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Razzaq’s memories of playing for an Indian League go back to the ICL – he ganged up with himself and took the whole lotta them Lahore Badshahs on. Closer examination will tell you they took him and his entire clan on. They were all on first name basis, teri yeh and teri woh; just shows life can get intimate without Bhajji.
One part of Razzaq knows he doesn’t belong. If I was him, I’d start my own league. He’s too good a cricketer to be wasted daydreaming about playing for someone else’s team. Nobody wants him, not Pak, not IPL, not the Badshah’s, I won’t be surprised if Abdur doesn’t want Razzaq and vice versa. Or is it Abdul doesn’t want Abdur and vice versa?
He really is one of those Lance Klusener types – so damn gifted, he can’t keep it to himself. Poor man ran outta luck a long time ago. He also makes me think of Kaif, Mishra, and Razdan. All cricketers born under a bad sign. Together they should form their own league – The Untouchables. Or what the hell, just Razzaqed.
Last few days, Razzaq was under the impression the IPL wanted him; ask Mishra he will tell you, on good days, he feels India wants him. Kaif, ok, let’s not even go there. And Razdan, he really should’ve played more, would’ve kept him clear of the com box.
Anyway enough clues there, high time we came out with a Razzaqued (or is it Razzaqed?) Eleven – there will be no twelfth man, as all eleven are basically…yeah, right, Razzaq will say, that was below the belt, but who cares – Nobody. Sad but true. All these guys can do is rue. Or form their own Razzaqed XI
1) A Razzaq
2) A Chopra
3) W Jaffer
4)
5) S Badrinath
6) D Karthik
7) M Tiwary
8) A Mishra
9) S Sreesanth
10) ……
11) …..
As for the empty slots, they’re for the super forgotten Razzaqed players – when you touch an all-time low that’s when you’ll connect to the player, like I’m thinking Kaif @ 4. See that’s how it works. You can even make your own eleven. But for that, you must feel suicidal, slightly.
Of course, the Pakistanis may feel a little done in, only Razzaq in this side, but hey, there are still three slots – and you don’t need no Modi or PCB to put your guys in this team. Hell, right now I’m thinking of a Pak player even cricinfo can’t help me on – rumour was he got done in in the Imran Khan years, and he was some batsman…I liked but can't remember him no more.
PS: Notice how my Razzaqed XI has no first names - that's because nobody is on first name basis with them; just the other day I heard somebody call out for Razzaq, you won't believe what they said - AAA Razzaq...
RAZZAQED. (an attempt to unite India and Pakistan over cricket, again)
"The Hindu Nature Is Like That Only"
or in his exact words, Sohail Tanvir said “Hinduon ki zahaniyat hi aisi hai” [click on the link to read the whole story and see the accompanying video evidence]
Of course, a few days later Tanvir had a slightly different tone of voice:
"I have nothing personal against India and if any opportunity arises in future where I am invited to play in the IPL or Champions League I will definitely go to play if my seniors do the same," Tanvir told PTI.
"I will do whatever my seniors tell me to do or go by the guidelines provided by the Pakistan Cricket Board," Tanvir, who played for inaugural champions Rajasthan Royals, added."
Naturally there is only one conclusion here. Sohail Tanvir is mindless zombie who only does as his "seniors" (whoever they are) instruct him, eh? (it must have been them who told him to say that initial quote too then, right?) Its no wonder the people of India, and Hindus in particular, haven't heard an apology from him for his earlier statements because everybody knows mindless zombies don't apologize, they just continue advancing towards you, trying to eat your brain.
Even if he wasn't a mindless zombie, it would be pretty difficult for him to apologize. I mean, it would be an insult to him, his honor, his country, his country's honor, the people of Pakistan and the people of Pakistan's honor. And perhaps worst of all, it would be an admission of guilt. Fortunately there is a solution.
Tanvir can claim to be an actor rehearsing some lines. It was a TV show after all, wasn't it? The Pakistani Cricket Board, the Pakistani Government and Tanvir himself can then go on to claim that he is a "non-state" actor, as in he freelances and has no contract with the government in his role as an actor. There you go, everything is solved! Because nobody has to apologize anymore (and of course, automatically nobody from India will expect one!). After all, everybody knows, non-state actors do not apologize.
Disclaimer: No Indian cricketers, cricket administrators, government officials or other people or their honor or sensibilities were hurt in the production of this post.
It is not my intention to create communal disharmony or spark a rabid flame war here. The facts are that by making statements like the title, Tanvir hurts sentiments and does far more damage to (not just his own chances of getting into an IPL team) any efforts to diffuse ill feeling between the two countries and improve relations. It benefits nobody. How prevalent his opinion is in Pakistan is what should cause greater concern (just see the rest of that show).
Even if said in anger, the natural thing for him to do is apologize. But I ask you now, how many of our government officials, cricket administrators, media outlets and citizens in general have demanded an apology or expressed outrage at what is clearly a bigoted statement made by someone who they are going out of their way to accommodate (and pay handsomely) in our domestic tournament? Maybe just this blogger but he'd do anything to write a cricket post that included the term "mindless zombie"... and maybe thats a good thing. Because there are far too few cricket posts written nowadays that include the term "mindless zombie."
FAIT ACCOMPLI
The chairman of selectors was in a fix. "yeh bandha Dhoni", he was thinking, is “too chatur”. I give Badri in the squad, and he doesn’t play him. I give him Mishra, and he has the chutzpah to drop him after a good performance. And I cannot do anything about it because he is the country's darling.
Howsoever I manage to pack the squad with my guys, they seem to not get a chance. How do I get over this? Thinking, Thinking.
One day, just as he saw Rahul Dravid lay blinking on the hospital bed, our chairman got it in a flash. Eureka he came out shouting, thankfully fully clothed.
Next day, MSD sees the squad - and he knows his goose is cooked.
For, look at the squad and resolve this:
MSD wants to play 6 batsmen? You've got no choice but to pick Badri, dude. Take that!
