MSD: Of course we must know the opposition..who they are, what they are… of course there are some youngsters in their side but we will not be taking them lightly…we will just be taking them
(laughter around)
I will call Suresh to introduce the Kiwi side to you because I myself don’t know anybody from New Zealand except Jacob Oram who was with the Chennai Super Kings..Suresh please…
Raina: Thanks MS. As MS was saying we must know the opposition – first, their captain who needs no intro – Daniel Vettori
Vijay: Areh, we want introduction!
Raina: OK, Vettori is the captain, even though he is a spinner he is their strike bowler and he is also their stock bowler – after 8 overs of the new ball Vettori will bowl for the rest of our innings either to keep the runs down or take wickets…if he can’t then he will bring on a change bowler. (looking at Vijay)…is that enough?
Vijay: Nahi, we want more on Vettori
Raina (smiles) Vettori is a lower order batsman but because New Zealand has no higher order batsman he became a middle order batsman…if we bowl well he will be batting after 8 overs for the rest of their innings…he likes to score through the slips and square of the wicket – his nickname is Dan…we can make fun of his nickname in Hindi
MSD: Suresh, let’s talk about the other players now
Raina (fumbles as he looks through the team sheet)…ummm there are other players MS? OK, OK, because of his bowling Vettori can’t keep wickets…they have Brendon McCullum…nahi, here it says Hopkins is keeper, who is Hopkins yaar?
Bhajji: Areh, don’t take the Kiwis lightly
Raina: (reads from team sheet) AREH! They have an Indian also – Jeetan Patel
(Someone snaps from behind): Even Yuvi pa can join Kiwis!!
Raina (continues): There is Jesse Ryder who will have a tough time in Ahmedabad…
(someone snaps from behind again): Salaah Piyakar!
Raina (unmoved goes on): Hamish Benett, BJ Watling, Brent…
Dravid (puzzled): Even I haven’t heard of these guys…
MSD: OK, meeting adjourned..
Raina makes a paper ball of the Kiwi team sheet and hurls it at Murali Vijay. The team clears up from the room, only Sachin remains. He walks up to the paper ball, opens it, smoothens the creases of the crumpled paper and starts reading the team names…nodding after each name
A fly on the wall: Wah! Even after 21 years….
India prepares for New Zealand.
Unprecedented: PCB's Ijaz Butt speaks to Kochi's Satyajit Gaekwad
Ijaz Butt: Hello, is that Anshuman Gaekwad?
Satyajit Gaekwad: No
Ijaz Butt: I thought this was Mr Gaekwad’s number?
Satyajit Gaekwad: Yes
Ijaz Butt: Then give him the phone you fool
Satyajit Gaekwad: I am Mr. Gaekwad
Ijaz Butt: But you just said you are not
Satyajit Gaekwad: No I did not
Ijaz Butt: Yes you did
Satyajit Gaekwad: You asked for Anshuman…
Ijaz Butt: …Gaekwad
Satyajit Gaekwad: I am Satyajit Gaekwad…
Ijaz Butt: No, no...the name is Satyajit Ray…
Satyajit Gaekwad: Who the #@&+*$# are you #$%@
Ijaz Butt: I am Ijaz Butt speaking
Satyajit Gaekwad: Hello Mr Butt
Ijaz Butt: Hello Mr Gaekwad, I have a plan to save the Kochi franchise…but first you must employ my services in addition to the services of… Salman Butt, Shahid Afridi, Mohammad Yousuf, Misbah ul Haq…do you hear me...
Satyajit Gaekwad: please continue Mr Butt I am listening
Ijaz Butt: Yes, we are all used to infighting…this is child's play for us
Satyajit Gaekwad: Brilliant Mr. Butt, brilliant...when can we start…Mr Butt?
Ijaz Butt: In one month, till then we need to put our house in order…
Breaking Bond
I'll be baaack... in 30 days
News Source: Satyajit Gaikwad of the Rendezvous Group has thundered, "We will not be terminated" as the Kochi IPL franchise is given 30 days to respond as to why they shouldnt be scrapped.
Shahid Afridi's Attention Span
Watching cricket from the womb.
