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A curious coincidence occurred on a weekend this month that set me thinking. Up late night with nothing much to do, surfing the sports channels on Tata Sky late after midnight presented me with a spectacle that set my mind racing. Two sports channels (I think they were TEN Sports and Star Sports but I could be mistaken) were showing reruns of matches that had already happened. One was a Twenty20 match between New Zeeland and Pakistan and the other was an NBA regular season matchup between the Lakers and the Suns.
The first match I watched was the NBA one. Kobe was as usual putting up a show, and young Andrew Bynum was burning it up too while Amare looked like he was never injured, dunking with impunity. In between all this, anyone would be forgiven for not noticing a 37 year old veteran (37 in NBA basketball is very very very old) playing for the Suns. But this was just not any other journeyman. This was Grant Hill.
For those who didn’t follow the NBA in the tumultuous 90’s, Grant Hill was one of the greatest collegiate basketball players ever, who came into the NBA and was immediately seen as the potential successor to Michael Jordan in terms of what he represented for the league. Hill was an intelligent and superbly talented all round player of exceptional capacity, and was an A list superstar in his years at the Detroit Pistons. A measure of his genius can be found in the statistic that he is only one of two NBA players who have led their teams in points, rebounds and assists for three seasons, the only other player to have done it being the venerable Wilt Chamberlain.
Tragedy struck in 2000 when he injured his ankle and since then cruel jokes have abounded, most of them comparing Hill’s left ankle to an overused mine, alluding to the number of surgeries he had between 2000 and 2007. Having lost the peak years of his career to injury, Hill moved to the Suns in 2007 and has been performing steadily ever since. On that day I saw Andrew Bynum, a young Laker star almost exactly half Hill’s age turn him around easily and go for a dunk.
The unfairness of it all prompted me to change the channel, only to see (what I thought was) the sad end of another drama being played out. New Zeeland was playing Pakistan in a series of Twenty20s in Dubai, and Shane Bond was being carted around the park by the Paki batsmen. Already in the what-could-have-been mindset, this depressed me further. Again, this was Shane Bond.
I first noticed Shane Bond in 2001-2002 and what I saw astounded me. Here was a fast bowler, genuine fast, and had both control and pace. He was intimidating and everything you could ask for in a fast bowler. But it wasn’t just that. Brett Lee and Akhtar could bowl as fast and faster. It was the way Bond generated his pace. With all the other leading fast bowlers of his era, there was the criticism, warranted or not, that they were benders, that they chucked. With Bond, there was not the slightest question of any doubt. There was, and still is, a certain honesty about Bond’s bowling action that put him a cut above the rest. I guess the reason why Shane Bond and perhaps Dale Steyn are special, lies in the undeniable honesty of their bowling. When Akthar hit Dada on the ribs, the Indian fan in me automatically and unfairly consoled myself that he was a chucker and that it was ok. When Bond took 6 wickets for 19 against India, I didn’t have that consolation, because Bond was unimpeachable.
Over the years, as a back injury and participation in the ICL converted Bond into an unfortunate footnote in the annals of international cricket, the parallel with Grant Hill seemed appropriate. Both were immensely talented and both almost realized that talent and potential. Yet, even after their best years were taken away by circumstances beyond their control, they are still there, hanging on at the highest levels of their respective sports by sheer grit and determination.
In sport the champions are often celebrated to a point where we don’t often notice or acknowledge people like Hill or Bond. Yet, for me, these athletes represent the core value of sport itself. Their love for the game and the determination to play it at the highest levels despite all the trials and tribulations they have gone through make them the champions they are. The tragedy of Shane Bond and Grant Hill wont be noticed or talked about as much as the achievements of Sachin or Jordan, but these are also the people who make it all worth it. As I write this, Bond has just taken 8 wickets in his comeback test and Gill had edged his way into the starting five at Phoenix at the age of 37. Their little victories might seem trivial when compared to the feats of reigning superstars, but make no mistake, without them, sport just wouldn’t be what it is.
Here’s to hoping against hope and the triumph of determination and hard work against the formidable odds of battered bodies and old age. Here’s to Shane Bond and Grant Hill and Graham Alexander and all the others who make it worth it.
By Jian Johnson
A bond with sport.
Who should open with Jatman?
This was the last thing on my mind, and then I saw this dubious poll. It’s a no-brainer, but once you put the question, there’s an element of greed that creeps in. If Dravid opens, then we can play the extra bowler – read that as we can play Ishant, further read that as we can play Ishant back into form. And even further read that between invisible lines as you will.
Personally I’d like to see Amit Mishra in, but the way it is, even Mishra must not see himself playing. Instead he must hone his skills at carrying drinks, watch Cocktail, Tequila sunrise.
Now seeing that it’s Sri Lanka we’re playing, even MSD can take some much needed rest. Dravid can keep wickets. In that case, India can play another middle order batsman, why not Badrinath?
It’s not as if he has a test career to look forward to, give him a home game, once Gambhir is back, he’ll go back to where he came from.
Logic says Murali Vijay, opener for an opener; but what good is that – Jatman and Gambhir aren’t going anywhere till test cricket is dead and buried. And they pretty much got all forms of the game blocked, so give Badri a go, will you?
If nothing else, it will show the selectors in good light; which will compensate for all the bad light they’ll be subjected to for the rest of their terms.
This could backfire if Badri scores many, many runs, unlikely as it is. This is not first class cricket. He is not supposed to score 20 centuries in one game. His average cannot shoot to 56.54 overnight. And he is nearly over the hill, almost 30 next August. What use is a test debut now?
So as always the selectors will make the boring choice. Murali Vijay pad up please. But why do I get the feeling that Jatman and Vijay will not be a hot pair – if we go with Vijay, let’s just open with Dravid. And let Jatman attend Gambhir’s sister’s wedding – after all, your brother’s sister’s wedding is your sister’s wedding?
That way, Badri can play too, and we’ll all be happy, including the Lankans.
PS: This friend calls Badri Badz. Think it works?
A day without B*****
You can argue that it’s the off season between test matches. That B***** is all partied out. And we are all B*****ed out.
Blame it on the high jump after one of his miraculous wickets. Clearly he needs to pursue some other sport, and doesn’t he know it.
These are times of reflection for him, as for us. First there was cricket, but that was nowhere big enough for the gladiator in him. How he likes to Crow.
He fooled himself playing darts with a cricket ball. But that’s more a pub game, and our B***** is more the outdoor type.
With this new way of referring to him, you’d think he could be Asterix. But the magic potion’s dry, and Kirsten’s no druid.
These are tough times, what sport will B***** inflict after cricket? Will it even be a sport?
Of course if Sreesanth can play cricket again, B***** can go fly a kite.
Boring Cricket Commentating Idiots XI
With commentary being such an integral part of the cricketing experience, it's only fitting that there was a discussion on the best in the business. There have been teams of the year and sides of the century, but honours don't come much greater than being part of the greatest collection of commentators to have irritated us with their cliches and prejudices. So with much satisfaction and a large dose of fear, BCC! is introducing the definitive search for the all-time crappiest commentators from all the Test-playing countries.
It's time we recognized the booming voice of Ravi Shastri, the patronising comments of Sir Ian Botham, those anti-white remarks of Sunil Gavaskar. Ian Healy needs to be appreciated for wearing his baggy green in the Channel 9 commentary box. And this list wouldn't be complete without Tony Greig who is in a tririlemma about what team to call his own. Make no mistake, the competition will be tense and since there can only be a team of 11, something will have to give. Rest assured the race will go down to the wire.