Ok, you want to try to avoid that by going for 5 bowlers? You've got to pick Mishra dude!('cos you cannot obviously justify picking a newbie over Mishra when he has done well in the most recent test! Or, can you? One never knows, MSD might still pull a surprise)
Now, c'mon, MSD, show us who you hate more - Mishraji or Badri thambi(aNNan to you!) :-)
by Raj
The Goan Sharks
Or the Dolphins. Whatever you want to call them. The IPL is going to expand to 10 teams from next season and it's highly unlikely that either of the new teams will be based in the party capital of India. However, the Rajasthan Royals look all but set to move out of Jaipur with Mr. Commissioner being voted out of the Rajasthan Cricket Association. As such the Royals this season are playing all their home games in Ahmedabad. There is a good chance one of the expansion teams will be based in Ahmedabad, which begs the question: Where do the Rajasthan Royals play their home games? Surely Ahmedabad isn't a big enough market to have two teams. It makes a lot of sense for the team to altogether relocate to another city. For those who aren't familiar with the concept here's a brief background on relocation of professional teams.
With that in mind, let's have a look at the possible cities where the Royals can move.
Nagpur: Probably at the top of the list as far as the BCCI is concerned. Shashank Manohar has been using his power to ensure Nagpur gets a game every series. The stadium although poorly located is one of the best in the country. Nagpur is also one of the fastest growing cities and there's a good chance one of the expansion teams might be based there. Besides, the Mumbai Indians are already playing a couple of their home games here. Mr. Manohar must be really proud of himself.
Goa: One of the most popular places to visit among domestic as well as foreign tourists. Goa is a cricketing outpost with football still being the most popular sport there. However, the international matches here have been sellouts. With a capacity of over 27,000 and operational floodlights the Nehru Stadium is a decent facility to stage IPL games, although some renovation wouldn't hurt. Traveling in and out of Goa shouldn't be a problem and even fans from Mumbai or Bangalore could make an overnight journey to make a weekend out of an away game for their respective teams.
Kanpur: Floodlights have been a recent addition to The Green Park but the authorities haven't been too sure of using them. The city in itself isn't very appealing to outsiders and is not the most popular venue among international cricketers, with even Indian cricketers not being too keen on playing here. Hard to see Kanpur getting an IPL franchise unless someone outbids the competition.
Vishakhapatnam: Has a good stadium but traveling to the city is difficult due to the limited number of flights. The current situation in Andhra Pradesh has already resulted in an international game being moved out of Vizag and there is a chance the two IPL games in the city might be played elsewhere.
ipl auction: how the pride of a nation was restored...
after ipl's alleged snub of pakistani players thereby hurting their national pride... ipl received scathing criticism not only from across the border but from home as well...
ipl, being a commercial tournament, could not risk their brand being maligned by one and all... so they decided to act swiftly...
an urgent meeting was called and invitees were ipl administrators... franchisees... pakistani players with the pride of pakistan being the special invitee... (hence forth will be mentioned as PoP...)
franchisees tried to sooth the tempers by trying to explain 'issues' that prevented them from picking pakistani players... with srk leading from the front... he even announced that he too felt humiliated...
but pakistani players were understandably seething with anger and they were hurling some unmentionable explicits on everybody in sight... while mourning about the PoP at the same time... and needless to say any talk that made sense was shunned completely... and fell on deaf ears...
PoP was asked to put forward his views to divert the situation... and he started with...
"though at first i was not sure that i was hurt... but since so many of my beloved followers kept repeating my name... i also started to feel that there must be some truth in it... but, as a matter of fact, now i am of the opinion that i was indeed hurt, humiliated and humbled..."
rather than diverting the issue PoP statement acted like fuel on fire and the situation was about to take a turn for the worse with nobody willing to understand what was being said...
modi being the guy who knows how to keep calm and work out the way against all adversities... decided to talk in a universal language that even dumb can speak and deaf can hear...
and lo...
$ituation $tarted to calm down... $uddenly better $ense $tarted to prevail... everybody was all ears to what the other was $aying... everybody was seen nodding the same head which was swaying like a hanging clock pendulum not so long ago... and the matter was amicably resolved in the end...
PoP made the $tatement...
"now that matter has $ettled amicably by the remarkable zest and maturity $hown by all concerned... i think i can take well deserved rest..."
$ince the mission was accomplished with pride of nation being re$tored... pakistani players were willing to forget and forgive... the change in their $tance was so remarkable that they $tarted to hug the $ame franchisees they were hurling explicits at... not $o long ago...
the base price of restoring the PoP and pakistani players was again set at $250K...
further details are awaited...
last effort to save test cricket...
udrs: why blame bcci...?
bcci has been accused of not implementing the umpire decision review system (udrs) in recent series... and i won't be surprised if the upcoming series against south africa does not feature it as well...
why on earth will someone spend from his own pocket to see umpires like harper give one howler after another even after watching endless replays... in the name of udrs...?
A reason to celebrate
And not just because it is Republic Day. In the on going test at Mirpur, India's injury count has gone up to 5 with Sachin Tendulkar joining Rahul Dravid, VV Laxman, Yuvraj Singh and Sreesanth in the infirmary. And am I the only one who thinks this is about the best thing to have happened to Indian cricket with the South Africans scheduled to tour for a 2 Test, 5 ODI set?
India should have experimented with its middle order against Bangladesh. But the selectors were a) not brave enough or b) risk averse. Either ways, we let slip a golden opportunity to blood the next generation middle order in what was a fairly easy series without the attendant pressures of a marquee series, but at the same time played away from home.
And now our hand has been forced. Which is not exactly a bad thing, given the circumstances. Consider this
1. A home series
2. Against the #2 side in the world
3. A short 2 Test series
So while the intensity will be up because of the strength of the opposition and the length of the series, a lot of it will be mitigated by the fact that we are playing at home. And it forms just about the ideal backdrop for testing the next generation middle order - an opposition less ordinary than Bangladesh but at home.
With Murali Vijay moving back at 3, #4 ,5 and 6 will be the open slots.
Md Kaif has struck back to back centuries in the Duleep Trophy batting at 4, so he has to be seriously considered. And with Kohli, Che, Sharma and Pandey all showing good form ( and possessing the requisite pedigree), whats not to like with the current situation?
Heck, we can even go with a 5 bowler option if we so choose.And Shashank Manohar is free to roll out a green top at Nagpur ( in a reprise of 2004). And even that wont be a bad thing!
