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Waqar Younis, Ijaz Ahmed and Aqib Javed are browsing through DVDs, when Waqar jumps with joy
Waqar: GotGreatStuffMate!
Ijaz: Genghis Khan?
Aqib: Sholay?
Waqar: Howards End! GonnaBuyItOnly2QuidMate! BeAbsolutelyLovelyForTheBuoys… ToGetUpToDateOnCricketPoliticsMate…
Ijaz: Oye, look at cover Waqar Bhai
Waqar: aaa that’s aaa SomeKindaPromoMate
The Three arrive at the team hotel and arrange for a movie screening of Howards End for the Team; all are seated together
Waqar: IDon’tWannaGiveNuthinAwayBuoys…JustThisMovie…YaGonnaSee…ItzAbout…Howards End
Kamran Akmal: Shahid Bhai Shahid Bhai, who this Howards End
Shahid Bhai: Oye Stupid yaar, these English have funny names naa…Howards is first name, End is second name
Waqar: SSSH PlayingDVDMate!
Shahid Bhai: As skipper I wanna say some words to the buoys…
Waqar nods…
Shahid Bhai: Enjoy film…but remember you are the STAR!
Shahid strikes his hero pose and the team cheers and starts to grope him
That’s when Ramiz Raja walks into the room…
Ramiz: Waqar wasup, movie? What movie – Sholay?
Aqib: I wanted Sholay…
Waqar: latest cricket film on John Howard…
Ramiz: Yeah, wow! Let’s watch…
(To be Contd)
Howards End
RDX: Out of my comfort zone
When I first read the title of Steve Waugh’s book, I thought he had dedicated the book to me. Btw I plan to start an NGO called WRY, and no, it is not affiliated to CRY.
Earlier I had to do some odd jobs like keeping wickets or serving drinks in the dressing room to justify my inclusion in the playing eleven. That was weird enough, now I have to be the team mouthpiece. Everyone knows, I’m a loner, and prefer to keep to myself than take on the opposition in a pre-series war of words.
To take on Mendis was not my idea. But seeing as I cannot keep wickets anymore, MS will not allow it, and serving drinks is now officially Mishra’s job, they had to assign a thankless job to me.
Frankly I do not know if we are prepared for Mendis, or for that matter if Mendis is prepared for us. That we’ll only know after the series. I won’t say a lot depends on the start our openers give us, as last time in spite of their good starts we made a total hash of things. I can assure you this much, if our openers fail to give us a good start, my personal contributions will be better.
It’s odd how the media has clubbed Yuvi and me together, making it sound like a return of sorts. While we will be both playing for India after a while, neither of us has been dropped from the test team.
I have just received a message, appears I now have to take on Vaas and Jayasuria in the press. Unless they want me to take on the retirement plans in Sri Lanka, I find this totally uncalled for.
Cricket in the heavens.
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| I was knock, knock, knocking on heaven's door |
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| Dharamsala poses for moi |
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| How's that for a sightscreen |
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| You should go, stand, stare, smile silly |
Photographs by Vandu+NC; and here's how I made it.
Andy Flower on England's success
I sat the players round the TV, and played recordings of my innings against India. It did take a long time, as they were all long innings, we skipped meals, cheated on sleep, our loved ones, as we sat huddled watching me play.
After some 36 hours, KP stood up, and threatened to walk out; and then he said, “At the end of the day, what do you want to do – play for England? In that case you’re showing this to the wrong people”
I was glad KP spoke up, of all the players, our games are most similar. I asked KP, “Kevin, what’s common between us?”
Even though KP likes to think he’s unique, he had to grudgingly admit, “The reverse sweep, Andy”
I somehow impressed upon the players that the only way forward was to do the reverse of everything – in addition to inculcate the Shaolin monks' habit of sweeping one's chambers in the morning.
From that day, I encouraged players to speak up and admit what the reverse of their present personalities would be. Even though this is confidential, I must share it with you:
Chris Broad: Winner (as opposed to loser)
KP: Team man (as opposed to loner)
Collingwood: Upbeat (as opposed to brooder)
Eoin Morgan: English (as opposed to Irish)
It was all in good spirit, and finally Swanny joked that the reverse of Andy Flower would be Cat (as opposed to mouse).
KhufiaBaaz: Andy Flower for English football
Stoic at the best of times, Andy moved his non-existent lips, “I’m contracted with the ECB, though there is another Flower, Grant, speak to him”
When contacted Grant Flower refused to take on the English football team, and put the coach hunters on to one Henry Olonga.
And here's what Olonga said - "who do you think I am Pommie Mbangwa?"
Tell me it isn't true . . . ?
