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KhufiaBaaz: Indian hockey team's victory inspired by Sachin's double hundred.

by KhufiaBaaz


After India’s 4-1 win against Pakistan, man of the match, Sandeep Singh profusely thanked the public. But what did he say in that team huddle -

“I skipped practise to watch Sachin paaji’s double hundred and like hell I’m gonna make it count. I may not score 200 goals today, but there will be at least 2…”
True to his promise, Sandeep struck 2 goals. He also explained that each goal scored by a Sikh equals a hundred, so in effect, he scored two hundred goals today.

And what did the cross dressed man (one part IPL jersey, one part hockey shorts) have to say –
"After seeing Sachin’s double hundred, I was determined to bring at least two hundred friends to the National Stadium – most of them are from facebook but some of them are real friends. I can’t wait to update my facebook status – it will be: Sachin and I both score a double hundred”
Meanwhile an old-timer claimed that both Sandeep and Sachin are stars as their names start with the letter S. The man’s name was Sarnath. He claimed to be into cartoons.

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Why watch Bangladesh play?

by Gaurav Sethi

Oh no, you really don’t have to – unless of course, Tamim Iqbal is your son, sibling, neighbour, teammate. Earlier Ashraful’s clansmen watched him play, and by default ended up watching the whole darn team make a mess out of it. Then Ashraful, poor Ash, how he made a mess of his cricket, he wasn’t even playing today. Ash boy has been dropped before, for all you know, he must have been on sick leave today – sick of doing nothing about something.

I’m sure Tamim’s people had a good time today. I only put the TV on when he was walking back. 9th wicket he was, of course, I’m not one of Tamim’s people. But if you’re Indian, you know what this kid can do – Tamim has no tameez when it comes to India, and seeing how many Injuns have settled in England, he must’ve mistaken the Poms for us.

But Bangladesh lost again. And I’m so glad, I didn’t watch a ball. Didn’t even refresh the scoreboard, not a tweet, but now this post. Which begs the question, why write Bangladesh play? Oh right, there is Shakib – and this is only England.

Almost as beatable as Bangladesh. If only some of the Balti restauranters got into cricket.

Then it’ll be two Bangla teams playing each other. Both eminently beatable. And the Poms, they can land up for lunch. And good ol' Bumble will tweet as they eat.

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Something happened.

by Gaurav Sethi

It was a few days’ back, but I got to say this – I had just walked into a beach shack that looked like it was sitting in the sea. It was the kind of visual trick that makes you want to stare and soak it in. And there was this band doing Hendrix on the side. There was also this tiny TV on the Coke fridge. Yeah, Sachin was on coke alright.

While his 200th run took a while, a waiter waited – first he was handed 3 Kingfisher pints; he waited. Then a roti basket; he waited. Next a lobster came, went on his head; he waited. Tiger prawns between his legs; he waited. I waited. You waited.

Sachin scored that 200th run, Foxy Lady played, and the sea looked like it was spilling over into our shack. And I think of that line from American Beauty.


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Sachin 'Genghis' Tendulkar

by Gaurav Sethi

Sachin 'Genghis' Tendulkar - One made babies,
the other makes records like babies.

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Secret uncovered…

by Bored Guest

We here at BCC!, expose secrets that cricinfo cannot unearth!

We all know that Virender (Viru) Sehwag wears a bandana under his helmet, generally red or sometimes even blue in colour. We might even know that he is almost bald over the middle portion of his head, all the way from the forehead towards the back of his head. 


Did you ever notice that?

Maybe you didn’t because our national hero Viru even sports a toupee (a wig) sometimes! 


So, what exactly is happening here for Viru’s hair loss to be so drastic? 
  1. Is it an old age related challenge?
  2. Is the issue all about a defect in his inherited genes?
  3. Does it have anything to do with his stress levels having gone through the roof?
  4. Are the high levels of heavy metals in Delhi’s drinking water to blame?
  5. Is it because his testosterone levels are dipping?
 
These are the plausible theories!

There are some less reasonable ones, too: 
  1. Is the weight of the helmet (approx. 500-650g) too great?
  2. Is he doing too many headstands when practicing Yoga?
  3. Is he getting slapped on the head too often by his wife, Aarti [Ahlawat]?
    and lastly
  1. Is it a really bad shampoo that is doing away with Viru’s hair?
 
FACT IS, VIRU IS BALDING AND TRYING TO COVER IT UP!  

And here’s the proof that he wears a toupee (a wig) in the latest “Hero-Honda Dhak-Dhak-Go” advertisement for the Hockey World Cup 2010: 


We care about our champions.

When you care about someone, you care about his health.

When you care about his health, you know that low testosterone is surely not good for Viru’s dynamic style of batting! 

Now do understand why I care about Viru’s hair? 


When I’m not writing about the more obvious things known to all, I am uncovering and documenting secrets that concern the nation – if Viru does well, we all get to enjoy it all the more!

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sachin paaji... tussi great ho...

by straight point


tohfa kubool karo...

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separated at birth...

by straight point


Kundra Mishra bhai bhai...?

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Nail Biting Cricketers!

by Bored Guest

One of the most popular pastimes on a cricket field is ‘nail-chewing’ or ‘nail-biting’. After ‘spitting’ it surely is the most popular pastime on the field!

Amazing that -- in a [so-called] gentleman’s sport – these guys are allowed to do it and get away with it?! Why no fines here??




Let’s analyze this somewhat:

So, what are they really doing:  Is it just nervousness? Are these fellows always too tense and is that why they are chewing their fingernails? Is it a lack of calcium in their bodies or is it just a way to recycle calcium?

OR

Are they still in a ‘teething’ state, where they desperately need to gnaw on things, just as little pups do when they grow up?

I mean, it doesn’t have to be the nails -- it can be the cricket ball itself!

Shahid Afridi can show you how that’s best done.

Now, if gnawing the ball is called “ball tampering”, why shouldn’t the prior, be referred to as “finger tampering”? In an abstract fashion, one may ask, does it lead to any particular advantage for the team with the highest percentage of chewed up nails?