In order to ensure none of these commentators slip through the web, I encourage our readers to nominate the commentators that have enriched their cricket-viewing experience with their description of the bleeding obvious. We're talking about the kings of cliches, the princes of bad puns, the badshahs of bias. Nominations are welcome until 00:00 GMT on Sunday, December 6. Once the nominations are in, due diligence will be done to examine their commentating credentials. The list will be divided into groups based on the commentators' primary job when they were cricketers. Our XI will comprise 2 opening batsmen, 3 middle order batsmen, an allrounder, a wicket-keeper, 3 pace bowlers and a spinner.
Voting with start from Monday, December 7 with readers choosing their opening batsmen. It will continue for 7 days, after which it will be turn of middle order stalwarts. This will continue for six weeks, after which BCC! will announce the Elite Eleven.
In case you're wondering what's in it for the voters, there is absolutely nothing. However, it does give them a chance to hurl abuses at commentators, share their favourite quotes, basically provide further evidence of how bored and cricket crazy they are.
V are family.
It’s bad enough watching Umar Akmal get out once in one day, twice in two days, that’s pushing it.
But it’s now clear to me the way forward for Pakistan cricket is the Akmal family. Two is not enough. Bring them siblings, cousins, uncles, nephews.
Observe how they will play in that V – first movement always forward, they drive sedans for shots. Even when they play to third man, it’s with the same intent to play forward albeit in a twisted way. As Waqar will say, “these buoys create their own V”
For a moment, imagine what an all Akmal team would be like: like a good, old fashioned Indian joint family, that’s how Asian teams are meant to be.
It’s easy, the eldest will be captain, and the youngest will carry drinks. All the earnings will go into the family kitty. It will be easier to fix matches, and if a player like MoYo with exceptional talent is to be considered, no problem, he can convert, and become an Akmal.
What is it like to be the East Indies?
Pak cricket has been full of questions. Till only recently the new kids were asking, what is it like to play test cricket?
Younis would laugh it off, pat the boys, and ask the kids not to ask dirty questions. MoYo would scratch his beard, look blankly into the mid distance, but offer no answer. Shoaib Malik would cry, thinking about Inzi’s retirement, and say, it’s emotional atyachar.
Then tests happened, as did the defeats, at the hands of the Lankans, Kiwis, but mostly at the hands of the Pakistanis.
And not only the kids, but MoYo and the seniors started to ask, what is it like to win a test?
And then one PCB bigwig lashed out at the losers, “You you you…you are not fit to call you you you yourself the Pakistan team”
Which is when a stoned Asif stammered, “We we we will call us East Indies”
And it was only fitting that both East & West Indies lost their games down under today. Moral: It’s not lonely at the bottom.
At the diner after Pakistan lost it again.
just because they're allowing them to play international cricket"
bhajji on the breach...
and lest you forget... it was sreesanth who took a five-for in this match...
Why isn’t Bhajji’s sis getting married?
This is really unfortunate. Not so much Gambhir’s sister’s wedding, as its timing.
If it was a tossup between your sister’s wedding and a test match against the Lankans, what would you do?
Tell you what I’d do: speak with Sachin, have the test shifted by a few days. If that doesn’t work, I’ll speak with sister and have the wedding shifted – not the date, you can’t do that, but the venue – to Mumbai, Brabourne stadium.
When they need me for the ceremonies, I’ll go off the field for a bit, and Dinesh Karthik will fill in for me.
But Gautam and I, we’re different. He’s going for the wedding. I’ll watch the match instead.
its weirdly strange!
a test match is over in three and a half days in india... still nobody from the icc has come knocking on bcci's door... no hue and cry from savior-of-test-cricket-nations media about the dust bowl...
c'mon... give me some scathing sound bytes... spit some venom on paper... hurriedly issue some alarming notices to the bcci office... over this minefield of a pitch...
or i will think this match didn't happen at all...
I will NOT believe again!
I’m not usually sappy enough to fall for the media promoted adulation that gets showered on any upcoming fast bowling talent in Indian cricket. I give myself credit for not setting myself up for disappointment whenever we discover the next best thing. I’ve seen the rise and fall many from ‘the next Glenn McGrath’(read Aavishkar Salvi) to ‘the next Wasim Akram’ (a certain Pathan. Enough said. Anymore would be belittling……Akram of course) with my dignity intact. I hold back chuckles when the commentators run out of hyperboles and fall over themselves in delight and always end up feeling good about my sense of realism and superior intellect. In short, I’m not a believer.
Not that Sreesanth got too many lightbulbs for his initial performances. In fact his debut test series against England saw Munaf get the lion’s share of the attention, with Nasser Hussain referring to him as ‘a gem’ (a jinx as clear as any I’ve ever seen.) I, of course, did not believe.
For the most part, he was a decently nippy, reasonably accurate swing bowler. His faults were being prone at times to altercations and always to idiosyncrasies. The pundits, however, were beginning to clear their throats to start mouthing platitudes. I, with my infinite foresight, did not believe.
He bowled with remarkable pace and consistency in his debut year and even took 6 wickets in an ODI against England. The pundits were in full flow and were competing with each other to mouth hackneyed hokum. I, with my supercilious bearing, did not believe.
Then came Jo’burg. Things would never be the same again. He ripped through a top class South African top order like no Indian bowler I had seen. I was transformed from a rational, calm cynic to a picture worshipping, puja performing dyed in the blue believer. I chastened myself for being so obtuse so as to not see his obvious talent. I nodded along when the pundits talked about his impeccable seam position. Surely he was the best bowler out there, no doubt. I harrumphed derisively at the other bowlers who lacked the swing, seam, or had only one type of slower delivery unlike our own God’s gift to fast bowling a.k.a. Sreesanth.
We lost the series 1-2. I still believed. Sreesanth began to show that in addition to two types of slower deliveries, he could also bowl many types of long hops. I ignored them and continued to believe. His histrionics kept increasing at the cost of performances. I silenced my inner fears and continued to believe.
In fact, I kept believing for a long time, almost to the point when we all saw him at the IPL, head in hands. I knew how he felt. I felt much the same way. Like someone had slapped me very, very hard in the face. I had allowed myself to be conned and I knew it. They made a prince out of a pretender and I went along with it. It took me a long time to get over it. That feeling of being cheated still haunts me. I still see those beautiful outswingers in my nightmares, sometimes.
And now he’s back. I refuse to believe it. I’m just not ready for it, emotionally. It’s too much of a commitment, I tell you. I will not be able to survive another rejection….I simply will not. That’s it. The end.
Did you see that ball that got Herath, by the way? Beauty, wasn’t it!Can You Understand This?
Kanpur vignette
Dews wash the face. Winter sun lends it warmth. Groundsmen pour care.
Tweakers coax. Pacers bully. But no trace of life in that 22-yard corpse.
Then he takes over.
I leave Green Park sort of overawed.
An ambulance creaks past me as I cross Amba Prasad Smarak Chikitsalya.
Maybe someone inside is fighting for life.
Maybe they should take him to Sreesanth.
The Lankans will vouch. Sreesanth can infuse life.
Namaskaram.
If nothing else, you may just get to understand him better.
5/75 in the first, so far 1/10 in the second.
How long does it take for Indian cricket to reclaim its own?
Obviously much longer than it took us at Bored.
