During the tests, the boys had been joking about a one-day call up for me. To be honest, I found it quite funny too. But in the last few months, I’ve made my peace with those demons we never talk about.
I won’t be too surprised if I’ll have to thank Sachin for this. A few weeks back I went up to him and apologised for declaring when he was in the 190s – I told him, if I could, I’d gladly take it back. He nodded as he often does at the crease, and mumbled something.
Then the Colonel appeared, and we actually exchanged a word, if I recall it was, “Hello!” For me, the healing has begun. I started feeling younger around Shane and Liz. Liz discussed with me at length the secret behind my intense-sweating, she wondered if there was a weight-loss marketing angle to it. Both she and Shane have this incredible ability to tweet and talk at the same time. They tell me, with my multi-tasking abilities, I should try twitter too.
I can expect Ravi to say, “There’s no question about it, he should play till he is fit” and Sunny Bhai will say, “ Look at all those runs Rahul Drrravid has scored, not just in test cricket but in one-day cricket too – over 10,765 runs, this series will be a good opportunity for him to get to 11,000 runs, which is no small feat…to score Eleven Thousand Runs..it takes…”
Of course I know my strike rate is on the lower side when compared to Viru or to be honest when compared to anyone except maybe Atapattu, but I believe you never stop learning and I’d like to think that time spent with the youngsters in the IPL has taught me a thing or two. Did I tell you about the way I went out with Shane and Liz, ok, I’ll save that for another day.
I was surprised when this kid in the dressing room came up to me and said he knew I had fallen five runs short of a hundred on debut at Lord's. Just when I patted him, one of the seniors sniggered - going by his scoring rate now, he will fall 95 short of a hundred...
I just hid behind my book. But it is wisecracks like this that make me more determined.
Just when I was coming out of hiding from behind my book, ready to face the cruel world again, another kid said he was surprised I batted at No. 7 on debut, after Jadeja and just before Anil Bhai.
I was impressed by his knowledge, patted him, when another senior snapped – At 7 then, and now at 3, always the odd-number man.
This time I didn’t hide behind my book, I just added - yeah, and by the third test I was at 5…always the odd man out.
He didn't know where to look, this time he had to hide, behind The Sun. I resisted from making any digs at the rag, for I knew they would be lost on him.
Sorry, the headline was a slip. Playing with the young lot, I’ve learnt to lighten up a bit. I even read Ishant’s comics sometimes, but only on the condition that he reads the prologue of my book. Once when I made him do that, Sachin laughed, “forget prologue, he only knows Hum Log”. That was ironical, because I don’t think Ishant has ever watched Hum Log (we people) That was a different time.
But that’s what slip catching is all about – Hum Log! There is the ball, the bowler, the batsman who edges it, the umpire who has to raise his finger, and lastly, yours truly, the slip fielder.
Bhajji asked me, how does it feel to take 200 catches – “Better than Catch 22” I replied. He nodded, and in all seriousness asked me, “what was Catch 22 like, did you drop it?” We all laughed, that’s the thing about Bhajji, he will always take the joke to the next level, even if he doesn’t get it.
There was a joke in the dressing room that Australia will now want Mark Waugh who has 181 catches to return so he can challenge my 200 catches.
MSD insisted that I should keep wickets now, so he can concentrate on the captaincy.
As a slip catcher you must have big hands and little feet. Knowing ballet is an added advantage.
Today’s catch was special, not because it was the 200th, but I finally felt I had done something in this test match. Later when I saw the replays, I was zapped how I hugged Bhajji. Bhajji said to me, “you are now a Punjabi, showing your emotions”.
To which I replied, “Teri…” There was a stunned silence, and then a drunken roar of laughter.
Somehow I can’t sleep tonight. Think I’ll catch sheep.
by RDX This is the seventh in a series of posts by RDX, exclusively for Bored Cricket Crazy Indians.
Finally I made the headlines with my Bhajji quote. Nobody gets my wry sense of humour in the team. Once Jumbo tried explaining this to Bhajji, but he and Yuvi got on to this ‘Rai Bahadur’ trip. I just opened my book and blanked them out. Then they made fun of my book, so I played some music and shut them out.