Without complicating the issue, let me address what’s more obvious:

Weren’t these guys ever taught at home not to chew on their finger nails? This, well before they were let onto the cricket field, exposed to the cameras and a world-wide audience of children. Is that what our child viewers are meant to emulate [while learning more about cricket]?

Shah Rukh Khan (the poor Bollywood Filmstar with a nicotine addiction!) was banned from smoking in public, last exposed at an IPL cricket match on 21st April, 2009, simply because the cameramen (Nimbus or Neo… whichever?!) couldn’t keep his camera pointed towards the playing field. The reason I bring up smoking is because it is almost as bad an addiction as chewing on nails (ask a psychologist!).




In a day and age of greater consciousness about ‘addictions’, we do have to be careful what we expose our societies to:
  1. Drug misuse & addiction (Floyd Landis, Cycling, UCI & Shoaib Akhtar)
  2. Sex addiction (Tiger Woods, Golf, PGA & Shane Warne)
  3. Nail biting addiction (LeBron Raymone James, Basketball, NBA & Harbhajan Singh)

Fact remains, nails are not just bitten during “nail biting finishes” (like the latest 1-ball win of India against South Africa in the 1-day international at Jaipur on 21st February 2010) but it is a rampant habit, an addiction that is an integral part of any cricket game on TV today. Some clinical psychologists even call it “a form of cannibalism and a sign of low self esteem”. Wikipedia states that “Onychophagia or nail biting is a common oral compulsive habit in children and adults, affecting around 30% of children between 7 to 10 years and 45% of teenagers” but what about ‘adults’ that are not teenagers anymore? That quoted, is there reason enough for yet another aspect of training/ coaching to come into play? Must India’s Cricket Coach Gary Kirsten concentrate on this aspect, too?


In the meanwhile, do watch reality unfold on TV for yourself, look out for:
  • Harbhajan (Bhajji) Singh, standing at deep mid on and chewing away to glory.
  • Graeme Smith, standing at first slip and chewing away, nervously.
  • Daniel Vettori, biting his nails almost anywhere on the field.
  • Even Virendar Sehwag, Rahul Dravid and Sachin Tendulkar are often seen with their fingers in their mouths, whilst standing in the slip cordon.



Here’s a case in point, as to how desperate [and deplorable] this habit/ addiction can get:

I hear that our own champion, pseudo sardar ‘Bhajji ‘ (Harbhajan Singh) had at one stage chewed off so much of his finger nails that none were left to chew. So, quite desperate to chew on a nail, he was caught on camera chewing on his toe nails doing one of the flexibility exercises for his back and upper thighs in the warm-up area of a cricket stadium -- you can’t beat that!

(The picture in now unavailable for us, as it was pulled off the net by concerned authorities!)




Where are we getting to?

Are these our heroes of today…  our role models?

We’re not letting anyone off the hook here… I’ll write about ‘spitting on the field’ some other day!

by Ajoy Eric Lal
When I’m watching cricket, I’m not just watching the game but also thinking about all that is subtly happening on and off the field. It’s a kind of analysis Sunil Gavaskar, Ravi Shastri and Harsha Bhogle wouldn’t dare undertake!

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Was Afridi really banned for biting the ball ?

by RajaB


I don’t know how many of us noticed Shahid Afridi in the center of the park yesterday, during the first T20 between England and Pakistan. He was seen in the middle talking to Shoaib Malik, the captain of Pakistan in yesterday’s game. This happened during the innings break, as his team warmed up with some fielding drills. Most importantly, throughout the game he was sitting on the bench along with the players and officials who were (officially) part of the game.

This makes one think if Afridi was punished at all.

In football, when a player is red carded he is lead out of the field of play, which includes the dugout. Post being red carded the player also undergoes a suspension from the subsequent matches, as per the rules applicable. Even during this time the player is not allowed into the field of play. Many a times, we have seen footballers serving a suspension watching their team from the stands. That is how far a suspended player could get.

This brings us to the question if Afridi served any punishment at all ?

Is it ethical for a suspended player to access the dressing room / dugout during a match ?

Even if he reaches as far as the dugout, can he be allowed by the officials into the field of play ?

If Afridi can do that yesterday, then why can’t the match fixers, drug cheats and others do the same in the future ?

Or may be Mr Madugalle gave Afridi something of a house arrest equivalent, serve your sentence being present in the field of play.

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BEARDS ‘n’ BRISTLES… in Cricket

by Bored Guest

The good old beard is subtly reemerging in international cricket. 

Cricketer turned commentator Dean Jones lost his job by calling the devout South African Muslim Hashim Amla a “terrorist”, while several England fans sported fake beards during a Leeds Test to show their admiration for the Indian Origin Mudhsuden Singh (Monty) Panesar. Not long ago, Harbhajan (Bhajji) Singh was labelled a “patit” Sikh by the SGPC as he trimmed his beard. With his “Patka” (pseudo Turban) and next to no facial hair, Bhajji does look like a young lad… so leave him alone! 


There always is some controversy or the other around beards and, as we know, these obviously come in umpteen variations – by true definition, the moment the man hasn’t shaved for more than a day, he is sporting a beard´… or shall we at least call it a bristle?! 

And then, for men, there’s the women angle… as always.

Many women like facial hair but most don’t, so what do the cricketing wives/ girlfriends like about their men with beards ‘n’ bristles?

Now, now, I wonder:  Does it actually tickle them between the legs when the batsmen come 1, 2, 3 or more down?

Virgin, long haired beards are supposed to be the softest but are they fashionable enough – do women want to be seen walking down Bond Street with a guy sporting one of these “Swamiji/ Guru Beards”?

On the other hand, the constantly shaven, short-haired variety of beards do get rather pokey (yeah, we men do know that too!) but is it this variety that women enjoy more? Are these beards chique [and as useful]? 

Whatever, one thing is certain, in the post 9/11 world, the beard is somewhat controversial. Has it become a prominent religious symbol, perceived negatively by many just for that reason? 

