Latest concerns over Yusuf Pathan
"Eh.. we’ve had complaints that this creature
called Yusuf Pathan has attacked our cricketers"
Player Profile: RP Singh
RP Singh knocked over another man of initials, KP, once at Lord’s and twice at Trent Bridge, with inswingers so big, hawkeye crashed. Nothing RP did subsequently lived up to this, though he did grab six in Perth, wear a coloured cap in the IPL and speak faster than any bowler in the league. RP can bat, and like most of his bowling mates in blue, hopes to make the national squad on the back of his batting as bowling counts for little these days. Once drove many a mile in his captain’s new Hummer.
Mohammad Yousuf's latest disappointment
"Mr Yousuf, I'm sorry, we don't provide cricket insurance"
Our first cricket conversation.
Trilok, the barber, revealed himself when asked if he experienced the tremors at night. “Haan tub hi to Nehra ne chauka mara tha” (It was then that Nehra hit a four).
Yes my man, yes. That is the correct answer. Nehra’s timing of the four has been my conversation opener with everyone today.
So Trilok was watching way into the night.
“Areh wah, cricket dekhte ho” (Wow, you watch cricket)
“Areh mai sub match dekhta hoon, Pakistan New Zealand, koi bhi khel raha ho…cricket toh cricket hai (I watch all games, any games, Pakistan New Zealand also, cricket is cricket after all)
Trilok did not mention any players, that I liked, he wasn’t in awe of anyone. I did mention Bhajji’s six, Yusuf, taking the ball on the body; by now he was primed, and balancing on two very mobile wash basins – he beamed, as he swung, feet almost off the ground – at the mention of the drawn Pak-Kiwi test, he nearly upset the washbasin balance.
He somewhat apologetically said he wasn’t able to watch the last day’s play. A mention of the World Cup and he rocked the wash basin again.
Long after I left the swinging Trilok behind, I continue to think, how a random cricket conversation can make my day. More so when it’s least expected.
Like Sonia who confessed to be a lapsed cricket nut who would watch reruns, highlights, even live games, good girl. She’s a classical singer, and I asked her to sing some of the cricket songs on bored. As I write, she’s tuning her harmonium for The Bored Anthem.
And Puja, who like Sonia, appeared very non-cricket, but had watched Kumble pocket ten at the Kotla. What is it with Kumble and closet cricket junkies?
And Sunny, who appeared to be in cricket denial or cricket detox, till he watched that T20 game vs. Pak (no, not the final, the bowl out). And how, he even went on to write here on Bored, long, winding, landscapes of cricket pieces, stream of consciousness into an ocean of cricket.
And Tito and Mar, who I met on the T20 finals, and remember that day as our anniversary. And know little of cricket, except, they saw me win that day.
And Vandu who calls him Ramesh Raja and breaks into song, “Sachin, someone and Dhoni” to the tune of Amar Akbar and Anthony.
And that’s when I know, that everybody’s been blessed by cricket. And I’m like the bowler whose finger tips’ ricochet the ball on to the stumps.
Yes my man, yes. That is the correct answer. Nehra’s timing of the four has been my conversation opener with everyone today.
So Trilok was watching way into the night.
“Areh wah, cricket dekhte ho” (Wow, you watch cricket)
“Areh mai sub match dekhta hoon, Pakistan New Zealand, koi bhi khel raha ho…cricket toh cricket hai (I watch all games, any games, Pakistan New Zealand also, cricket is cricket after all)
Trilok did not mention any players, that I liked, he wasn’t in awe of anyone. I did mention Bhajji’s six, Yusuf, taking the ball on the body; by now he was primed, and balancing on two very mobile wash basins – he beamed, as he swung, feet almost off the ground – at the mention of the drawn Pak-Kiwi test, he nearly upset the washbasin balance.
He somewhat apologetically said he wasn’t able to watch the last day’s play. A mention of the World Cup and he rocked the wash basin again.
Long after I left the swinging Trilok behind, I continue to think, how a random cricket conversation can make my day. More so when it’s least expected.
Like Sonia who confessed to be a lapsed cricket nut who would watch reruns, highlights, even live games, good girl. She’s a classical singer, and I asked her to sing some of the cricket songs on bored. As I write, she’s tuning her harmonium for The Bored Anthem.
And Puja, who like Sonia, appeared very non-cricket, but had watched Kumble pocket ten at the Kotla. What is it with Kumble and closet cricket junkies?