Sreesanth Freesanth. It started here.
Don't stop.
Next stop: Che.
picture AFP
The Return of Shant Sree
After months in the cricket wilderness, the Wild Thing of Indian cricket is back. Only thing is it's not wild anymore, it just bowls a mean outswinger and the occasional reverse swinging missile. Gone are the shenanigans, gone are the unwanted conversations with the batsmen, gone are the over the top celebrations. All that remains is the good length ball on or just outside off. What remains to be seen is how long before the alter ego of Shant Sree shows up. Someone get hold of Dr. Jekyll for the antidote.
Please allow Bhajji to appeal for Sree.
If ever in a legal fix, I’d want Bhajji as my lawyer. He’s an ace with appeals. No paperwork, all hands up in the air.
For all his shortcomings as a bowler, his appeals go a long way – like that one time when lofted for six; how he HOWZATTED?? It was sad to see his dejected digits scratch his head, his face fall, his shoulders droop; he knew at that moment, it’s Not Out, it’s six.
But in spite of the odds he didn’t give up – instead he queried with the umpire, “Teri Ma ki, why is that not out?” The umpire replied, “Mother knows best.”
Before the Kanpur test, Bhajji heard The Wall. Particularly liked that song which went, “Mother do you think they’ll drop the bomb?”
And then the bomb was dropped. Sree made the team. But he just couldn’t make the appeals.
Each time he threatened to appeal, a current ripped through his arse - contorted face, electric shock break dance, he just couldn’t appeal no more.
What would people say of his break dance – break dunce.
Luckily for him, two of his first three dismissals were clean bowled. There was a caught behind, by then even the long named opener couldn’t stay any longer.
But just imagine if Bhajji was a ventriloquist. I still think he can learn. To make balls and words turn.
Latest: Bhajji is already working on Sree who appealed for his effort ball yorker.
Update: Sree is off his yorker.
Wicket update: Bhajji works his magic through Sree, great appeal. Prasana J given out.
Also read: God's prodigal son
chat with sehwag...
during india's opening partnership of 233 runs... gambhir played a rash stroke... that's when sehwag stepped in...
"I told him to think big. You are good enough to score four successive centuries. Stay three hours and you will automatically get a hundred,"
i asked... but then what about you...?
if gambhir can stay three hours and get a hundred... you will agree that you can get a double hundred... then why don't you follow the advice you offer others... and look to stay at the wicket...?
sehwag snapped... "then how will you call me jatman...?"
Imran wishes himself.
Well today is ummm my happy bored day, actually it's a lord day .. nay a god day .. after all wasn't I the Lord and God of Pakistani cricket nay international cricket at one time. Yes it's my happy Lord day, or should it be horde day. considering the hordes of fans that I have. So it's my happy Lord and horde day. Am I a sagitarrian, no I'm a lion. So it's the happy Lord and horde day of a sagittarian who's actually a Leo. It shouldn't confuse anybody. It's actually very simple. Imran the Lord with the hordes of fans, a sagitarrian who's a lion. It's as simple as that. As simple as it was for Pakistan to win the World Cup, once they made me the captain. Yes, it was as simple as that, they made me the captain and we had to win the world cup, never mind the performance by the team. So Happy Lord and Horde day to me the leonine sagitarrian. I'm sure jemima is cutting a cake.
by Mohit Varma
Show me the funny!
Move over Motera, the drama queens are here. Sree and Bhajji will play the field an arm’s length away. At some point, they could be closer, in a huddle.
Both will ham, pose for pictures, flash cheesy smiles, god help us if Sree takes a wicket new ball early – Bhajji will go for him like you don’t wanna know. I don’t put it beyond Sree to become an emotional mess, breakdown right there. And put any good performance down to Bhajji’s encouragement. He will reach below his glasses to attend to a tear of joy in one of those well orchestrated post match cons.
It’s obvious, they both deserve each other. Both had some skill as cricketers, might still do. But it’s obvious their calling is elsewhere.
I don’t put acrobats, somersaults, piggyback rides, walking on broken glass, shoving wickets into each other beyond them.
One wears spectacles, but face it, both are a f**king spectacle. They are the only reason I want India to be bowled out by lunch. To watch them bowl, and throw at us one of those IPL shows. Look out for Bhajji and Sree in minis.
If it’s anything less than that, bring in Farooq Engineer to grease them some.
There’s another mouth watering prospect, Bhajji-Sree in a batting partnership. Now if only Andre Nel and some assorted Aussies could be brought on to bowl. Full tosses outside off will do fine.
There’s only one thing in cricket that beats a delusional all rounder's batting – two delusional all rounders batting together.
Anyone for cricket, wouldn’t it be nice?
Silly questions: why was Amit Mishra dropped
His bowling average shot from less than 30 (29 point something) to 37.90 in just one innings. The selectors locked Mishra in a panic room, safe from any more test cricket. If he plays more, even Agarkar’s test bowling average of 47.32 will be threatened.
And as Shastri will tell you, Agarkar may go for a few, but he has the knack of taking wickets.
Mishra has already played 6 tests, Ojha hasn’t even played one, to quote a selector, “everyone should get a fair chance”
Mishra is shorter than both Bhajji and Ojha. Also Bhajji and Ojha smile more than Mishra.
Sachin Tendulkar is closing in on another milestone, 13k runs. Everything must be just so, and that so and so Bhajji must play.
In Motera, Mishra’s 58 overs cost 203 runs; Bhajji’s 48 cost only 189. Anything over 200 runs even at a lesser run rate is not acceptable. This is test cricket. Wickets and not run rates count.
Bhajji’s 2 wickets were impressive; one wasn’t even out while the other was a freebie. Mishra only had one freebie to his name, that too the tired double centurion.
What better than being dropped on your birthday
I just put the Kanpur test off.
There’s a school next door, and those savage JCB land movers are ripping through the earth.
How I wish one of those JCB’s would rip into Indian cricket, and take with it the pretenders.
Feel better already. But not good enough to put Kanpur on.
And hey Chotu, Happy Bored Day to you, kid. You’ll make it to my team. Not Bhajji.
Mishra's gift: Drop Harbhajan Singh five days at a time
look what jatman can do...
when he decides to apply himself...
at the time of writing this post... jatman was on 57 from 64 balls...
to all those who say jatman can bat in one mode only should see his intent today... after being dropped when he hadn't even opened his account... he has applied himself better... curbed his attacking instincts for the initial part of his innings... was looking to leave the ball and give some respect to the bowlers and early morning conditions...
the result followed... now that he is settled, he is scoring at a brisk rate... but playing the ball on merit and not trying to manufacture shots...
he is such an explosive batsman that even if he let go of some quiet overs... he is bound to make up for that later once he gets his eye in... i hope sehwag uses this innings as a template to his future innings not only in tests but in odis too... for he is even more talented than he let's us believe...
Where is Kanpur?
If you’re bored like I’m bored
Got nothing happening but for the cricket
Why don’t you come on over
Come on over to me
Bring me your childhood memories
From those Kanpur tanneries
Bring me your adolescent meanderings
Through those tea gardens of Darjeeling
Bring me your sepia toned games
From places that had, had different names
Kanpur finds mention in the Bored Anthem, above.
Kanpur also finds mention in Bored Member Som's list of 'How 7 cricketers are preparing for the Kanpur Test.' Dear to us is Jatman's preparation:
3. Virender Sehwag: Toying with the idea of visiting any of the tanneries. You can't have a better place to hone your butchering and skinning skill.