Pakistan’s Mohammad Yousuf grew one soon after his conversion from Christianity to Islam to underline his devotion for his new Faith. Earlier, his former teammates Saeed Anwar and Saqlain Mushtaq had also undergone such a facial metamorphosis.


Gong further back in time [because there really is a history of beards in cricket]:
There was a time when the beard epitomized Victorian splendour. W. G. Grace, the colossus of English cricket, was as popular for his brilliant game as for his long, bushy beard. Back in the 1890s, Australian speedster Ernest Jones once delivered a ball that went through Grace’s beard. The latter, not at all pleased, asked him, “What do you think you’re at, Jonah?” The apology was prompt: “Sorry, Doctor, she slipped.” One wonders what the burly Grace would have done to the other Jones (Dean) had the Aussie called him a terrorist?!
In Grace’s days, there were other bearded cricketers too, such as England’s Alfred Shaw and Australia’s Harry Boyle and George Bonner. 


The beard virtually disappeared from cricket with the death of Grace in 1915. It resurfaced in the 1960s with the emergence of two of India’s finest spinners: Bishan Singh Bedi and Bhagwat Chandrasekhar, the latter lovingly called ‘Chandru’. However, it was in the next two decades when unshaven, rugged looks became trendy again. Several top cricketers grew a beard for a while not because of their religion but only to make a style statement.
England had Ian Botham, Mike Brearley and Mike Gatting, while for Australia there were Greg Chappell and Allan Border. The West Indian “beard brigade” included Andy Roberts, Michael Holding, Malcolm Marshall and Vivian Richards. Pakistan had Wasim Raja and Zaheer Abbas, while the Indian representative was Chetan Sharma (Sikhs Maninder Singh, Balwinder Sandhu and Navjot Sidhu kept a beard for obvious reasons). 



In the 1990s, the clean-shaven “Gillette look” became more than predominant. Pacers Courtney Walsh and Curtley Ambrose, however, occasionally preferred to have a short beard. Among today’s Caribbean bowlers, Corey Collymore has kept the “tradition of beards” alive. 
Today, Danniel Vettori sports a beard more often than not. Even the little master-blaster from Mumbai, Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar always has a 3-day beard because it’s the only thing that makes him look his age! 


In contemporary cricket, the beard or bristles are there to stay.

Credits:

We thank Vikramdeep Johal (The Tribune Chandigarh) for the idea. More was added to the article and it was re-edited by Ajoy Eric Lal.

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India won… but only just!

by Bored Guest

Yes, India won -- but actually it almost lost -- the 2nd Test Match (2010) against South Africa at Kolkata’s Eden Gardens because of three reasons:

  1. a ‘Pundit
  2. a major dose of ‘Vitamin C’
  3. a chaotic, leftist manipulated megacity named ‘Kolkata’ (Calcutta)

Let me explain the above points in some detail:

Point #1 – the “Pundit” angle:

  1. Ishant Sharma (IS) is a “Sharma” and a “Sharma” originated from a “Shaman”, a “Pundit” (Priest to the Hindus) by definition. He isn’t a born bowler, believe me. He just picked it up along the way like all Pundits pick up things during their lifetime.
  2. IS, by tradition is not allowed to consume flesh (that said, he may of course inhalate, copulate, consummate women!!). Not eating meat, which we all know is full of proteins and helps power our muscles, is a great deterrent to his bowling. Do note that we do not quite get the same power from eating similar quantities (weight/ volume) of “Daal” (Pulses) in a fully vegetarian diet. This definitely is a disadvantage – do compare IS’s thighs to those of Shoaib Akhtar (The Rawalpindi Express), Pakistan’s beef-eating super-fast bowler.
  3. IS believes so much in his Hindu Gods & Goddesses that he always has 4-6 “Malas” (Chains) around his neck. Some even are of the “Kavaj” variety, i.e. contain magical mixtures of some “Jari-Bootis” (Herbs) in a cylindrical little container, all in the hope that his performance [finally] improves, which it did not.
  4. IS almost bowled India out of the match!
      i.) Where IS should have helped build pressure on the batsmen, he bowled balls far too wide and not at all up to the bat. Not inducing, forcing strokes by the batsmen clearly also implied that no mistakes could be made by them. They remained comfortable at the crease and Bored the hell out of the Cricket Crazy Indian fans – the BCC!
      ii.) Where IS should have constrained the batsmen, he bowled no-balls -- one after the other he did just that (9 in all). Yes, India had runs to play with but also not that many and could have beaten South Africa by a much greater margin that the “Innings and 6 Runs” loss of the first test match in Nagpur.
      (Note on Amit Mishra:  Mishra’s too are “Pundits” and no surprises here, he too bowled many a no ball – also 9 in all! Ever heard of a spinner doing that?) 


Point #2 – the “Vitamin C” angle:
  1. Hashim Amla (HA) is a muslim for which we love him, just as we would another human being or a fellow Hindu BUT he had Vitamin C[ricket] gunning for him – and that was an unfair advantage for team South Africa against India. Mind you, “Amla” (the Hindustani Gooseberry) is very, very rich in Vitamin C… indeed it is. Whatever, great to see Hashim not hash it up for South Africa but more so, fight like a “Pashtoon” or “Pathan” would.
    (At this stage Pakistan must be wondering why he’s not playing for them!)
  1. There is also the HA and the “Proteas” angle. I am clearly referring to an Australian conspiracy to get India off the ‘No. 1 Test Team’ spot as soon as possible. You may also call it the ‘Gondwanaland Connection’ between South Africa and Australia. They used powders from the Proteas flowers to almost dope the Indians into submission. Check out more on Wikipedia.