Just read this - there's another Ind-Sri Lanka series coming up ???
No ! Oh no, no , no. No !
Somebody please tell me it isn't true.
Sob.
RDX: Another Setback
I have followed the Asia Cup closely, and while the win is heartening for Indian cricket, personally, it’s a setback for me. It rules out any chance I had to make a comeback to the one-day squad. The process for my return was set-up by an early exit in Zimbabwe, but that was a team sans seniors.
Raina and Rohit are shaping up well, and that doesn’t augur well for me – next thing I know, the heat will be on my test spot. But before me, I think VVS has some serious worrying to do. It’s just that he doesn’t take to worrying. That guy has been humiliated (even more than me) but still he smiles. He doesn’t know the meaning of pressure.
While Sachin can be picky enough to select his tours, I have no choice to play the test crumbs that come my way. Right now I’d be quite happy if the IPL was 24 X 7, it’ll give us at RCB another shot at the trophy.
But before that there’s a test series to be played in Sri Lanka. It’s been a long time, and I didn’t recognize some of the players. Yuvi’s back and he sits up front – we have reserved two seats for him in the team bus. It’s official, he is now called fat boy slim. And you all know who came up with that name – Yuvi himself! He even has a name for me, he calls me wallflower.
by RDX
This is the third in a series of posts by RDX, exclusively for Bored Cricket Crazy Indians.
Yuvraj regains test form.
After being out of the team for more than five days, it’s obvious Yuvraj has brushed up his test skills, even regained his test form. Then again, it’s not like he was unfit or out of form for tests, it was just that he continued to play one-dayers and T20s. Yuvraj, one must grasp, is a batsman more in the classical mode, on the lines of a Rahul Dravid, who may not make the limited overs squad, but is a sure shot for the test team.
It can be argued that Yuvraj did not bat in the last test he played against Bangladesh, (Jan, 2010), but MSD declared at 8 down; also the other classical test bat, Dravid, was already retired hurt – clearly they did not want to risk Yuvraj too, for there was a frantic limited overs calendar ahead, not least the IPL.
Yuvraj did of course bowl two overs, economically at 3 runs per over.
Prior to this, Yuvraj more than doubled his test score against B’desh from 12 to 25. Here too, be maintained his 3 rpo stats, pieing down 5 overs.
Yuvi’s detractors will bring up his weak IPL run, but how many times must I say, the IPL no indicator of test class, and Yuvi is a test bat first, and then a swinger. Rahul, come on, speak up for your fellow player.
The smarts
29.3 | Iqbal Abdulla to Iqbal, OUT, the ball seemed to bounce twice as Iqbal tried to drive and edged to ball to the hands of Mukund at first slip. He's not happy getting out the that delivery | ||||
MM Iqbal c Mukund b Iqbal Abdulla 33 (63b 4x4 0x6) SR: 52.38
|
And therein lies a tale.
94 - Are you f'n kidding me??
The current IPL format with its 40 odd match is by itself exhausting to follow. What are the franchisee owners smoking that has made them lobby to keep the existing format inspite of the addition of two teams and increase the matches to a mind boggling 94? Do they not understand the concept of overkill?
It would seem logical if the franchisees had only a short term outlook (one to two years). Then it would be understandable if were to milk the cash cow dry. But these chaps have committed to the IPL for 10 frigging years. Their balance sheet is writing off the entire fixed cost incurred on bidding for franchises over ten long years. A 94 match tournament may bring in the moolah in the first year (i.e. IPL 4) and show and lead to a good balance sheet for FY12. However if, sorry when the diminishing returns funda sets in....
Also the IPL will miss Lalit Modi's service. Say what you want about him but the IPL worked because of him and his team. With them gone, we have the fat suits like Chirayu Amin left. Will the management skills of Modi and his team be replicated by these chaps? Especially when it comes to maintaining interest of 90 plus matches.
India plays Sri Lanka every second day.
The organizers did not foresee this India-Sri Lanka final, they expected this Micromax Cup to be like their silly product promise, nothing like anything.
Truth is, Micromax is like everything, and so is their Cup. So while the Micromax guys were hell-bent on a Bangladesh-India/B’desh-Pak/B’desh-Lanka final to push their silly promise down our throats, what happened was quite the opposite – we’re on to a final, that’s just like any other day in Indian or Lankan cricket, they’ll play each other.
