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Gary Kirsten is quietly planning strategy on his laptop when there is frantic knocking on his door and the occasional yowl. Gary rushes to the door and opens it, Bhajji almost falls inside.
Bhajji: Garyji, Garyji come quick, hurry. Sachin is acting very strangely.
Gary: Why, what has happened? What is he doing?
B: He is just sitting very quietly, Garyji. Ignoring everybody and just staring at the floor. He seems very angry Garyji, when I asked him if he saw my doosra in the bar he just shouted "F*** OFF" to me, like I was Glenn McGrath. And you know how he never speaks to me like that Garyji, we are close, no...
G: (worried) Come, lets see what we can do about this. Not good, not good, in the middle of a test...
Gary and Bhajji rush to Sachin's room, where the rest of the team have crowded outside, though making sure Sachin can't see them. Gary frowns at them, then decides to ignore them and goes inside. Sachin is sitting on the side of the bed, staring into the distance with the utmost focus. He does not even acknowledge Gary's presence, forget greet him. Gary sits down beside him.
G: Hey Sachin, whats up? Everything ok?
(no answer)
G: You can talk to me Sachin. I know its been a hard day, and its the first time in a long time since you've bowled so many overs, but the game is still alive, we've got a shot and the series has only just begun. Its just day two... You've been through worse, surely...
(still no answer... Sachin hasn't even shifted his gaze from the same spot on the floor five feet away)
G: Its our first match Sach... We didn't play any warm-ups, ZaK is injured... but we'll fight back Sachin, like we always do... cmon, the guys look up to you...
(Sachin doesn't give even the slightest indication that he's heard a word Gary's spoken)
G: Its not good Sachin, not now, in the middle of the test... do it for the team, just put on a brave face and act tough like you always do, even if you don't want to talk about it me or anyone else... Please Sachin... I'll leave you for now, but please just promise me you'll sleep it over and come refreshed to the bus tomorrow, okay?
(Still no reaction... Gary shakes his head, and begins to get up when...)
Sachin Tendulkar: (softly, still staring at the same spot) Do you know Gary, there is only one team I have not scored runs against...
G: (shocked, but recovers quickly, knows he has to say something) No Sachin, you know thats not true, just at the start of the year you scored a double century in ODIs against this very attac...
S: (thoughtfully but still staring at the same spot) No not South Africa Gary.... India.. Its India, I've never scored any runs against India...
G: Haha, Sachin, you got me. Wait... You're not serious are you... Cmon...
S: (still softly) You know Gary, I have played for 21 years. I have scored 32,000 runs. I have scored 95 centuries. During all this time I have watched completely SH*T batsmen like Alastair Cook and Younis Khan and Ijaz Ahmed and Roshan Mahanama and so many others score a bulk of their runs against our SH*T bowlers. (a little louder) And me, if I had batted against these SH*T bowlers I could have scored maybe 100,000 runs, 300 centuries, but no... I have to bat really well every time to cover up for their inadequacies, for our stupid selectors...
Gary is about to interrupt but better sense prevails and he decides to just keep quiet. Outside the room there are a few murmurs with Bhajji insisting everyone shut up and allow Sachin to get it all out of his system. In preparation for that moment he has been looking forward to for the last few years, Sreesanth clenches and unclenches his fist, pumping blood into his hand.
S: And it is not just now or today. Since my debut this bullsh*t has been happening. (now almost yelling) WTF is this sh*t Gary? Salil Ankola, Debashish Mohanty, Harvinder Singh, Dodda Ganesh, Abey Kuruvilla, Tinu Yohannan, Rajesh Chauhan, Nikhil Chopra, Sunil Joshi, Aashish Kapoor... (almost hysterical) and they were just the bakras, they lasted one or two matches and gave us so much pain. What about medium slow Venkatesh Prasad against Sri Lanka, Robbing fucking Singh and that Bhajji BASTARD... for four years he has been throwing sh*t and talking even more... You know what it feels like Gary... to sit with all of these amateurs... watch the whole world laugh at them match after match, series after series... and realize that your record could have been so much better if you could have batted against them... you know, Gary?
Gary is stunned. He keeps quiet and looks at the same spot on the floor, worried Sachin might make eye contact at any moment. Outside, a fuming Bhajji turns on Sachin and speaks out loud "What is he talking? We all know who has world record for getting out to new bowlers, like Nagamootoo. He would have given our Indian bowlers good bowling record. Jai Hind!" at which Dhoni shushes him and elbows him hard in the ribs, knocking the wind out of him. Sreesanth, who has waited for just such a moment, leans forward screaming, like a Samurai lunging from a tree, and lands a full blooded slap across the winded and defenseless Bhajji's cheek, shouting "Don't speak about Sachin that way you... you... mfp fah"
Back inside, Sachin continues...