Point #3 – the “Kolkata” angle:
  1. West Bengal’s politically orchestrated weather almost did India in. It rained and was overcast at the wrong time (Day 4 in particular). Actually, there are no surprises here:  The West Bengal Government is behind even this attempt to boycott. They specially sent Jyoti Basu up very recently to organize this, all in an effort to remove even cricket from the state… what with the TATAs having shown the way out?! Let’s just call it an environment not quite conducive to cricket anymore.
  2. Saurav Chandidas (Dada) Ganguly was seen at this match on Day 3 but not thereafter. Why? Think about it! Contemplate what he was doing there? He had not been seen for over a decade in the stands, amongst the public, at a game where he himself was not involved. What’s the deal? Was this a recce mission of a kind??
  3. Kolkata’s Eden Garden presented a great pitch and for the first time commentators (Sunil Gavaskar & Co.) even discussed giving the Curator (Prabir Mukherjee) of the pitch the “Man of the Match Award”. You see, all this took away from the game -- the Indians lost their concentration and contemplated for far too long if that even was a possibility. In the end the curator and his workers didn’t even get “Bakshish” (a tip).



Let me note at this stage that it was a good match with many a fabulous century scored (7 in all), a good wicket, excellent umpiring (Ian James Gould) but you see -- it had other angles to it as well. Like all things in India, there’s always another way of looking at what transpired and in that very light let’s look at some of the possibilities:

I hear that India won by bribing someone towards the end of that last drink’s break. It is known to have been initiated with the following line: “Bahoot denge, bass, abh out hojao, yaar!” (We’ll give you plenty but do get out fellas!)

OR

Was it just the Indian Terminator Harbhajan Singh’s killer instincts and his great desire for another 5-wicket haul at the Eden Gardens? Did we just need another “Sardarji” (Sikh man from Punjab) to intervene and get some sense hammered into it all on Bengali soil -- all just to retain the number 1 slot in the ICC (International Cricket Council) rankings?

I say: “Bach gaye, bachoo!” (Got saved this time!).

One will never know!

Watch out for more abstract[ed], insider coverage… visit us often at BCC!


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Harbhajan's Sister(s)

by A Bisht

Harbhajan's sister(s)
[Cartoon Idea Raj, Cartoon by A Bisht]

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Bhajji makes me happy

by Gaurav Sethi

Here I am in a cyber cafe in the Russian belt of Goa, booking my return ticket, and after eons I'm compelled to come on bored. And out of nowhere, Bhajji does after lunch, what he usually does after tea, he takes another wicket at Eden. And I feel fine. For the time being, Bhajji and I, we're ok. But then again, Mishra's three could have something to do with it. I'm back to the sea now, and I can't take the cricket there. Next on my list, water cricket. It will make pitches redundant. Oh Yeah.

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eight centuries in an innings...

by straight point

just a question...

is it the first time eight centuries were scored in an innings...?

four by batting side... four by bowling side...


p.s.: suddenly all the talk of sa bowlers making pitch redundant seems to have evaporated in thin air...

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what the defeat at nagpur has done...

by straight point

...is that it has thrown the transition into oblivion... now no selector will dare to put up a youngster in the squad even against zimbabwe fearing the backlash... untill unless our seniors willingly put their hands up and call it a day... thereby dragging us into what we have always felt... staring at the possibility of mass exodus with no time to fill in shoes to keep the momentum going...

i expect youvraj to make smooth come back to the tests coz by the next test match nobody gonna remember the performances of badris, vijays etc... there are going to be enough odi's for players like bhajji and yuvraj to stake claim to test spot based on their odi performances coz we just work on the principle that says... out of sight out of mind... rightly or wrongly there has been tradition of vindicating one's candidature by the performance of another format and there are going to be enough opportunities for that in near future...

though i have said this before... but even at the cost of repeating myself i will say that again... our five wise men did nothing less than a historic blunder by not testing our bench strength against bangladesh  coz that would have given them perfect stage to test out not only our next gen batsman but more importantly next gen bowlers...

with bhajii doing nothing but to raise his hand in proxy whenever his name is announced for a test... ishant discovering the second season blues... and mishra and ojha are made to look like pawns in musical chair game... our five wise men blew the opportunity to test the waters as far as next gen bowling is concerned... to developed inform bench strength... not like sree who has been drafted in 'cold' for as crucial a game such as kolkotta, which is going to decide who will rule the roost for a while, and will be judged on this sole appearance... while the one's who are regularly under performing will be spared to live another day...

for this only i hope and wish that we win the game at eden gardens other wise words like 'transition' or 'phasing out' will become a taboo in indian cricket (not as if they are not already but still) and our selectors will hide behind the comforts of legends whenever the voice will be raised... questions will be asked...

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Quote Unquote

by Homer

“I got a call from one of the BCCI officials requesting me to prepare a turning track as per the wish of the team management. However, I have clearly told him that I want an official communication, like an e-mail, stating what should be the nature of the wicket. Also, I don’t know how we can change the nature of the strip overnight,”
--
“They (BCCI officials) called me today, requesting I come up with a pitch that will suit the Indian brand of cricket. Test cricket is meant to be played on good wickets. Can anyone please define what exactly is a turner? If you want the ball to turn square from day one, why do you need a curator? The Eden Gardens wicket will have even bounce and decent carry. Spinners will come into play as the match meanders along,”
--
“I haven’t got any instructions from the BCCI. I’m trying to prepare what should be an ideal Test wicket,"
-- 
"I have not received any instruction from the Board about preparation of the wicket at Eden Gardens,"
--
“There has been no official instruction. I was talking to some BCCI officials and it appeared that the team management wants a spinning wicket, but that was it.” 
--
Question - How difficult is it for a hack to report a statement ad verbatim without editorializing it? 

Question - What was VVS Laxman thinking when he said that there was a dearth of spinners in India? Our cadre of cricket journalists will put any spinner to shame!

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The case for Saha

by Homer

Two debutantes played for India in the first Test at Nagpur. The first was a domestic colossus. The other, a little known wicket keeper and another journeyman cricketer in the domestic leagues. The first was a surety to be in the playing squad even before it was announced. The other was just happy to be there.

The first was aware of his impending debut well before the squad was announced ( owed mainly to injuries to key players). The other came to know of it on the morning of the test. The first had pedigree. The other, spunk.