PS:- Mickey Arthur's resignation just before the tour helps too. And with Ashwell Prince not cementing the opening spot, South Africa have their fair share of problems. Now, only if the selectors pick a strong enough side for the BP XI to further accentuate the negatives in the South African line up ( and mindset), the Force will well and truly be with us.
PPS - 2 Test 3 ODI set and not 2 Test 5 ODI set as written in the post. My bad.
Shahid Bhai! Shahid Bhai! - The Pose
(The Pak team is still in a heap, while Shahid Bhai! And Hillybilly! Are having a posing war)
they sing together)
The Godfather & Jaws
Elevator door opens - Jatman is mumbling something incoherent about Indian hockey under his breath. With him are the usual suspects.
They arrive in RDX’s room, a sexy Mallu nurse is at hand checking the patient’s diapers.
UV: So you’ve RETIRED…
RDX sedated so far, nearly jumps out of bed pulling at the many tubes
RDX: Retired HURT
Nurse: Do not excite him please…
UV: Why? You want to…
MS: How are you R...
Hulchul Singh: RDX bhai, don’t worry, vengeance will be ours...
RDX with broken jaw and all, sounds more like Don Corleone than himself
RDX: You talk about vengeance. Is vengeance going to bring your brains back to you or my confidence back to me?
MS (to Hulchul) : First you bowl shit now you talk shit
That was like a slap on Hulchul’s face, coming from a friend…Hulchul weeps like a woman
RDX: ( spouting more Don Corleone dialogues) YOU CAN ACT LIKE A MAN!
[gives a quick slap to Hulchul]
What's the matter with you? Is this what you've become, a Bollywood finocchio who cries like a woman? "Oh, what do I do? What do I do?" What is that nonsense? Ridiculous!
Everybody except Hulchul laughs, but once he sees everybody laughing he fakes it too. Mishra meanwhile is rolling on the floor and knocks into the sexy nurse
Mishra: Sorry Mam!
The nurse devours little Mishra with a glance
MS: If needed can you play RDX?
Jatman: Can Anil Kumble come and tie your bandages – just like he did in the West Indies
Hulchul Singh: But the game is in Dhaka?
RDX: I will make him an offer he can’t refuse…
Godfather music starts to play
One by one, the boys kiss Don RDX’s hand and take their leave
Jatman: ok, let’s look up Laxman now
When you walk off with a dismissed batsman.
Poor MSD had to walk all the way back with Bhajji. If only he could dismiss him from his presence. But being his teammate and captain, he had little choice in the matter. It was not easy. They walked together, yet they did not walk together.
Unless MSD is a ventriloquist, he did not speak to Bhajji. Nor did he make eye contact with him – yes, cricket is not a contact sport. But that must have been the longest 100 metres MS has done.
Bhajji, a grumbler at best of times, was clearly upset after being dismissed, what turned out to be the last ball. Appears Yuvi was in the loo again. Dravid was seeing the stars after that knock on his head. And Ishant and Zaks were standing outside the loo as well – who wants to pad up for a few balls.
Mishra put his hand up, but then Sehwag reminded him of his non-selection.
While all this was happening MSD and Bhajji continued to walk back, it was one long walk. Had both batsmen been not out, they would’ve been talking dirty, making Ashrafool jokes and punching each other like they was bags.
Not to be. Bhajji was thinking about Mishra, as was MSD. As for Mishra, he slowly put his hand down. In the first test, it was noticed he was much slower through the air. As he lowered his hand slowly, it did turn, rather sharply. Nobody noticed.
The Night Before II
Match eve, the Indian team on their after dinner stroll round the hotel, all except for MSD, where is he?
Hulchul Singh: Oye, where is MS
UV: Must be in room watching video of Veer
As if on cue heads are raised in the direction of MS’ room – high up, there is one room with the window ajar
Jatman: Does he plan to jump after my sexy captaincy
Garry: That’s not funny
UV: Haha, who said it’s funny
Where a moment ago, none existed, now a howling wind blows in – the curtains in MS’ room are shaking like Shakira
Mishra: I’m feeling scared
They all laugh, UV and Bhajji, make scary faces at Mishra
Mishra: Mummy!
MS’ trembling voice from upstairs:
MS: Help me make this tough choice…
We now see MS’ silhouette, he has a gun pointed against his head
Hulchul Singh: Oye, he got that gun license…
Jatman: Have you also got a gun license?
Hulchul Singh: Oye, teri…watareyousaying?
UV: Haha, Hummer! Hummer! Hummer!
They all parody the smash-hit Humma as Hummer, taking an obvious dig at Hulchul and MS’ Hummers…
Meanwhile from upstairs, MS sounds as if he’s giving himself an ultimatum. UV, Bhajji and the others run like the wind, reminiscent of their sprint in the “Make it Large” tv commercial
They arrive at MS’ doorstep, the door is locked. Jatman asks everybody to stand back, takes his bat in hand. Gauti too grabs his bat.
MS (from inside): If you don’t take Hulchul, I will KILL YOU!
MS (also from inside but in a meek voice): But how can I drop Mishra – after his 7 wickets, half century…
Jatman and Gauti click bats together, and then with a forceful forward defense stroke break open the door.
Inside MS’ room, it’s dark. MS in silhouette with gun against his nut.
Hulchul Singh: Oye, don’t do – because I will have to copy you then
MS repeats his threat to himself: Take Hulchul or I will KILL YOU!
MS (in a meek voice): But how can I drop Mishra
Before anyone can realise little Mishra runs towards MS and then past him, through the window, dropping down 10 floors
Jatman: He dropped himself!
Read the first part of The Night Before series here
And more on Bhajji v Mishra, here
Look
Look at Murali Vijay’s test numbers: three tests in three years - one in November 2008, the second in December 2009 and the third in January 2010. Next one in Feb 2011? All three played in the sub continent so far, Nagpur, Mumbai and now Dhaka. Test average of…let’s not even get into that, it’s way too early. But take a look at how he bats, sometime tomorrow.
Look at the intensity in those eyes, if you didn’t know better you’d think he was high on test cricket. I haven’t seen that same intensity in either Nohit Sharma or DKNY – not that I like to look into their eyes. But here’s this thing with Vijay – his eyes make a point. Is that why MSD placed him at, eh, point. I saw one super save (I’m sure there were more) – initially I thought that’s UV all mended, but it was Vijay, stubble, longer hair – clearly he knows what works in this Indian team.