Driving past JNS yesterday, the chat swerved towards the first India South Africa ODI played there, some million years’ ago. The young apprentice, Bored Member Mahek, rambled off numbers and figures like his first name was Clive, and his second, Rice. He informed me how 287 was a good score but India was doomed when both Shastri and Manjrekar tonked tons. Yeah, yeah, I nodded. That was one of the few one-dayers I watched, and was doomed to remember, but how the hell did Mahek? Could it be because it was played on 14th November, Nehru’s birthday (Childrens’ Day) – and Mahek, as a child, or even before, was being given a rare treat – ok, beta, sit in front of the TV for 7 hours today!
Across the 4 hours that our Bored Meeting lasted, Mahek consumed chicken with great gusto, and spouted cricket trivia with aplomb. He even spotted an infantile cricket fan in a Delhi Daredevils’ jersey.
And what about the other Delhi Bored Members – SP was business lunching, K was golfing in Bangalore, AEL on his extended honeymoon, while Som was rioting at his new office.
Dhoni, give the paparazzi some privacy.
I was there when MS and his missus dipped and splashed in the Arabian Sea. But like Brutus, I am an honorable man. Me and my zoom lens looked the other way. But my photographer friends, not so lucky, they were being wooed by MS and his missus – there was no chase or challenge to this. This was out in the public domain. Some parents even sent their mobile camera equipped kids into the sea – surely these pictures will surface soon, as will the videos, in Palika Bazaar, where else.
But this is nothing. Appears before the sea, MS and his missus were quite keen to splash in the water logged ground. But the excellent drainage proved to be their undoing. I laughed with a fellow scribe – “haha the ground's not good enough for MS and his men haha nor is it good enough for MS and his missus haha”. When MS heard what I said, he wasn’t amused. He challenged me to try and splash in the ground. I agreed it wasn’t easy. Of course.
The Night Before: In the Pak Camp
A day before Pakistan’s T20 game vs. South Africa, the team is supposed to meet in their captain’s bed room, instead there is plenty of confusion
Afridi (on the phone to Manager): Nobody’s in my room!
Manager: Where are you?
Afridi: I’m in my room
Manager: But you said nobody’s…
Afridi: I’m not a nobody! What I’m saying, is like this, that the nobody has come to turn up in my room
Cut to Misbah on the phone
Misbah (to Manager): Why is everybody in my room?
Manager: Aren’t you the captain?
Misbah: yes but…
Manager: then what’s the problem…
Misbah: I’m not the T20 captain…
Manager: Then who is? Salman…no…who is?
Misbah: I think Afridi but I’m not sure
Manager: Younis is on the phone from Pakistan…hold on…
By now the poor Manager is juggling with three phones
Younis Khan (to Manager): I want an explanation NOW…what are these players doing in my house
On another line
Afridi (to Manager): Oye? Where are you? I HATE WAITING! I will RESIGN from T20 cricket if you keep me waiting…
Just then Zulqarnain Haider walks into Afridi’s room
Afridi: What are you doing here? Weren’t you injured? Where is Kamran?
Elsewhere Shoiab Akhtar walks into Misbah’s room
Shoiab Akhtar: Congrats buddy on captaincy and all that mate…you had it coming…I’ll play under you man...mate... dude...buddy…
Misbah: But I’m not the captain
Shoiab Akhtar: Bastards…I never believe what they write in the tabloids anyways…so who’s the skipper buddy? Me? Hahahaha that be cool
Afridi bustles into the room, furious
Afridi: We have to forget what happened during the tour of England!
Shoaib Akhtar: Hey mate, I wasn't there - what happened?
Which is when, Shahid Bhai sits Shoiab Akhtar down, and gives him a blow by blow account of what happened in England..
Misbah (aside, sardonic): Everybody knows, Shoiab Akhtar only reads the news when he's in it...everybody except Shahid Bhai
Rain, rain, don't go away.
John Hastings claims he hasn’t seen rains like this. Well, I have. Most of the week, that’s how it’s been in Goa, raining nuts, with some old score to settle with beach bums.
On Friday night I waited for four hours to board my flight out of Goa. Before that though, the flight had to land from Delhi. And for about an hour no flights landed. From Gate No. 2A to the bus was barely a few feet away – there was a canopy in place, ground staff with umbrellas, me in my running shoes. In a few seconds, I was dripping wet – it was Holi, buckets of water being hurled from all directions. The wind was wet, the rain was wet and I was wet. It was probably a good time for Wet, Wet, Wet to reunite.
Anything but cricket, buster. If Friday’s rain wasn’t rain enough, it went on to rain on Saturday. And that’s when John Hastings said, “My God I’ve never seen rain like this before”. As for the one-dayer, no matter what happens, it’ll be just another one-dayer. Which is why I say, if the game is scrapped, telecast the rain instead – Live Rain from Margao, Goa. That will be a first.
