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| "As a Doctor, my first assignment will be to authorize my sick leave" |
Dr Dhoni's first assignment
Indians demand match-fixing allegations
"What's really upsetting is that no one's implying match fixing here", said one prominent Indian cricketer on the condition of strict anonymity. Fiddling with his heavily bandaged fingers and a voice like the mighty Mike Tyson, he spoke about how Pakistani players are privileged to have fans that never believe Pakistan can lose in a game fair and square. "After a career spanning 2 decades it really hurts when no one accuses you of match fixing when you lose so badly. What it means is that the fans truly believe we were actually mediocre. Its the truth, but I tell you it hurts"
At this time the entire Indian team is hurting. No one can understand why there are no match fixing allegations. In fact some are secretly hoping that their colleagues did accept bribes to play poorly. Many of them are in denial that they were actually as bad as the scorecards suggest.
"Well of course one can say that we lost on merit but it would be nice to know that there was some adulteration of merit with black money" said another prominent cricketer from his hotel room.
On the request of an unnamed BCCI cheerleader, the BCCI has pleaded with the ICC's Anti corruption Unit to start an inquiry as to whether any foul play was involved. The belief is that any talk of an official match fixing investigation will fuel talk of match fixing and that would do; according to the cheerleader "...a world of good" to the Indian team's morale. "Whenever the inquiry starts, the first hour will be crucial" he added once again on the condition of absolute anonymity.
- By Golandaaz; Visit his blog @ Opinions On Cricket, his facebook page and his tweets as @oponcr
The voices inside Rahul Dravid's head
Greg Chappell's gone, the bad run's behind him, and after years, his name is mentioned ahead of His. Almost, often enough. But what is it with these freak show dismissals - is there a milk of confused human kindness that flows out of Dravid's ears - first that shoelace edge that he didn't refer, and now that spot that never showed up on hot spot - and Dravid has to go on telly and tell everyone he thought he heard a feather? Is this Adelaide, are there seagulls fluttering? Why can't he just stick to technology and say - hotspot never showed up, what I think here, doesn't matter. As it is, you've never been too forthcoming with what you think, why bother now. Or is 2011 that post 2007 English summer gone full circle - don't be too surprised if accepts the captaincy again. Maybe he's heard something we haven't.
The case for Suresh Raina.
Raina finds himself in the playing eleven of The Oval test. After the day’s play is rained off, the Indian cricket fans make a citizen’s arrest, following which our suspect is produced in a corner shop court.
Raina makes a dramatic entry into court, anticipating another ball coming his way, he feigns fielding it – instead he topples a whole lotta chutneys and pickles, landing right in front of the judge, Mr. Patel.
Raina makes a dramatic entry into court, anticipating another ball coming his way, he feigns fielding it – instead he topples a whole lotta chutneys and pickles, landing right in front of the judge, Mr. Patel.
Judge Patel: The defendant may rise…
Raina (rising, smiling): I enjoy fielding very much
Judge Patel: You bloody fool, what have you done to my pickles…
Judge Patel’s daughter, Vaishali: Oh Dad, don’t be so harsh on Suresh, he’s just a young hick from outta town…
Just then Graeme Hick enters the shop and objects
Graeme Hick: I object to Raina being compared to me, when I was his age…ohh I too had my problems with the short ball (sobs)
Prosecutor Patel: Hick, you have proved a useful Witness, 10% discount to you, thank you
Defence, Vaishali Patel: In that case I will be Suresh’s defence…Patel uncle
Judge Patel (to Raina): The defendant will rise…(knocks a ‘Kitchens of India’ can for empasis)
Raina (dewy eyed at Vaishali): Yes I will…rise
Prosecutor Patel: That is contempt of court…you
Defence, Vaishali Patel: Daddy…eh.. Your Honour…Suresh Raina my client has an excellent record in the IPL and in the subcontinent, if you could only be so lenient and think back to the 1970s, to 1972 in particular when you and your brethren were so harshly evicted from your beloved Uganda by the evil Idi Amin and arrived here in England without an iota of experience against the swing, against the short ball that those tough times threw at you...
Prosecutor Patel: Clearly besides the point, the defence is...
Judge Patel: Don’t make me emotional, girl…you will not mention Uganda again and for your information I started afresh here, I made a good life for us here, what has Suresh Raina done to warrant such a comparison, I ask you, what has he done?
Defence, Vaishali Patel: I ask you to give me time…give my client till the 3rd one-dayer, and he will prove himself worthy for my hand…er…of everyone’s trust
Raina (to his defense): Er Vaishali, thanks, can you not buy me a little more time like till when the Champions League starts in September?
Indian cricketers to undergo cataract and knee replacement surgery.
Just when you thought it was all but over, medical science could extend a few flagging careers in the Indian cricket team. Even though this will mean missing out on another West Indies’ series, the players will be available for the Champions League starting September 23, with the final in Chennai on 9th October. CSK is expected to play that game.
After hair transplants invaded cricketers’ scalps, could the medical cartels be far behind? Here they are, ready to grab their pound of flesh – already an ad shows a cricketer promoting a hospital – “Cricket is a religion in India and Delhi Maximum Medical World is my temple.” Another one shoots – “I like to Pharma the strike with Zetziggi plus”.
It is not yet known whether Pujara will be allowed to keep his nose out of this. But it is almost certain that Raina could add a few more inches with the Height Advancement therapy, you can almost guess what his ad will say, “I added a few inches to overcome the short ball’. Not funny, but then, neither is this.
Meet BCCI's Embedded Commentators
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Looking ahead, the future's so bright I gotta wear shades
Post the England tour, the FTP looks like this
5 ODIs vs England at home
3 Tests 5 ODIs versus West Indies at home.
4 Tests and 8-11 ODIs versus Australia away
3 Tests and 5 ODIs versus Pakistan at home.
3 Tests versus Sri lanka away.
3 Tests versus New Zealand at home.
T20 WC at Sri Lanka
4 Tests versus England at home
7 ODIs and 1 T20 versus England at home.
4 Tests versus Australia at home.
This is the lead up to the Test playoff/Championship in England.