On another train of thought, the man of the match should be called A suitable boy. That stinks, but then so do the tanneries. And test cricket off late.
Bring on some fresh blues - I
The BCCI was justifiably alarmed at the steady, if unspectacular slump in the performance of the Blue batters. ‘They have gone from beating everyone black and blue to going blue in the face at the sight of a willow’ screamed the headlines. This lead to much consternation in the BCCI and they sacked the physio without informing him. A final decision was also made to drop Yuvi and test a new talent.
To this end, the BCCI hastily organized an Emerging Blue Tournament at Motera, to congregate all the possible batting contenders who have at least a tinge of turquoise in them. The pitch, despite five days of play, was in excellent condition.
All the batting prospects were collected under one roof and given a chance to display their unquestionable talents. Kris Srikkanth, as chief selector was at hand to provide the final say on who could be given a chance at Kanpur. Ravi Shastri and Sunil Gavaskar were at hand to provide insightful comments and aid Srikkanth in making the decision.
The batsman lined up. First out of the hut was Suresh Raina, who was mistaken for a staff’s kid on the way to the middle. After a lengthy clarification, Raina whipped out his ID and ignored the collective gasps when he stated he was indeed 22, not 12. Undeterred, he began with some deft strokes towards mid on. The bowlers bowled short, full, wide of off and leg but were treated with equal disdain as Raina proceeded to chop, heave, pull and drive everything towards midwicket, as is his wont.
Srikkanth, always the sagacious one, observed ‘Eh, machaa? Why do you plaay yeverytheeng yon the leg saide??’
To this Raina excitedly countered, ‘This is nothing! I’m practicing on developing cover drives and square cuts which also end up in midwicket!!’
Suitably flummoxed, Srikkanth looked on either side for inspiration. Gavaskar mumbled on about how Greg Chappell had ruined Raina as a batsman and about how all this was Australia’s fault. Shastri was missing as he had gone to obtain some lozenges for his throat which was sore from screaming in delight at each of Raina’s shots. Srikkanth indicated for the next man to walk in.
Rohit Sharma jaunted in with a flourish. He proceeded to play five balls of every over beautifully, with grace and precision. Somehow, he always managed to get himself out on the sixth. He then proceeded to tell everyone that he was a young player and he was still developing and that was how developing players played.
As he droned on, Gavaskar looked at the floodlights and wondered whether the lack of light could be a reason for Sharma’s non performance, in spite of his obvious talent. ‘Probably imported from England. Those whites always try to screw us’ he muttered to himself.
Rohit’s whining was interrupted by Srikkanth, who said ‘Taalent, machaa! Taalent is yaal you need! Rest not important! You tamil, no?’ On being informed that he was telugu, not tamil, Srikkanth abruptly lost interest and waved him away.
Next in line was Badrinath who just proceeded to introduce himself sending Srikkanth into raptures. ‘This ess yexactly what we need!’ he said. Shastri, lozenged and rejuvenated, roared in agreement making Srikkanth duck for cover. Gavaskar voiced his assent by declaring that Badrinath was the ‘CEAT’s cricketer of the week.’
But the most promising contender was still to prove himself. Pujara had disappeared from the scene. ‘Che kyan che?’ questioned the Gujarati groundsman, oblivious to the underlying humour.
An exhaustive search was carried out and finally yielded a note of explanation in the locker room. It seems ‘Che’, a hitherto unknown computer freak, had come onto this blog of dubious quality which had a picture of his face morphed onto that of an Argentine revolutionary on its homepage. Inspired by this, he decided to dedicate his life to fight the prevailing injustice in India. He’d even left a book behind, tentatively titled ‘The Batting diaries’ which tabulated the injustice in cricket in India.
As Shastri mourned for a talent he had not seen, but was sure about and Gavaskar thumbed through Che’s biography and settled on a chapter titled ‘They call Praveen Kumar a fast bowler? It’s injustice!’, Srikkanth was at a loss of words, probably for the first time in his life.
After great contemplation, our Chief Selector finally remarked ‘Maybee deyar ess some thing in yimporting taalent from Sauth Africa…..can’t be too different fraam sauth India!’ resulting in groans being elicited from all present. The search for the next batting blue continues….
by Rohit Pillai
Cinderella Redux
Once upon a time there was TINA. TINA was extremely popular with the Blue Man Group. She charmed and mesmerised her minions for almost 7 years. While her stock has gone down of late there are still some of those Blue Men who like to HUM songs in her praise, when in fact TINA is well and truly past her prime. Maybe her aficionados are high on MSD? These men of questionable taste are also seeing MINA on the side. No one really knows what makes MINA so alluring but it's been rumoured that MINA is TINA's younger sister, let's face it, it's every hot-blooded male's fantasy to score the sister combo.
But while the Blue Man Group was been blinded by their love for TINA and MINA, poor little HINA was left in the cold. HINA is their step-sister, a modern-day Cinderella if you will. All she does is play darts in her basement and curses like a sailor who hasn't been laid in months. No one has noticed her so far even though she seems to be The One for the Blue Man Group. Does HINA have a fairy godmother? Will the fairy godmother turn HINA into a beautiful princess who captivates The Blue Man Group, or will the Evil Sisters continue to cast a spell on those unsuspecting men?
Announcement - Calling Motera's Curator to Mumbai!
He is being called to Mumbai, to prepare Mumbai's roads! It is being believed, that "If he could create a pitch with soil, that did not produce a single crack, or unevenness over a period of five days, imagine, the kind of magic he could do with concrete."
I have to say, I can not disagree on this one! God knows, Mumbai needs roads that will not crack up every other day, or provide uneven bounces at every 100m.
Raj Thackerey has promised to create another havoc. Ironically, it is something about sons-of-'soil'!
Swap Analysis.
Bachche ki jaan loge kya? And even though Murali’s no kid, you can’t bowl him anymore, or Bhajji or anyone else who bowled at Motera. Not even if they want to. Not at Kanpur at least.
Murali uncle bowled (and I need my citizen calculator for this) 63.5 overs. See what I mean, he was so flat, couldn’t even complete his over. Point to be noted, Murali bowled an incomplete point five ball over.
Another point: Bhajji bowled 48.4 overs, and that’s in one innings. See, he too couldn’t complete his over.
But that’s nothing compared to Mishra the Mule: he bowled 58 overs in one innings. You’d think the sherpas had taken him to Everest base camp.
When the path was easier, and Mishra had Mahela mandal’s wicket, Bhajji the thoroughbred had his freebie.
Such lineage, you can’t help but want Bhajji to excel. The others, down the ravine.
Like Herath: 62 overs only.
Time to rest Murali and Bhajji or they will drop. It’s the festive season, let them shop till they drop. Buy a tannery in Kanpur, Bhajji. Ask MS to pitch in.
Murali, what are you scared of – Warne has retired, and Sachin doesn’t bowl much. Your record is safe. Go home. Let short sleeves bowl; bowl till he becomes sleeveless.