Play a truncated rain effected match – you could even brand the one-dayers as Rain Dears. Too dangerous, how about underarm bowling only, call it the Chappell Trophy. Anyone for a tennis ball, wouldn’t that be nice? At least all those spectators who line up, Fenied, will see some cricket.
Commentators can revel in informing us that the “outfield is wet”, “there is some moisture in the pitch”, “the ball will skid on to the bat” and “the ball will get wet and hard to grip for the spinners”.
For a change, one-day cricket will be funny. Staying with the same train of thought I propose one dayers in the Thar desert. After Teri maa ki, Bhajji will give us “Teri sookhi…”.
A kinda cricket detox
8 days in Goa, and though I dragged my laptop dance along, I didn’t quite get jiggy with it. I did spy some cricket. There were random bursts when least expected, like you or me being picked to play for the Royals.
On the premises – Shastri’s wife. No Shastri jokes, this was his wife. Then there was Bhajji. What can I say, we didn’t run into each other, our holidays were spared. Then came a corpo herd in the Volvo – and they were playing in the park, corpo games in the dark – this was freaked out, because there wasn’t enough light to play, but they had commentary – “that’s gone across the boundary for four”. Surely something to do with sales targets.
Then Martin’s Corner – where Agarkar appeared, thankfully only on the photographs. And Thank You Sachin! For eating here too and being photographed. How the staff shamelessly posed with him, even I grew wary of them.
Palacio de Deao – the Portuguese blast house from the past, where a nutty Goan family restored an 18th century home with a chamber pot in place. And as I steered through this time machine, I walked into a room, with a tottery four poster bed, and three stumps by its side. I froze. Yeah, the couple had kids. They played cricket.
I wanted to speak with the 18th century kid, photograph the stumps, I had my camera, but I did none of that. I just stood and stared at the stumps. Wow, what stumps. So damn outta context. What is context? What is cricket? Where am I? Who am I? Jesus Jones.
And a few days later I watched Raina and Kohli do the Aussies like I was knocking the sea god's offerings at Zeebop. If you’re off cricket, there gotta be a reason for it. Get stuffed.
Also read: Nohit Sharma's Guide to Goa
The lowdown on IPL4
From 8 teams up to 10, then down to 7 or 6 is just a start. To ensure the Board’s pet teams continue winning, very soon it will be down to four teams. To ensure the number of games played don’t drop drastically each team will play the other ten times.
Then the semi-finals, where again, all the Board’s pet teams will qualify. But fikar not, the top team will be rewarded – they will play the bottom team.
Then the finals, which will be a best of five games. Initial talks with Benson & Hedges have been promising.
That’s right, drop Virat Kohli again
There is a hierarchy in place, Kohli is way down in it. Scoring runs, winning matches, not sucking up to the media can go against you. Today, Kohli was picked to play, to fill the numbers, big Daddies were on autumn break, he cramped his way to a hundred. There are enough reasons not to pick him for the next one-day side – Nohit Sharma needs a break to fulfill India’s World Cup prophecy, Yuvraj Singh has to play to discover the Americas and his form, Kohli – he can always come back, score his way to selection, the others, they need tender loving care.
Oh, and if the sarcasm is lost on you selectors, hope you enjoyed his celebrations as much as I did – showing the finger with the bat is way cooler. Especially when you can start partying way before your runner completes the hundredth run. Run for Kohli, run for someone who picks himself without his uncle.
Dhoni is lost in translation
Boredwaani: Bored of ODI Series - Shut Up and Listen!
After the tests come the ODIs, but nobody wants to play... Sachin, Sehwag, Bhajji, Zak, Gambhir, pRick, Watson and Johnson are all missing... but Ravindra Jadeja, Nohit Sharma and Yuvraj all return. Listen to Bored Members SP, Homer, Cricketcouch and Achettup try to make sense of whether anyone is interested, even the Fake One Down Player, in this "Bored of ODI" Series...