And it pretty much went according to plan. Everyone questioned the other's selection. Many were unhappy that he was being played as a specialist batsman ( a role that even he would tell you, he was not cut out for). Before the first day ended, the other had been written off, called a one test wonder, his test cap questioned. The first was the one to deliver for Team India - the ideal replacement in the famed middle order.

And come Day 3, everyone's worst fears and greatest hope came true - the first scored 56, the other 0. And that is where the story should have ended.

Except when the team was under cosh in the second essay, following on, the first scored 6, lasting 45 minutes, scoring one boundary and lasting all of 31 balls. The other, in the meanwhile, scored 36, lasting 150 minutes, playing 101 balls, with four boundaries.

And then the most obvious thing happened - the other got dropped, the first held on to his place in the side.

This is not a critique of Subramanian Badrinath, who has done enough and more to demand his selection in the Test team.

This is in praise of Wriddhiman Saha, a wicket keeper forced to play as a specialist bat, a man written off by all and sundry before he took the field, a man who showed enough bottle to fight the fight in the second essay when the chips were down and his own neck was on the chopping block and on the back of a scoreless first innings..



This is a salute to what he brings to the plate - character. A quality our current selection panel is sorely lacking in!

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open thread: second test second coming...

by straight point

so we lost this match... any team that can lose six wickets for twelve runs with not much on the board will always be chasing leather...

the pitch had no demons and it was pure brilliance of steyn supported well by all bowlers that made it possible for sa... having said that... had our two centurions not lapsed in concentration after reaching individual milestones things could well have been interesting in the middle considering we came as close as 6 runs to wipe sa total... but such is life...

i expect india to come hard at sa in the next match... we are not no.1 for nothing and one match cannot make us bad suddenly... tho it has exposed certain chinks in our armor for sure...

badri showed that he has the temperament to fight it out in the middle and vijay showed his class in second innings but both failed to press the matter further... i am particularly disappointed by vijay tho... he will have to learn quickly that nice 30s and 40s are not going to help him much and if he wants to look for inspiration he should look no further than a certain akash chopra...

having said that... i don't want selectors to make them bakra for this defeat... but at the same time i expect them to use horses for courses policy for next match... as this being two test series so we have only one match to retain the no.1 spot with next test match is not coming in a while...

so my team for next test match will be...

sehwag, gambhir, vijay, sachin, badri, dhoni, irfan pathan, ramesh powar, zaheer, mishra, ojha/ishant

irfan pathan and powar making a second coming... while last spot is depending upon the look of the eden garden pitch...

i have deliberately not included laxman coz first he is coming straight after injury... second even if he is fit to bat... he wont be standing at slip... so call me mean if you want but laxman not standing at slip isnt something i will sacrifice a spot for...

on this note i leave an open thread to invite your opinions... lets set the ball rolling...


update:
it seems selectors were in even more hurry than me to put up a post... and they have already announced the squad for the next test... probably they too didn't want to waste the extra day's rest this match has provided them... so here it goes...

MS Dhoni (capt/wk), Virender Sehwag, Gautam Gambhir, Murali Vijay, Sachin Tendulkar, VVS Laxman, S Badrinath, Harbhajan Singh, Amit Mishra, Zaheer Khan, Sreesanth, Ishant Sharma, Pragyan Ojha, Dinesh Kartik, Suresh Raina.

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Steyn Alive!

by bored cricket crazy indians



He sure had the Indians for a song. Then again, they played like Baujis and Beejis. Not that funny, not meant to be.

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Blame it on Ribeiro

by Gaurav Sethi

You can take your theories for India’s slide and shove them up the Khyber. They are far from the truth. The truth is in my movements, not quite Mozart, but moving nonetheless.

Years back when one Michael Clarke made his debut in Bangalore, I was over at Keith Ribeiro’s place in that very same city. I had plans to visit the stadium, instead we beered in front of a TV. The beer was flat, the TV wasn’t.

Years’ later, Keith is in Bombay, and so am I and so is India and so is South Africa. Can defeat be far behind? Calcutta, here I don’t come.

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open thread: what india could have done differently...

by straight point

nothing much... except use their bats more... rather than allowing the ball to pass through like a car whizzes past on a toll free highway...

its very easy to cajole yourself with the argument that india were not playing full strength... coz just two tests back a relatively unheard of deshi attack bowled india to a 250ish score on a placid track... when we played with our best batting line up...

its been a long time since i saw this much relentless high quality seam bowling with unflappable intensity on indian pitches from a visiting team... so lets give credit where its due... sa bowled brilliantly... dale steyn in particular...

theoretically india can still save this test match... but practically it will be a monumental task and the batsmen at the crease and the ones to follow will have to bat out of their skins on a weary pitch... where the threat is not only from the new ball but from the reverse swing of the old ball as well...

the stage is set for fringe players like vijay and badri to stake an irresistible claim otherwise i am afraid they will have to pay the price of the defeat...

whatever happens in this match... i think selectors should bring irfan pathan in place of saha... he seems to be in good form and bringing him in the mix when his confidence is high will give team india much needed balance for the second test match... without compromising on the batting

on this note i leave this open thread to share rants... thoughts... about how india should go for the rest of this test match and beyond...

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ishant congratulating amla...

by straight point


hey you down there... congratulations...

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Can Sehwag tame Steyn?

by Damith S.

The 3rd day is probably the day this test is really going to start. After the SA bored us into submission for two days we are all set for Lord Sehwag to get his groove on.

Even the tricky 4 overs yesterday didn't deter him. And ended with 9 off 10.

Are Steyn, Morkel and Uncle Kallis going to be his next victims?

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Let's address the liar, stabber, world record holder.

by Gaurav Sethi

At times you should be thankful for the cricket you don’t watch. Case in point Morton’s innings - a crash course in self flagellation. Many moons ago Morton was rough on me. Then today, the Gods were kind enough to spare me. Appears he opened with Gayle, bring back Fletcher, Haynes, anybody. Gayle deserves better, no wonder he refuses to play more than 5 balls. Morton has this effect on people. Ideally he should play some form of solitary cricket.