Following this
3 ODIs versus Zimbabwe away
7 ODIs and 1 T20 versus Australia at home.
Doing the sums, between September 2011 though November 2013, India play 24 Tests, 38 ODIs and 2 T20s, most of them at home.. This does not include the games played in the ICC Test Championship, the T20 WC, IPL and Champions League games.
Working with the numbers above, India play 140 days of cricket over a period of 2 years. Which brings up the question of workload, rotation and rest.
Right now, including all of the injured players, India can safely boast of a roster that is 47 deep.
Openers:
Virender Sehwag
Gautam Gambhir
Murali Vijay
Abhinav Mukund
Ajinkya Rahane
Middle Order:
Rahul Dravid
Sachin Tendulkar
VVS Laxman
Yuvraj Singh
Cheteshwar Pujara
Rohit Sharma
Virat Kohli
Ambati Rayadu
Suresh Raina
Manoj Tiwary
Manish Pandey
WicketKeepers:
MS Dhoni
W. Saha
P. Patel
N. Ojha
D. Karthik
Slow Left arm spin:
Pragyan Ojha
Ravinder Jadeja
Off Spin:
Harbhajan Singh
Leg spin:
Amit Mishra
Right Arm Fast:
Ishant Sharma
Praveen Kumar
Munaf Patel
Abhimanyu Mithun
Umesh Yadav
Varun Aaron
Left Arm Fast:
Zaheer Khan
RP Singh
Jaidev Unadkat
ODI/T20 specialists:
Yusuf Pathan
Siddharth Trivedi
R. Ashwin
Piyush Chawla
Rahul Sharma
Bhargav Bhatt
Iqbal Abdulla
Irfan Pathan
Sudeep Tyagi
Dhawal Kulkarni
R. Vinay Kumar
Saurabh Tiwary
Ashok Menaria
Now, the above categorization is not a strict one ie: players classified as ODI/T20 specialists can pretty easily be moved up into any of the other classifications and vice versa. And it also does not consider some players like Badrinath, who can be slotted into the above list if so desired.
Now, working on the presumption that we need our best XV for overseas tourneys and that the kids need atleast 10 tests before they can find their feet, does this current itinerary allow us to do so?
Does the current itinerary allow us a rotation policy, given that 17 of the 24 tests are going to be at home, as will 24 of the 38 ODIs?
Does this schedule give us the bandwidth to ensure that the emergent kids can take the next step up?
Does the schedule allows us the cushion of managing the retirements of the big 3, and in all probability Zak?
I believe the answer to all the above questions is yes.
The only problem , if it may be called that is, do we have the stomach to absorb a few defeats along the way? And I qualify that argument by stating that despite the best batting lineup in a generation, we have never been more than good fighting, attritional side, never a dominant one.
And are we, as a people, ready to go easy on the insta gratification/insta punditry that seems to be our leitmotif when things begin to go even slightly wrong? Are we willing to give ourselves a long enough rope and not go knee jerk every time a kid does not come good?
Because if we are, we not only have the tools and the resources, but also time on our hands. Given the ages of the kids under consideration, a little patience now will go a long way in ensuring our competitiveness for an extended period of time.
And just to make things that much easier, the number of home games mean that the ride will be smoother than we expect.
The future is now in our hands.
5 ODIs vs England at home
3 Tests 5 ODIs versus West Indies at home.
4 Tests and 8-11 ODIs versus Australia away
3 Tests and 5 ODIs versus Pakistan at home.
3 Tests versus Sri lanka away.
3 Tests versus New Zealand at home.
T20 WC at Sri Lanka
4 Tests versus England at home
7 ODIs and 1 T20 versus England at home.
4 Tests versus Australia at home.
This is the lead up to the Test playoff/Championship in England.
Following this
3 ODIs versus Zimbabwe away
7 ODIs and 1 T20 versus Australia at home.
Doing the sums, between September 2011 though November 2013, India play 24 Tests, 38 ODIs and 2 T20s, most of them at home.. This does not include the games played in the ICC Test Championship, the T20 WC, IPL and Champions League games.
Working with the numbers above, India play 140 days of cricket over a period of 2 years. Which brings up the question of workload, rotation and rest.
Right now, including all of the injured players, India can safely boast of a roster that is 47 deep.
Openers:
Virender Sehwag
Gautam Gambhir
Murali Vijay
Abhinav Mukund
Ajinkya Rahane
Middle Order:
Rahul Dravid
Sachin Tendulkar
VVS Laxman
Yuvraj Singh
Cheteshwar Pujara
Rohit Sharma
Virat Kohli
Ambati Rayadu
Suresh Raina
Manoj Tiwary
Manish Pandey
WicketKeepers:
MS Dhoni
W. Saha
P. Patel
N. Ojha
D. Karthik
Slow Left arm spin:
Pragyan Ojha
Ravinder Jadeja
Off Spin:
Harbhajan Singh
Leg spin:
Amit Mishra
Right Arm Fast:
Ishant Sharma
Praveen Kumar
Munaf Patel
Abhimanyu Mithun
Umesh Yadav
Varun Aaron
Left Arm Fast:
Zaheer Khan
RP Singh
Jaidev Unadkat
ODI/T20 specialists:
Yusuf Pathan
Siddharth Trivedi
R. Ashwin
Piyush Chawla
Rahul Sharma
Bhargav Bhatt
Iqbal Abdulla
Irfan Pathan
Sudeep Tyagi
Dhawal Kulkarni
R. Vinay Kumar
Saurabh Tiwary
Ashok Menaria
Now, the above categorization is not a strict one ie: players classified as ODI/T20 specialists can pretty easily be moved up into any of the other classifications and vice versa. And it also does not consider some players like Badrinath, who can be slotted into the above list if so desired.
Now, working on the presumption that we need our best XV for overseas tourneys and that the kids need atleast 10 tests before they can find their feet, does this current itinerary allow us to do so?
Does the current itinerary allow us a rotation policy, given that 17 of the 24 tests are going to be at home, as will 24 of the 38 ODIs?