Rain Might Play Spoilsport For Phone Tappers
After Hanse Cronje's conversations were tapped when he stayed at the Taj Gateway (then Taj Residency) in Kochi, cricketers have been keen to be moved to the city's other Taj, Malabar where the service is better and they don't play Boney M and Michael Jackson all day long at their restaurants, preferring instead Kenny G classics from the 1700s. This has upset phone tappers in the national peeping association who had no idea where the cricketers had been shifted to until Michael Clarke and Suresh Raina gave away their locations by posting pictures on twitter of the rainy scenery from their hotel windows. Eager phone tappers however have been hit by another force of nature as the city has been hit by stormy weather creating a natural disturbance in the background. Although unlikely it is possible a few Australian cricketers might officially announce within the hour that the rain is a conspiracy to defraud Pakistan.
Your Favourite Cricketers' Autographs, FREE!
This is from June 2009, when I hooked up with Bored Member Achettup over the T20 WC finals at the Taj Residency, Kochi. Btw this is also where the cops hooked up with Cronje. Appears the teams will not be staying here for the first ODI. Guess they don't want it to be their last.
Warne offers Hauritz help
The great leg spinning captain of the suspended Rajasthan Royals, Shane Warne, has offered to help the beleagured Australian test spinner Nathan Hauritz. Warne is of the opinion that, if Hauritz is gonna be such a shite offspinner where he starts the ball waaay outside the offstump and rarely attack the stumps, he might as well become a legspinner. At least he can blame it on the fact that being a wrist spinner is an extremely hard task and the ball doesn't come out all right, all the time.
The acute eyes of Warne doesn't miss anything. He said in an interview on why he prefers Hauritz over Steve Smith. "Steve Smith is still a long way short of being Australia's No.1 Test spinner" and the fact that Smith is actually a pig. The shrewd warne figured out pigs can't bowl leg spin. (Although, all the women that Warne has bedded would disagree.)
He further added on the diffident mentality of the current Australian team. "The best way to learn to win is have a mindset where you have to attack. You have to be prepared to lose.. to win..". He might as well be talking about his upcoming poker tournament in Vegas or Monaco or London or Mars, who really knows!
When asked why he uses LOL so much while he tweets, Warne said, "Mate, I have made a tape of recent Australia matches where Punter's captaincy is in full flow. And the darned tape is stuck on repeat!"
Fear Of The Clarke
Asked if he was still the best choice as Australian captain, Ricky Ponting replied "Absolutely - I've got no doubt about that at all. I will give my absolute best as I always have since I've been the Australian captain … to be the best leader I can be and the best player I can be."
But is Ponting just putting on a brave face? Is this what he really believes? As more people begin to question whether he has ever been the right choice as skipper, there are some who wonder if deep inside Ricky is convinced himself and whether he's trying to suppress recurring nightmares. Sources have informed us that a new artist, suspiciously named "pRiggy", has released a single titled "Fear of the Clarke." At this point we are trying to ascertain if it is indeed pRick singing. Bored has obtained a complete bootlegged copy of the track, but due to copyright concerns we can only release a 30 second preview right now...
From Olympic backwater to rising Olympic power
India has been an Olympic backwater since independence, even as it rose to world hegemony in cricket and other cultural domains (esp. cinema). All that seems to be changing now as our athletes made our chests swell with pride at the Commonwealth Games. Guangzhou Asian Games (Nov 14 - 28, 2010) here we come...
PUJARA ... I First Heard it Here. On Bored.
The first time I heard about Cheteshwar Pujara, it was here. On Bored.
Bangalore Boredwaani 4: When Cheteshwar Pujara became Che again (shut up and listen)
Sick of Overly Simplistic Arguments from Elitists
A recurring theme over the recently concluded Border Gavaskar Trophy has been that of how test cricket should only be played at major test venues. The definition of a major test venue is very vague and subjective. These venues are supposedly located in places where people love test cricket. These venues have history. These venues have huge crowds coming in. There are a lot of other characteristics but they're all very simplistic in their definition and don't consider a large number of factors.
The people who are incharge of building public opinion love to talk about this. They seem to think venues like Chennai, Bangalore, Mumbai, Kolkata have a rich history and get huge crowds everytime. I don't know what game they're watching because none of the last four tests at these venues were sold out. Yes the odd day or two might have been, like when India were about to complete an historic run chase at Chennai. Or when Sehwag was hammering the Lankan bowlers at the Brabourne. A half-capacity Eden Gardens didn't sell out until the final day when India were chasing a win that would keep them top of the table. The Bangalore test that got over today didn't see a sell out crowd a single day. Maybe to the so-called experts think a stadium filled to 70 percent capacity counts as a full house. What they fail to mention is these cities/metropolitan areas are four of the five most populous ones in the country. What they ALSO fail to mention is that the Wankhede, Brabourne, Eden Gardens, Chinnaswamy and Chepauk are all located well within the city and are quite easily accessible to the majority of the population.