Even Sachin can’t take it anymore. He’s stopped playing Lanka in his sleep. Bhajji, who knew what was coming, refused to play Lanka every second day, dropped out of the dress rehearsal. No doubt he’s ‘saving his best for the finals’ and is more than aware he can ‘perform every second game’
While Lanka who won the rehearsal with a bonus point, were distraught that their big margin of defeat ‘counted for little’. Even though Sanga said nothing, it was clear from his expression he wanted their bonus point to ‘count for something’. His close friend, Mahela agreed, “Kumar wanted our big win against India to mean something, but here in spite of topping the league table, we can have one bad day at the office and lose the coveted Micromax Cup”.
Sanga refused to comment and asked us to speak to his lawyer, when reminded that he was his lawyer, he said, “I wanted our big win against India to mean something, but here in spite of topping the league table, we can have one bad day at the office and lose the coveted Micromax Cup”.
Elsewhere Sehwag was sick of these India-Lanka games – “it’s a good time to get injured, I’d rather be fit for India-B’desh games…” he then broke into a song, “Minnow yaan na Minnow…”
Also read: Scared Lankans
curious case of BossDK...
never has there been a player in one’s memory who simply walks into a team like BossDK irrespective of his scores and performances...
yours truly used to be a strong backer of his but that is changing of late...
but is it easy being BossDK...?
to his credit he never appears out of form... he is the sort of player who is like 'quick-fix' that can be summoned at the 11th hour and still he will do what he is supposed to do... the difference of time-zone does not seem to matter to him neither does jet-leg... and as a bonus... he ranks right there as far as fielding of his preferred peers concerned...
never has there been a player also has been shunted up and down like him... he is made to do what team management wants him to do... if the opener is injured he is our opener... if the middle order bat is injured he is our middle order bat... even there, there is no fix no. given to him... the only thing remaining is to have him bat down the order alongside zaks and nehras and ask him to bowl when a bowler gets injured...
selectors and team management know his worth and that is why he has always been that 16th member of squad and I bet even before first 15... his visa is made and cleared in advance... this is why we never see him entangled in visa issues as certain yadav discovered to his horror recently...
yet, as i said he never appears out of form and yet due to all his 'quick fix' worthiness his name is never written in final xi team sheet... if all players are fit that is...
its partly to do with when he is given the chance to feature in final xi unchallenged... like in zim tour... he blows it as quickly as he ‘fixes’... he has this penchant of playing good cameos and then as if somebody reminds him that he will always be a ‘replacement’ throws it away in favor of his established colleagues... as if he is happy to remain as a ‘quick fix’... as if it is part of a deal...
time has come that either he is given more responsibility, as india has been investing in him for a time now, in the form of regular place in final xi in middle order coz that is what he is, a middle order bat, and assessed at least for a full series or we move beyond him and explore more talents...
but the question is do we have another talent who offers as ‘quick-fix’ a solution as BossDK...?
Shoaib Akhtar & Bhajji get it off in the middle and elsewhere at the team hotel
That was during the game, but here's what happened after the game at the team hotel
Bhajji: Yaar Shoiab, you were sexy
Shoiab: Noh maan you were verry cool man you were so much hot tension in the middle
Bhajji: Sachin told me you gotta play hard in the middle
Shoaib: You were hard mate
Bhajji: You were hard too yaar
Shoaib: Still friends mate always mates man
Bhajji: You are like my bara pra
Shoiab: Don't make me blush mate thanks mate so sweet of you mate
Bhajji: Don't call me mate, I won game call me checkmate
Shoiab: Ok checkmate mate whatever man cool man
Bhajji: Tell me yaar how was it like to be lifted by SRK
Shoiab: Very emotional moment for me personally checkmate mate man
Bhajji: Why do you always talk like an a**h**le talk straight yaar
Shoiab: That was not very straight checkmate mate man
Bhajji: Good joke yaar
Shoiab: What joke, serious, I'm a saying it like I saw it now don't make me a joker
Bhajji: (aside) What a loser...Ok bye Shoaib, Yuvi wants to wish me...
Shoaib: Say Hi to Yuvi mate I mean checkmate
Bhajji: Haha Yuvi is saying Hi Hi Shoaib
Nohit Sharma's non-stretch.
When Sachin is away, the next Sachin will play. But he isn't Nohit Sharma for nothing; he will refuse to play even when he plays. That in itself is something. Nohit, as you are no doubt aware, refuses to stretch himself. He is hooked to what his Bombay boys call the "lazy elegance" of Rohit Sharma. How can you stretch when you are lazy n elegant?