And Sunny, who appeared to be in cricket denial or cricket detox, till he watched that T20 game vs. Pak (no, not the final, the bowl out). And how, he even went on to write here on Bored, long, winding, landscapes of cricket pieces, stream of consciousness into an ocean of cricket.
And Tito and Mar, who I met on the T20 finals, and remember that day as our anniversary. And know little of cricket, except, they saw me win that day.
And Vandu who calls him Ramesh Raja and breaks into song, “Sachin, someone and Dhoni” to the tune of Amar Akbar and Anthony.
And that’s when I know, that everybody’s been blessed by cricket. And I’m like the bowler whose finger tips’ ricochet the ball on to the stumps.
Why was Piyush Chawla picked?
The selectors are huddled together with their lists of 15 players that make the cut for the World Cup. A technician plugs the video conferencing equipment, and gives them the go ahead.
Meanwhile in South Africa, Kirsten and Dhoni sit with their list of 15 players. Piyush Chawla is doubling up as the technician as he sorts the video-con stuff, giving them the thumbs’ up.
Srikkanth: WhatDoYouCallit BOSSDhoniCanYouSeeUsClearly
MSD: Well ofcourse Piyush has made some very good arrangements
Srikkanth: BossWeHaveOur15KaList..
MSD: Of course and we have ours…I think the injured players pick themselves
Srikkanth: WhatDoYouCallIt SachinShewagGambir
MSD: Of course they will be there and there are other injured players that will be very fit by the world cup even fitter than the fit players now becoz they will not be playing or exerting themselves at all and getting of course all the time to work on their fitness..Praveen Kumar and Ashish Nehra
Srikkanth: BossTheyAreInOurListTooThatIs5PlayersWeHaveHandShakedOnBossGaryWhatDoYouCallIt
Kirsten: Sounds good
Srikkanth: I’m CON-FI-DENT ThatWhatDoYouCallIt RainaAndYusufWillBeCON-FI-DENT ChoicesToo
MSD (sounding a tad nervous now, looking around, wears his keeping gloves) : Of course
Srikkanth: BAJJIWillBeThereThatIsAndMunafTooBoss
MSD (even more nervous starts clapping with keeping gloves) Of course…are you forgetting someone
Srikkanth: YuvrajSinghViratKohliWhatDoYouCallItZaheerKhanBoss
MSD (Now very itchy, starts waving his gloves as if arranging a field) Well Of course, are you forgetting someone…
Srikkanth: WhatDoYouCallItVijayHasBeenSHITBossEvenICan’tGetHimInSorryBossButAshwinShouldPlay
MSD (Removing sweat from brow with his keeping gloves): Of course, I think we are missing someone…we have 13 players…and every team needs a…wic..
The transmission snaps…and MSD is left with his words hanging in the air
Piyush Chawla meanwhile gets busy, checks the wires and gets them going again…
Srikkanth: WhatDoYouCallItChawla??? BossWhatIsChawlaDoingThere…
MSD: Of course he is helping with the technical side of things and all and we have 13 players now….Sachin, Sehwag, Gautam, Yuvi, Kohli, Raina, Pathan, Bhajji, Zaks, Nehra, Munaf Patel, Praveen, Ashwin but are we missing something every side needs a wicketkeeper…
Srikkanth: BossWhatDoYouCallItShouldWePlayParthivPatelAsTheSecondWicketKeeperBoss…
MSD (much relieved, breaks into a smile, shows teeth): Well of course we can consider that once we have picked the first wicket keeper and that is why I have been saying for sometime that are we missing something and you know how it is Cheeka
Srikkanth(laughs) : BossSeedhaBolo…YesIThinkWeCanPickMahendraSinghDhoniAsWicketkeeperFirstChoice
MSD: Who will be the 15th player now..
Piyush Chawla is hanging around with a hopeful yet utterly hopeless face…he seems like a pathetic little mutt who hasn’t eaten in days…he looks into camera and all at once woos Cheeka
Srikkanth (overcome with emotion) MaiBhiBaapHoonIAmAlsoAFatherAnirudhaWillVouchForThatWithCON-FI-DENCEHahhaHaHaIHopeSoBossHahahaICannotSeePiyushChawlaLookSoSad...HeWillBeWhatDoYouCallIt....The15thPlayerBoss
Just then the door swings open and Rohit Sharma walks in sweating profusely after a net.