Coming back to my Bhajji quote, I’m a little confused, according to DNA I said - “Honestly, Bhajji has been batting brilliantly this season and he seems to be developing into a very good all-rounder. Like Sir Sobers,”
While according to TOI I said - "He's batting beautifully, he is the new Gary Sobers.
Visibly Ishant was quite upset. He strongly feels the lower order revival has been all thanks to him. I patted him, telling him if Bhajji is like Sobers, you are like Dravid. For some reason, Ishant was quite inconsolable.
by RDX This is the sixth in a series of posts by RDX, exclusively for Bored Cricket Crazy Indians.
Not like I had to point it out to you guys. They're bloody everywhere and they show their craziness in the craziest of ways. I thought I saw some really BCC!s at the Motera today. There were the usual suspects - Dharamvir who travels to all of India's home matches and helps the players in their fielding and batting drills, that crazy dude who paints himself in Indian colours at every game. There were even a few Kiwis going "Ganpati Bappa Moriya", another sign of the conversion programme we have secretly launched.
But I met the craziest Bored Cricket Crazy Indian after the day's play. Seeing I look like a hobo I decided to get myself a haircut. So I went straight to the "hajaam ki dukaan". The barber there was especially chatty and suggested I even get a facial (Yeah! Like that's gonna happen. While you're at it, why don't you suggest I get a mani-pedi too?). I told him I had come straight from the stadium and we got talking about the day's play. I filled him in on the exploits of Jatman and RDX. While he was disappointed about Jatman getting out, he was also looking forward to Sachin getting a hundred tomorrow. To my surprise, he went on to say that if he got his hundred it would be his fiftieth and that he can cut out the number 50 on my head for tomorrow!
You have to be really nuts to know stats like these, but you have to be crazier to make the kind of suggestion he made. Do you think I should take him up on his offer if indeed Sachin gets his hundred tomorrow? All those in favour of it gimme a HELL YEAH/Thank You Sachin!!!!
Before my run-out we had not run many singles. At first it felt good to get the circulation in the legs going. Even though a single to mid off can be tricky, Malinga was quite deep. After the single, we ran off a miss-field. It was a senseless run, and I have taken many such senseless runs in my career. But it is always disappointing. I really felt like hurling my bat, but somehow better sense prevailed. Later in the dressing room, Yuvi and Bhajji started to refer to me as Inzi. Gambhir begged to differ, laying claim to being the Inzi in the Indian team. We were still laughing when Sachin walked back. Evidently he wasn’t amused. After stumps, Viru congratulated me on getting run out again.
When I first read the title of Steve Waugh’s book, I thought he had dedicated the book to me. Btw I plan to start an NGO called WRY, and no, it is not affiliated to CRY.
Earlier I had to do some odd jobs like keeping wickets or serving drinks in the dressing room to justify my inclusion in the playing eleven. That was weird enough, now I have to be the team mouthpiece. Everyone knows, I’m a loner, and prefer to keep to myself than take on the opposition in a pre-series war of words.
To take on Mendis was not my idea. But seeing as I cannot keep wickets anymore, MS will not allow it, and serving drinks is now officially Mishra’s job, they had to assign a thankless job to me.
Frankly I do not know if we are prepared for Mendis, or for that matter if Mendis is prepared for us. That we’ll only know after the series. I won’t say a lot depends on the start our openers give us, as last time in spite of their good starts we made a total hash of things. I can assure you this much, if our openers fail to give us a good start, my personal contributions will be better.
It’s odd how the media has clubbed Yuvi and me together, making it sound like a return of sorts. While we will be both playing for India after a while, neither of us has been dropped from the test team.
I have just received a message, appears I now have to take on Vaas and Jayasuria in the press. Unless they want me to take on the retirement plans in Sri Lanka, I find this totally uncalled for.
I have followed the Asia Cup closely, and while the win is heartening for Indian cricket, personally, it’s a setback for me. It rules out any chance I had to make a comeback to the one-day squad. The process for my return was set-up by an early exit in Zimbabwe, but that was a team sans seniors.
Raina and Rohit are shaping up well, and that doesn’t augur well for me – next thing I know, the heat will be on my test spot. But before me, I think VVS has some serious worrying to do. It’s just that he doesn’t take to worrying. That guy has been humiliated (even more than me) but still he smiles. He doesn’t know the meaning of pressure.