S: And I always have to put on this brave face, speak proudly of them, for their sake and the nations sake. Right now I bet they are all outside listening, but I don't care Gary. It is ridiculous. I would have scored my 75th century by now, even have a triple against India in ODIs and 200 in a T20 vs India. It is madness. How much longer must I endure this... Balaji... Gony... Joginder... Kulkarni... Chawla... Mishra... Agarkar... F*** Agarkar... David Johnson...
Gary gets up quietly and sneaks out of the room... he takes one final peek and sees Sachin's eyes transfixed on the same spot, reciting all the names of bowlers he has played alongside and watched torn apart in the field by batsmen... He goes out to the team and says "Just leave him alone guys. Whatever you do, don't thank him now, just give him his space... there is only so much a person can take... Harbhajan, whats happened to your face... and Sree, why are you crying? Don't take what Sachin said seriously... he's just a little upset and everybody has to let it all out at some point, nothing personal..."
How Does Sachin Tendulkar Do It?
Something happened.
It was a few days’ back, but I got to say this – I had just walked into a beach shack that looked like it was sitting in the sea. It was the kind of visual trick that makes you want to stare and soak it in. And there was this band doing Hendrix on the side. There was also this tiny TV on the Coke fridge. Yeah, Sachin was on coke alright.
While his 200th run took a while, a waiter waited – first he was handed 3 Kingfisher pints; he waited. Then a roti basket; he waited. Next a lobster came, went on his head; he waited. Tiger prawns between his legs; he waited. I waited. You waited.
Sachin scored that 200th run, Foxy Lady played, and the sea looked like it was spilling over into our shack. And I think of that line from American Beauty.
India won… but only just!
- a ‘Pundit’
- a major dose of ‘Vitamin C’
- a chaotic, leftist manipulated megacity named ‘Kolkata’ (Calcutta)
- Ishant Sharma (IS) is a “Sharma” and a “Sharma” originated from a “Shaman”, a “Pundit” (Priest to the Hindus) by definition. He isn’t a born bowler, believe me. He just picked it up along the way like all Pundits pick up things during their lifetime.
- IS, by tradition is not allowed to consume flesh (that said, he may of course inhalate, copulate, consummate women!!). Not eating meat, which we all know is full of proteins and helps power our muscles, is a great deterrent to his bowling. Do note that we do not quite get the same power from eating similar quantities (weight/ volume) of “Daal” (Pulses) in a fully vegetarian diet. This definitely is a disadvantage – do compare IS’s thighs to those of Shoaib Akhtar (The Rawalpindi Express), Pakistan’s beef-eating super-fast bowler.
- IS believes so much in his Hindu Gods & Goddesses that he always has 4-6 “Malas” (Chains) around his neck. Some even are of the “Kavaj” variety, i.e. contain magical mixtures of some “Jari-Bootis” (Herbs) in a cylindrical little container, all in the hope that his performance [finally] improves, which it did not.
- IS almost bowled India out of the match!
- i.) Where IS should have helped build pressure on the batsmen, he bowled balls far too wide and not at all up to the bat. Not inducing, forcing strokes by the batsmen clearly also implied that no mistakes could be made by them. They remained comfortable at the crease and Bored the hell out of the Cricket Crazy Indian fans – the BCC!
- ii.) Where IS should have constrained the batsmen, he bowled no-balls -- one after the other he did just that (9 in all). Yes, India had runs to play with but also not that many and could have beaten South Africa by a much greater margin that the “Innings and 6 Runs” loss of the first test match in Nagpur.
- (Note on Amit Mishra: Mishra’s too are “Pundits” and no surprises here, he too bowled many a no ball – also 9 in all! Ever heard of a spinner doing that?)
- Hashim Amla (HA) is a muslim for which we love him, just as we would another human being or a fellow Hindu BUT he had Vitamin C[ricket] gunning for him – and that was an unfair advantage for team South Africa against India. Mind you, “Amla” (the Hindustani Gooseberry) is very, very rich in Vitamin C… indeed it is. Whatever, great to see Hashim not hash it up for South Africa but more so, fight like a “Pashtoon” or “Pathan” would.
- (At this stage Pakistan must be wondering why he’s not playing for them!)