Look at this other one I wrote for Murali Vijay.
Last of the recognised batsmen
If you watch Bangladesh bat you will often hear – “this is the last of the recognised batsmen” - I just did again. Earlier when they were 5 down I heard, “this is the last of the recognised pairs”. How are these recognised pairs calculated, who are these recognised batsmen, more importantly, does Bangladesh have any recognised batsmen?
I’ve been thinking about this for a few days – how many Bangladeshi batsmen do we recognise, by name, by face? There’s Shakib, and we’ve followed his batting like the Hutch dog here. There’s Ashraful, whose batting went astray; and Mortaza’s IPL non-exploits – he’s not even playing now. And of course, Tamim, who’s quite an Indophile.
But apart from these recognisable batsmen, who are the others – hold your horses, there’s Mahmudullah, who walks in at the fall of the 7th wicket – and as Bangladesh is invariably 7 down, Mahmudullah is usually the last of the recognised batsmen. Funny how I still can’t recognise him. But then neither can the Indian bowlers.
It’s like this, they have grand plans for Mahmudullah – but then they ask themselves, who's this guy? You gotta recognise a batsman then plan his dismissal. Mahmudullah is the Andy Flower of Bangladesh. He is an even bigger Indophile than Tamim. And doesn’t he keep wickets well, at least his!
IPL auction 3 – Of Pakistani outrage, Calypso mercenaries and KKR follies.
The player auction at IPL3 got over last week and has led to one Godawefully stinking mess of a controversy. We have Pakistani politicians, ex cricketers, cricketers, lawyers, effigy burners, jobless people and their dogs doing some serious IPL, Modi and naturally India bashing. The Pakistani crickets and administrators became one after God knows how many centuries.
It all started innocently. The auctioneer named cricketer and the owner waved their batons (or whatever you call them…drumsticks?) to signal their bids. So far so good. Then Afridi’s name came up and everyone (mainly the media having nothing else to do and Afridi) was curious as to how much dough will the player of the tournament of the last 20/20 world cup go for. The answer was zero. Breaking news, screamed the websites. Afridi not picked! The rest of the Pakistanis also not picked!!
If one thinks of it, are the franchises to be blamed for the “snub” to the Pakistanis? Consider the current India Pakistan relations. 26/11 is still fresh in every Indian’s mind and the Kasab trial is making most of us even more irritated. The politicians in Pakistan are not helping matters by making statements like “cannot guarantee another 26/11 occurrence”. Another occurrence of 26/11 will make the mending of relations as easy as guessing the ages of teenage Pakistani cricketers. In such a circumstance, who will have the guts to spend thousands of dollars in picking a Pakistani player thereby using up a foreigner’s slot without the surety of using him to the optimum? Lots of money is at stake, money which is not easy to come up what with the economic downturn still going on strong. Last year, the Government categorically ruled out giving the IPL first preference when it came to national security. It seems to be a very sound call taken by the franchises in not going after the Pakistanis and it seems to be a business call. That’s all. So can our next door neighbours cool down and concentrate on the real problems they face at home?
Trivia – What connects Somerset, South Australia, Mumbai and Trinidad? Answer is subject of the next paragraph.
Kieron Pollard was picked by MI for a sum of atleast $750000 (achettup put it at $2.75 mn.). Which comes to roughly Rs. 79 lakhs per game if MI does reach the finals. Pretty sure all franchises must have been kicking themselves in not going after him last year when he was listed at a whopping$60000. While the English tabloids are calling Freddie Flintoff the first mercenary, Pollard has become the first active mercenary with contracts to play for four different teams in four continents.
Trivia 2 – What connects Canterbury, Delhi (unofficially) and Kolkata? I am sure you know the answer by now.
This IPL auction thingy sure throws surprises. Their favourite brand of surprises is their strange benevolence to certain players who, well, do not deserve it. IPL 1 had Kaif going for over $0.5 mn. We laughed. IPL 2 had Mortaza go for over $0.6 mn. We raised an eyebrow “The Rock” style. IPL3 now has the injury prone, brittle bones, 30 + Kiwi fastie with no relation to Sean Connery or Daniel Craig going for $ 0.75 mn. We stop whatever we were doing and marvel at the stupidity of whoever thought it a sound investment. Then we saw that the bidder was KKR. I can imagine Shane Bond opening the bowling in front of a packed Eden Garden crowd ably supported by Mashrafe Mortaza. The support being too much, 007 breaks down in the first over itself. Replacing him and trying to replicate his speed is……..Ajit Agarkar.
Such joy…for the opposing team.
In other news, Kaif was picked up by Punjab, no doubt as a ransom to free the Kings’ captaincy from the clutches of his best pal, three potential scene stealers were bought for less than or equal to $100 K (Voges, Abdullah and Kemp) and Rajasthan Royals showed who is boss in their midst by picking the happily retired senior citizen of Aussie cricket Mr. Martyn.
by Dhaanu
blogs at Bakwaas Baatein (Random rambling of a raving borderline lunatic)
javed miandad at his comical best...
wanna have a good hearty laugh...? read this...
an excerpt from the interview...
"I can smell that everyone will have a problem in future. A time will come when there will be no player available to play for his country. Under such circumstances the ICC should form rules to control the IPL. At the moment the IPL is doing what it wants and no one is there to interfere. Time is not far when, due to the IPL, the ICC and world cricket boards will be finished."
this reminds me... when pakistan was being thrashed by australia in the test series down under... a certain shahid afridi, the messiah of pakistan cricket, was playing next door in a domestic t20 tournament of, hold your breath, not pakistan but australia...
why he was not called to save pakistan test cricket then...?
oh! i remember... afridi wants to concentrate on t20 and one day cricket...
so just a question to mr miandad...
have you never heard that before taking swipes at others its better to put your own house in order...?
oh leave it... why mundane things like logic come in a way of good hearty laugh... enjoy!
Shahid Bhai, Shahid Bhai!
Film opens on Shahid Bhai beaming, standing in his favourite position, arms outstretched as if he’s just bowled the IPL over. He’s lit in sunlight, with the sunbeams shooting past him. A telecast of the IPL auction is on.