In yesterday's game, he nohit the ball. It's so tempting, he had to try it again - and it met with the same results as in the game against Bangladesh -
14.5 82.4 kph, and he's gone first ball! All those talks of bonus points can stop for a while, since Shakib is creating a chance for Bangladesh here. Arm ball speared in on off and heading straight for leg. Rohit makes a lazy forward lunge with bat tucked behind the pad and it hits him flush in front of middle. The umpire thinks it through and rules him out. Well! 80/3
And now this, against Pakistan -
41.2 93.2 kph, Sharma goes! Plays for the legspinner, pressing forward to defend, and this one goes straight through and hits him in front of off and middle. So plumb that even Billy Bowden (usually a not-outer) immediately raised the finger! Afridi gets into his Becker-like celebration 208/4
This may appear a lazy post, using all these cricinfo cut pastes and all, but before you accuse me, take a look at Nohit Sharma. Like Nohit, so this post.
Bored aside: Nohit refuses to stretch himself as he is afraid of stretch marks
Asia Cup or Micromax Cup played between Asian countries
The Football World Cup is having its main sponsor as Coca Cola. Coca Cola chose the theme song for the Cup (which is quite an awesome song by the way). However the World Cup is not referred to as the Coca Cola World Cup.
Rolex has installed its only digital watches in the Wimbledon Courts to serve as the timekeeper of the matches played there. However no commentator refers to Rolex in stupid ways like "Rolex Time outs" and "the match has gone for 4 long hours as shown in the Rolex clocks".
The Olympics are the pinnacle of quite a few sports. All the eminent athletes sport gear of their sponsors (Nike, Reebok, Adidas) who tend to bring out new and improved versions of their products during the Games the motive being that a small part of success of their endorsers is attributed to the cutting edge provided by these products. There is a lot of money at stake. However no one has dared to lure the Olympic organizers to rename it as, say "Mixcromax Olympics"
My point is why the major tournaments organised by the cricket boards are prefixesd by the names of the bloody sponsors. I get it if triangulers are named so. However why are supposedly prestigious Cups like the Asia Cup or the World Cup given the "Micromax" treatment.
Asia Cup used to be a prestigious tournament. Now it seems to have become an afterthought due to the surplus of cricket and decline in the popularity of ODIs. The last thing to do to make it more relevant is to call it the "Micromax Asia Cup". Everyone forgets the Asia and only remembers the Micromax part and the stupid Akshay Kumar laugh-heehaw mixture. Now to add to that picture, we have the glorified bimbo Twinkle Khanna.
If the ICC wants cricket to be taken seriously, shouldn't this practice be stopped? Sponsors should be grateful of associated with cricket. They should not be pampered by making their brand names glorified adjectives.
The Asia Cup follows me, even on holiday.
I did not take off because of the Asia Cup. Nor did the Asia Cup take off because of me. We have as little do with each other, as say, England and the Asia Cup. But then going by the amount of cricket England's playing these days, can expect them to gatecrash this one too. There were Poms in the IPL, now they tour Bangladesh, go where no Pom tummy has toured before...
A monk threatens to sit alongside in the cyber cafe, no doubt he saw Asia Cup in the headline, and got away. I myself have the fullest intention of aborting this post. Good idea, it's only Bangladesh Lanka today.
Guess it will take a Ind Pak game and some wild horses to drag me back. Last time I was in the hills for an Ind-Pak odi, S Anwar hit the high notes. To counter that, will slide a few hundred metres morrow. Let the games begin, to hell with the Asia Cup. Hell, I said it, gotta go.
Play Bangladesh
Scenario 1: KP of the English/Saffa heritage requires some inspiration in the form of lots of runs as he had just come off a major injury and was sucking balls.
Solution: play Bangladesh.
Scenario 2: Trott, who started to believe that he was the English number three and hence played like one, needed to keep his spot in the side.
Solution: play Bangladesh.
Scenario 3: Captain Strauss, who couldn't even score against a second division English county team needed to not go the Vaughan way.
Solution: play Bangladesh.
Scenario 4: Gautam Gambhir, had a disappointing IPL, disappointing T20 World Cup, disappointing face (hence no real fun in the IPL parties) needed to not be demoted to the team that gets sent to Zimbabwe.
Solution: play Bangladesh.
Scenario 5: Virender Sehwag, who is also not as fit as Gary Sir needed to hone another skill so he doesn't get dropped on top of Yuvi. I don't really understand this, as Yuvi would make for a very soft landing.
Solution: play Bangladesh
Scenario 6: Bangladesh, providing motivation, inspiration, stimulation, instigation, career save-ation, for everybody who comes in contact with them. Needs to start winning something.
Solution: Err...play Bangladesh.