But then it's so much easier to just pass judgment on the popularity of test cricket in places like Ahmedabad, Mohali and Nagpur than to analyse why tests in these cities don't draw as big a crowd as the "traditional" test venues. I'm sure the experts aren't aware of where these stadiums are located - They cover tests held at these venues. So why is it that they can't understand the simple fact that it's a lot easier to go to the ground that is close to where you live & is easily accessible thanks to the public transport in the city? Maybe it's because these posh bastards haven't taken the bus or rickshaw since the Maruti 800 became affordable. Maybe they just like to it in their airconditioned media box and look at the empty stands to pass judgment on the lack of interest in test cricket in that city, when they should really be wondering why the BCCI
a) Scheduled a test to start on a Monday.
b) At a venue which is 30 kilometres from a city which doesn't have any bus routes within 30 kilometres of it.
c) And rickshaw drivers aren't ready to take you there because they won't get anyone to come back with.
d) Is only selling 5-day passes instead of allowing fans to choose what day they want to go.
But ofcourse the media won't talk about it because they themselves come from big cities. They'll talk of the smaller venues only hosting LOIs even though everytime there's a good test match they'll talk of how test cricket is the real deal and how this test has revived test cricket.
While we're at it, how do you define the historicity of a venue? How exactly is the Motera not an historic venue? Last I checked it was the Motera where Sunil Gavaskar scored his 10,000th run, Kapil Dev went past Sir Richard Hadlee's record of most test wickets, and Tendulkar scored his first double hundred. It is also where Javagal Srinath ripped through the South African batting lineup with figures of 6/21 in the fourth innings. I was there on Day 3 of that test and the crowd was as big as the one in Bangalore today. Needless to say it was even bigger on Day 4 when Srinath bowled a spell for the ages. I was also there when India decided to play it safe against England in 2002 because they had the series lead. It was so boring the crowd was chanting the name of England's substitute fielder Usman Afzaal. It was so boring that they cheered the run out of Shiv Sunder Das because they knew Tendulkar was in next. Ofcourse Tendulkar blocked just like his teammates and we went home feeling cheated because India could have won the match but decided to play it safe. More recently, the first test against Sri Lanka started on a Monday. The pitch was a road and both teams batted big. With draw being a foregone conclusion on Day 5 the people of Ahmedabad came out to watch Sachin Tendulkar score a hundred. Again, the stadium was as packed as the Chinnaswamy was today and just as raucous.
Mohali is in a worse position. The stadium is located well outside Chandigarh which has a population of a little over a million. Unlike most of the new stadiums and the old ones that have been renovated, there are still concrete bleachers in most stands and these stands are also uncovered. I wonder if mediapersons would pay to sit in one of those stands for five days if they didn't have the kind of money they do.
The new stadium in Nagpur is also really far from the city with no public transport connecting it. Yet the BCCI in its infinite wisdom decided to only sell 5-day passes to the inaugural test at this venue. You would thought the board would go out of its way to ensure there was a bigger crowd for Sourav Ganguly's farewell test, a test in which India was set to regain the Border Gavaskar Trophy.
I think this was a really disjointed and incoherent post because I'm just really ticked off by people who have never been to a test at a smaller venue acting like they know the people from these places. But I really don't care because not only does it insult the love for test cricket in these places, it also allows the BCCI to do absolutely NOTHING to bring crowds to test matches.
Song Number 3 - A Song For Cheteshwar Pujara
They got our Che playing
On a 5th day pitch
It wasn't easy,
But there's only one Che
WOOHOO!
When he dances down the track WOOHOO!
And he pulls down their short crap WOOHOO!
When he drives it so easy,
All of the time why I'm never sure why
they didn't pick him... well they picked him!
He got a rough one
Made up with a half-ton
He had no prob-lem
He makes it no prob-lem.....
WOOHOO!
When he flicks it off his hips WOOHOO!
When he cuts it far from the slips WOOHOO!
When he's batting in the middle,
All of the time why I'm never sure why
they didn't pick him... well now they've picked him!
Yeah now they've picked him!
Yeah Yeah!
Yeah Yeah!
Oh Yeah!