Auctioneer: First up is a player we all know as Shahid Bhai, Shahid Bhai…his wicketkeeper often drops this name, not once but many times – you must have heard him squealing…Shahid bhai, Shahid bhai…for Shahid Bhai the base price is $ 250,000
Kreeper: Shahid bhai, Shahid Bhai...why so less Shahid bhai, Shahid bhai?
Shahid Bhai does not answer, he has that beatific look on his face, all teeth; air won’t pass, so how will an answer; but Kreeper is relentless, and asks again and yet again, Shahid Bhai finally relents
Shahid Bhai: Areh you stupids, I’m confident
Kreeper: But Shahid bhai, Shahid bhai why so less
Shahid Bhai: I likes it less…I likes my age less too
Kreeper: Haan Shahid Bhai, Sh…
Shahid Bhai: So age is less so price is less so I am confident
Kreeper: Ok Shahid bhai, sh…
Auctioneer: Allrounder Shahid Bhai, base price of $250,000, captain of the Bhais, do I hear…
Shahid Bhai: What he can’t hears…I’m confident I hears 250000 dollars
Kreeper: Yes Sha’bhai, Sha’bhai I dids too I dids too
Auctioneer: Er..well, no takers for Shahid Bhai
Shahid Bhai: What? How? I will takes myself…CALL NOW! I will BUY ME!!
Auctioneer: Shahid Bhai is unsold, moving on to…
Shahid Bhai in a fit of rage lifts Kreeper and hurls him at the TV
Auctioneer: Oh look, our next player is Kreeper….
Fade to black, the song Shahid bye, Shahid bye plays on
The night before
Match eve, darkness, the team holds hands to calls spirits
Many voices: Ek Patiala, oye large old monk..
Garry: No, no, I want you to reach out to the spirits of former great cricketers and ask them…
UV: Oye, what ask them, what they like drinking hahaha
Garry: That’s not funny
Hulchul Singh: When did we say it’s funny teri..
All laugh for obvious reasons….
RDX: Tch tch…the team’s sense of humour has touched an alltime low
UV: Like your form…
RDX: I refuse to…
Garry: Ok, this isn’t working, turn on the lights…
Lights come on…the players are seen in compromising positions
Garry: Let’s talk about tomorrow – this is a strat meet, let’s define the Bangladesh team first…
DKNY: They’re not hairy
Jatman: They’re ordinary…that sounds like a bhajan…they’re not hairy, they’re ordinary…
Garry: Then how are we different from them?
MS: In that case I will sit out
Hulchul: I will sit out too
Garry: That’s a start, now we’re not hairy, but what about…
BosST: Before they can, we will call them ordinary...
Jatman: Thank You…
Chorus: Thank You...
Safe struts in, guit slung, and before you know it, UV, MS, Hulchul are running all over the place
Safe: Let’s make it large guys!
Lights go off:
Garry: Lights!
Reveals players in compromising positions again…
UV: Oye he said, let’s make it large
They all break into song as Jatman sways like a sadhu
They’re not hairy, they’re ordinary
They’re very small, in front of them
Even little DKNY looks tall
They’re not hairy, they’re ordinary
They like to lose, we’ll help them tie the noose
UV: Oye, let’s call for some booze…it rhymes
VVS: I feel hurt listening to them
RDX: I’m off to the library
Cricket Lies.
Bhajji is 100% fit
Bangladesh play test cricket
“Amit Mishra makes an impression”
“I’m not thinking of retirement”
That was a good ball that got Tendulkar
Yuvraj is one of India's better fielders
Ok, had enough
An alternate view
Plenty has been said about the "snubbing" of Pakistani players during the IPL-3 auction. Politics, cricket, insults to the nation, deep disappointment, effigy burning, grandstanding, name calling, business, finance, prudence, conspiracy... the whole nine yards.
And to all this, I want to raise an alternate view.
A short history lesson to lay down the ground for my hypothesis.
During IPL2, franchises were keen on playing Pakistanis. So was the PCB. But the Pakistani Government intervened and issued a no go. And the no go stayed in place even after the event was relocated to South Africa.
Now consider the chronology of events
August 25, 2009
Akram's candidature, however, is not expected to carry much weight because, as one franchise official said, the former Pakistani legend would essentially be a bowling coach. It is learnt that Akram himself is less keen on a full-time coach's job and would like to work as a consultant
September 9, 2009
Pakistan allrounder Abdul Razzaq has said that the PCB has cleared him to play in the IPL, claiming that Kolkata Knight Riders (KKR) were keen to seek his services for the third edition
November 5, 2009
November 17, 2009
November 21, 2009
November 25, 2009
December 2, 2009
December 8, 2009
December 9, 2009
December 9, 2009
December 10, 2009
December 10, 2009
December 11, 2009
December 30, 2009
Dec 31, 2009
Afridi is likely to feature in Pakistan’s upcoming one-day series against Australia and is also set to lead his country in the Twenty20 showdown between the two countries in Melbourne in February. “Compared to IPL and all the other Twenty20 tournaments I think this [Big Bash] tournament is very tough,” Afridi said. “[There is] good cricket and good pitches and I think this is a good preparation for me before playing in the one-dayers against Australia. “Definitely if I perform well I will go with good morale so it’s very important for me. “I always enjoy cricket, especially in Australia and India, and I think you can learn a lot of things here when you play with good cricketers on a good track. “If you perform here it matters a lot, so I’m always keen to perform.”
Forget the politics, the economics, the business aspects and every other argument made thus far.. Consider just this - as a franchise owner, given everything that has transpired thus far, how do I derive confidence that the Pakistanis are even half serious in their participation in the IPL? What assurance do I have, that having spent a small fortune on recruiting a player, the player will be even bothered to show up, let alone showing up with his A- game? And what about the Pakistani cricketing establishment? Having initiated the conversation on getting Pakistani players in the IPL, they have done their utmost to drag their feet over the issue, whether getting clearances or visas. And then there are the utterances of the captain of the Pakistan T-20 Cricket team.
At a basic human to human level, what actions of the Pakistani establishment and its players invoke any kind of trust that they will follow through? And bereft of trust, what point any further conversation on the issue?
PS:- S.M Krishna's statement today is particularly illuminating
Giving details of the visas issued at very short notice in December 2009 and January 2010 to participate in IPL 2010, the ministry said 17 Pakistani cricketers were issued requisite Indian visas during this period.