Does this schedule give us the bandwidth to ensure that the emergent kids can take the next step up?
Does the schedule allows us the cushion of managing the retirements of the big 3, and in all probability Zak?
I believe the answer to all the above questions is yes.
The only problem , if it may be called that is, do we have the stomach to absorb a few defeats along the way? And I qualify that argument by stating that despite the best batting lineup in a generation, we have never been more than good fighting, attritional side, never a dominant one.
And are we, as a people, ready to go easy on the insta gratification/insta punditry that seems to be our leitmotif when things begin to go even slightly wrong? Are we willing to give ourselves a long enough rope and not go knee jerk every time a kid does not come good?
Because if we are, we not only have the tools and the resources, but also time on our hands. Given the ages of the kids under consideration, a little patience now will go a long way in ensuring our competitiveness for an extended period of time.
And just to make things that much easier, the number of home games mean that the ride will be smoother than we expect.
The future is now in our hands.
The Number ‘One’ resigns its post.
Following the one-sided Edgbaston Test, the number ‘One’ has petitioned the world of Math’s to reorder the number system. Embarrassed by the erstwhile No.1 team’s performance, the Number ‘One’ was at a loss for words – “One cannot continue as the head of natural numbers, one wants to resign one’s position…”
If the request is accepted then apart from the obvious alterations in Arithmetic one expects changes in other texts too. "Famous Firsts" in History could be changed to "Scintillating Seconds" and water won’t be H20 anymore but H3O2. Neil Armstrong, Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay will lose relevance while Buzz Aldrin and Jurg Marmet will be elevated to further celebrity status. Everest itself could lose prominence to K2. China will officially change its 1 child policy to 2 many.
Extra: While it has been accepted that the Number Zero was India's contribution to the world, it is now believed that the Indian was none other than Jatman, Sehwag.
The Worst Of All Time
It took one series, hell, not even one series but three tests, for everyone to do a 180 from "World No.1" to the worst of all time. Sure the manner of the capitulation has disappointed (understatement alert) many, but seriously, how could opinions change so quickly. All of sudden the usual suspects, the same standard flibbertigibbet media morons, are out with glee and a vengeance shouting "BCCI is shit, they don't care about test cricket, Dhoni is an idiot, bowling has always been horrible, old greats are old and must be phased out..." etc etc etc.
Suddenly pundits have declared that if you don't have a world class fast bowling attack, you cannot be No.1. If thats so, explain even the great Australian side's record in India. Simple fact one. England have a good pace attack... especially in England. Simple fact two, South Africa's pace attack is still better. Simple fact three, we never claimed to have the best pace attack in the world, we never said Sreesanth, Ishant and PK were Holdings or Marshalls, we said on their day they could trouble the best, as they have in the past.
So ZaK was unfit, so what? This was a tired attack. They'd just won the world cup. They'd played the IPL. They'd toured the Windies. Sreesanth and Zak came back from injuries. Suddenly the same attack that ripped the heart out of South Africa in South Africa is mediocre. What utter tosh. I'd like England to tour India with this same squad, we'll show the world who is utter tosh. Just go back to Anderson's, the alleged best fast bowler in the world (forgotten Steyn simply because he isn't playing English fucktards?) record in the world cup.
Next argument, N Srinivasan is a moron for saying this is just one series and the players were injured. Guess what, those are facts. We've had an incredible run, and now a tired, injury-ridden team came up against a better prepared and well conditioned one PLAYING AT HOME. Did the BCCI's decision to schedule the IPL after the world cup show their lack of concern for test cricket? Here's the deal, the IPL had to be held for the same business reasons as England having to host additional T20 matches against the Windies later in the year.
You can pick on the IPL all you want but it, unlike test cricket, has a future. Test cricket is dying. There are no spinners worth writing about because pitches are so shit. There are four sides who can play competitive test cricket, the rest are in total disarray. Bangladesh never deserved the honor and just lost to a side who hadn't played for years. That side would struggle to compete with the Windies or New Zealand, who would struggle to compete with Pakistan, who can just about compete with the rest when they're not busy banning half their side. Sri Lanka are in terminal decline, you want to laugh at India's bowling stocks, take a look at theirs.
So before you write off India's chances at regaining the number one position, talk about Test cricket's chances of surviving. When the big three retire, there will be far less interest in tests in India. That has probably already started with this series loss. The quality of test cricket being played today is the lowest it has been for a while. Australia and England, the apparent last great test survival hopes, have seen their players and boards acknowledge this fact, the future isn't in tests. T20 tournaments are getting more attention, the newer players don't seem as interested in tests as in the big bucks.
The paying public, the large majority who aren't snobbish and claim their powers of concentration, also known as greater periods of joblessness, are greater than those who want to enjoy a fun game of T20, are slowly moving towards the shorter formats. England have just assumed the number one position in test cricket, do you honestly think there are schoolkids out there who'd rather emulate tranny Cook than Dhoni in the IPL? The old folk can whine, they can pick on India, they can harp on the shorter concentration spans, the poorer technique, insult it however they want, but they are all like test cricket, increasingly becoming obsolescent. And deservedly so, if you want to fix something, you fix it, you don't moan about it and rubbish its (serious and worthy) competitors.
So you see how quickly an article about the apocalypse of test cricket can be churned out? That should come as no surprise. That is how quickly and easily they wrote off my national side. A side that accomplished dreams we never could have imagined after the 2007 world cup. They lost just the one series, to Sri Lanka in Sri Lanka. Then they won just about everything they played. Maybe not as convincingly, but well enough to hold the top position. And one abject tour has been enough for those who've been sharpening their knives for a while to come out and squeal "WE TOLD YOU SO!" But it is what it is, just a series loss. Give them time to rest and regroup, to focus, to rejuvenate and you'll be surprised to see how quickly that spirit will be rekindled. Give them the faith and support you did during the world cup, that they rewarded you so handsomely with. Stand by your team when they're down, the fair weather fans never knew the 90s anyway.
Happy Independence Day, from a proud Indian and proud Indian cricket fan.