What did Morton do to warrant such love – he had his 15 balls of infamy, for 3 runs, no less. Death by Runako lasted 19 minutes.

The spectators at the MCG thought it was the heat, the beer, but it was Morton alone who gave them sunstroke. If streakers can be banned for assaulting players, I urge the ICC to ban Runako for raping our senses. For all I care let him become WICB President.

They need him. They often act in haste.


All you never wanted to know about the liar, stabber, world record holder

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The Night Before (Kallis & Azhar)

by Gaurav Sethi

INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT

Kallis languidly dials a number, in between he double checks in his diary, disconnects and then dials again, and then again, this goes on for a long while - cock crows, day breaks, newspaper flies through the window and knocks Kallis...(all this happens in fast motion in a few seconds of course) - Finally Kallis presses Call!

Cut to

INT. AZHAR’S HOME –DAY

Barely has his phone rung once, Azhar does one of his magnificent back flips with the instrument, the phone somersaults as does Azhar and then catches it nonchalantly


AZHAR
(energised)
HowAreTheBoys?

Screen is now split between Kallis’ room and Azhar's home where Sangeeta Bijlani looks on lovingly

KALLIS
(eyes shutting, sleepily)
Azza, I’m at sea again

AZHAR
AskTheBoysHowManyFeetAboveSeaLevelIsThat

KALLIS
My overnight score is hundred and…

AZHAR
BoysToThat

KALLIS
How come you never made a double Azza?

AZHAR
Boys…

KALLIS
(talking through his sleep)

Yeah? how come? Yeah, yeah...zzzzz

AZHAR
(he recreates the whole scene with phone, imaginary ball and bat)
PhoneRangWhenIWasOn199AndIMissedTheLine...Boys

Beatles' 'Fixing a hole' starts to play and both Kallis and Azhar sing like choir boys; while Sangeeta dances her Bollywood gig around a column as if it were a tree.

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The Night Before (the Nagpur test)

by Gaurav Sethi

INT. NAGPUR TEAM HOTEL - NIGHT

(Kallis knocking on Smith’s door)

SMITH
Whoz dat?

KALLIS
Iz me Yak

SMITH
I’m having a dream, Herr Yak

KALLIS
OK, I’ll run a few singles in the corridor and come back later

(But Smith opens the door for Kallis, both men are in striped PJs)

KALLIS (Cont’d)
I ‘ave a big favour to ask you Mr Smith

SMITH
Let me guess, you want Prince and me to go early so you can score a hundred to equal…

KALLIS
YES, YES! Equal Lara and equal Sunny

SMITH
Prince will be easy, the umpires are disposed to…

KALLIS
And you…

SMITH
Turn around…

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In case you forget...

by Gaurav Sethi


Ishqia and this banner have
no connection, except that I saw one after the other.

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open thread: first test first show...

by straight point

with laxman still in doubt... indian team management has no choice but to play all available batsmen, thanks to the foresightedness of our five wise men, rohit sharma in all probability will fill the spot vacated by laxman...

this is a series opener with still a match to go... so i won't rush laxman into this test even if there is an iota of doubt about his fitness...

the team india, in all probability, will be like...

sehwag, gambhir, vijay, sachin, badri, rohit, dhoni, harbhajan, mishra, zaheer, ishant

badri, rohit will be making their debut while vijay, mishra (and to some extent ishant) will be looking to give performances that will make their stock rise in the eyes of selectors...

but i think badrinath and rohit sharma will be under far more pressure coz i sense there is an air of skepticism or i dare say negativity about their selection and failure from both or either of them won't be taken kindly...

i like this nervy pressure situation coz this will keep them on their toes... they should look to spend first 15 minutes at the crease to ease the things for themselves after that it will be their temperament which will take them far... for the talent is never in doubt...

while badri is a long innings player if he gets going... rohit sharma is the kind of player, if given a good platform, can take the game away from the opposition very quickly... so, to me, he is a good replacement for yuvraj at 6...

in this light i leave an open-thread and invite you all to share your thoughts before the start of the first match...

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Mr Has Been.

by Gaurav Sethi

This is funnier than anything Rowan Atkinson’s ever done. DKNY v Yusuf Pathan, two old timers here at Bored, going at each other with new found vigour, scoring hundreds like it was the done-thing. Would you like to place your order, sir – yes, I’ll have my hundred with milk and sugar.

DKNY has two tons so far, and if Yusuf faces 3 more balls, he’ll have a twin-set two. (think, 84 to a 100, Yusuf on strike, electronic bat in hand) While this may not do much for Yusuf’s immediate ODI chances, MSD could come knocking for a test spot. This Duleep Trophy final is a five day game after all.

Stranger things have happened in Indian cricket. And if Rohit Sharma makes his test debut tomorrow, so should you. Never mind who Che Pujara is, he only scores in local games. He’s not even played the IPL, got injured last time; and anyway, fat lotta good he would’ve done for the Knight Riders.

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the man behind the millionaire...

by straight point

For a boy who grew up in a poor home in Tacarigua, Trinidad, raised by a single mother alongside two younger sisters, this new world presents him with an opportunity. Pollard, 22, wants to ensure his newborn son Kaiden never suffers the hunger he experienced and that his mother is rewarded for her toil.

yes... this is about kieron pollard... the man behind the millionaire...

the player who went unnoticed in ipl season two auctioned at the meager base price of $60K going for an unprecedented $1.75m in the third auction... one would like to believe that kieron pollard has seen it all... but unlike the urgency with which he plays his shots all over the park... he likes to take things as they come... one step at a time...

''I try to take everything one day at a time, I try to do everything quietly, it's not really much for me because I take it in stride because as any other cricketer, you want to be known.''

i can't still forget his impressions and the way he celebrated after taking TnT to the finals of inaugural champions league... that was something and it showed what it really meant to him... it stuck an instant chord and since then i have become a fan... now only if he transforms his game to a longer format for the west indies... their cricket will become even more followable...