"Two visas were issued in Islamabad, while three were issued in Wellington (New Zealand) and 12 in Sydney (Australia), where the concerned Pakistani players had applied while touring New Zealand and Australia, respectively.
"Based on a request from the Pakistan Cricket Board to High Commission of India in Islamabad, the Ministry of External Affairs facilitated necessary clearances from other Ministries of the Government of India," it said.
The ministry also said the Pakistani cricketers had participated in the first edition of IPL in 2008 but not in the second edition in 2009. One Pakistani cricketer participated in the Champions League T20 tournament held in India in October 2009.
My IPL auction high point
Well , my high point was zero : that's the highest any franchise was bidding for me (or i for any player).
But next to that is this series. It was a real high going through.
My summary of the posts so far :
Megha : is basically saying Kaif Zeintabad
Homer : thinks it was an error attack on the pak players' part
SP : is thankful a franchise went to Mohammad if Mohammad wasn't going to a franchise
And Kaif - the high he must be on. I bet there weren't two (now make that three) posts on him on Bored even on that glorious evening at Lord's 7.5 years ago.
High. Always a good way to begin. But now i must end. For now , Bye.
IPL Auction : Megha's High Point
Continuing the series on High points of the IPL auction, I concur with SP.
Yes, Kaif's selection by KXIP was indeed the high point for me (leaving aside the disappointment of him not getting picked up in the first round).
I have lost count of how many times I have said in the past that Kaif should have been given another chance with Team India, and that I firmly believe he would have been the captain of India someday. Not that I am particularly hopeful of him making it back in the Indian team even if he has a stupendous IPL 3. But it really feels good to know that he has got another chance after RR mercilessly got rid of him last year.
So dear Preity Zinta...many thanks to you and your team for recognizing Kaif's worth and picking him up. As a mere fan of Kaif, I can only offer my unconditional support to KXIP for this IPL, if he features in your playing XI. And as an additional thank you gesture, I also promise to gather all my friends every weekend and screen all your mov...
(checking IMDB....
Heaven on Earth, Jhoom Barabar Jhoom, Jaan-e-mann, KANK!! aargh.....)
erm...yeah...so as I was saying, as an additional thank you gesture, I also promise to follow all KXIP matches on youtube.
ipl auction: my high point...
in addition to homer's high point at the ipl auction... my high point was mohammad kaif bought by kings xi punjab for $250K...
for me they really became the 'kings' with this gesture... and i officially announce that my adopted team for the upcoming ipl season will be kings xi punjab after being rajasthan royals and the reason is not hard to guess...
after rajasthan's not so royal snub of kaif when he was sent back to india as unwanted flab from ipl season 2 in south africa.. and kaif not even featuring in rest of india's squad as also the challengers .. i was really worried about his future... fearing what if he goes unsold...?
as we have seen earlier... IPL has indeed given opportunities to players like watson, yusuf pathan etc. to stake claim in their respective national teams... so i hope and wish that kaif, after being re-united with his natwest series finals' mate yuvraj, which is a good omen, relaunches an irresistible claim for team india this season...
amen!
what was your high point of the ipl auction...?
Early Bored Call: Amit Mishra can bat, man.
Poor Chotu’s first class average is merely 19.50 – only .39 more than Bhajji’s.
Also, he has played 86 to Bhajji bhai’s 141 games. And to Bhajji’s 11, he only has 9 fifties.
But a moment of batting beauty, both Bhajji and Chotu have a first class high of 84."
Mishra’s first test fifty, any coincidence it came without Bhajji’s blessings? Mishra batting at No.3, any coincidence it came under Sehwag's captaincy? Mishra’s 98 run partnership, any coincidence it was batting with Gambhir?
You could argue that unlike Bhajji who scores against the Aussies, this was only against an ordinary Bangladesh side. Look at it this way, against the Aussies, Mishra prefers to play as a bowler; a five for on debut, 14 wickets in 3 tests @ an average of 24.
As for Bhajji’s pain in the neck, it’s better than being a pain in the Amit.
Signs of IPL 2010
The HIGH POINT of the IPL auction
Plenty has been said about the IPL auction held in Mumbai, Keiron Pollard's bid, Shane Bond's come back, a whole bunch of extremely miffed Pakistanis. And so on and so forth.
For mine, the highpoint of the auction happened before it started. And it was in the choice of venue for the said auction.
In terms of symbolism, and in terms of making an emphatic statement, the IPL organizers could not top this. The auction itself pales in significance.
Killer Instinct
It's a very commonly used term and yet it's very hard to define. Whatever it is, it is definitely something the Indian team has been known for, and they demonstrated it once again on the third day's play in Chittagong. Sehwag and Gambhir put on 90 for the first wicket in double quick time. The bowlers don't look like getting a wicket if their lives depended on it. Ideal time for Rahul Dravid to come in. Not so fast. Enter Amit Mishra, India's latest nightwatchman. To his credit, Mishra takes on the bowling in a manner Dravid seldom does. 24 off 21 balls and India are piling it on with Shakib and an assortment of slow bowlers at the other end. Why then would you take the light? There have been enough overs lost already and you would think the number one side in the world would show its intent to win by not taking the light against the bottom ranked team in test cricket.
For all we know India may still end up winning this test and all this would be forgotten. However, this attitude is going to cost them a number of test wins like the ones at The Oval, Bangalore, Mohali and Wellington. The number one spot may still belong to us thanks to the regression of other sides, but that is not what you play cricket for. On second thought, when you've spent so many years playing out mindnumbing draws that were decided on first innings lead it's understandable why our team lacks the "killer instinct".
Thank You Sachin!
For babysitting the tail – the pep talk, encouraging smiles, glove punches; seeing all that, I could’ve kept one end going for you. I really wanted to, but Mishra, Zaks, Ishant, Sree, they like to hang out with you too. For me, that’s the deal, you should want to hang out with your batting pardner - at the nightclub, gym, mall, beach – that translates into wanting to hang out in the middle.
And now I think, how the other batsmen babysit the tail -
Jatman – “You are a tailender, your batting is ordinary sh*t but you can improve by working on it here in the middle – I will not take a last ball single, I want you to bat the full next over (lapsing into Bhajans)
Gauti – EHHHH EHH EHH ok, understand? No? Viru was saying...