The third Akmal in the team
That is Shahid Afridi. Either that or the other two Akmals are Afridis. Pakistan’s chase today, only started in earnest when the first four got out of the way – Malik had to get on to the phone and yap, yap, yap to his begum. Make way for Umar Akmal and his big bro, Shahid Bhai. It is a known fact, that when the other brother, Kamran fails to collect an Afridi delivery, (allegedly a bye) he yelps, Shahid bhai, Shahid bhai…to which Shahid snaps, oye, Shahid bye, Shahid bye bol…this is their joke, and if it wasn’t for a keen ear to the stump mike, I’d be clueless in Seattle.
So Umar and Shahid, at the crease. There is such a strong family vibe, almost expect one of them to balo rotis. While they batted together, there was a 5 year plan, but those never work. Bhai’s 6s rained, but that Umar, he ran himself out – just like Bhai ran himself in the Caribbean. He learns, and how.
One set of brother teeth exits, another enters. And while he exited, was that a smirk, a grimace, or was that just Umar Akmal – the PCB will no doubt bring in a very good dentist from Denver to examine that, for in the teeth is the truth.
Next set of teeth were run out too, but Bhai in spite of his breakdance, spasms, and near lifetaking 6s threatened to breach Dambulla. That last 6, and the breakdown that followed, it was cricket ballet – swanlake, nay, nutcracker sweet – for Shahid Bhai is a nutcracker…
Shahid Bhai down the street to Murali, another big routine 6, straight, and then the evil spirits invade him, as he collapses, a heap, barely enough strength to nonchalantly toss that helmet off his head…that he did not do his Flintoff superstar impersonation after that, the only lack.
But soon, Bhai was a bye too. From a nutcracker to a knucklehead, he edged one off his knuckles to Sanga. And Bhai feels everything, so he felt his knuckles, under his gloves…a message, better gloves, boys.
And of course Pakistan lost under Razzaq’s stewardship. But where is Misbah? After his MBA, it is learnt he is pursuing an MBE. For he can walk English and talk English.
Is it the Asia cup?
Bored Peon: It’s not like China, Malaysia, Singapore or the U.A.E are playing, it’s a subcontinent scene. We should call it the Sub continent Cup. Subka Cup, Sub continent Cup, then we can have Subway to sponsor, they will have specials for match days.
Bored Neon: subway sucks, but then so does the sub continent cup
Bored Peon: aah, you said it, you like the name?!
Bored Neon: they could call it the Dambulla Cup for all I care
Bored Peon: At least Dambulla has bounce
Bored Neon: Right now we need bouncers to get India away from Lanka
Bored Peon: Ha! I saw this cricinfo cartoon on bouncers…
Bored Neon: At least put a link to it when you speak
Bored Peon: This is outrageous…you are bitter because India keeps losing
Bored Neon: I prefer talking to you when you’re a cartoon, at least then it’s short and sweet
Frequent flyer miles
That’s what Raina and his rouges picked from the Windies to Zimba to India to Lanka. They dropped their pants in the one-dayers, then they put them on, and got lucky with the toss. You’d expect an India A side to beat the Zim mainstay. Didn’t happen, and it’s swell the toss worked as an alibi.
But the WTF T20 series, that was an assault on the non-senses, could the BCCI not evict their team once they didn’t make the finals. Instead the boys had to see Victoria falls I presume.
Yusuf Pathan became man-of-the-match. Then Yusuf walked in, with little to do except hit a six and win the game. But the wily Zimba boy, bowled a short ball, and how could he let it go – so he tonked it, well within the 30 yards. He got out, as did his judgment. That was entertainment.
Which the Zim commentators are not – they will tell you about Yusuf, “when he hits it, it stays hit”. They will also call Naman Ojha – Dinesh Karthik. And then comes the smug Tony Greg looking down on God’s creation and Arun Lal, which is ok, because A Lal looks down on A Lal.
The WTF T20 series. Everyone gave a flying fck. For miles and miles.
A matter of concern!
Look at this scorecard.
Now look past the fact that India A won. Done?
Now look past Jaidev Unadkot's stunning match figures. Done?
Now look at these sets of numbers
2-130 (Mukund, 37.4 ov), 3-188 (Rahane, 50.2 ov), 4-202 (Pandey, 54.5 ov), 5-206 (Tiwary, 58.6 ov), 6-206 (Pujara, 59.2 ov), 7-207 (Ganapathy, 60.4 ov), 8-207 (Iqbal Abdulla, 60.5 ov), 9-230 (Kulkarni, 69.6 ov),
and
3-102 (Phillips, 31.6 ov), 4-106 (Fletcher, 35.2 ov), 5-125 (Walton, 43.3 ov), 6-125 (Bernard, 47.1 ov), 7-164 (Edwards, 60.3 ov), 8-176 (Russell, 64.2 ov), 9-256 (Khan, 81.1 ov), 10-257 (Tonge, 81.4 ov)
How often has this happened with Indian cricket that we let slip a winning position and equally, we allow a team that is down and out, back into the contest?