Hard to imagine a game without Murali and Bhajji – but so much harder to sit through one with them,
How to Kill Test Cricket
1. Prepare pitches flatter than Paris Hilton's chest.
2. Play from Monday to Friday so that no one watches.
3. Don't make fans aware of your website where they can buy tickets.
3. Batting lineups with almost 200 test hundreds between them.
4. Bowlers who can't swing, seam or spin the ball. Nor can they bowl six balls on a length on off stump.
5. Set fields that don't get you wickets or encourage batsmen to take risks.
Here's a brief look at the percentage of draw in each country for the last 5 years.
| Team | Matches | Draws | Draw% | Average | RPO | SR |
| Australia | 27 | 2 | 7.41 | 46.74 | 3.7 | 75.79 |
| England | 35 | 11 | 31.43 | 38.89 | 3.66 | 63.75 |
| RSA | 29 | 3 | 10.34 | 34.27 | 3.35 | 61.38 |
| SL | 22 | 4 | 18.18 | 43.74 | 3.56 | 73.72 |
| India | 24 | 11 | 45.83 | 42.18 | 3.42 | 74 |
| NZ | 20 | 7 | 35 | 31.95 | 3.29 | 58.27 |
| Pakistan | 13 | 7 | 53.85 | 49.14 | 3.5 | 84.24 |
| WI | 22 | 10 | 45.45 | 34.27 | 3.16 | 65.07 |
| Bangladesh | 16 | 3 | 18.75 | 24.3 | 3.12 | 46.73 |
| Zimbabwe | 4 | 0 | 0 | 18.05 | 3.1 | 34.94 |
Welcome to test cricket in the subcontinent. We like to make our batsmen feel extra special while our bowlers toil away and end up injured sooner or later. Who cares if there's a result as long as Sachin Tendulkar widens the gap between himself and Ricky Ponting? Our best bowler is making a comeback after a long injury lay-off so let's see how fit he is by making a pitch that gives him nothing. After all, there's always Harbhajan to take us to victory with his Lakeresque off-breaks. And if we still don't get a result it's no big deal because the men are busy at work, the women are watching re-runs of Oprah or Ekta Kapoor soaps, while the kids are taking up a "cooler" sport at school. A couple of more years of this and we can financially justify playing only Limited Overs Cricket. Let those white people cling to their tests, sooner or later they're going to come crawling to our leagues for our money. Boy, isn't the shoe well and truly on the other foot!
why shake hands...
and call it off...?
there has been already talk on air that tendulkar should hurry up his century so that captains can call it off since there is no result to be achieved...
but why should india call it off... what is a result anyway...?
india should make sri lanka toil further... till the very last over of the day... and if there is possibility of even laxman getting century then that should be explored too to the hilt by the indian team...
this is an international match not an exhibition match... more over it's the first match of the three match series... and the next match starts after just a 3 days break... india still can achieve desired 'result' of grinding opposition to its feet when they know the match is not heading anywhere for them... make them toil hard aimlessly... frustrate them... till the last ball of the day...
make their bowlers pray that sanga wins the toss in the next match and decides to bat... for if india win the toss and bat again in kanpur... we would achieve the desired result...
and even if we not... we have two batsmen having better than net practice at the expense of sri lankan bowlers... earning free international runs...
still talk about result...?
You've come a long way, baby.
Marvan is somewhat of a family joke. For a guy who barely made it through post match interviews, it takes some doing to be wading through hours of pre, post and in between match conferences.
Yesterday, mother appeared from nowhere and pointed out, “areh, this is that…Atapattu, isko kya ho gaya, yeh bara smart ho gaya!”
We laughed, as one does, or two do, or most people would, at Atapattu’s expense.
Now the warped bit is I like Atapattu more than most people. More than Atapattu at least, anyway he doesn’t seem to like himself.
I enjoyed his miserable, grumbling onfield demeanour, playing cricket was a calamity for him. In spite of that he played 90 tests, 268 ODIs, today much retired, cricket is poorer richer without him.
Happy Bored Day to Homer
I don't remember when I first landed on Homer's blog "Do Paise Ka Tamasha" a.k.a. "My Two Cents", but I became an instant fan after reading a post on some obscure, but fascinating rule of cricket. DPKT became one of my favorites in my blog reader.
- Test "n", Day "m"
- WADA minutiae!
- Entire quotations linked to the source
- Passionate arguments in the comments section
- And much more!
my fancy test team...
sehwag
gambhir
dravid/laxman
sachin
CHE'pujara
laxman/dravid
dhoni
ramesh powar
mishra
zaheer
sree santh
reserves:
ojha
ishant
praveen kumar
yup... this will do for me...
Outnumbered.
It is no secret that Sangakkara consults with a numerologist before big games.
On the first day of the Motera test, numbers came into play – when MSD was batting on 110, the plan was to have Dammika Prasad, Lanka’s 110th test player bowl at him.
MS was dismissed by Prasad on the very first ball of his 87th over.
As for number 69, Mahela Jayawardene, MSD had no answers. Mahela was all over India.
Of course, once Mahela makes it to 215 it will be a good idea to bring on Bhajji, India’s 215th test player. Other options: Zaks, 231, Yuvi, 247, Ishant 258, and Mishra, 259.
But then knowing the wily old fox, Mahela, he will try his best to avoid the above scores.
If for some reason he refuses to score beyond 204 today, it could be because No. 206, Dravid is waiting at first slip.
We Are No. 2. We Fry Harder.
Ind-SL 2009-10: Test 1 : Day 3 : Session 3
SL are 138 runs ahead with 5 wickets in hand.
Personally i dont care. We're still the No. 2 team in the world.
Look , we are playing abroad. We lost the toss and had to bat on an underprepared mine field. We're playing without our top bowler ZAK who's out due to injuries. What's more , the top four batsmen were all given bad decisions when the score was under 50 . Our top bat SRT was not given another chance after getting out , despite this being his 21st year in international cricket.
So this score is not indicative of our true position.
I tell you we're still the No. 2 team in the world and by far better than all other teams in the world.
Except the No. 1 team of course
And cest moi - that's me.
Why ?
Well , why not.
Faux Andy Warhol.
The things it takes for Che to get noticed. 11 hundreds are not enough. Back after a 6 month injury break, you have to make that 12th century. Check Neo Sports, Cheeka. Look out for this 21 year old. If that's too much of a bother, read Che for dummies.
Of nicknames.
Get back to the late fifties of the last century. The most notable unorganised organisation was perhaps the DCC. The short form for Devakottai* Cricket Club, If the name of such a great club has not rung in your ears yet. (*Devakottai is a small town in south Tamil Nadu)
At one point of time there were three Rajagopalan’s and two Venkatraman’s in the august body. There was an urgent need for an ID for each and a nickname was the natural answer to the need. Of the Rajagopalan’s the most important one, cricketingly was one R Rajagopal. An aggressive bat with almost all the strokes that the copy book can boast of, he stood well over 6 feet. He went by the name “Lamba” Rajagopal.
The next in the order is your bored guest. He was an opener with limited strokes and a sound defence. His ID came to be “Wills” Rajagopal. Of course he was a smoker at that time, but his chosen brands were Berkley or Scissors and not Wills. In fact, the origin of the nickname had nothing related to smoking. He was a student of mathematics with statistics as a subject of study in the UG level. The most sought after book for reference for theory of samples (large and small) was by an English author answering to the name S S Wilks. There was just one copy in the library and this sly fellow conspired with a class mate to keep perpetual possession of Wilks. (A person borrowing a book can renew it only once, 15+15 days. But two can manage to monopolise. Hence he was “Wilks” Rajagopal, which by the natural process of elision became Wills aided in the process by his intimacy with the smoking piece.