Dravid – Do you like reading books, Ishant? To get your mind off the bowling, concentrate on a good book you once read, it always relaxes me
Laxman – smiles
MSD – Tension mat ley, main dekh loonga (Don’t stress kid, I’m there)
Yuvi – f*ck you, I gotta bat with myself first
DKNY – ytyioujoklKLklk lklklkl ytyiookl yeah?
Bhajji – TMK Zaks, don’t talk to me like a tailender, I’m an allrounder
Zaks - *$# Bhajji, don’t treat me like a tailender, I’m a lower order batsman
PS: Thank You Sachin for your latest ton edition. You too can spank and thank Sachin here
Happy Bored Day SP
Sharing some simple but Straight Points reads the title of his blog. He does share his points of view. And a cursory glance may mislead the lay reader into believing that the points he makes are simple. But for the more deliberate reader, the language may be simple but the points are not. And they cut straight to the heart of the matter.
And that is SP for you. A man willing to call a spade a spade, one who wears his passions on his sleeve but does not let the passions over rule his thought processes. One who makes simple points, but despite its simplicity, the points merely highlight the profoundness of thought behind them.
Not unlike the man SP adores.
To the Virender Sehwag of the blogosphere, Happy Bored Day SP.
Should Sehwag stop?
At 78/0, it appeared Bangladesh was going down again, and the late start only delayed the mauling. All was well with Indian cricket, Sehwag and Gambhir were going about their business like one of those Laxmi Mittal takeovers in Borat’s backyard.
Then the kick on the backside, then another, and another. Two down in three balls, 85/3, 104/4, 160/5, 182/7, 209/8; guess what, India’s ordinary too. So, should Sehwag stop speaking his mind? If he spoke his mind today, I reckon he would’ve said India is ordinary too. Just that, no more.
Now as it turns out, he’s given the whole world a chance to take a shot at his “ordinary” comment. Maybe a gag order is on its way.
While most cricketers call a spade a club, Sehwag is honest enough to call it as he sees it, and you gotta respect him for that. His ordinary comment got me thinking about cricket and its ordinariness – SAF are ordinary, but England are ordinary squared, Oz are ordinary but Pak are ordinary cubed.
The fact that you and me continue to watch so much ordinary cricket, says a lot for our patience. It’s been a rough decade, Ponting became player of the…
What will Sehwag get out of this – if India loses, mud on his face; if India wins, then like Ponting got away with a bad toss call in Sydney, everybody will have a good laugh.
But what about Sehwag – will he be twisted into talking crooked?
“Bangladesh are a vastly improving team. They have just beaten a competitive West Indies team – and under Shakib they have a promising young captain who is one of the world’s best allrounders”
Left to Sehwag of course, this is what he’ll say:
“Bangladesh are just not improving. They have only beaten a third rate West Indian team and under Shakib they have an anonymous captain who nobody in the world knows about”
This is Jatman speaking
The Case for Kallis
Q) What do Chris Cairns, Andrew Flintoff, Jacob Oram and Shane Watson have in common?
A) They were all touted as genuine allrounders but never lived up to that billing, either due to lack of form or due to injuries.
Q) What is the most coveted commodity in a lineup irrespective of the format?
A) An allrounder.
It would make sense then that someone who consistently scored runs and took wickets without breaking down would be more important than someone who did just one of those. Instead, we have a situation where such a player has been branded as dour, uninspirational, and sometimes even selfish. After all, all cricket experts majored in psychology and have an insight into the minds of international cricketers.
It came as no surprise when the experts at Cricinfo voted Ricky Ponting the Player of the Decade. He fit the bill in pretty much every category that has forever been considered important, even if it makes absolutely no sense. Experts have forever tried to tie in individual successes with the team's fortunes. It's a good idea on the face of it - What good is a hundred if it's in a losing cause? - But it overlooks the fact that there are ten other players on the team, and that the batsman who scored that hundred didn't do it in the knowledge that it would be in a losing cause.
Let's take a look at what the Cricinfo editor had to say:
We asked the jury to choose the Player of Decade on the basis of quality of their performances, consistency and durability, contribution to their team's overall performance, and the impact they had on the game on the whole.
To me, the choice is pretty simple. A player who performs two roles consistently well trumps one who performs a single role with the same consistency. Every international side has been looking for their Jacques Kallis, none has been able to find theirs. On the other hand, every international side has a dominant batsman - Sehwag for India, Yousuf/Younis for Pakistan, Sangakkara/Jayawardene for Sri Lanka, Smith for South Africa, Pietersen for England, Lara for West Indies. Any of these batsmen could have replaced Ponting in the Australian lineup and it would have made barely any difference to the Australian side. Can the same be said about any batsman or bowler replacing Kallis?
We can talk about how Kallis is not as dominant as Ponting. We can say his side chokes on the big stage. And yet the sight of Kallis at the crease is a lot more reassuring than that of Ponting, not to mention the yawning gap between their bowling. When you pick Kallis you're essentially picking two players irrespective of the format. He has withstood the rigours of international cricket unlike the other allrounders of his era. He could have taken the easy way out by focusing on just one discipline or retiring from a format to preserve himself and make a quick buck, and yet he's routinely accused of playing for himself.
Vindication.
My reservations on the use of technology have been documented on this blog and elsewhere. One of my pet grouses has been that technology, as it stands today, is privy to human malice. Vide this new report in the Guardian
The International Cricket Council is powerless to sanction South African Broadcasting Corporation staff even if they are found guilty of sharp practice in protecting Graeme Smith's wicket today.
The ICC has launched an investigation into the circumstances of the referral to the third umpire, Daryl Harper, of Smith's wayward shot in the first-session. While British viewers were cheering an audible nick, Harper was heard by the Sky commentator Nasser Hussain saying he could hear no sound.
Conspiracists infer that this meant South Africa's broadcasting technicians had suppressed the audio, though some reports have suggested Harper may simply not have heard as he had the volume on his television turned up to only four out of 10.
But even if technicians did suppress the audio, they were under no obligation to do otherwise – other than a possible moral responsibility – since despite their role in the referral system effectively making them participants in the Test match, the ICC has no regulatory framework governing their conduct.