While Sachin can be picky enough to select his tours, I have no choice to play the test crumbs that come my way. Right now I’d be quite happy if the IPL was 24 X 7, it’ll give us at RCB another shot at the trophy.
But before that there’s a test series to be played in Sri Lanka. It’s been a long time, and I didn’t recognize some of the players. Yuvi’s back and he sits up front – we have reserved two seats for him in the team bus. It’s official, he is now called fat boy slim. And you all know who came up with that name – Yuvi himself! He even has a name for me, he calls me wallflower.
by RDX This is the third in a series of posts by RDX, exclusively for Bored Cricket Crazy Indians.
It’s not because I don’t bowl myself, but I don’t care much for batsman who make the team on the strength of their bits and pieces bowling. Allow me to continue on Yusuf Pathan, who bats at No. 7 and bowls a few overs (2-3 in both one-dayers and T20). In my opinion that is not on.
A part-timer like Yusuf makes the team at the cost of a more accomplished bowler or batsman. It may be argued that without Yusuf at 7 the balance of the team is hurt – I don’t think so. Yusuf only adds to the team on paper.
If only Greg Chappell had a chance to work on Yusuf Pathan instead of his brother, Irfan, Indian cricket would’ve been well served.
Even today, in the game against Sri Lanka, Yusuf is yet to bowl, and we’re at over number 45, with the batting power play on. If he hasn’t bowled so far, I doubt he will bowl at all. It’s time to ask the question, is Yusuf being protected – and if so, by whom?
Personally, I’m working on my bowling in the nets. It is clear to me, that batting alone cannot earn me a spot in the World Cup. Watching Dinesh Karthik keep in the last few games, I feel he still has a long way to go, to even consider himself the second choice keeper.
Even though keeping was a thankless job, I’m not averse to keeping wickets again, if the team feels they need my services. In addition, I can also be the 3rd or 4th choice opener if one of the regular openers is unavailable. And even though opening did not come naturally to me, Viru and I have shared a 400 plus partnership opening where we nearly overhauled the world-record. If need be, I can also bat at my regular No. 3 position, but then again, this is up to the selectors. They know best.
by RDX This is the second in a series of posts by RDX, exclusively for Bored Cricket Crazy Indians.
Whenever one of these T20 specialists makes an ass of themselves, I feel a deep sense of satisfaction. It’s hard to express ones’ self, but to be brutally honest with you, I feel, finally there is some justice in the world. You can’t claim to be a cricketer by your exploits in the limited version alone. It is wrong on far too many counts.
To call it old school is being too simplistic. There are still players prepared to put the hard yards in, and do what it takes to be complete cricketers who can excel in all forms of the game.
The other day, Michael Holding made a telling comment when he said Keiron Pollard is not a cricketer. Out of curiosity, I’ve often stayed up late (with my Bournvita I might add) to watch the likes of Pollard play, and what they bring to the team.
The way I look at it, Pollard is in the team as a batting all-rounder; he bats too low for my liking, and often fails to play as an impact player. Even though it worked for the Mumbai Indians, saving him for the last 2-3 overs and sometimes even less, defies logic.
As a perceived match winner, Pollard, or for that matter a player like Yusuf Pathan should be prepared to counter-attack when the team is in strife. If you noticed, in yesterday’s game, when India was in strife, Ravendra Jadeja batted before Pathan. This is the same Jadeja who batted below Harbhajan not too long ago.
While Yusuf Pathan is known to counter attack against state teams, he is often found wanting in the internationals. Yesterday, once again, he left two short balls alone, never mind they were the last two balls of the 50th over.
While Pollard’s 3-27 may appear impressive on paper, it’s time the West Indies asked themselves about his role in the team. India too, must ask themselves some serious questions regarding Pathan who gets away bowling a few overs and batting low-down, and having no impact on games.
It’s high time the Indian selectors made a clear distinction between international performance and muscle showed in the IPL, Ranji, Dileep trophies.
Lastly, it may not be a bad ploy for the selectors to look beyond the present pool of players. Next I will speak about the role of specialists as opposed to bits and pieces all-rounders.
by RDX This is the first in a series of posts by RDX, exclusively for Bored Cricket Crazy Indians.