Bangalore Boredwaani 3: Shut Up and Listen
Apprehensive bored members SP, Homer, NC and Achettup wonder where this match is headed and what more can happen after all the fascinating things that happened over days 3 and 4.
Bangalore Boredwaani 2: Shut Up and Listen!
Che Pujara's much awaited debut. Pakistan's much awaited new captain. The much awaited Early Bored calls.. A little late this time. Day 2 predictions at the end of Day 3, even funnier. Che, Freesanth, SP does a KK and we ask you to join us!
US peacekeeping force to tour with Pakistani cricket team.
Bangalore Boredwaani: Shut Up And Listen
Operation Kamran Akmal
Laxman, an average cricketer.
I like averages. Batting averages, bowling averages, the whole lotta them averages, and while they don’t always single out your average Joe, it’s ok by me.
Over time I’ve noticed how Laxman’s average has climbed, from his 44 point something, up and up, and when I look at it now, it’s 47.40. That’s gotta ring to it; if he ends his career with that, Azhar can approach him, and open a gym called 47.40. Anyone know what Azhar’s gym was called?
When I look at his 47.40 average, I think of Laxman as a player with a 50+ average. How would that be, does he deserve a 50+ avg, what am I saying, who deserves an average, it’s calculated. Going by the crates of runs he’s scored in the last few years, he’s almost negated some of those early years, that were all about sexy 30s, and a cut to gully or point’s hands.
When I look at his 47.40 average, I think of Zaheer Abbas’ 44.79 average. Zaheer’s average surprised me, going by runs he scored against India, I expected his average to be 99.94
And now it hits me, while a 50+ average sounds swell for VVS, it doesn’t quite cut it for me – in my book of averages, he’s more a 71.47 player. Here’s to more not-outs. Here’s to our man, Laxman.
Bored Anthem Comes To Life
Here you go, Bored Cricket... now in your ears too!
Aanchal+Vandu on percussion, production by Achettup, song by Naked Cricket
Lyrics
If you’re bored like I’m bored
Got nothing happening but for the cricket
Why don’t you come on over
Come on over to me
Bring me your childhood memories
From those Kanpur tanneries
Bring me your adolescent meanderings
Through those tea gardens of Darjeeling
Bring me your sepia toned games
From places that had, had different names
How you played through the stench
How you pulled out the ball from a Tiger in Pench
How you ran into the Indian Ocean
for a catch, throwing caution
to the wind
How you bowled through a hurricane
How you batted with one helluva migraine
You got it
I want it
‘Cause you’re bored like I’m bored
Got nothing happening but for the cricket
‘Cause we’re bored, so fucking bored
Bored Cricket Crazy Indians
So
Take me to your sepia toned games
From places that had, had different names
Take me to
Bezwada, Benaras and Bombay
Take me to
Calicut, Cochin and Calcutta
Take me to
Trivandrum, Trichur and Madras
Take me to
Your childhood memories
From those Kanpur tanneries
How you played through the stench
How you pulled out the ball from a Tiger in Pench
You got it
I want it
Cause we’re bored, so fucking bored
Bored Cricket Crazy Indians
When 50>200
To be exact, when 73*>204*
Oct 6th : Happy Bored Day Naked Cricket !
Thankful for what?
In another typical fluff piece on Cricinfo, Siddharth Monga writes ( and I quote)
This wasn't obviously all that Australia brought to Mohali, but it summed up their attitude over the last five days. They might not be the same dominating side of the last decade, but they are going to make it difficult for sides to beat them. They just won't go away, and whenever there is a single stump visible for a Test win, they will go for it. That played its part in making this Test great. That is what Australia need to be thanked for.Which is pretty much a continuation of the narrative that the "Cricketers in the baggy green dont give you an inch".
To which I say, bollocks!
Here are the match facts
- India are notoriously slow starters, as evidenced by their performance in the first test of a series for as long as I can remember and highlighted by Ricky Ponting in the pre-match sound bytes.
- Australia won the toss and were 154/1 in 41 overs on Day 1. And despite the middle order wobble, they held the upper hand thanks to a late order fight back that saw them go from 275/6 to 428 all out.
- Remember too that in the first essay, India's bowling was down to 3 men, thanks to Ishant's injury. Factor in Harbhajan's niggles and the bowling attack was effectively Two and a Half Men!!
- Remember too that because of VVS Laxman's back spasms, India's batting was effectively 10 men. And it was not as if the Australians were blindsided by this revelation. Nor were they oblivious to the advantage this gave them.