- There is also the HA and the “Proteas” angle. I am clearly referring to an Australian conspiracy to get India off the ‘No. 1 Test Team’ spot as soon as possible. You may also call it the ‘Gondwanaland Connection’ between South Africa and Australia. They used powders from the Proteas flowers to almost dope the Indians into submission. Check out more on Wikipedia.
Point #3 – the “Kolkata” angle:
- West Bengal’s politically orchestrated weather almost did India in. It rained and was overcast at the wrong time (Day 4 in particular). Actually, there are no surprises here: The West Bengal Government is behind even this attempt to boycott. They specially sent Jyoti Basu up very recently to organize this, all in an effort to remove even cricket from the state… what with the TATAs having shown the way out?! Let’s just call it an environment not quite conducive to cricket anymore.
- Saurav Chandidas (Dada) Ganguly was seen at this match on Day 3 but not thereafter. Why? Think about it! Contemplate what he was doing there? He had not been seen for over a decade in the stands, amongst the public, at a game where he himself was not involved. What’s the deal? Was this a recce mission of a kind??
- Kolkata’s Eden Garden presented a great pitch and for the first time commentators (Sunil Gavaskar & Co.) even discussed giving the Curator (Prabir Mukherjee) of the pitch the “Man of the Match Award”. You see, all this took away from the game -- the Indians lost their concentration and contemplated for far too long if that even was a possibility. In the end the curator and his workers didn’t even get “Bakshish” (a tip).
Bhajji makes me happy
Here I am in a cyber cafe in the Russian belt of Goa, booking my return ticket, and after eons I'm compelled to come on bored. And out of nowhere, Bhajji does after lunch, what he usually does after tea, he takes another wicket at Eden. And I feel fine. For the time being, Bhajji and I, we're ok. But then again, Mishra's three could have something to do with it. I'm back to the sea now, and I can't take the cricket there. Next on my list, water cricket. It will make pitches redundant. Oh Yeah.
eight centuries in an innings...
just a question...
is it the first time eight centuries were scored in an innings...?
four by batting side... four by bowling side...
p.s.: suddenly all the talk of sa bowlers making pitch redundant seems to have evaporated in thin air...
what the defeat at nagpur has done...
...is that it has thrown the transition into oblivion... now no selector will dare to put up a youngster in the squad even against zimbabwe fearing the backlash... untill unless our seniors willingly put their hands up and call it a day... thereby dragging us into what we have always felt... staring at the possibility of mass exodus with no time to fill in shoes to keep the momentum going...
i expect youvraj to make smooth come back to the tests coz by the next test match nobody gonna remember the performances of badris, vijays etc... there are going to be enough odi's for players like bhajji and yuvraj to stake claim to test spot based on their odi performances coz we just work on the principle that says... out of sight out of mind... rightly or wrongly there has been tradition of vindicating one's candidature by the performance of another format and there are going to be enough opportunities for that in near future...
though i have said this before... but even at the cost of repeating myself i will say that again... our five wise men did nothing less than a historic blunder by not testing our bench strength against bangladesh coz that would have given them perfect stage to test out not only our next gen batsman but more importantly next gen bowlers...
with bhajii doing nothing but to raise his hand in proxy whenever his name is announced for a test... ishant discovering the second season blues... and mishra and ojha are made to look like pawns in musical chair game... our five wise men blew the opportunity to test the waters as far as next gen bowling is concerned... to developed inform bench strength... not like sree who has been drafted in 'cold' for as crucial a game such as kolkotta, which is going to decide who will rule the roost for a while, and will be judged on this sole appearance... while the one's who are regularly under performing will be spared to live another day...
for this only i hope and wish that we win the game at eden gardens other wise words like 'transition' or 'phasing out' will become a taboo in indian cricket (not as if they are not already but still) and our selectors will hide behind the comforts of legends whenever the voice will be raised... questions will be asked...
The case for Saha
Two debutantes played for India in the first Test at Nagpur. The first was a domestic colossus. The other, a little known wicket keeper and another journeyman cricketer in the domestic leagues. The first was a surety to be in the playing squad even before it was announced. The other was just happy to be there.
The first was aware of his impending debut well before the squad was announced ( owed mainly to injuries to key players). The other came to know of it on the morning of the test. The first had pedigree. The other, spunk.
And it pretty much went according to plan. Everyone questioned the other's selection. Many were unhappy that he was being played as a specialist batsman ( a role that even he would tell you, he was not cut out for). Before the first day ended, the other had been written off, called a one test wonder, his test cap questioned. The first was the one to deliver for Team India - the ideal replacement in the famed middle order.
And come Day 3, everyone's worst fears and greatest hope came true - the first scored 56, the other 0. And that is where the story should have ended.