MSD (to Rohit): Well of course...you are late by 10 seconds Rohit Sharma...
World Cup XV - why wait till tomorrow?
The World Cup might be weeks away with plenty of ODIs in the intl calendar still to be finished, but the ICC in their infinite wisdom wants the teams to announce their final XV next week. Clearly having worked their magic with the bungled FUDRS, ensured that all grounds will have patented designer roads instead of pitches, and designed a format that lasts longer than the IPL (we might have made that last bit up), the final squads need some special attention.
This edition more than anything else will be remembered as the WC where batsmen went medieval on bowlers. While in the past, a Lanka run through a Kandy shop was an exception, par scores of 325 and teams chasing down 350+ (goodbye England!) more than once will be the norm. India don’t have much a choice but select a lineup that is loaded on batsmen and viagra.
Openers: There are no ifs and butts…the baap-beta combo of Sachin and Sehwag gives India the edge. Given his recent form, Sehwag needs to chill. Sachin meanwhile has the license to milk.
Teesra: India have tried Irfan, Raina, Nohit, Uthappa and even Dhoni as a floater at the 3 spot but the only one that is not a Joker is Gotham City. Depending on the match situation (and whether Sachin is still around) his role will be equal measures carefree Bruce Wayne and clinical Batman.
Middlemen: This is where India have can shuffle the deck and each time land a trump card. Virat has the runs and temperament to cement a spot. Yuvi is the Oxford definition of a flat track bully and with Raina will use the crowd for target practice. Pathan is the probably the biggest hitter in the team and will enjoy the shorter grounds and slower wickets. Nohit needs more runs than shots of JD. More importantly he needs to prepare for IPLchar (Go Mumbai Indians!).
Keeper: If the selectors waste a spot on a backup keeper, call in the Mossad hit squad. Or get them to face Dale Steyn without protection.
Slow Arm Filth: India has the most spinners this side of Cricket Australia. There is value in Yuvi’s pie chucking and Raina, Pathan and Viru can be handy as well. They will also get us more wkts than Twatajhan. Don’t think there is much room for another specialist spinner here but if needed Ojha should get the nod over Ashwin. Both are complete muppets with the bat and playing either at the expense of Pathan seems a waste.
Medium Fast Bowlers: Every option in our pop gun attack is a liability: Zak with his anytime, anywhere injuries, PK Dubey with his slow yorkers and even slower bouncers, Ishant and his hair (only ever works for Pak cricketers) and Sreesanth…well…being Sreesanth. India really can’t get go much wrong (or right) with any combination but Nehra should get a look in.
Final XV: Sachin, Sehwag, Gambhir, Virat, Yuvi, Raina, Pathan, Dhoni ©, Harbhajan, Zak, Sreesanth, Nehra, PK, Ojha, Nohit.
X factor: A chanceless knock from Yusuf Pathan will be the gamechanger for India. But has he wasted that innings already on NZ?
Cup Ka Mujrim: IPL?
by Sunny
You can follow Sunny on his twitter page @sehwagology and like him at facebook.com/sehwagology
Why Murali Vijay plays when he cannot
Each match Vijay plays is an extra one. In the one-day series against the Kiwis, he was on borrowed time. He was introverted, then miserable, followed by a dismissal that must have come as a relief.
Not long ago, Vijay was timing it like he belonged, there were starts, 50s, that was the occasional test when Gambhir wasn’t available. He usually looked set, then the across the line shot, gone.
Off late Vijay has found far more ways to get out. His innings are short, but even so painfully long – did you watch him today? Vijay hogged the strike to such an extent that after 3-4 overs, Sachin was yet to score.
We could be missing the point here, could it be that in Vijay, Cheeka sees an Atapattu in the rough – a man, who will bury his humble beginnings to torture us with long, meandering stays at the crease.
I used to like the energy Vijay had on the field – should he be saved as a permanent 12th man, one who can fizz the ball to the keeper, and give those “I-Got-you-under-my-skin” looks, mouth the occasional indecency in Tamil. Hell, should he even be playing cricket – cinema Madras beckons.
Then again, it’s wrong to get stuck into Vijay, it’s obvious he’s having a painfully bad patch that has only now ceased to be a patch, more like a patchwork planet. In Vijay, are resident the do-not-dos of a batsman.
When he gets stuck, his approaches are limited to – do not lose it, continue to block, block, block. Or hit out. The single, strike rotation are not options. Vijay plays across, in the air, looks a lot worse than he is, and continues to lose credibility.