Suddenly pundits have declared that if you don't have a world class fast bowling attack, you cannot be No.1. If thats so, explain even the great Australian side's record in India. Simple fact one. England have a good pace attack... especially in England. Simple fact two, South Africa's pace attack is still better. Simple fact three, we never claimed to have the best pace attack in the world, we never said Sreesanth, Ishant and PK were Holdings or Marshalls, we said on their day they could trouble the best, as they have in the past.
So ZaK was unfit, so what? This was a tired attack. They'd just won the world cup. They'd played the IPL. They'd toured the Windies. Sreesanth and Zak came back from injuries. Suddenly the same attack that ripped the heart out of South Africa in South Africa is mediocre. What utter tosh. I'd like England to tour India with this same squad, we'll show the world who is utter tosh. Just go back to Anderson's, the alleged best fast bowler in the world (forgotten Steyn simply because he isn't playing English fucktards?) record in the world cup.
Next argument, N Srinivasan is a moron for saying this is just one series and the players were injured. Guess what, those are facts. We've had an incredible run, and now a tired, injury-ridden team came up against a better prepared and well conditioned one PLAYING AT HOME. Did the BCCI's decision to schedule the IPL after the world cup show their lack of concern for test cricket? Here's the deal, the IPL had to be held for the same business reasons as England having to host additional T20 matches against the Windies later in the year.
You can pick on the IPL all you want but it, unlike test cricket, has a future. Test cricket is dying. There are no spinners worth writing about because pitches are so shit. There are four sides who can play competitive test cricket, the rest are in total disarray. Bangladesh never deserved the honor and just lost to a side who hadn't played for years. That side would struggle to compete with the Windies or New Zealand, who would struggle to compete with Pakistan, who can just about compete with the rest when they're not busy banning half their side. Sri Lanka are in terminal decline, you want to laugh at India's bowling stocks, take a look at theirs.
So before you write off India's chances at regaining the number one position, talk about Test cricket's chances of surviving. When the big three retire, there will be far less interest in tests in India. That has probably already started with this series loss. The quality of test cricket being played today is the lowest it has been for a while. Australia and England, the apparent last great test survival hopes, have seen their players and boards acknowledge this fact, the future isn't in tests. T20 tournaments are getting more attention, the newer players don't seem as interested in tests as in the big bucks.
The paying public, the large majority who aren't snobbish and claim their powers of concentration, also known as greater periods of joblessness, are greater than those who want to enjoy a fun game of T20, are slowly moving towards the shorter formats. England have just assumed the number one position in test cricket, do you honestly think there are schoolkids out there who'd rather emulate tranny Cook than Dhoni in the IPL? The old folk can whine, they can pick on India, they can harp on the shorter concentration spans, the poorer technique, insult it however they want, but they are all like test cricket, increasingly becoming obsolescent. And deservedly so, if you want to fix something, you fix it, you don't moan about it and rubbish its (serious and worthy) competitors.
So you see how quickly an article about the apocalypse of test cricket can be churned out? That should come as no surprise. That is how quickly and easily they wrote off my national side. A side that accomplished dreams we never could have imagined after the 2007 world cup. They lost just the one series, to Sri Lanka in Sri Lanka. Then they won just about everything they played. Maybe not as convincingly, but well enough to hold the top position. And one abject tour has been enough for those who've been sharpening their knives for a while to come out and squeal "WE TOLD YOU SO!" But it is what it is, just a series loss. Give them time to rest and regroup, to focus, to rejuvenate and you'll be surprised to see how quickly that spirit will be rekindled. Give them the faith and support you did during the world cup, that they rewarded you so handsomely with. Stand by your team when they're down, the fair weather fans never knew the 90s anyway.
Happy Independence Day, from a proud Indian and proud Indian cricket fan.
Alastair Cook and India find scoring 300 difficult.
India is yet to score 300 in the test series, same with Cook. While India’s best so far is 288, Cook’s is 294. However at Lord’s India beat Cook easily– India 286, Cook 12; and India 261 and Cook 1. At Trent Bridge, Cook scavenged for 2 whereas India dined for 288; and Cook 5 and India 158 in the 2nd innings. One innings is too little to go by, India’s collective strength will finally prevail over Cook. Already it appears obvious that India will outscore Cook in the second innings at Edgbaston as Cook may not bat at all.
A cricket geisha.
Are you dead white bloody and cold
With your smile wrinkled wide on the outsides
Then you’re top, on top of your game
You played on a low daily allowance
Your hands cold, in the deepest recesses of your pockets
You were slow, so old, you were so old
But you were there
A cricket geisha
And how you looked, as you went down
It was mesmeric
I nearly stopped to see
What went wrong this time
With your smile wrinkled wide on the outsides
Then you’re top, on top of your game
You played on a low daily allowance
Your hands cold, in the deepest recesses of your pockets
You were slow, so old, you were so old
But you were there
A cricket geisha
And how you looked, as you went down
It was mesmeric
I nearly stopped to see
What went wrong this time
Where is match-fixing when you need it
Today, India lost its second consecutive 2-day game. The last one wasn’t telecast, and we were called Indians and not India. They were not called England, instead, something long and wiry like Northamptonshire. It sounded like a fair and fun. You lose two day games, they are meant to be lost, especially if you want to shove four innings in, and go on the basis of first innings’ lead.
That sort of thing happens in the Ranji, and nobody gives a fuck for that. Also, India, no, the Indians went past 300 in that match. India’s opener for the first two tests, with no IPL or marketing future scored a hundred (113/160, 18 4s) at one down. He was made to retire hurt.
This player is not playing in the third test.
A few weeks before this series started, on a whim, I was overcome with this brazen fucking desire to get my ass over at the Oval. As I didn’t push too hard for accreditation or a corporate box, that eventually fell through. In my delirious state, at that moment, I was sucked by my desire to see the trophy being lifted. For me, it was going to be another Mohali-vs-Aus indulgence. Only this would’ve meant pricey air tickets, and worse, putting up with the pompous Poms at close range. I would’ve shacked with my cousin who’s shacked with a Pathan from Yorkshire.
I would be spreading like our batting.