Snatching defeat from the jaws of victory was the hall mark India's cricket in the 80s and the 90s. That it should be the leitmotif for the next generation of India's cricketers is a matter of concern.
Also read: ET strikes
Chant "BCCI... BCCI" and not "India... India" while cheering for the men in blue
While driving down home from work few days back, I heard this advert on the Radio where the guy was chanting "BCCI... BCCI" and "Go BCCI go". His logic was simple - since the men in blue play for BCCI and not for India there is no point in chanting "India... India" or "Go India go".
This advert really struck a chord with me as BCCI has refused to send its team for the Asian Games. So the men in blue are indeed a BCCI team not an Indian team. What a pity! The Asiad comes once in four years and it's unfortunate that our team will not get an opportunity to fight for the gold medal at the continent's biggest sporting extravaganza even as Pakistan and Sri Lanka send their full strength teams.
I understand that there is a problem with the cricketing schedule decided well in advance and as a result the New Zealand tour coinciding with the Asiad. But sorting out these kind of problems has never been an issue for the BCCI which arranged IPL 2 in South Africa within a month.
But why would they address this issue as there seems to be no material gain for them from the Asian Games. So I guess, finally India vs New Zealand or should I say BCCI vs New Zealand will take precedence over the Asiad.
Sorry Chacha Nehru. I know you were one of the brains behind the concept of the Asian Games in the 1950s, but today it's some of your own partymen or ex-partymen running the BCCI, who don't give a damn about your ideals.
No problem BCCI. Indian sports is rocking even without you and I am confident that the Indian contingent will still win atleast 15 golds at this year's Asiad.
Shame on you BCCI (Michael Moore style) as it's not only about the gold medals but also about the attitude.
Jai Hind
The WTF T20 Series
If you knew there was a T20 game today, before today, then you are some piece of work. The mobile phone sponsors are doing a great disservice to mobile phone credibility with their advertising, top that, they sponsor a deferred T20 Cup – how can it be telecast Live when both teams are dead. India was all along, now even Zim is. They lost the toss.
Initially I took the solitary T20 game to constitute a cup, but there’s a second game tomorrow. It’s bad enough Yusuf Pathan was the match man of today, denying an anonymous left-armer who went for under three runs-per-over. Clear case of wrong guy getting the award, could have been worse, the wrong Ojha.
Then little man Chawla descended from somewhere; the selectors keen to make up for Chawla’s World T20 invisibility, played him for an entire T20 game – though at one point I did see him walk away.
The openers continued in the rich vein of Tamil Nadu batsmen that make the highest level their lowest level – and before you say, Naman Oja is from MP, I did hear him say, “Areh ho sambar”.
On an unrelated note, isn’t Mpofu a fascinating name, and it makes me wanna sing that Prince song, you sexy Mpofu…how bad can tomorrow’s game be, there is always the football world cup. Same time as your T20 game.
pcb makes sense this time...
before the pakistani team's departure for the asia cup... ijaz-butt-of-all-jokes hurriedly arranged a press conference and this is what he said...
pakistan cricket has seen it all in recent times... match fixing... infighting... indiscipline... ugly politics... to cut it short... you name it we had it... so we were obviously worried what to do now to live up to the 'promise' we are known for... and we are glad we have found a solution in shoaib akhtar... who will not only keep the team management busy with his antics but will continuously provide fodder to our media partners... to keep the show going... i wish all the luck to our boys... with the hope that they will not let us down with their on and off field activities... thank you...
shoaib akhtar could not be contacted for comment... we were told he was busy getting the medical certificate from... oh sorry... please pardon me... i just forgot wart was the name of that department...
Bulls on Parade.
I was thinking about the circus that accompanies the Indian team's premature exit from a tournament. But then I realized that the mess even applies to the administrative mud slinging matches which happen from time to time. Including the embarrassingly hilarious one playing out right now.
It begins with either of the following: A political rift, a selectorial gaffe or a genuinely shit performance.
Camps form, statements are made and sides are taken. There is attacking and barracking. The F**k You's and the Thank You's. Accusations, lawsuits, and 15000 page replies to them.
Some drop bombs, others rally around the family, with a pocketful of shells.
Meanwhile, the all important, cable subscribing fan is the one left without a face, in the darkness of greed. Victims of an in house drive by, they say jump, we say how high.
The voice of the voiceless, guerrilla radio of blogs crackle on but no one listens.
All that's left for them to do is to continue. To continue to rage against the machine.
by Crownish
blogs at FCKING BLOG (Fantasy Cricket Kings Blog)
What should Irfan and Ishant do now?!