- After securing a 23 run lead ( and the psychological gains that come from this), the Australians were off to a flyer in their second essay. The first wicket fell at 81 ( reached in 13 overs at over 6 runs/over).
- By the time the third wicket fell, they were sitting pretty at 151 with an overall lead of 174.This, on a day 4 wicket.
- Fall of wickets1-0 (Gambhir, 0.4 ov), 2-31 (Dravid, 7.4 ov), 3-48 (Sehwag, 11.5 ov), 4-48 (Raina, 13.2 ov), 5-76 (Khan, 23.5 ov), 6-119 (Tendulkar, 29.6 ov), 7-122 (Dhoni, 33.2 ov), 8-124 (Harbhajan Singh, 33.4 ov),
Starting from not consolidating the advantage of winning the toss to not being able to drive home the advantage to not being able to prise out the last two Indian wickets despite having 92 runs to play with, this Australian team did what no other Australian team from the golden era of the Border Gavaskar Trophy would have done, namely keep the opposition in the contest.
In this test, the Australians did not concede inches, they were handing over yards. On a platter. And for that reason alone, this nonsense about "They just won't go away" needs to end. Because they were never there to begin with.
Listen to the Bored Interview on Test Match Sofa.
Thanks to Achettup + Homer for getting this interview on Bored.
Working overtime on Laxman's back
When the physio finally gave up, there was talk of flying in a Bangkok masseur to which Laxman raised his hands in objection, “I’m a married man, these Bangkok girls are no good, leave me out of this please…no IPL monkey business for me”
Often in his career, Laxman has exposed the tail to the quicks, taking singles on the first ball. It appears the tailenders are now talking of returning the favour – “I’d like to see Laxman handle some of those short balls now” said one, while another hinted at taking a single on the first ball.
The Ponting - Zaheer saga, Part 1
in the Ponting - Zaheer Saga, what you think is not what they think. Here is the what and how:
two days before the Mohali test, at a 5 star hotel somewhere in Mohali
The Aussies are all in a room, drawing strategies to bring the downfall of India and to take home the Border-Gavaskar Meme. Everyone seems to be serious. Suddenly, Ponting takes off his earphones mumbling something to the tune of "who put Radiohead in my iPod?"
Then, convinced that everyone had stopped thinking and talking about the Indians, he proclaimed: "this is your skipper speaking. North, look here! Your concentration levels are so low I would not be surprised if even if someone as bad as Zaheer Khan bowled you while you were shouldering arms. Ok, where was I. Yes, we play Ind... Dougy!!! stop that singing. No wait, as a punishment you have to sing it loud so that everyone can listen and make fun of you. On my count. 3....2...1...go..."
Bollinger, not at all ashamed, stuffs a $100 bill which he had been playing with into his pocket and starts singing:
I like IPL 'cos it is good
I love IPL because I should
if there was a song to sing
I sing it and IPL you bring
I think IPL when I am sad
''cause the IPL it makes me glad
now there's nothing left to say
so lets go get auctioned...
to this tune.
Ponting gets more upset and starts spitting on his palm. "See, this is what becomes of people who just care about money. Look at Pup, look at me. We have the power of restraint, a willingness to just represent our beloved nation." Pup smiles in servitude. Ponting continues, "Don't all of you think that we should not sell ourselves like Bollinger has?"
Everyone else, apart from Pup, responds in chorus:
IPL is good
IPL is good
IPL is good
... and Stuff
IPL is good
IPL is good
IPL is good
let's go think some IPL
to be continued...
find ankit here
Look who's on Test Match Sofa today
Bored Peon+Bored Neon, Jatman, Che Pujara, Shite Bhai, Nohit Sharma, KhufiaBaaz, Yawn T Roads, BossDK, Ijaz's Butt, Salman's Butt and everything that belongs to the Bored Cricket Crazy Indians - bring your heart and ears along - Lunch break today, 11.35 am types. Listen to us play with cricket on Test Match Sofa.