Here I am in Delhi, with whiskey, scorn, writing, purging, working at feeling better.
And the boys are out there, in a foreign place, far from ghar ka khanna, far from their mummies.
Oh look, I pressed Ctrl Z, and it deleted some, and some more, about Mummies, and joint families, and I was going to keep Ctrl Zing but I didn’t. That would be like match fixing?
And I could just finish there, start-finish with the match fixing shit, be as thoughtless as this series, but it would also be lazy, again, like our thinking for this series.
Why not? Should you watch? Are you into S&M?
Ishant Sharma has a plan.
It’s been learnt that Ishant Sharma could force the batsman to play the ball on the 5th day of the Edgbaston test. The plan until then is to muddle the batsman’s mind with a shrewd mix of wide outside-off and way outside leg bowling. In a nutshell, Ishant intends to play the waiting game.
The erstwhile conqueror of Ponting plans to bowl in the extended-corridor of uncertainty (keeping 3rd slip and gully honest) and only gradually move his probing line closer to the stumps.
“Look at my figures, I am the cheapest bowler today – 7 overs for just 16 runs, I want to make The Zaks proud…he once sang to me, you’re still young, it’s not your fault” explained Ishant as he gathered his goodies from the Riot! Sale.
In the absence of Zaheer Khan, Ishant could also attempt copying the injured bowler’s action, yet again. Last seen Ishant was looking for a hamstring injury.
Meanwhile Sachin Tendulkar, who is still enjoying the game, has postponed plans of scoring his 100th 100 until the 4th Test to put the team's interest ahead of personal milestones.
Character building of an Indian cricket fan.
I begin to write this piece on the eve of the 3rd Test (that may or may not happen thanks to the riots) of a series that may turn out to be either an ass-whipping of a lifetime or the story of an inspiring comeback a la Kolkata 2001. In this mood of ubiquitous gloom, let me put forth the singular reason why, I think, being a Team India fan is good for us. In fact, turning children into ardent Team India followers should be recommended to parents of today. The reason is very simple; it is what separates the boys from the big boys and Jatman from most humans - Character. In the list of character building activities, being a Team India supporter ranks very high. Although, be warned, it is a slow process.
Allow me to rejig your memory and take you back to a few incidents that have certainly built the character of a die-hard India fan. The frequency of such incidents has certainly dropped with this new hitherto all conquering side led by MS Dhoni, but nevertheless this English summer has restored my faith in the process. Even more so now that They are nearing retirement.
Take for example an Innings by Sanjay Manjrekar or Ravi Shastri in an ODI. The person who said "Patience is a virtue, seldom found in men" had never met Sanjay Manjrekar and Ravi Shastri. With a strike rate in the vicinity of their batting average, watching an innings played by either of these men is a lesson in patience for all - their team, the opposition, the umpires, the ground staff and the spectators. If you ever find yourself getting impatient and anxious about something, then watching an ODI innings by either of these gentlemen will help much more than any breathing or meditation exercise that your local spiritual dude may suggest. If they batted any slower, the scoreboard would start moving backwards. This is not to suggest that our past generations did not get adequate chance at building their character. Many turned from boys to men in the 60 overs that Sunil Gavaskar took to score 36*.
Then again, for a long time Team India players were called "Lions at home and Lambs abroad (not to be confused with Alan Lamb)". Fellow ardent, battle hardened fans would remember the 1996 Boxing day Test between India and South Africa at Kingsmead, Durban, when one opposition player alone ended up scoring more than 3/4th of Team India's score in the two innings put together. All 11 India players put up a 100 run stand between them in the first innings and in the second, India’s scorecard read like the final countdown from top to bottom. There is also the Barbados test of 1997 when Team India failed to chase 120 in the 4th innings. It isn’t just that Team India used to come a cropper on bowler friends. I am sure many remember the Coca Cola Cup final when it appeared that Sanath Jayasuriya and the Indian team had batted on different "wickuts" altogether. The margin of victory was so much that Sri Lanka did not have to bat for two more matches against India. Like they say, anything that doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
A lot can be said of the mental toughness of team India fans when Team India allows debutants and out of form players to reach Rajnikanth like awesomeness. The average Indian fan has lost count of the number of times a debutant has started his career with a century or a 5 wicket haul or an exceptional series too. Brett Lee, Franklin Rose and Alistair Cook to name a few. For a long time it appeared that Team India was BCCI's answer to Channel [V] Launchpad.
So, do not despair Team India fans when you look back at the happenings of the last 2 tests. If anything you are all much wiser and mentally stronger men and women, able to see the bigger picture and appreciate the greater meaning of life.
Now if you want an advanced degree of character building, please support the Indian Hockey team as fiercely as the Indian cricket team.
Allow me to rejig your memory and take you back to a few incidents that have certainly built the character of a die-hard India fan. The frequency of such incidents has certainly dropped with this new hitherto all conquering side led by MS Dhoni, but nevertheless this English summer has restored my faith in the process. Even more so now that They are nearing retirement.
Take for example an Innings by Sanjay Manjrekar or Ravi Shastri in an ODI. The person who said "Patience is a virtue, seldom found in men" had never met Sanjay Manjrekar and Ravi Shastri. With a strike rate in the vicinity of their batting average, watching an innings played by either of these men is a lesson in patience for all - their team, the opposition, the umpires, the ground staff and the spectators. If you ever find yourself getting impatient and anxious about something, then watching an ODI innings by either of these gentlemen will help much more than any breathing or meditation exercise that your local spiritual dude may suggest. If they batted any slower, the scoreboard would start moving backwards. This is not to suggest that our past generations did not get adequate chance at building their character. Many turned from boys to men in the 60 overs that Sunil Gavaskar took to score 36*.