Zimbabwe win hearts then lose toss.
Taibu got to bat and make runs. When that happens, it’s usually in a lost cause. If the Zim think tank got thinking, they’d bat Taibu low down. Far from runs, death threats.
The other problem, very early in the game it was known Brendan Taylor was not going to be man of the match. Zim floundered by sending him too early, he should have batted where Utseya batted – away from the bad morning breath of the new ball.
I am serious, this ex-captain of theirs, Utseya, should be rechristened Useless. He is a common noun. Prosper is his first name, and Useless his second. How on earth did that proper noun perch itself on him – I thereby call him Prosper Useless. And if a middle name be needed, call him Little – so from now on, he be PLU – Prosper little Useless; some folks will call him pretty useless no doubt, that’s up to them.
What does Useless do – he bats lower down than the extras, but he’s still not benched. Then he bowls, overbowls and any runs that are scored, are scored of him. When I saw his analysis I nearly dropped my mouse. It’s a good thing it was grounded anyway.
As for Coventry, he just doesn’t look good enough for a 199 again, why play him I ask. As for the 2Cs, here's BoredCricket in a previous game on twitter: Gng by their bowling analysis today, Chigumbura and Chibhabha are not pedigree. Bring on Chihuahua
Over to Lanka. That Dilshan guy is playing like it was 2009 again. What did they feed him, a friggin’ time machine. Clearly he’s plugged his razor into his bat – explains some of his beard like precision that has snuck into his batting.
Ok, that’s enough for a game neither you nor I give a toss for. Not a toss joke that, even though the toss was a joke. Win the toss, win the game. At least the Indian team has got somebody to blame. U2?
PS:
RT @Crownish: BAW Mendis and BMAJ Mendis. Tremendis!
Nobody was picked, Nobody was dropped.
I feel a little small again. Like I did when I made the team. That day I made the teamsheet but none of the headlines. That I'm used to, now I don't even make it to the fine print. It's always for guys like Yuvi, Yusuf, Sachin sir. When they return, when they're unavailable, when they're dropped.
So I made a comeback, so what? So I got dropped, so what? Was I even in the team? I have all sorts of questions in my head. First I used to feel like a somebody. But that lasted a few days around my debut. I was so happy to be noticed, it was almost too good. Bhajji talked to me, and MS Bhai encouraged me, I still remember those hugs in Mohali. I will never wash that shirt.
But after that, I've been more out than in. And even when I'm out, nobody notices. Not even the papers in Haryana. Then again they say they do not read papers in Haryana. I spoke with Viru bhai, he said I too should start tweeting, everybody reads tweet. But I know, nobody will follow me, I'm a nobody.
Sometimes I get crazy ideas, like that beard I grew. I was also thinking of wearing a blond wig to get noticed, but Gauti said, don't be stupid. I decided against it, Gauti is a good friend.
In between I started to wear Ed Hardy t-shirts like everybody else. It wasn't easy, at the store they said, "Oye, tere paas body nahin hai...kya pahenega" Then I pulled out a clipping of my debut and stuffed it...they shut the f*** up. Sorry, I don't like to swear but I hate it when people treat me like a nobody. Maybe because I know I am a nobody. But I still feel if they drop me the press should say something. It feels good being noticed.
Thanks for listening, and finally my motto is "Nobody is Perfect"
A Mishra (one day I will make it The Mishra!!)
Sharad Pawar Confesses
involvement in any IPL team or in the bidding process"
Oye, welcome back you useless SOBs
If you were Younis Khan, MoYo, Shoaib Mailk, where would you be now?
One foot on Jacob's ladder
And one foot in the fire
And it all goes down in your mind
Living at the bottom of the stairs in your life
Never a smile knocking on your door
The air is blue and so are you
Prehistoric monsters on the floor
Last verse of your last song
And God don't hear dead men
The end of the line is in your mind
And you'll be staying in
Proof that our seniors are hung up
It's wrong to say India was knocked out by Sri Lanka. India was knocked out by India. This the seniors back home know only too well, when contacted Kumble said in his typical strong jawed manner, "there was only one team not playing cricket". When reminded that Australia was not part of the tri-series, Kumble hung up.
Tendulkar was kinder when he said, "the boys need our support and I'm sure they'll bounce back." When reminded that these boys will not get a chance to bounce back as the seniors will take their place, Tendulkar hung up.
MS Dhoni stopped his bike in mid-air to answer our phone; he cracked a few jokes, but blamed Nohit Sharma's run-out for the defeats. He further added that Nohit once ran him out and he had not forgotten. When informed that Nohit's twin tons were the only positives from the series, MSD hung up.