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DKNY is fashionable again.

by Gaurav Sethi

Last June, DKNY was in the Caribbean, playing cricket for India, opening the batting, in the form of his life, almost MSD’s life. What did he do – something MSD wouldn’t have done, he scored a sixty, got cute, got out.

That’s been his India story – who would have thought he’d play 11 ODIs in 2009-10. A top score of 67 in that game where he threw it all away. Yuvraj got a big hundred, made DK’s 60 look small and silly. How did that series pan out, just like his brain freeze allowed – 67, 4, 47. Not bad, but what about master MS, the man of the series – 41, 95, 46*.

Being second best can be habit forming. Forget outdoing MS, this kid refuses to play to potential. He does occasionally for the Daredevils, and in the last few days for South Zone. Two big hundreds, who’s looking – after the Windies’ series, 8 more one-dayers, all in the subcontinent, some crazy cameos, no hundreds.

So now he is not even the second choice wicketkeeper. All the hundreds in the first class games won’t get him back in a hurry; nor will all the injuries in the India squad.

For a change, DK needs to feel the hurt for doing himself in. He could even dump the keeping, and pitch himself as an out 'n' out batsman. His out-fielding and catching is first rate, and on a good day, he’s even more enthused than Bhajji. Have you seen DKNY clap, jump, mutter away?

Yeah, he’d be far better competing with Rohit Sharma and his ilk. What a job for the selectors – they’d be marking players with fragile minds and their potential. Yusuf Pathan could outscore the whole lotta them. And didn’t he just score one of those manic hundreds? But for now, it’s Rohit who’s been asked to stay back as cover for VVS. We're close enough to the IPL, time for Nohit to become Rohit again.

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India’s winning strategy for the Nagpur test.

by Gaurav Sethi

Seeing as the Saffers are chokers, start the test on the fifth day. Impossible? Sachin will tell you, Impossible Is Nothing. So by all means start the game on the first day but let the pitch resemble a fifth day wicket.

Contact the Kotla hands for Nagpur, they’ll arrange it. Provide them with some A-Grade grass, to smoke. Venture forth into the most barren place on earth, ask them to recreate that at Nagpur. Cracks big enough to slide into.

If you win the toss, bat first, bat big, bat once – bat till lunch. Seeing as this is basically a fifth day pitch, you don’t want to bat in the last two sessions. If this game goes into the 2nd day (which will be like the 6th day) Sangakkara will ask for it to be abandoned.

If however you lose the toss, hoodwink SAF into fielding first – ask the curators to leave some of their A grade grass on the pitch.

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Spaceman.

by Gaurav Sethi

Talking of MoYo can the other Yusuf be far behind – damn it, he scored a hundred, and nearly cut his half brother in half while doing so. Anything pitched up, and he was playing like he belonged. He was in the Zone, the West Zone at that – coming at two down; what is it with that position, even MoYo likes it.

He played in the air, played like it was a domestic tournament – came in at 18/2 and walked out at 184/7. He made 108 of those barely facing a ball; he was that quick. The bang bang aside, I liked that one ball where he negotiated a bouncer on middle – lowered wrists, head out of the way. His harshest critics will say, what head?

He did play a lot in the air, and for me Yusuf Pathan could be the first cricketer in space – if Shane Warne holds his hand. But yeah, Uthappa will be hovering close-by too – and you can be sure our criconauts will have fountain pens on them. What will Virus make of them? Dismissed.

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Duleep Trophy Final - Update on Discards

by Ankit Poddar

I know most of us would not be watching this match, after all the spectators are banned for this one. I also know most of us would not care about this match, after all it is just Duleep Trophy.

However, I have got interested in this one. It is a match full of Indian discards, more than the Indian hopefuls.

While some matches are not awarded first class status, some are. This one is of the second type. DKNY, or BossDK or Dinesh Karthik, has showed that he can bat well in these type of domestic tournaments and how is the second best keeper-batsman in the country. After being reduced to 120-4, the captain of South Zone did well to allow his team to finish the day at 356/6 with his own 161*.

Another Indian discard, Irfan Pathan took 3 wickets to help his side West Zone get the early advantage. Ravindra Jadeja took 2 wickets as well. Looks like Indian discards are taking this match real seriously. There are other discards in the other team as well. Will they perform as well?!

The second day begins in some time. With both Karthik and Ganpathy at the crease, Lord Shiva must be having his fingers crossed!

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Spare a thought for MoYo.

by Gaurav Sethi

Life often has been unfair to MoYo, even when he captains a team that loses convincingly, nobody talks about him. It’s all Afridi’s fault, had he not bitten the ball, MoYo would have earned a public display of affection – a verbal flogging. Tongues would’ve lashed him, and the PCB high command would’ve hit new lows.

MoYo, the simple man that he is, would’ve gone in search of the holy grail, the ICL – with MoYo back, the ICL would’ve flourished again. Not to be.

Now the way things stand, MoYo will be back to third man. I was convinced he would captain from third man; he did, though only figuratively – he positioned himself at mid off, not quite the trenches, but close enough to the action.

You may ask, did he sport spectacles, wear a monocle, take out his binoculars – no, he didn’t. MoYo was at his myopic best. He batted in the scary-poo tradition of Shoaib Malik. Usually at 4, the one time he came in at 3, the side achieved something. No doubt a major blow for MoYo, how he likes to come in when the going gets tough.

What next for MoYo – there is an old league doing the rounds, it’s 20,000 leagues under the sea. Many people back home have been telling him, “Chulo bhar pani main doob mar” (go drown in a hand full of water). MoYo can take things literally.

Like when he was regarded as the best batsman in the world, he took it literally – once he started scoring he just couldn’t stop. Then when he overheard he was going through a bad patch, yeah, you get the drift.