Then again, for a long time Team India players were called "Lions at home and Lambs abroad (not to be confused with Alan Lamb)". Fellow ardent, battle hardened fans would remember the 1996 Boxing day Test between India and South Africa at Kingsmead, Durban, when one opposition player alone ended up scoring more than 3/4th of Team India's score in the two innings put together. All 11 India players put up a 100 run stand between them in the first innings and in the second, India’s scorecard read like the final countdown from top to bottom. There is also the Barbados test of 1997 when Team India failed to chase 120 in the 4th innings. It isn’t just that Team India used to come a cropper on bowler friends. I am sure many remember the Coca Cola Cup final when it appeared that Sanath Jayasuriya and the Indian team had batted on different "wickuts" altogether. The margin of victory was so much that Sri Lanka did not have to bat for two more matches against India. Like they say, anything that doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
A lot can be said of the mental toughness of team India fans when Team India allows debutants and out of form players to reach Rajnikanth like awesomeness. The average Indian fan has lost count of the number of times a debutant has started his career with a century or a 5 wicket haul or an exceptional series too. Brett Lee, Franklin Rose and Alistair Cook to name a few. For a long time it appeared that Team India was BCCI's answer to Channel [V] Launchpad.
So, do not despair Team India fans when you look back at the happenings of the last 2 tests. If anything you are all much wiser and mentally stronger men and women, able to see the bigger picture and appreciate the greater meaning of life.
Now if you want an advanced degree of character building, please support the Indian Hockey team as fiercely as the Indian cricket team.
Pranav thought he'd play for India. An honest self evaluation of his cricketing talents made him realize that he would do well if he made the playing 11 of his college team for 2 consecutive games.
Pranav also blogs at http://www.clearaswater.blogspot.com/
Pranav also blogs at http://www.clearaswater.blogspot.com/
28 year old man suddenly regresses to the age of 14.
The family of a man identified as Vijay Chauhan reported to be in his late 20s was in for a shock when he began to pack some notebooks in a bag before going off to sleep at an unusually early hour so he could wake up in time for school the next day. "After watching TV over dinner, he excused himself and was frantically looking for his school calendar so he could pack his bag according to the next days timetable", said the man's visibly distressed wife. "Vijay even mouthed some juvenile expletives when he realized he had two periods of SUPW the next day", she added.
The trauma for the family was over when he was reminded that he was 28 years old, the year was 2011 and school was 11-12 years ago. While initially unbelieving, the man was eventually reminded of his age when family members repeatedly showed him pictures of India's World Cup victory and also convinced him that the "hot didi" in the room was actually his wife.
Earlier in the evening, Vijay had been watching the 2nd Test between India and England on TV. Soon he began cursing Mohd. Azharuddin, supposedly the Indian captain, for India's shoddy performance. "Actually, I blame it on the team. England's tail batted longer than our whole team. This took me back to the 90s when I was a school kid and believed in the Indian team's moral right to victory. With this performance, the memories of Durban '96 and Barbados '97 came back to me. The resemblance to this test was so much that I started believing I was in the 90s all over again. Look we also allowed Broad to come back into form and talk about replacements turning out match winning performances. I am telling you, it was not difficult to be taken back to the 90s. " said Vijay speaking at a press conference after it was confirmed that he had regained his senses and come back to the present day. "By the way, anyone know whats up with Franklin Rose ?", he added.
Aashish Kapoor, a pillar on whose shoulders Team India rested in the 90s was quick to point out how Harbahajan Singh, just like him, was effectively playing the role of an extremely ineffective spinner. "The game plan for the boys should be to ball well, field well and bat well, you know and we will be back in this series", added India's longest serving captain of the 90s, Mohd. Azharuddin.
The trauma for the family was over when he was reminded that he was 28 years old, the year was 2011 and school was 11-12 years ago. While initially unbelieving, the man was eventually reminded of his age when family members repeatedly showed him pictures of India's World Cup victory and also convinced him that the "hot didi" in the room was actually his wife.
Earlier in the evening, Vijay had been watching the 2nd Test between India and England on TV. Soon he began cursing Mohd. Azharuddin, supposedly the Indian captain, for India's shoddy performance. "Actually, I blame it on the team. England's tail batted longer than our whole team. This took me back to the 90s when I was a school kid and believed in the Indian team's moral right to victory. With this performance, the memories of Durban '96 and Barbados '97 came back to me. The resemblance to this test was so much that I started believing I was in the 90s all over again. Look we also allowed Broad to come back into form and talk about replacements turning out match winning performances. I am telling you, it was not difficult to be taken back to the 90s. " said Vijay speaking at a press conference after it was confirmed that he had regained his senses and come back to the present day. "By the way, anyone know whats up with Franklin Rose ?", he added.
Aashish Kapoor, a pillar on whose shoulders Team India rested in the 90s was quick to point out how Harbahajan Singh, just like him, was effectively playing the role of an extremely ineffective spinner. "The game plan for the boys should be to ball well, field well and bat well, you know and we will be back in this series", added India's longest serving captain of the 90s, Mohd. Azharuddin.
Pranav
thought he'd play for India. An honest self evaluation of his
cricketing talents made him realize that he would do well if he made the
playing 11 of his college team for 2 consecutive games.
Pranav also blogs at http://www.clearaswater.blogspot.com/
Pranav also blogs at http://www.clearaswater.blogspot.com/
A telephonic conversation
Dravid: Hello Honey, eh..... how are you dear.
Mrs. Dravid: All's well Rahul, can't wait to have you back at home. Will sure need your help. Your parents are driving me insane. And when you are here, no more dinners with VVS, I don't like his wife.
Dravid: Well honey....how should I say this.....
Mrs. Dravid: Now what's up....have you met anyone?
Dravid: Its not that jaan, its just that....ehh...err....
Mrs. Dravid: What is it Rahul, come on, I don't have time for your dithering. Out with it.
Dravid: Did you read today's paper?
Mrs. Dravid: What's that got to do with anything? What is it darling, tell me....
Dravid: Well, I won't be home until late September.
Mrs. Dravid: And why is that?
Dravid: My country needs me...
Mrs. Dravid: Your country needs you for what....