Except when the team was under cosh in the second essay, following on, the first scored 6, lasting 45 minutes, scoring one boundary and lasting all of 31 balls. The other, in the meanwhile, scored 36, lasting 150 minutes, playing 101 balls, with four boundaries.
And then the most obvious thing happened - the other got dropped, the first held on to his place in the side.
This is not a critique of Subramanian Badrinath, who has done enough and more to demand his selection in the Test team.
This is in praise of Wriddhiman Saha, a wicket keeper forced to play as a specialist bat, a man written off by all and sundry before he took the field, a man who showed enough bottle to fight the fight in the second essay when the chips were down and his own neck was on the chopping block and on the back of a scoreless first innings..
This is a salute to what he brings to the plate - character. A quality our current selection panel is sorely lacking in!
open thread: second test second coming...
so we lost this match... any team that can lose six wickets for twelve runs with not much on the board will always be chasing leather...
the pitch had no demons and it was pure brilliance of steyn supported well by all bowlers that made it possible for sa... having said that... had our two centurions not lapsed in concentration after reaching individual milestones things could well have been interesting in the middle considering we came as close as 6 runs to wipe sa total... but such is life...
i expect india to come hard at sa in the next match... we are not no.1 for nothing and one match cannot make us bad suddenly... tho it has exposed certain chinks in our armor for sure...
badri showed that he has the temperament to fight it out in the middle and vijay showed his class in second innings but both failed to press the matter further... i am particularly disappointed by vijay tho... he will have to learn quickly that nice 30s and 40s are not going to help him much and if he wants to look for inspiration he should look no further than a certain akash chopra...
having said that... i don't want selectors to make them bakra for this defeat... but at the same time i expect them to use horses for courses policy for next match... as this being two test series so we have only one match to retain the no.1 spot with next test match is not coming in a while...
so my team for next test match will be...
sehwag, gambhir, vijay, sachin, badri, dhoni, irfan pathan, ramesh powar, zaheer, mishra, ojha/ishant
irfan pathan and powar making a second coming... while last spot is depending upon the look of the eden garden pitch...
i have deliberately not included laxman coz first he is coming straight after injury... second even if he is fit to bat... he wont be standing at slip... so call me mean if you want but laxman not standing at slip isnt something i will sacrifice a spot for...
on this note i leave an open thread to invite your opinions... lets set the ball rolling...
update:
it seems selectors were in even more hurry than me to put up a post... and they have already announced the squad for the next test... probably they too didn't want to waste the extra day's rest this match has provided them... so here it goes...
MS Dhoni (capt/wk), Virender Sehwag, Gautam Gambhir, Murali Vijay, Sachin Tendulkar, VVS Laxman, S Badrinath, Harbhajan Singh, Amit Mishra, Zaheer Khan, Sreesanth, Ishant Sharma, Pragyan Ojha, Dinesh Kartik, Suresh Raina.
Steyn Alive!
He sure had the Indians for a song. Then again, they played like Baujis and Beejis. Not that funny, not meant to be.
Blame it on Ribeiro
You can take your theories for India’s slide and shove them up the Khyber. They are far from the truth. The truth is in my movements, not quite Mozart, but moving nonetheless.
Years back when one Michael Clarke made his debut in Bangalore, I was over at Keith Ribeiro’s place in that very same city. I had plans to visit the stadium, instead we beered in front of a TV. The beer was flat, the TV wasn’t.
Years’ later, Keith is in Bombay, and so am I and so is India and so is South Africa. Can defeat be far behind? Calcutta, here I don’t come.
open thread: what india could have done differently...
nothing much... except use their bats more... rather than allowing the ball to pass through like a car whizzes past on a toll free highway...
its very easy to cajole yourself with the argument that india were not playing full strength... coz just two tests back a relatively unheard of deshi attack bowled india to a 250ish score on a placid track... when we played with our best batting line up...
its been a long time since i saw this much relentless high quality seam bowling with unflappable intensity on indian pitches from a visiting team... so lets give credit where its due... sa bowled brilliantly... dale steyn in particular...
theoretically india can still save this test match... but practically it will be a monumental task and the batsmen at the crease and the ones to follow will have to bat out of their skins on a weary pitch... where the threat is not only from the new ball but from the reverse swing of the old ball as well...
the stage is set for fringe players like vijay and badri to stake an irresistible claim otherwise i am afraid they will have to pay the price of the defeat...
whatever happens in this match... i think selectors should bring irfan pathan in place of saha... he seems to be in good form and bringing him in the mix when his confidence is high will give team india much needed balance for the second test match... without compromising on the batting
on this note i leave this open thread to share rants... thoughts... about how india should go for the rest of this test match and beyond...