An ICC spokesman said: "Unfortunately we don't have any code of conduct in place for broadcasters. But we continue to make improvements and to update what is required from the referral system.
"After every series we discuss what has happened and how we can improve. If a broadcasters' code of conduct is agreed in principle it will be referred to the cricket committee, then to the chief executive's committee and then to the ICC board for a final sign off."
Players and officials are bound by the terms of a 29-page code of conduct that covers a number of offences, several of which carry life bans from all forms of cricket.
Vindication.
PS: From this Cricinfo article
It led Andy Flower, the England coach, to make an official complaint to Roshan Mahanama, the ICC match referee, who has also had a curious part to play in the whole affair after first telling Flower, incorrectly, that he had a different TV feed. It was only after England made further investigations and found out this wasn't true that Mahanama admitted Harper had failed to adjust his volume.Harper was also the TV umpire during the England series in West Indies early last year, when he was unable to rule on a caught-behind appeal against Darren Powell. It transpired that, on that occasion, he was let down by the hardware because his TV screen wasn't wide enough to include the whole picture and the ball was lopped off. The ICC have put measures in place to ensure such situations don't arise again.But later in the series, at Barbados, Harper failed to overturn an lbw against Shivnarine Chanderpaul that was clearly heading over the stumps, although at that stage of the UDRS trial, the predicative element of Hawkeye wasn't available to the TV umpire. All the same, regardless of the possible defences for Harper in those situations, a system is only as good as the people operating it - and faith in Harper's decision-making is currently at rock-bottom.On the whole, the review system has emerged from this series with its reputation boosted after an iffy start at Centurion, during which the main issue was the length of time taken to ask for reviews. At Cape Town it was especially impressive as it overturned three glaring errors; a caught-behind against Ashwell Prince, an lbw against Kevin Pietersen when he inside-edged the ball and, most crucially, a first-ball slip catch at the start of Paul Collingwood's match-saving rearguard, when the ball deflected off his back leg. Ironically, the Prince and Pietersen errors were both made by Harper, the standing umpire, but that is what the system was designed for and it worked.However, this latest controversy again highlights the problem of UDRS's inconsistent implementation around the world. In this series there is neither HotSpot nor Snickometer technology, and either of those would have offered a definitive answer to the question of Smith's edge. The lack of HotSpot is due to there being only four cameras in the entire world and they are all in Australia where, despite Mark Benson's walkout at Adelaide following an overturned decision against Chanderpaul, it has proved effective.
Bitter Chocolate Boy.
Painted in white chocolate he took that catch
You’d have thought that would win the match
They referred it, but couldn’t spoil it all
You watch it again, one more time, again
Every angle the camera could show
Go bring one more camera and shove it into the earth
See chocolate boy come right at you
Extra close up of how he took that catch
What else you gotta do, to win the match
Nayar, looking at that effort, I know you wanted to walk
What else you gotta do, hang around and scratch!
Get out there at forty six for three
Rock like you’re from the Ret Hot Chilli Peppers, a guy called Flea
I said, you get out there at forty six for three
And you rock like, rock like - you rock like you’re from the
Red Hot Chilli Peppers, a guy called Flea!
You swat them balls, Nadal style
You make loads of runs, a heap, a pile
You order pizza, runs, everything’s on quick dial
You engineer, architect, sketch them shots
You get a 100, you give it all you got
Chocolate boy, young white chocolate boy
144 runs you got your side
Left 7 guys 82 to get
Is there a hint of remorse?
A little regret?
Young chocolate boy, bitter chocolate boy
Bring back the bad word.
Agarkar. I’ve always had a good laugh at his expense, who hasn’t?
Here’s a sampler from BoredCricket on twitter
When it wasn’t looking good:
Agarkar's spot on the India bench is on the line here
Down the leg, more like the Agrakar we love and loathe
And when it was looking good:
Agarkar will now take the selectors' phone call
Generally being nasty:
Batsmen duck when Agarkar bowls. That's sledging.
At one point a batsman ducked four times to Agarkar. That's sledging
But if only you saw the catch he took to win Mumbai the Ranji – there are those who will call it straight forward, even a regulation catch – but beware, these are the toughest ones. Already a catch had gone down in the previous over, straight forward too; and this was pressure, and you know how he gets with pressure – leg side half volleys. But not this ball. It was right on the money, the Rs 2 crore purse – caught and bowled Agarkar. That’s what the scorecards will say, and that’s what it was meant to be – five for Agarkar, well bowled.
Another thing, you know why we love to pull his leg – because that’s his favoured side. Don’t say lame, say leg.
Perception is Reality...NOT
Another batting collapse, another final lost. Some things never change. Neither do perceptions. Ever since Suresh Raina was bounced out at the Twenty20 World Cup he has been said to have found out. So much so that the experts seem to think Raina comes in a Buy One Get One Free deal with Nohit Sharma. So when Raina did his best to bail out his team with a back to the wall hundred, this is what cricinfo had to say,
"Nothing has gone right for Raina ever since the Twenty20 World Cup when he was grounded by the bouncers. Word caught on and even domestic bowlers started to serve the short stuff. Humiliation was at his door step. Raina went for advice to the likes of Rahul Dravid, sought out Gary Kirsten, faced throw-downs, faced balls blasted from tennis racquets, but it is not an ailment that vanishes overnight."
Notice how the enlightened souls at cricinfo haven't provided any evidence to suggest Raina getting found out. Well, lucky for you someone decided to check up on how the batsman has performed during the said period.
Let's see...an average of 45.75, strike rate of 96.99, five scores of fifty or more in sixteen innings. Tendulkar, Dhoni and Kohli are his only teammates who average higher during this period, and they all do it at a lower strike rate. In terms of consistency, only Dhoni and Kohli have a lower innings to fifty ratio.
Moving on to his middle order peers (Batting between number 4 and 7) in world cricket, Dhoni, Mahmudullah, Collingwood and Brendan Taylor are the only ones with a higher average than Raina. Again, none of them have scored as quickly as him.
Now, one can make arguments about the flat pitches he's batted on but his teammates batted on those same pitches. More importantly, all the evidence points to India finding a reliable and devastating batsman in the middle order and not to someone who is a sitting duck. But pointing it out isn't going to get people to read or talk, is it? So let's just continue the myth that Raina hasn't been cutting it since he was "found out".