Dravid: I have been picked for the One Day Series after the Tests
Mrs. Dravid: But jaana, didn't you tell me you'd retired because you wanted to spend more time with me
Dravid: Yes that's true....but honey, I forgot to retire..I mean I did intend to but never announced it formally
Mrs. Dravid: Whatthefuckyouforgottoretire.....Rahul what is this? How can you forget to retire...You have to learn to be more responsible Rahul.....next you will forget I am your wife....look at Sachin...he decided to retire from T20 cricket and he made sure every damn paper in the country knew it...when will you learn from him...You disgust me Rahul...do one thing..don't come back at all.... (click)
MSD and Raina on Dravid's retirement...
 | |
| "We can learn a lot from Dravid's retirement... |
 |
| "Like how we should retire from test cricket in England after this series" |
RDX: Feels funny to be back in the one-day side.
During the tests, the boys had been joking about a one-day call up for me. To be honest, I found it quite funny too. But in the last few months, I’ve made my peace with those demons we never talk about.
I won’t be too surprised if I’ll have to thank Sachin for this. A few weeks back I went up to him and apologised for declaring when he was in the 190s – I told him, if I could, I’d gladly take it back. He nodded as he often does at the crease, and mumbled something.
Then the Colonel appeared, and we actually exchanged a word, if I recall it was, “Hello!” For me, the healing has begun. I started feeling younger around Shane and Liz. Liz discussed with me at length the secret behind my intense-sweating, she wondered if there was a weight-loss marketing angle to it. Both she and Shane have this incredible ability to tweet and talk at the same time. They tell me, with my multi-tasking abilities, I should try twitter too.
I can expect Ravi to say, “There’s no question about it, he should play till he is fit” and Sunny Bhai will say, “ Look at all those runs Rahul Drrravid has scored, not just in test cricket but in one-day cricket too – over 10,765 runs, this series will be a good opportunity for him to get to 11,000 runs, which is no small feat…to score Eleven Thousand Runs..it takes…”
Of course I know my strike rate is on the lower side when compared to Viru or to be honest when compared to anyone except maybe Atapattu, but I believe you never stop learning and I’d like to think that time spent with the youngsters in the IPL has taught me a thing or two. Did I tell you about the way I went out with Shane and Liz, ok, I’ll save that for another day.
BCCI announces more warm-up matches
India’s second warm-up game hasn’t gone too badly, someone other than Rahul Dravid has made a hundred – the third opener Abhinav Mukund. He had no right to, but if he can, everybody should, is the thinking doing the rounds – if we have more warm-ups, who knows, MSD and Raina could get 50s, and that augurs well for CSK.
The 2 day game against Northants is over on Saturday, which leaves a full three days for the Indians. BCCI is in talks with the ECB to shove a few more warm-up games, the odd T20 (the boys like that) and even a one-day international, the kind of thing the world champions like. There is also a strong push from the BCCI for coloured clothing in test cricket. But the BCCI is no hurry, a test series with the Sri Lankans could be a good testing ground for that.
Jatman ispeaking
Jatman Returns by bored cricket
Hold that lath tight and listen to Jatman's first interview in the language close to his heart.
Hold that lath tight and listen to Jatman's first interview in the language close to his heart.
Same old Dhoni, but as always, the difference is Tendulkar.
Once upon an IPL (see how MSD waits for that precise moment when Shukla steps past the crease, only then does he instruct his boys to knock the bails off)
Now (Oh well, it's that Bell not-out run-out again, not much of a difference is there?)
If Sachin was in MSD's IPL team, who knows, Shukla too may have returned, to face the last ball of the innings.
Now (Oh well, it's that Bell not-out run-out again, not much of a difference is there?)
If Sachin was in MSD's IPL team, who knows, Shukla too may have returned, to face the last ball of the innings.
Thanks to Leela at Maidenbowling for the MSD-IPL video
Bangladesh question India’s test status.
In a shock move, minnows Bangladesh have questioned India’s test status after the massive 319 run defeat at Trent Bridge. A BCB official snorted, “we have bin on the receiving end, and after the phuture tours program wherein India will not visit our beloved nation for the next ten years, we believe enough iz enough – our test status has been questioned by every Tam, Dick and Harry, why don’t they put their glass house in order before throwing test status stones at others”.When asked if Bangladesh will also encourage illegal immigration from across the border, the official snapped, “that’s not cricket!”
Disgraceful England Deserve Censure But The ICC Thanks Them
Ian Bell is a good batsman. Thats all he is. He is not an umpire. He is not a match referee. He is not the sole authority on the cricket field. At some point yesterday he decided he was all of these things. He assumed that the ball was dead. Him and him alone. His batting partner, Eoin Morgan didn't. The bowler didn't. The fielder who had thrown the ball in didn't. And the umpires didn't. Yet in a supreme display of arrogance, Bell trotted over to his batting partner, who looked most uncomfortable about the whole affair since he had just put his bat in the crease after attempting to warn Bell, and knew something unfortunate was about to occur.
Make no mistake, the error was Bell's and Bell's alone, nothing but sheer stupidity. But it gets worse from here. Ignore the indignation from the English, who almost drowned twitter out with calls for Dhoni's head for, well, doing the correct thing. As the umpires asked Dhoni if he wanted to uphold the appeal, they also turned to the English batsmen and asked them to wait on the field until a decision had been made. Bell's arrogance took to the fore again and he marched off, seemingly as oblivious to their request as he seemed to the entire run out fiasco. Note that even at that point the umpires had still not called Tea, it was Bell who took it upon himself to declare the session over. Bell was actually stopped just before he left the ground to his obvious disgust by the fourth umpire, who politely reminded him that the session had not in fact officially ended.
For such blatant disregard to an umpire's authority, a player has already been penalized in this test, too bad he isn't English though, because they are praised for this sort of behavior. Already in this test we've seen Graeme Swann kick the stumps in disgust at his own performance, and despite being his second offence in under three months, escape with a reprimand. "Look here you jolly old fellow, we love your witty banter on twitter, but you can't go around kicking the stumps when you feel like it. Just quickly apologize for it and we'll sweep it under the carpet."