Can Sehwag tame Steyn?
The 3rd day is probably the day this test is really going to start. After the SA bored us into submission for two days we are all set for Lord Sehwag to get his groove on.
Even the tricky 4 overs yesterday didn't deter him. And ended with 9 off 10.
Are Steyn, Morkel and Uncle Kallis going to be his next victims?
The Night Before (the Nagpur test)
open thread: first test first show...
with laxman still in doubt... indian team management has no choice but to play all available batsmen, thanks to the foresightedness of our five wise men, rohit sharma in all probability will fill the spot vacated by laxman...
this is a series opener with still a match to go... so i won't rush laxman into this test even if there is an iota of doubt about his fitness...
the team india, in all probability, will be like...
sehwag, gambhir, vijay, sachin, badri, rohit, dhoni, harbhajan, mishra, zaheer, ishant
badri, rohit will be making their debut while vijay, mishra (and to some extent ishant) will be looking to give performances that will make their stock rise in the eyes of selectors...
but i think badrinath and rohit sharma will be under far more pressure coz i sense there is an air of skepticism or i dare say negativity about their selection and failure from both or either of them won't be taken kindly...
i like this nervy pressure situation coz this will keep them on their toes... they should look to spend first 15 minutes at the crease to ease the things for themselves after that it will be their temperament which will take them far... for the talent is never in doubt...
while badri is a long innings player if he gets going... rohit sharma is the kind of player, if given a good platform, can take the game away from the opposition very quickly... so, to me, he is a good replacement for yuvraj at 6...
in this light i leave an open-thread and invite you all to share your thoughts before the start of the first match...
India’s winning strategy for the Nagpur test.
Seeing as the Saffers are chokers, start the test on the fifth day. Impossible? Sachin will tell you, Impossible Is Nothing. So by all means start the game on the first day but let the pitch resemble a fifth day wicket.
Contact the Kotla hands for Nagpur, they’ll arrange it. Provide them with some A-Grade grass, to smoke. Venture forth into the most barren place on earth, ask them to recreate that at Nagpur. Cracks big enough to slide into.
If you win the toss, bat first, bat big, bat once – bat till lunch. Seeing as this is basically a fifth day pitch, you don’t want to bat in the last two sessions. If this game goes into the 2nd day (which will be like the 6th day) Sangakkara will ask for it to be abandoned.
If however you lose the toss, hoodwink SAF into fielding first – ask the curators to leave some of their A grade grass on the pitch.
A reason to celebrate
And not just because it is Republic Day. In the on going test at Mirpur, India's injury count has gone up to 5 with Sachin Tendulkar joining Rahul Dravid, VV Laxman, Yuvraj Singh and Sreesanth in the infirmary. And am I the only one who thinks this is about the best thing to have happened to Indian cricket with the South Africans scheduled to tour for a 2 Test, 5 ODI set?
India should have experimented with its middle order against Bangladesh. But the selectors were a) not brave enough or b) risk averse. Either ways, we let slip a golden opportunity to blood the next generation middle order in what was a fairly easy series without the attendant pressures of a marquee series, but at the same time played away from home.
And now our hand has been forced. Which is not exactly a bad thing, given the circumstances. Consider this
1. A home series
2. Against the #2 side in the world
3. A short 2 Test series
So while the intensity will be up because of the strength of the opposition and the length of the series, a lot of it will be mitigated by the fact that we are playing at home. And it forms just about the ideal backdrop for testing the next generation middle order - an opposition less ordinary than Bangladesh but at home.
With Murali Vijay moving back at 3, #4 ,5 and 6 will be the open slots.
Md Kaif has struck back to back centuries in the Duleep Trophy batting at 4, so he has to be seriously considered. And with Kohli, Che, Sharma and Pandey all showing good form ( and possessing the requisite pedigree), whats not to like with the current situation?
Heck, we can even go with a 5 bowler option if we so choose.And Shashank Manohar is free to roll out a green top at Nagpur ( in a reprise of 2004). And even that wont be a bad thing!
PS:- Mickey Arthur's resignation just before the tour helps too. And with Ashwell Prince not cementing the opening spot, South Africa have their fair share of problems. Now, only if the selectors pick a strong enough side for the BP XI to further accentuate the negatives in the South African line up ( and mindset), the Force will well and truly be with us.
PPS - 2 Test 3 ODI set and not 2 Test 5 ODI set as written in the post. My bad.