The third in the order, because he was a non-regular in the team, was one “Boring” Rajagopal. The name “Boring” has nothing to do with his personality. In fact the fellow had a fine sense of humour and never minded being laughed at at all. You would love to have him for company. Only, his father was a specialist in sinking borewells!!!
Of the two Venkatraman’s in the team, the one who didn’t endure for long went by the name “Nattukattai” Venkatraman. For those uninitiated in the ways of the DCC line of thinking the name might sound sensual, provided you know some Tamil. Nattukattai in our slang means a rustic woman and the name suggests lechery. In reality he earned the high accolade because he usually batted on and on ad infinitum without bothering to score a single run (Kattai is also the slang for just blocking). The other one who endured for more than a decade with the DCC , was fondly known as “Palkara” Venkatraman, “Palkaran” in our language means milk vendor. Of course he came from a family of vendors of milk.
Even when there was only one person by a particular name, the person had the luxury of a nickname.
“Savadal” Ganesan, “Savadal” in Tamil means high-sounding or a person who just keeps speaking. As the name would suggest, he spoke better cricket than he played.
“Tshombe” Baradan who had prominent neither lips, remember the rebel general of Congo. It was more to with the Sho of his lips than any relation of his to Congo or the original Tshombe. The names only meant endearment and no ill will was ever even remotely thought of.
It is fifty years since and I wish the team now comes back to relive the years and of course using the nicknames to address each other. Or, is the glory gone for ever?
by M Rajagopalan
November 17th: Happy Bored Day Professor Rajagopalan. It's a pleasure to have you on Bored, sir.
Rahul Dravid's unnatural innings.
When Dravid was about to walk in at the fall of Gambhir’s wicket, he was aloof, still brooding, understandably, about being dropped from the one day side.
He put aside the Encyclopaedia Cricketanica, all 10 volumes, and wearily started to walk down the aisle like a jaded bride. At exactly that point, Sachin, bless him, said the magic words, “Rahul, I forgive you for declaring on me”
A weight, all ten volumes, were removed. Dravid ran down the aisle like a horny bride. He had runs, loads of sexy runs on his mind. And thoughts of a 400 something partnership with his darling, Jatman.
Today was the day. But Jatman didn’t shake a leg, and he was left all alone. At exactly that point, Sachin, bless him, said the magic words, “Rahul, I forgive you for GC”
The skies cleared, and the sun shone on Dravid’s helmet. But when within six balls both Sachin and Laxman deserted him, and the upstart Yuvraj joined him, it was all over.
He knew, now Yuvraj would crack dirty Punjabi jokes about Jammy – like “yeh bat Jammy nahin” and laugh wildly and shove his fists up his, nevermind. But instead, Yuvi came with some urgent news, “Just play your unnatural game, and you will make the 2011 World Cup”
And then you saw what happened. Dravid was just not himself. He was a man on someone else’s mission. He scored so fast, even the electronic scoreboard, that takes it easy when RD appears, was jerked out of limbo.
But then Yuvi went. And Dravid’s heart sank. It’s bad enough standing next to him at slip, and now to bat with him.
At 157/5 India was still not out of Red Riding Hood’s woods. There was a wolf gang waiting, and Dravid had to play Amadeus.
Enter a masterstroke. MS with RD in mid pitch conference –“ Rahul, Gary and I have discussed with Cheeka and the selectors, and we are in total agreement that your form picks you for the twenty20 World Cup next year. Just continue to play your unnatural game”
Dravid finished the day at 177. If he progresses further, you can put it down to an apology from an uncertain Dilip Vengsarkar.
Also on Dravid: Not that funny
Rahul Remix
I’m out of luck, I’m out of form
Don’t know how I’ll weather the storm
The legs will move, the blood will flow
Take it easy, nice and slow
Do it little by little, blow by blow
I watch the ball, can’t watch my back
The knives are out, want me on the rack
Looking for luck, needle in a haystack
Forget the world, stare at a bird’s eye
You’re not a myth, you’re not an evil Sith
You’re still playing, you’re still brick-laying
I’m out of luck, I’m out of form
Don’t know how I’ll weather the storm
Open your mind, open your stance
Look at the field, give it one more glance
Forget about luck, forget about chance
I hear voices and I hear noises
I hear raves and I hear rants
I hear don’ts and I can’ts
Blank the crowd, blank the bowler
Let ‘em boo, let ‘em holler
Treat ‘em like another blank caller
I’m out of luck, I’m out of form
Don’t know how I’ll weather the storm
(From December 22, 2008)
the inspiration sachin will need...
yes... if ever sachin is looking for inspiration to keep going till the 2011 world cup and beyond... he should look no further than this news snippet...
Neville Wadia became the oldest player to hit a century in minor cricket. Wadia, at 63 years and 305 days, scored 105 for Waghodiya Road against Vrajdham Vadli Pariwar team at Siabaug Ground in Vadodara on March 28 this year. Eight months later, his feat was recognised in the Guinness Book of Records.
in fact we might see both sachin and his son arjun playing for india some day...
7 Tendulkar Q&A
Q1. The West Bengal government recently paid price for not heeding to which Tendulkar warning? Ans. Aila;
Q2. If Sachin Tendulkar is Little Master, what is Vinod Kambli? Ans. Belittle Master.
Q3. How would you know if your brother is the next Tendulkar? Ans. He would fall off a tree while trying to watch a movie and chances are high that the movie would be Dev Anand-starrer 'Guide'.
Q4. If Tendulkar is a quintessential Marathi Manoos then what Raj Thackeray is? Ans. Marathi Manhoos.
Q5. One ailment that didn't exist – at least we didn’t know – in pre-Tendulkar era. Ans. Tennis Elbow.
Q6. Why did Tendulkar do that 'Jo ande roz khaate hain/woh hatte khatte hote hain' commercial? Ans. He wanted to egg youngsters.
Q7. Why was Ajit Agarkar was also part of the commercial? Ans. After all the eggs belonged to the Bombay duck.
The Great Indian Blowjob.
This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.
Sachin – The Flawed Great
Bang on, Som I tried hard to find perspective in all that has been published, but they were all paeans and little else. The truth is that today, if anything, I feel underwhelmed. The most obvious thing that hits you is the realization that India won little in the last 20 years in spite of having one of the greatest batsmen in the modern era. You just get the feeling that we are close to the end of something special, but it could have been so, so much more. I’m not saying that Tendulkar was an inadequate match winner. Hardly. I think he did his best.
People point to World Cups won: Ponting 3 Tendulkar 0.
I personally think that's a harsh statistic. We have to compare them as batsmen first. Therefore the statistic should read;
Highest scorer in World Cups: Tendulkar 2 Ponting 0.
This gives an accurate idea of how well they individually performed at the highest stage.
But my criticism of Tendulkar has little to do with the cricketer, and more to do with the person. You just get the feeling that by trying to make everyone like him, Tendulkar ended up stubbornly sticking to a rigid path of not having an opinion at all. Tendulkar at his peak had a following that exceeded everyone else, filmstars and politicians included. The universality of his popularity has never been exceeded and never will. If anyone could have arm twisted the BCCI, (I mean the board not this blog!) it was him. We saw how Sehwag’s tame attempt to stem corruption in selection matters petered out to a farce in the face of political bigwigs. Well, hats off to you man, whatever your motives were, you tried.