Even though he has played only 9 tests, and 10 ODIs, his one-day numbers are fast resembling that of Zaheer Khan. But still nowhere close to the rope Nohit Sharma has been given.
If anything, Vijay opening ensures the misplaced onus of the same is not on either Kohli or Sharma. Other than that, there can be no reason to play him for another game. Unless Cheeka is on the lookout for that one elusuve knock that will book him for the World Cup as the third opener. C'mon Cheeka, there must be another opener in Tamil Nadu?
See South Africa strip India in first ODI
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| Well OF COURSE, it felt just like the first test |
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| I didn't play but I feel the team's pain obviosuly. |
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| We can beat South Africa in naked cricket |
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Fuck you, I made a fifty.  |
Patiala House - Khiladi Kumar plays a fast bowler
I always thought Akshay Kumar would make a good fast bowler thanks to his built and athleticism. As it turns out he is actually playing the character of an Indian-origin cricketer born and bred in England and that too a fast bowler in his upcoming film Patiala House. Remains to be seen how convincing he looks on screen.
The new IPL Play Off Format - The solution that makes the problem worse!
Courtesy a friend of mine, I am just posting one scenario in which the brand new format, a solution from IPL honchos to the problem faced earlier when a team that emphatically topped the group only to lose in the Semis in a two-hour heist.
I think it can make it worse with a scenario where an even bigger injustice can be done. I will edit this later to add my summary on why this is so but here;s the scenario for now
SCENARIO A:
League Stage
MI - 1st - 24 Points
CSK - 2nd - 16 points
RCB - 3rd - 16 Points
KKR - 4th - 16 Points
Say, it is like this:
MI beat CSK in both league games and finish first in the group stages:
Game A - MI vs CSK (1st vs 2nd) - Winner goes to the final. Say MI is the winner .
Game B - RCB vs KKR (3rd vs 4th) - Winner goes to Game C. Say RCB is the winner.
Game C - CSK vs RCB (Game A loser vs Game B winner). Winner goes to the final. Say CSK is the winner .
Final - MI vs CSK.
Suppose CSK wins final
As I said, in this scenario, a team that has outshone all others through the tournament, and also played a one-off crunch game(play off) and beaten an opponent (already crushed by them in 2 league games)in that crunch game.
What are you telling them now? One MORE crunch game.
This is a bit like playing the tournament until your #2 wins a singe game against #1 and calling a stop when that happens, literally. In no way can we tell that #2 had proven themselves in crunch situations better than #1 nor can we say that #2 had a overall good record compared to #1.
This is clearly injustice, far worse than what happens when a #1 team loses a one-off semi finals(one CRUNCH game) after topping the group. Here, #1 won the group convincingly, won a crunch game, and still were told, win one more game. I just don't see it as #2 is better than #1 in any aspect at all, including facing crunch situations.
Get Entertained with all our IPL cartoons + posts, click here
I think it can make it worse with a scenario where an even bigger injustice can be done. I will edit this later to add my summary on why this is so but here;s the scenario for now
SCENARIO A:
League Stage
MI - 1st - 24 Points
CSK - 2nd - 16 points
RCB - 3rd - 16 Points
KKR - 4th - 16 Points
Say, it is like this:
MI beat CSK in both league games and finish first in the group stages:
Game A - MI vs CSK (1st vs 2nd) - Winner goes to the final. Say MI is the winner .
Game B - RCB vs KKR (3rd vs 4th) - Winner goes to Game C. Say RCB is the winner.
Game C - CSK vs RCB (Game A loser vs Game B winner). Winner goes to the final. Say CSK is the winner .
Final - MI vs CSK.
Suppose CSK wins final
As I said, in this scenario, a team that has outshone all others through the tournament, and also played a one-off crunch game(play off) and beaten an opponent (already crushed by them in 2 league games)in that crunch game.
What are you telling them now? One MORE crunch game.
This is a bit like playing the tournament until your #2 wins a singe game against #1 and calling a stop when that happens, literally. In no way can we tell that #2 had proven themselves in crunch situations better than #1 nor can we say that #2 had a overall good record compared to #1.
This is clearly injustice, far worse than what happens when a #1 team loses a one-off semi finals(one CRUNCH game) after topping the group. Here, #1 won the group convincingly, won a crunch game, and still were told, win one more game. I just don't see it as #2 is better than #1 in any aspect at all, including facing crunch situations.