Ganguly said that if MS Dhoni is a bit of a gambler, then Suresh Raina is a bit of a gamble. He added that not opening with Yusuf Pathan (as mentioned in his column repeatedly) was a gamble worth taking. When informed that Yusuf Pathan's mastery of the short ball was worse than his, he hung up.
Dravid refused to comment, when reminded that it was high time he said something, he hung up.
Cheeka rambled - "IDunnoWaatToSayWeNeedMaybeMoreCSKPlayersHahahaAfterAllTheyAreWhatYouCallItTheChampionsOfHahahaAndTheBestInTheCountryHahaIWillSpeakWithSriAndSeeIfWeCanPlayHaydosHaha! Which is when we hung up.
hindsight is such a nice place to be...
murali vijay's recent failures have created doubts about his potential... his talent... questions have been asked about his worth in indian cricket...
moreover... his failures have been seen and justified as the difference between ipl and international cricket... as if you just have to take guard in ipl and runs begin to flow for you automatically...
lets see...
hayden
dhoni
gilchrist
gibbs
gambhir
sehwag
dilshan
ab de villiers
kumar sangakara
shaun marsh
yuvraj singh
gayle
mccullum
jayasuriya
bravo
graeme smith
eoin morgan
ross taylor
cameron white
do you see any correlation in the names that i have listed above...?
all these established names above did not have a good ipl...
The Night Before - the must-win game
Raina moves to sit down when all the players raise their hands
BossDK stands up to ask his question, trips himself, lands in Naman Ojha's lap
Zimbabwe let India down, again.
It isn't India's fault, really. It isn't Yusuf Pathan's fault for taking a short ball on the body. He can't play them, how the hell will he try and hit them? It isn't BossDK's fault, he likes playing the reverse of straight. It isn't Murali Vijay's fault, he's new to so many formats in so little time. It isn't Amit Mishra's fault, he's not used to playing three games on the trot. It isn't Yadav's fault, he still doesn't know how he has the visa to play here. It isn't Nohit Sharma and Raina's fault, they were unlucky to get run-out. It isn't Kirsten's fault, this is too close to home.
It is Brendan Taylor's fault, who does he think he is, Andy Flower? It is Andy Blignaut's fault, who does he think he is, Heath Streak? It is the other Zim boys' fault, who neither you nor I nor our team know by name, face or the clubs. They are Zim-babe-way, no way are they supposed to play like this. How could they? Send them a showcause notice. Then let's see how they defend themselves. Hah! Zim-babe-way, they can't even make it to the IPL.
Shahid Afridi's plea to seniors works
and return to play for Pakistan cricket very soon...
Last and final call for Amit Mishra
He’s gone beyond the customary designer stubble and grown a beard. He also seems angrier, good for him, there’s that leader of the pack vibe too, he’s just not taking wickets. It’s been two games, he has one wicket against Zimbabwe. And for that wicket, nobody knows what he bowled, not the batsman, not the commentators, not Mishra? Either way, he didn’t bowl it again. It would’ve been wrong on many counts.
What’s also wrong are Mishra’s lines, going the Bhajji way, down middle and leg – his analysis are starting to resemble Bhajji’s too – none for forty of ten; the most economical bowler, no wickets. And where is that sharp spinning leg-break – in a safe house for the test matches? Could we have the ripping googly back please? You are Amit Mishra – and not some imposter?
There’s something wrong and I don’t know what it is – the wrist? The arm? The mind? Playing second fiddle to Bhajji for too long can be devastating. Not playing at all, can be worse. And when you do, in the IPL, your team asks you to bowl leg stump lines to Gayle and Ganguly.
Different Strokes with Jonathan Trott
There are cricketers you like, but if you don’t watch them play for a while, you almost forget why you liked them in the first place. That’s it with Trott. It’s been a while he played, and when he did, I gave the test a miss. I just couldn’t bring myself to watch a game that was already decided. So I miss most of it, and switch on when England needs one to win, and it’s the last over before tea.
The build up was no different to Bravo’s last over yesterday (ODI vs S.A) where he bowled a few dot balls, somehow pushed it to one required of the last ball. Another game, I couldn’t bring myself to watch.
And even though the solitary runs were scored in both games, as expected, Trott did the unexpected. After scoring the winning runs he walks away, then walks back - once at the crease he plays some arithmetic cricket – not quite measuring the crease and drawing with chalk but close. Poker faced. Job done, he walks off.
Is Jonathan Trott any relative of Neil McKenzie? What was Trott’s victory dance like – there was no dance, Trott did the goosestep, his version. “What’choo talkin’ ’bout, Willis?”