Sachin, on the other hand, stuck to cricket. BCCI ridiculously claimed that the cricketers represented them, and not India. Sachin said nothing. The selection system has always had many loopholes and there is mismanagement at every level. Sachin said nothing. Our national team players were involved in match fixing. Sachin said nothing. The BCCI management has become a happy hunting ground for politicians, since Jagmohan Dalmiya pioneered the art of professional embezzlement. Now it seems each major post is being usurped by yet another politician. Sachin continues to say nothing and intersperses that with trying to illegally get his taxes waived on a Ferrari. As the decay continues to pervade, the centuries keep coming. But little else. Don’t tell me no one else has done anything either. They weren’t Sachin. Full stop.
Now people will harp on about how he’s grounded, humble, yakkety yak. He let his bat do the talking, apparently. I have always found that to be ridiculous. You’re telling me that he looks at his records and is still unaware of the fact that he’s the best? He would have to be mentally incapacitated in some way for that to be possible. Which he is not. What he is, unfortunately, is a politically correct crowd panderer who is incapable of taking a stand. He prefers to keep his mouth shut than offend anyone, which is a travesty because India is full of people like him. People who look the other way when a bribe is doled out, who are bystanders when goons thrash an innocent in front of them and who could care less if their inaction as a whole is the primary cause of the shambles that is India today. I guess I wish that all that talent had been bestowed to a person with personality, with dynamism. An individual who would have strived to use his power to rise above cricket and bring about a change, any change at all. Because that is what we sorely need. A few thousand runs less, we could have done with.
Someone may point to the statement made by him the other day against the MNS. I think that was even better than the 175 he made a few days ago. But I don’t think he actually said it. If you go through the interview, it has been taken totally out of context to make it seem like a repudiation of MNS dogma. It’s one of the few good things that have come out of the media’s ability to blow stuff out of proportion. What I do remember, however, was Sachin reading out Marathi poems at a function organized by the Shiv Sena. The Sena were at their jingoistic peak then, physically abusing hundreds of harmless impoverished immigrants, no less. But all that occurred to Sachin was to read his dad’s poems. How could he have refused? He is such a nice guy, you know…
by Rohit Pillai
Sachin Announces Retirement - Just Another Premonition
Or call it a nightmare! While I was still thinking, what should be the one special post on Sachin completing 20 years in international cricket for Bored, I dozed off to sleep!
And it was time for another one of those premonitions!
----------
Sachin announced retirement 3 months back, and the reality has sunk in! Indian cricket is not the same anymore, being Indian hasn't remained the same either! SUNK, it is!
Last night, India lost their fourth straight one day series in the past 3 months, this time to Afghanistan. (Guess, I just love dreaming about the mountain, terror torn country!) Most of the blame had to be shouldered by the frail Indian batting line-up, that was still being regarded as the best in the world, only 90 days back!
After the Indian loss by 178 runs at Hyderabad, the arrogance in the words of Captain Virat Kohli, however, wasn't lost! "We have lost Sachin, but we have the potential to produce another one.", said he, and was mocked at by the packed stadium at Hyderabad! He was also mocked at in sports bars and coffee houses around the world! Bored Chief has announced a free of cost medical check up for Virat's mental illness, as the Bored Chief cannot see Indian cricket go down the drain where it is headed to.
BCCI has lost all its multi-million deals with its sponsors, in the past 2 months, when they were up for renewal! If BCCI hasn't invested well in the past, it seems with the current trend, that it is heading towards another Lehmannesque bankruptcy!
On a scarier note, Bored had an exclusive interview with the legendary Sachin himself. He seems to be going crazy sitting at home, watching India lose so bad! He wants to get back to cricket, but then he is already 50! His wife, being a student of medicine, is scared for his health!
------------
I couldn't bear the trauma of Sachin's retirement any longer, which is where I woke up! And thankfully the nightmare ended!
Because Sachin is still here, inspiring confidence in me and his team, as he has for the past 20 years! And we will continue to see turning up in his whites and blues, and playing for India, as he has for the past 20 years!
Thank You Sachin, for still being here!
You could read more on what I think about Sachin and his 20 years, here!
Bees Saal Baad : The Raja is alive, long live Raja Jnr
It was 20 years ago today, SRT taught the world to play.
It's been exactly 20 years since this king arrived in the test arena and he has ruled ever since.
What better way to celebrate than by announcing the arrival on planet earth , exactly 20 years later, of RajaB's new born son today !
Congrats, SRT and the B family ! :-)
There’s no business like Tendulkar20 business!
You got your brief
You know what to say
You gonna say it
All night and day
Thank You Sachin!
Thank You Sachin!
It’s not a cricket stroke
It’s just a poke
An innocent joke
Say it and you will be one too
With the universe
Thank You Scahin!
Thank You Sachin!
Everything that you are
Every single run you scored
That 100 you made MS
You know who made it for you
Thank You Sachin!
Thank You Sachin!
And how you all imitated him
Oh how you love to say that
Don’t you Jatman, and now you MS
MS Word, that’s the new software in town
It’s calibrated to a simple thank you
It is none other than
You know it
You say it
You can, it costs nothing
Your soul will be touched by the divine
You’re a believer
You’re a follower
You’re a subject
And all because
There’s no business like Tendulkar20 business.
Thank You Sachin, for the song, for MS, Viru, Yuvi, Bhajji, Indian cricket and the Tendulkar20 business
Thank you for today's TOI article by MS
Thank you, thank you!
Sachin!
Tendulkar20 business.
Just too much of saccharine, this Tendulkar20 business.
Deep inside, the Little Master himself must be embarrassed by the mindless hysteria he finds himself in and around him.
His fawning fans in the media have made such a vulgar song and dance of his 20 years in international cricket that I won't be surprised if he comes up with his own version of Karl Marx’s Thank-God-I'm-Not-A-Marxist renouncement.
When someone like Ravi Shastri advocates blanket imprisonment for every Tendulkar critic, you suspect fascism trying to stage a comeback with cricket as its vehicle.
Raj Thackeray can sleep peacefully. Indian cricket is in safe hands.
You can read more of this profane post at Som's Doosra
Gotta new way to say Thank You Sachin!
Of course you don’t. How could you, you are not an Indian cricketer.
If you were, every morning, after thanking the BCCI for not having to type in your whereabouts, you would Thank Sachin for being alive, among other cricketing reasons.
But let’s say you have a new way. What good is it sitting in your oesophagus? Spit it out.
If you can say Thank You Sachin without sounding like Jatman, Yuvi, Bhajji or MS, send it to us. Who knows we might thank you, and put it up as a post here.
Aside: Sree thanked Sachin for driving his Honda Civic – with “so much style”, “Sachin he drives a Ferrari and he was driving my Honda Civic”
Thank You Sachin History
Thank You Sachin Group
Thank You Sachin
Andheri Raat Towers
Ten Dulkar Downing Street.
Animal activist prevails.
It takes silicon to save the whale penis. It takes cricket to save animals.
Not a post goes by where Bored Member Som doesn’t engage us with his animal love for cricket.
If he isn’t Grrrrring with Symonds, he’s Boooooing with Bhajji.
Frankly we’re zapped the bear hugs came from the Telegraph and not the WWF.
Why Doesn’t India Produce a Fast Bowler?
I’ve been cricket crazy for as long as I can remember. The earliest memory that I have is of the dull ache I felt as we slowly but surely committed Hara-kiri at Eden Gardens in WC ’96. In the last 13 years, the more Indian cricket has changed, the more it remains the same. True, we have improved in all departments and are contenders for the best team in the world. However, I couldn’t help suppressing a déjà-vu in the last two ODI’s. At Hyderabad, Sachin went solo as everyone else gave him his deserved limelight by doing as little as possible collectively circa ‘96.
