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The leaked minutes of the last Conflictofinterestwallahs Anonymous meeting!
The President: I declare this meeting of Conflictofinterestwallahs Anonymous open. As usual, the new members of our support group will introduce themselves.
SF: Hi everyone, my name is Shashi Furore and I have several conflicts of interest. I am a Minister of State in the External Affairs Ministry in charge of the Middle East. I may also have a few business interests in Dubai. I am a member of the Congress Party. I may also be a writer of bad novels that have been critical of Nehru. Thank you.
LS: Hi, I am Lalit Shady and I have several conflicts of interest. I am the BigDick of the worlds biggest sporting league. My family members may have financial interests in certain teams in this league. Thank you for welcoming me.
The President: Everyone, please join me in welcoming these two conflictofinterestwallahs.
Everyone: Welcome Furore, welcome Shady.
The President: Now to briefly introduce myself. I am Sharad Gawar, the Cabinet Minister for Agriculture. I may also be the richest farmer in this country.
KhufiaBaaz: Conflictofinterestwallahs Anonymous
DKNY's other name: Boss, DK
The Indianisation and Delhification of Dinesh Karthik is well underway; if we don't swear by his cricket, at least we can swear at the cricketer. Boss, DK - that's bored member namya's call at his post, Boss DK, why did you hit that six? While on twitter, bored member John was celebrating DK Diwas.
Sreesanth and Neelakantan
For any Malayali male under 30 today, Devasuram is the definition of masculinity. The movie is about the transformation in the life of a "feudal themmadi", Mangalassery Neelkandan, a womanising alcohol-loving terror who squanders away his ancestral property without a care. His transformation (from asuran to devan, hence the title of the movie) is driven in equal measures by failure, flashback and female.
Doubtless, Sreesanth has seen this movie, and like every Mallu young man, his conceptions of masculinity have been shaped by Mohanlal's portrayal of the hero. Sree was ten when the movie released and when the time came for his testicles to descend, the memories of the asura Mohanlal (the pre-interval Neelakantan) would have inspired in him (as it did a generation and more of similar young men) a degree of showy thuggishness.
Along the way, after he discovers that he is a bastard and not really entitled to all the wealth that he has squandered, Neelakantan is attacked and left for dead by his enemies who somehow do not manage to kill him. With his own star on the wane he finds himself deserted by friends and having lost the faith of loved ones. In one of the most moving scenes of the movie, Neelakantan asks his only friend, "Why do you think I became like this?". This moment of self-reflection is a turning point.
If Sreesanth has reflected honestly, he can emerge as the post-interval Neelakantan - the devan who has control over himself, conquers his enemies and yes, gains the love and respect of the girl.
Neelakantan inspired a series of movies starring Mohanlal in a larger-than-life role. There was even a sequel, Ravanaprabhu, more than ten years later. What can Sree inspire?
Breeding little jatboys
Crawling through dark Cricinfo recesses (actually, not so dark because this information is just over a week old), I came across some truly Bored news - a 349 run partnership for the second wicket in a Delhi under - 16 match.
In a cup that seems to be named after a gentleman who passed away in what later became the Uzbek capital. Whatever.
Look a little closer, and move beyond the obvious Sachin-Vinod parallels. Lucky oye?
It should definitely bring a smile to your ugly face. Forget ugly faces, whole ugly districts of Delhi light up when you drop this surname: yes, the boy is named Sehwag.
Don't stop there. Take a right under the Naraina flyover.
Sample what the boy had to say about the partnership:
We eat from the same plate … we understand each other enough," Sehwag, the Delhi Under-16 captain, told the Hindustan Times. “We like to bat together.”
Now where have you heard that one before?
Gattuso, a particularly foul wicketkeeper
Hello Kaka, Pirlo, Gattuso,
Do you guys know that your AC Milan was once a cricket club?
Wikipedia confirms.
In conclusion
The debate ended like the movie: with a Mexican standoff directed by the Straight Point. That was after Umar Gul filled in appropriately as Malaika Arora. So far back that Fawad Alam could well have been the difference. Well before that, while the Pakistani batsmen were demonstrating a jelly spine, the same could not have been said of the team's finest online cheerleader. Forget the Sri Lankan team, Q had no problem in getting personal with Damith. Much like an Aussie captain on another small island nation, Q called attention to Damith's tactics, and scored a few points with his rapier thrust. Damith's defence, was to question Q's questions about his tactics.