Why do I watch cricket
Why do I watch cricket
Not for Ijaz Butt and his shenanigans
Why do I watch cricket
Not for happy hour with the boys at Bennigan’s
I don’t wanna keel over, on the side
With some mongrels arguing about the sanctity of their side
But it’ll do, too, if that’s all there is, it’ll do
Why do I watch cricket
For that precise moment when I know
I’m about to call it right
And Ishant Sharma won’t be able to resist
To follow a good one
With some overpitched scum
That will be driven right down
By Shane Watson for four runs
Why do I watch cricket
For the last ball of the day
By an old hand rookie called Amit Mishra
That knocks Michael Clarke
One of his five
For that precise moment when I know
I’m about to call it right
On his debut, that this kid will be history soon
Why do I watch cricket
When I don’t wanna spend money on a ticket
You got a free pass
I’ve got 8 sports channels with everything on
With cricket to football
From Berlin to Bonn
Why do I watch cricket
To walk through an empty Mohali
With a fourth day hangover
To see Zaheer - Khan through them
On the fifth
Why do we watch cricket?
We all saw something
And we think we’ll see it again
Main dekhega
"It's wonderful that we have been able to play so much Test cricket. In the last few years we have played a reasonable amount of Test cricket. At one stage, in the early nineties, I hardly got any Test matches. Couple of Test occasions there were just two or three Tests in a year. It was disappointing. That is not the case now." - Sachin Tendulkar, after overtaking Steve Waugh as the player with most test appearances.
After an indirect thank you from Sachin himself, the match fixers at the BCCI, uhm.. I mean the match schedulers at the BCCI have done one better. I like the schedule for the current series against Australia, it's ensured that all the weekends over the next month will see cricket. They've taken a step to make sure that if the game's happening at an empty stadium, at least people elsewhere get to watch it on TV.
The first test began today, which works out fine because I don't have to watch India on the first day of a series, normally the worst show we put on. I get to watch them turn up over the next two days and mount a legendary fight-back, bowling Australia out in a dramatic session, then Sachin & Dravid consolidate over day 3 after Viru & Gambhir get us to a quick 100 before falling in quick succession. Worst case scenario Australia declare after punishing us for a day and two sessions before bowling us out for a huge first innings lead in two sessions.
The second and unfortunately last test does one better by starting on a Saturday. Imagine Dhoni's CSK luck with the toss, puts the batsmen in against the Aussie quicks on Bangalore's pacy, bouncy pitch. Probably the worst case scenario again. I think we'd be better off bowling first. No, wait. Never mind.
And finally, a gentle easing out with the three ODI series beginning and ending on Sundays, the middle one, a day/night match rescuing a Wednesday.
So yeah, dear BCCI match fixers, thank you for scheduling matches on weekends, which I thought you had a policy against after looking at the SA tour schedule from earlier this year. Good on you!
PS: I''ve already missed Zak mouthing off Pricky. I hope they ration out the excitement over the next few days with focus on the weekend.
by Crownish
blogs at FCKING BLOG (Fantasy Cricket Kings Blog)
"Shahid Bhai! Shahid Bhai! - I just called to say, I did it!"
Early morning, Aamer is gently knocking at a door. Inside Shahid Bhai has just woken up, he yawns, then realizes he should go the whole hog – so his yawn becomes one of his big celebratory stretches. Knocking continues, much harder now.
Shahid Bhai (mock sings a song): Who’s that girl?
Aamer (feigning a smile): It’s a boy…Shahid Bhai…I’ve been knock..(stammers) knock…knocking
Shahid Bhai (mock sings a song): Knock Knock Knocking on Heaven’s DOOR! Haha! Why here, you should Knock Knock Knocking on heaven’s door
Aamer (breaks down): Shahid Bhai…that’s why I come to your door…
Shahid Bhai: Areh, I’ve just checked in, who showed you the door?
Aamer: Yousuf Bhai, he walked with me here, and showed me the door
Shahid Bhai: OK, sit down, I need to do my stretches…
Shahid Bhai prances around the room, and stretches arms heavenwards in front of every available mirror.
Shahid Bhai (applying toothpaste): What good is the stretch without the smile…now my 4 minute teeth yoga
He starts to brush his teeth furiously, Aamer looks down at his fingers.
Aamer (whispers): It was..Butt...
Shahid Bhai (through the paste foam): But?
Aamer: Butt told me…to do…what I did…
Shahid Bhai (spurts out his rinse): What? Does anybody know?
Aamer: Everybody.
Shahid Bhai (mock sings again): I’ll always be the last to know
Aamer: Why are you singing so much Shahid Bhai?
Shahid Bhai: O’ nuthin yaar…yesterday I met Scott from Scotland Yard, and he said, be prepared the police is gonna make you sing like a canary….when that happens, I wanna be the best singer (prances around singing with an imaginary mic) like a bird on a wire....