At Guwahati we proved that we are still not beyond catching hold of our own jugular with a vengeance and asphyxiating ourselves, much to the delight of the bemused Australians. That got me thinking about what else hadn’t changed in the last 13 years… The answer: We didn’t have a fast bowler then, we don’t now. In fact, we’ve never had one.
When I say Fast Bowler, I mean a bowler capable of bowling a spell, if not an over at an average speed of 90+mph. The fact that Ashish Nehra bowled ONE delivery at 149.7kph in WC ’03 does not make him a fast bowler. A candidate for Ripley’s, yes, a fast bowler, no. No, Ishant Sharma, contrary to what he thinks, isn’t one either.
A tall, well built(see why Ishant doesn’t qualify? :-)!) pacer who can intimidate the batsman and force him into errors by using sheer pace and bounce has never made his way into the blues. The fact is, EVERY top cricket playing nation on the planet has had at least one fast bowler. Every one of them. Most of them have one in their current roster. Pak, SA & Aus are pretty obvious. NZ with a population of 4.5 million has discovered a Shane Bond. WI have had a number of them from Jermaine Lawson to Fidel Edwards. Their second string XI had a Roach, for god’s sake! Eng have Harmison, Flintoff and even Broad! Sri Lanka have Fernando and Malinga among the prominent ones. In comparison, India’s attack of Ashish Nehra, Munaf Patel and Praveen Kumar are rated as LMF, RMF and RM by cricinfo (RM!! Would you believe it! The same as Ganguly!) An aussie attack of Lee, Johnson and Siddle were rated as RF, LF and RFM. Herein lies the difference. Why are we the only nation without a single fast bowler? Many theories have been given, all of which can be discredited with minimal effort.
We are too nice: The most ridiculous hypothesis, given by none other than the batting great Geoffrey Boycott. He actually said that most Indians were nice and lacked the aggression to be fast bowlers, due to their Hindu upbringing and innate hospitality. Anyone who knows a little about the casteist, sexist, puritanical Indian knows that he is not a nice person. If people have been nice to you Mr. Boycott, it is because you are an affluent Caucasian. No offence intended. It is an innate, irksome subservience that makes them nice and not the fact that they are Hindus.
We don’t have supportive pitches: I don’t think the pitches are any different in Pakistan, Sri Lanka or Bangladesh. If anything, we have comparatively better pitches.
We don’t eat meat: I think it is sufficient to say that a lot of us do eat meat these days. At the very least, a sufficient number eat meat to produce a minimum of one fast bowler. This quibble is refined to include only red meat. To be more particular, beef. This is used to conveniently differentiate India from its neighbours. I must admit that beef consumption is on the lower side in India. However, people forget that Indians have many minority communities who do consume beef. We have 100 million Muslims, 20 million Christians and 5 million Zoroastrians and East Indians. Have any of these communities produced a first rate fast bowler?
We have genetic and physical shortcomings: This seems unlikely as not all fast bowlers have superior physiques. Aamer, for example, looks every bit a 17 year old kid except for when he hurls the cherry at 150kph. And even if a majority of Indians are genetically crippled, that still leaves a huge number of people taking into account our 1 billion+ population.
What else can it be? Flawed selection which gives stress to line and length? Not really, as we had a fast bowling competition in India for amateurs which was won by an effort of 135kph! What else? The truth is, I don’t know. I didn’t in 1996, I don’t today….
I rest my case.
By Rohit Pillai
Future Tours Programme
Alright, so after much deliberation and research I've come up with what I think is a pretty good Future Tours Programme from 2015 to 2019. The FTP has been drawn up with the following factors in mind:
1.9 test-playing nations play each other in home and away series (T20, ODI, Test) over a period of 4 years.
2.There are separate windows for IPL and Champions League so that players don't have to choose between their national side and their club. However, players have to be available for selection for atleast 75 percent of the bilateral matches their national side is part of.
3.There will be two Twenty20 World Cups (2016 and 2018) and one Champions Trophy (2017).
4.Every country apart from Bangladesh gets to host a major tournament.
5.The FTP will culminate with the Final Four of the World Test Championship and the ODI World Cup. The Final Four will be decided based on the points per test (Total points earned divided by number of tests played).
6.Every board contributes a percentage of its total revenue into a pool. The total money is then equally distributed among the national boards. The revenue from IPL and Champions League need not be shared.
MoYo's word
Have you seen MoYo’s word in print before – I had not until today. One of the perks of captaincy, you get to spray your seedy word all over the place. As I ruffled through the Mail Today, a piece by MoYo. I nearly fell off the earth.
It was too frank, pointlessly so, which is why I liked it. Here from MoYo one word too many on Sachin:
“We have met often in hotel lobbies, at grounds and in elevators, but haven’t met or talked to each other elsewhere.”
It’s blatantly obvious Sachin is trying to avoid MoYo.
“Whenever we have met, it has always been in good humour”
Is MoYo insinuating that Sachin laughs at him? Or he laughs at Sachin?
“The fact is that when we play matches both of us are busy. The cricket schedule is so tight that these days it is not possible to give time to our families, leave alone interacting with cricketers on the cricket field”
This further convinces me that MoYo will be a hands off captain, who will forever field at third man.
“And whenever we have met, we have discussed only cricket. But we don’t discuss our batting”
C'mon, out with it man, did you discuss the ICL or not?
Coloured.
'The private sports channel’s teaser for the upcoming India-Sri Lanka cricket series defies belief. As video clips showing Sri Lankan cricketers in action are screened, the soundtrack is provided by an old Hindi film song, the lyrics of which are: ‘Hum kaalay hain toh kya huwa dil walay hain.’ That roughly translates to, ‘so what if we are black, we are hearty sportsmen nonetheless.’
From Dawn.com
From Dubai Sports City, Live
Update 1
Just reached - walked enough for a lifetime - totally worth it to see the stadium - its bloody brilliant ! Well we get in, nazir gets out ...and bond, he's quick.
Update 2
Update 3
Malik's gone but the people were never here - I mean half the stadium's empty surprisingly. But half a stadium of subcontinentals is enough to make a racket - and it sure is one here. Great buzz. Suprb atmsphere as usual - so fcnkg great to be at a venue , and this looks like a truly special one. Well done Dubai ! Look forward to some big shots from both sides tonight. Disappointed to have both nazir and afridi gone , hope razzaq does the fireworks - going by that boundary maybe he will yet.
Update 4
So I look up from my camera to see who s walked in that's elicited that roar from the crowds. Cudn't be afridi. No younis either. Surely not imran khan ?!!! Lo behold ai Mhd Aamer ! The pak obsession with pace !
Update 5
Stepped out for a smoke - deathly silence from inside - of course , the wickets side shows zero ...
Update 6
The scoreboard before it conked off
Update 7
Damn , that's Mac gone lum. Crowds ibvsly going berserk with this Tanvir over. Which one ? Don't ask. The scoreboard's not working !
Update 8
We enjoying the kiwi line up names - broom , butler ... Meanwhile a (presumably) Kiwi family sit nearby looking terrified. The atmosphere must sound like Waziristan to them. Of course the onfield score right now looks even more dire. Ah , a boundary at long last. Hope to see this one go down to the wire with plenty electricity in between.
by Bhaskar Khaund