The most petulant and a serial offender in the English side, much like his father before him, and rewarded with T20 captaincy - this is the same bowler who is the only international cricketer to have conceded 6 sixes in an over in a T20 match - Stuart Broad, took it upon himself to step into his father's shoes and check if VVS Laxman had applied Vaseline to his bat. The English seem to think this sort of behavior is amusing, its a bit like throwing jelly beans on the pitch, its all in good fun when you're not at the receiving end. Insinuate that an Englishman might be a cheat and you'll get the response the Pakistani team received after their counter accusations during the spot fixing brouhaha.
Andrew Strauss and Andy Flower chose to approach Dhoni during the Tea interval and ask him to reconsider his appeal. This has been described as "most unorthodox" but the more simple way of describing it is that it was way out of line. You cannot go to the opposition and ask them to play in a manner that suits your players after your very players are solely responsible for an incident because of their stupidity, and especially not after the mob you're leading onto the field has already acted so disgracefully. The trouble is, nobody seems to be telling England that they're behaving terribly. Oh no, quite the opposite.
Here's how Haroon Lorgat, CEO of the ICC, described the incident and the conduct of the players. "Absolute credit must go to Team India, the England team and the match officials - Ranjan Madugalle, Asad Rauf and Marais Erasmus as well as the off-field umpires Billy Bowden and Tim Robinson - for the superb way that they all handled a tricky situation. While the initial appeal and umpire decision may have been acceptable to the letter of the law, the decision by India captain M S Dhoni and his team -as well as the Team India coaching staff - to withdraw the appeal shows great maturity. To see players and officials uphold the Great Spirit of cricket, which has underpinned the game for more than a century, is very special. I am indeed grateful for the way that the teams and match officials handled what was clearly a difficult situation and their behaviour reflects well on everyone."
I'm not sure what Lorgat is smoking, but he did get a few things right, so it might not be the best stuff out there on the market. The umpires and the Indian Team deserve praise. Don't discount the role of the umpires here, they could have chosen to act as heavy handed as Daryl Hair did at the Oval during Inzimam's protest and taken the incident to a whole different level. Madugalle's lenient reprimand to Swann and his overlooking Broad's distasteful accusation, doesn't deserve credit. And England's conduct definitely does not either. The "Great Spirit of Cricket" shouldn't win any accolades today, it was in fact insulted because it asks players to play fair, within the rules and to respect umpires. But more so because it promotes equality and equal treatment to players, and by all indications from the ICC's statement, equality seems to be used rather judiciously, and certainly selectively.
Make no mistake, the error was Bell's and Bell's alone, nothing but sheer stupidity. But it gets worse from here. Ignore the indignation from the English, who almost drowned twitter out with calls for Dhoni's head for, well, doing the correct thing. As the umpires asked Dhoni if he wanted to uphold the appeal, they also turned to the English batsmen and asked them to wait on the field until a decision had been made. Bell's arrogance took to the fore again and he marched off, seemingly as oblivious to their request as he seemed to the entire run out fiasco. Note that even at that point the umpires had still not called Tea, it was Bell who took it upon himself to declare the session over. Bell was actually stopped just before he left the ground to his obvious disgust by the fourth umpire, who politely reminded him that the session had not in fact officially ended.
For such blatant disregard to an umpire's authority, a player has already been penalized in this test, too bad he isn't English though, because they are praised for this sort of behavior. Already in this test we've seen Graeme Swann kick the stumps in disgust at his own performance, and despite being his second offence in under three months, escape with a reprimand. "Look here you jolly old fellow, we love your witty banter on twitter, but you can't go around kicking the stumps when you feel like it. Just quickly apologize for it and we'll sweep it under the carpet."
The most petulant and a serial offender in the English side, much like his father before him, and rewarded with T20 captaincy - this is the same bowler who is the only international cricketer to have conceded 6 sixes in an over in a T20 match - Stuart Broad, took it upon himself to step into his father's shoes and check if VVS Laxman had applied Vaseline to his bat. The English seem to think this sort of behavior is amusing, its a bit like throwing jelly beans on the pitch, its all in good fun when you're not at the receiving end. Insinuate that an Englishman might be a cheat and you'll get the response the Pakistani team received after their counter accusations during the spot fixing brouhaha.
Andrew Strauss and Andy Flower chose to approach Dhoni during the Tea interval and ask him to reconsider his appeal. This has been described as "most unorthodox" but the more simple way of describing it is that it was way out of line. You cannot go to the opposition and ask them to play in a manner that suits your players after your very players are solely responsible for an incident because of their stupidity, and especially not after the mob you're leading onto the field has already acted so disgracefully. The trouble is, nobody seems to be telling England that they're behaving terribly. Oh no, quite the opposite.
Here's how Haroon Lorgat, CEO of the ICC, described the incident and the conduct of the players. "Absolute credit must go to Team India, the England team and the match officials - Ranjan Madugalle, Asad Rauf and Marais Erasmus as well as the off-field umpires Billy Bowden and Tim Robinson - for the superb way that they all handled a tricky situation. While the initial appeal and umpire decision may have been acceptable to the letter of the law, the decision by India captain M S Dhoni and his team -as well as the Team India coaching staff - to withdraw the appeal shows great maturity. To see players and officials uphold the Great Spirit of cricket, which has underpinned the game for more than a century, is very special. I am indeed grateful for the way that the teams and match officials handled what was clearly a difficult situation and their behaviour reflects well on everyone."
I'm not sure what Lorgat is smoking, but he did get a few things right, so it might not be the best stuff out there on the market. The umpires and the Indian Team deserve praise. Don't discount the role of the umpires here, they could have chosen to act as heavy handed as Daryl Hair did at the Oval during Inzimam's protest and taken the incident to a whole different level. Madugalle's lenient reprimand to Swann and his overlooking Broad's distasteful accusation, doesn't deserve credit. And England's conduct definitely does not either. The "Great Spirit of Cricket" shouldn't win any accolades today, it was in fact insulted because it asks players to play fair, within the rules and to respect umpires. But more so because it promotes equality and equal treatment to players, and by all indications from the ICC's statement, equality seems to be used rather judiciously, and certainly selectively.
If that Ian Bell runout was bad, take a look at this video
The Star Cricket videos have been ripped off youtube, all you have is this.
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