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Shahid Afridi is an idiot!

by Homer

Per Cricinfo

Afridi, leading Pakistan in the absence of Mohammad Yousuf, was caught by TV cameras apparently biting the ball on a couple of occasions. This was reported to the on-field umpires by the TV umpire and, after a chat with Afridi, the umpires changed the ball.
Afridi was called into a hearing with the match referee Ranjan Madugalle immediately after the match. Madugalle said Afridi pleaded guilty to the charge, apologised and regretted his action.
And the reason Shahid Afridi is an idiot is not because he bit the ball. He is an idiot because he acquiesced to changing the ball after talking to the umpires. Had he not, there would have been no ban. And with no ban, there would have been nothing to keep the main stream and alternate medias aflame for two days after the incident.And the incident itself would be consigned to the dust bin.Or limited to the fading memories of the people who saw the incident, directly or otherwise.

Because there is precedent.And no, I am not talking Stuart Broad's naughty spikes or James Anderson's touch of love. Think back to Australia's tour of India in 2008
Umpire Billy Bowden had an extended chat on the field with Australia captain Ricky Ponting regarding the incident, during the second session of the fourth day’s play.
Television replays showed White peeling a piece of leather off the ball. The ball had crashed into the boundary hoardings and suffered some damage. The umpires, however, resumed play deciding to keep the ball unchanged.
In terms of what transpired, there is very little to separate the two incidents. Except that in one case, the ball was changed after talking to the captain and in the other, it wasnt.

And in the meantime, the presiding deity of all things cricket had this to say
He should know.. It is the only plausible explanation for him bowling part timers when a test match, and the series, were at stake.

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Only 10 percent of questions are difficult: thoughts on Afridi ball biting incident

by A Bisht

Shahid Afridi’s ball biting incident reminds me of what a friend of mine told me once. Here it is.

While preparing for Banking competitive exams; my friend used to go to a coaching Center. There, a teacher who used to teach quick mathematics; used to remind one thing to every student one day prior to every Examination.

He used to say, 70 percent of all questions are easy; 20 percent are average; and only 10 percent are difficult. If you stumble upon a really difficult question, don't kill time to solve it; instead move on to the next question.

But even after receiving such a non-confusing wisdom; some so called really intelligent students, used to boast, the next day, how many difficult questions they managed to solve; underlining the fact that, though the paper was easy, they just can’t attempt all the questions, as they just ran out of time.
The teacher had a special name for such really bright students "Tees Maar Khan" or in simple OVER SMART.

I always knew, Afridi is bright (so are some other Pakistan players too); but after this incident, it can be said with conviction that Afridi is a real "Tees Maar Khan". You can call him Over Smart too.

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Not Bored Enough By Bitegate?

by achettup

Shahid Bhai's outrageous attempts to leave dental impressions on a cricket ball have made headline news all over the world... the blog-o-sphere even. Apart from the fact that Shahid Bhai admitted to cheating, it was the bizzare (and blatantly obvious) method that shocked cricket fans all over the world. In such times its easy to be overwhelmed by the sheer number of articles reporting and analyzing the event. That could bore you to death.

Don't let them do that to you. Instead get bored by the professionals:

Over at Not Cricket, namya ponders on the similarities between Bollywood films and the Pakistani cricket team and wishes a certain film was banned like Shahid Bhai. Head over to find out which one he's talking about. And if you've still not got enough of it, he's got some biting humor left.

Som at Doosra has given us the hilarious usual seven more reasons Shahid Bhai chose to bite the ball.

Naked Cricket comes up with a few plausible theories and throws in the odd spicy bit of Pakistani skipper skipping a cricket game just to add to the flavor.

Leela at Maidenbowling believes Shahid Bhai is culpable of committing a sin, particularly after his comments about cheerleaders at the IPL.

Over at TCWJ, Soulberry says it is just another one of the peculiar reasons that Pakistan lost.

At SoaL, your's truly discusses whether ball biting should be legalized and also is the first to report the unexpected camp that is supporting Shahid Bhai.

And of course right here on Bored, Rajab and BCC! have tried to find the most likely motive and extrapolate the consequences of Shahid Bhai's Bitefest.

At All Padded Up, Ankit Poddar asks if Shahid Bhai's chewmatics were actually the turning point in the game... to Australia's favor!

While SP throws open an altogether different debate at Straight Points - asking Why only Afridi was punished?

Rest assured that there will be many more tales on this story before the dust settles on it, as long of course as Shahid Bhai decides not to bite the dust!

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With Afridi, Mind your language

by RajaB

Grapevine tells us that some smart arse Aussie reporter asked Afridi how he bit the bullet to take up the crown of thorns, the bed of nails – Pakistani captaincy, especially during a tough tour Down under.

Afridi didn’t want to be a Sohail Tanveer, trying to be cheeky down under (anatomically !!). He preferred the Sehwag route we are told.

“Sorry, we are sportsmen we have nothing to do with guns. In fact we are very friendly guys and we don’t have bullets either”

Afridi being Afridi, he had a point to prove. He wanted to teach some basics to that silly Aussie journo who spoke about those instruments of violence and the enablers.

Firstly, he wanted to tell the Aussie journo world that the Pakistani cricketers had a bite

But most importantly he wanted to prove that Pakistani cricketers are indeed non violent sports people (The Asif – Shoaib instance, with some assistance from him was just an aberration) and they don’t carry guns to have access to bullets.

All they have access to, are balls. And so he had a ball

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Next: Afridi bites teammate

by bored cricket crazy indians

Afridi wasted 3 balls, then he had to go to the lavatory, it was urgent. He attempted a front foot pull – it was like a failed coup in a happy go lucky banana republic. Even if you fail, they let you off with a reprimand rolled with a blog rant.

Had it come off, it would’ve been the shot of the fortnight. Then he would’ve been decorated like Generals often are after happy ending coups.

Such shots should be attempted every now and then. They make cricket far more interactive. You get to ask Afridi, “Why Afridi, why?” He will tell you if was the IPL, eating away at him.

It wasn’t gonna stop there. He snacked at the ball. “Samosa aur chai hoh jai, aur ek white ball bhi? Seams good.”

How long before Afridi bites one of his mates and gives them eternal cricket life – “Change me!” they say; straight out of the Twilight series as they are; even if they can’t make out with Afridi, they'll play on forever.




You can also read Over to Afridi

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