Get Entertained with all our IPL cartoons + posts, click here
Australia Win The Asses.
What do you call an Aussie with a bottle of Champagne? A waiter
What do you call an Australian who can hold a catch? A fisherman.
Why can no-one drink wine in Australia at the moment? They haven't got any openers.
...What is the difference between Cinderella and the Aussies? Cinderella knew when to leave the ball.
What's the Australian version of LBW? Lost, Beaten and Walloped..
Ponting's mom phone the Aussie change rooms. Hussey picks up and say: Sorry mam he just went out to bat. Mom: Don't worry I'll hold on . . .
Ponting and Clarke (combined) average 19.18 for the series, while Siddle averages 19.25.
Hussey has finished the series not only with the best batting figures for Australia, but on one basis, economy rate, the best bowling figures!
Clarke wanted to captain the Australians very badly. And now he has done!!
Via Bored Friend, Harish Chandra via Allan Murrell (Also read Nishant's post on slipstream cricket )
If you know the author, please do tell.
InSaf ho gaya.
First Kallis saved his team with the bat, then without the ball, he saved India. It is Kallis who drew the series – with what he did, and even more so, with what he could not do.
Somehow, Sachin was similar. The runs in the first innings, and Boucher’s wicket in the second, more than hundred runs later. We know why Kallis didn’t bowl, MS, why didn’t Sachin?
Both guys worked at outdoing each other, and if Ponting was playing, who knows, would he have bowled again, or at least batted again?
In the second innings, with both Sachin and Kallis, the cricket sage took over. With Kallis it was a sanki sadhu, what with those reverse sweeps, with Sachin, there was an attempt to bury the ball with the bat.
There was a quality of silence to their batting – it absorbed the mayhem, diluted it, spat it out as calm. The scoring ceased to matter, and if test cricket was dying, this was one helluva eulogy.
Around Kallis, Boucher absorbed some of the sage’s light and shone – he played similar shots, the maneuver from off to on. Around Sachin, Bhajji was blessed enough to take on the counter.
Finally Kallis, Boucher, Sachin, Bhajji negated each other – two hundreds, a fifty, seven wickets, three catches. Steyn was playing, but he was part of another plot, one with Bhajji, that involved whacking each other for sixes, and dismissing the other once. Gratification.
What else? India has not lost a test with Che Pujara, two wins, one draw so far.
Series tied at 1 all. InSaf ho gaya.
Concise (4-letter) description of Day Four, Test Three IND-SAF 2010-11
KLPD
K as in Kallis
Steyn alive, but just
After slaving through 31 overs, the most by any bowler so far, Dale Steyn will bowl unchanged in the Indian second innings. Out of 117.1 overs, Steyn bowled less than half the overs – he could have bowled as many as 58 overs, but Smith wanted to save him for India’s second innings - “No matter what the workload is, he is ready to go all out for his team”, said Smith; while Steyn on conditions of anonymity told us he secretly prayed South Africa doesn’t score too many – “a lead of 150 is fine by me – we can get the Indians out in 50 overs, and I will only have to bowl 25 overs. But if the Indians get 250 plus then I will ask Smith to save me for the tailenders – that’s when I get a spring in my step and touch the 90 mph mark”.
Smith was also seen speaking to a masseur and physiotherapist about Kallis – “I don’t care, make him bowl, bat, the fielding is not a concern”. Meanwhile Kallis is looking to grow a beard now.
Drunk Cricket - New Year Celebration BCC! style
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| No going off for bad light |
So you and your yaars haven't got drunk in a while, haven't got the time to discuss (force your opinion on) cricket with the mohalla cricket team, and it's been ages since you last played a game of cricket.
The Solution to your quandary is a Night Cricket match on 31st December
The plan
1) Get the guy who did the Christmas decorations to put up a bunch of Halogens in your backyard
2) Fill up an ice box with beers to last the night for you and the mates,
3) order some chicken from a local restaurant (okay make it truckloads of chicken and a tonne of chips)
and VOILA!
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| The Drinkers' 9 or 6 or whatever - toast themselves |
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| A kick in the balls to your friend's 'happening' disco plans |
Here's how it went:
and off we went
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| Drink & Drive |
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| Something amiss? The keeper had beer to finish |
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| Don't argue with a drunk's bat |
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| A drunk abuses the umpire. Ricky does that sober. |
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