But that wasn't really required. Q admitted defeat shortly thereafter. Apart from spine, apparently the Pakistani team didn't have bats either. This was discovered well after Q had exhausted his quota of small joys for the rest of the year. Some time before his team failed him, his man stood up and threatened to make the difference. Q was in the seventh for a bit there. But Damith won, dude, though Mendis was quite a bit less than splendid.
The terms of engagement
This post is for Bored friends Q, Damith and Homer. All three care about stuff the civilised world has absolutely no interest in. In Q's case, the obsession is with Fawad Alam. Damith cares enough about Michael Vaughan and Homer cares about the Ponting-Chawla "rivalry". Which makes them the ideal parties to the debate, for a game that I, ahem, find far too difficult to care about.
So yawn, here is what a bored debate requires. It needs a proposition and an opposition. And of course, a moderator.
We have the proposition in Damith (who has already fired his opening salvo, i see. btw, welcome on bored, dude), and I guess, we have the opposition in Q (no offence Q, you just happen to be speaking second).
So who will moderate? Homer. Obviously. Not because of some absurd big-brother-in-the-subcontinent-notion, but because his name is Homer and the origins of modern debate and other boring things lie in ancient Greece, see?
1. Q, will need to fire in his defence pretty soon. Are you ready Q?
2. Homer will summarise both arguments and prepare the ground for Damith's repartee
3. Damith's repartee. If we could afford it, we would have made Ravi Shastri say "This is Big!" three times before Damith starts.
4. Q's counter-arguments
5. Homer's final summary of the debate
6. Match begins.
7. Cricket decides the winner of this debate. and our two fat ladies would have started singing.
Tell me if this format works - Q, Damith and Homer. Not that I particularly care. So bored.
(Bored Member Damith is from Sri Lanka where as Bored Member Q is from Pakistan; this is the start of the Damith vs. Q BBC* Debate at BCC! for the Sri Lanka v Pakistan Super 8 game on 12th June 2009. Rip into each other gentlemen)
*BBC - Bored Boys Chat
Click here for the complete Pak-Lanka Debate, start reading from down under.
Love cricket. Love wife.
Two separate incidents. The first was a call from a Bored member who had a few worries on the domestic front because the spouse was feeling threatened by all the attention to prime-time cricket. I dismissed that as a one-off. Sure, 'conversion to another religion', 'refusal to have sexual intercourse' and 'cruelty' are all available grounds for divorce in India, but the IPL and the T20 World Cup are not going to be the cause of disproportionate marital strife, was it? Surely we won't see a spike in applications for divorce during May-June 09.
Only two Bored Members survive the IPL
A few weeks back on Election Day, the Bored Members voted for their IPL teams:
The way the cookie crumbles, only Bored Member John and VM are left with a hope in hell and a team in the Finals: The Bevadas aka BRC urf Bangalore Royal Challengers (notice how Fake smirks when we use the B word) Can almost see that shadow doing a somersault.
Others will claim BRC is their Doosra (like me) or DC is their googly (like Ottayan and Achettup) but who gives a rat's ass? The cat.
Regular Munaf
But sirjee, why do I feel that Munaf is a much safer fielder in RR colours. Is it me or is he actually a much safer, more predictable fielder under Warne? Is the Munaf issue merely one of management?
Thunder in the tropics
In 2008's Tropic Thunder, Robert Downey Junior's Kirk Lazarus is a method actor who underwent a pigmentation process to get in "character" for a Vietnam movie in which he plays a black seargent.
He says the memorable line: "I know what dude I am. I'm the dude playin' the dude, disguised as another dude!"
Wondering if Fake feels the same way.
Silicone
Iniesta's last gasp goal, the brats, Ballack and Drogba, screaming hoarse at the Norwegian refree after the final whistle, the send-off for a foul that defied Newtonian physics. The UEFA Champions League - For when you are truly bored of the IPL.
Generating real club-based passion (but without a fake blogger) is what the Champions League does so well. The IPL has a long long way to go in order to get there. Has anyone noticed the curious lack of a fake IPL merchandising industry? IPL should be worried but I doubt they think in these less-than-annexe terms. Anyways, if plastic surgery makes a prostitute look better, is she really beautiful? Does it matter if she makes more money? The success or failure of the IPL will provide more data.
