possible he didn't even know that there's a multi-nation tournament being played out. All he knew , and obviously cared a lot about , was that there was an Ind-Pak game a couple of days ago.
Yet another small,daily-life instance when the magnitude of the Ind-Pak rivalry made itself very clearly felt . It really is one of the great team-sports rivalries of all time ,isn't it. Yeah, sure, big time cliche - but one of those cliches that kinda reminds one why a cliche is also called a truism ! :-). Anyway , i gave him a decent tip at the end- with , ahem , the unsaid wish that his team mauls Australia tommorow ! :-)
Which brings me to my last point : what if Pakistan mauls Australia tommorow - and we don't beat WI ? ! The Ind-WI angle seems all but forgotten in all this conjecture about the Pak-Aus result. One of the great forgotten angles - if not of all time at least of the last 24 hours , eh ? :-)
Signing off with the hope-against-hope that everything falls in place like a dream and we go through.
And if we do , the CT is ours.

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