Elevator door opens - Jatman is mumbling something incoherent about Indian hockey under his breath. With him are the usual suspects.
They arrive in RDX’s room, a sexy Mallu nurse is at hand checking the patient’s diapers.
UV: So you’ve RETIRED…
RDX sedated so far, nearly jumps out of bed pulling at the many tubes
RDX: Retired HURT
Nurse: Do not excite him please…
UV: Why? You want to…
MS: How are you R...
Hulchul Singh: RDX bhai, don’t worry, vengeance will be ours...
RDX with broken jaw and all, sounds more like Don Corleone than himself
RDX: You talk about vengeance. Is vengeance going to bring your brains back to you or my confidence back to me?
MS (to Hulchul) : First you bowl shit now you talk shit
That was like a slap on Hulchul’s face, coming from a friend…Hulchul weeps like a woman
RDX: ( spouting more Don Corleone dialogues) YOU CAN ACT LIKE A MAN! [gives a quick slap to Hulchul] What's the matter with you? Is this what you've become, a Bollywood finocchio who cries like a woman? "Oh, what do I do? What do I do?" What is that nonsense? Ridiculous!
Everybody except Hulchul laughs, but once he sees everybody laughing he fakes it too. Mishra meanwhile is rolling on the floor and knocks into the sexy nurse
Mishra: Sorry Mam!
The nurse devours little Mishra with a glance
MS: If needed can you play RDX?
Jatman: Can Anil Kumble come and tie your bandages – just like he did in the West Indies
Hulchul Singh: But the game is in Dhaka?
RDX: I will make him an offer he can’t refuse…
Godfather music starts to play
One by one, the boys kiss Don RDX’s hand and take their leave
Match eve, darkness, the team holds hands to calls spirits
Many voices: Ek Patiala, oye large old monk..
Garry: No, no, I want you to reach out to the spirits of former great cricketers and ask them…
UV: Oye, what ask them, what they like drinking hahaha
Garry: That’s not funny
Hulchul Singh: When did we say it’s funny teri..
All laugh for obvious reasons….
RDX: Tch tch…the team’s sense of humour has touched an alltime low
UV: Like your form…
RDX: I refuse to…
Garry: Ok, this isn’t working, turn on the lights…
Lights come on…the players are seen in compromising positions
Garry: Let’s talk about tomorrow – this is a strat meet, let’s define the Bangladesh team first…
DKNY: They’re not hairy
Jatman: They’re ordinary…that sounds like a bhajan…they’re not hairy, they’re ordinary…
Garry: Then how are we different from them?
MS: In that case I will sit out
Hulchul: I will sit out too
Garry: That’s a start, now we’re not hairy, but what about…
BosST: Before they can, we will call them ordinary...
Jatman: Thank You…
Chorus: Thank You...
Safe struts in, guit slung, and before you know it, UV, MS, Hulchul are running all over the place
Safe: Let’s make it large guys!
Lights go off:
Garry: Lights!
Reveals players in compromising positions again…
UV: Oye he said, let’s make it large
They all break into song as Jatman sways like a sadhu
They’re not hairy, they’re ordinary They’re very small, in front of them Even little DKNY looks tall They’re not hairy, they’re ordinary They like to lose, we’ll help them tie the noose
For RDX and me, that will always be 2 hours ago on TweetDeck. For that's when he declared the innings. He will always say, the humble lad that he is, he saw it on BoredCricket on TweetDeck, I'd like to think RDX is his own man.
Who declares Ranji innings, esp when you're batting with Sunil Joshi. But no, skipper wanted to go for an outright win, not one of those first innings lead qualifications.
Of course, there's a test series with Bangladesh. Dravid doesn't want to bat and bat, and miss that flight, does he?
But with a highest first class score of 270, didn't that cross his mind - when contacted, RDX said, he ideally wanted to declare the Karnataka innings when he was on 194, but he didn't want to upset a colleague.
If anything at all, what do you think the two said to each other when DK (2nd slip) dropped RD's (1st slip) catch? And what about when RD (1st slip) caught one when DK was keeper?
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