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Auction and Other Issues
Last week I had written a post about why some players may not make good administrators. The post focused on three core issues related to the upcoming auction in the Indian Premier League. Aditya from forwardshortleg cleared up one of the points. Shane Warne has shared his views on the two other issues I had raised.
According to him, no franchise should be allowed to retain its players at the start of the auction. Once a player has garnered a winning bid from one of the franchises, his old franchise has the option to buy him at a premium of $50,000. For example, if Bangalore put in the winning bid for Sachin Tendulkar at $1.5 million, Mumbai then have the option of buying him at $1.55 million. Of course, Mumbai can also waive their option of buying Tendulkar and let Bangalore keep him.
I quite like this idea. It gives all the franchises the chance to bid for the best players. At the same time, the high bids garnered by the players would make it difficult for franchises to retain more than a handful of players as there are salary cap constraints to look after. More importantly, this also addresses the issue of franchises paying players through alternate means in order to keep their payroll in check.
However, Warne has also talked about franchises retaining their captains by directly negotiating a contract with them. I understand where he's coming from but it might lead to franchises cutting corners by paying their captains outside their IPL contracts. Also, how are the two new teams going to choose their captains when most of the players are already with one of the eight teams?
There are other interesting options Warne has suggested and some of them are worth pondering over. Let's hope the league does what is required to have as transparent and equitable distribution of players as possible.
Bored Game : World T20 Fantasy League
Bored Members and Bored Friends,
Here is another reason to keep you glued to all the matches (including matches like West indies vs Ireland and Australia vs Bangladesh ) in the upcoming World T20 and cheer for players from other countries, introducing The Bored Game: World T20 Fantasy League. We had 41 teams contesting in the Bored IPL League on Cricinfo Fantasy. The World T20 starts TODAY and it's time we have another game between us.I love Fantasy Cricket and have been playing it for over 2 years now, having been a part of all the Bored Games, I have created a Bored League this time around. With 12 teams to choose from it will be a true test for a Fantasy player to pick the perfect XI. As Bored Member Achettup had done such a wonderful Job in explaining all there is to about Fantasy Cricket previously , it would be a waste of time trying to better it, so I will copy and edit wherever required :
Step 1) Create an account at Cricinfo's Fantasy Games page here
Step 2) Login to your account and find your way to the World of 20-20 page here
Step 3) Click on Create Team. On the new page Click on the -> next to the player's price to select them as part of your team.
Step 4) You have to pick 11 players within your budget of $1,000,000. You can pick three types of team combinations:
- 4 Batsmen, 2 Allrounders, 1 Wicketkeeper(s) and 4 Bowlers
- 5 Batsmen, 2 Allrounders, 1 Wicketkeeper(s) and 3 Bowlers
- 4 Batsmen, 3 Allrounders, 1 Wicketkeeper(s) and 3 Bowlers
Step 5) Now all you have to do is join the Bored Cricket Crazy Indians league. To do this, leave a comment here, telling us which email address you used to create your fantasy league team.**
Step 6) We will then send an email (via cricinfo) to you containing a unique LPIN code. Now login to you fantasy league account on cricinfo and go to your team's page. Under "Leagues" on the left sidebar, click on Join League. Then enter the unique LPIN code that we sent to you via email.**
** Alternatively, immediately after creating your team, you can click on Join League and use this unique LPIN code106105-2d5609771c6ccb6d
Please let me know if you were able to do this.
Step 7) We will then approve your team's entry into our Bored Game: Fantasy Cricket Challenge. That's it, you should now be part of the league and be able to see all the other people who are taking part and the teams they've selected. Do let us know if you have any problems creating a team or joining the the league.
We will update the scores of all teams in the league right here on BCC! from time to time.
Please try to let us know if you're taking part at the latest before 10:30 PM on Friday, April 30th. Don't worry about not picking the perfect team and waiting to register only after you've done that. As described below, there is plenty of time to make changes. What is more important is that we register your team name with the Bored Cricket Crazy Indians league as early we can.
A Few Useful Notes:
- Before the start of the first game, you can make unlimited changes to your team. The cut off time to make these unlimited changes is 10:30 PM Friday April 30.
- After that you can make up to 20 changes to your teams at any time before the semi finals.
- After the Round Robin stages, you can once again make unlimited changes to your team, so that you pick from only those teams that have made it to the semis.
- Once the first semifinal starts, you are allowed to make only 6 changes to the end of the tournament.
- You will usually get half an hour between the toss and the start of the match to find out who the final 11 players are. Use this time to substitute a player who might be dropped, because once the game starts, the team is "locked in" and if you haven't picked your substitute in time he will not score points!
Chairman and Commissioner
Bored Game : World T20 league
Bored Game: IPL Fantasy Game results
The IPL has come to an end, or has it? For the past few weeks the off-field action has been more interesting than the on-field action in the IPL. Would be immense fun if we had a fantasy team with the off-field action where in we could have cricket administrators and politicians in our team and predict who will resign next? Who will be the next chairman? Who will be caught in a scam next? but sadly we have to make do with one which involves the on-field action.
Coming to the Bored Game, players had a chance to make amends as they had unlimited transfers after the league stage and before the start of the knockout stage. It gave an opportunity to those who had not performed to their potential to redeem themselves.
Pollard was the Game Changer in Semi final 1 and Bollinger in Semi Final 2, both of whom picked up a bucket load of fantasy cricket points and those who had them as trumps made huge strides forward in the league. Each of the top 3 had at least one of the above as trumps and consolidated their position at the top. For players who had put their faith in the Deccan Chargers (Like me, who had 5 of them when they played their semi final) after their dream run of 5 consecutive wins went down significantly as they failed to turn up for their remaining two matches. All in all four one-sided matches with the 3rd place playoff the most one sided match of the tournament made sure the IPL ended on a low key note.
There was no change in the Top 3 of the league with sidbetala retaining his top spot. ABVan gave him a run for his money and finished 2nd and abcdes completing the top 3. Given the IPL has 60 matches and each player in the fantasy game has at least 40 substitutions at their disposal it is extremely rare for two teams to be tied on the number of points scored and that too in a league of 41 players is as rare as England winning an ICC event! But it has happened, Yours truly and Nihal were tied at 13101 points for fourth spot, so who knows England might surprise us after all! Mahek, the League Manager moved 4 places up to 6th position. Achettup finished in 13th position and Jatman, who picked only Indians players throughout the tournament was at 17th position out of the 41 players who took part in the Bored League (You can see the final table standings here)
There will be Bored Fantasy Game for the World T20, will do a follow up post introducing it soon.
For those of you who are wondering who I am a very very brief Bio:
I am just Another Cricket Fan from India and I blog at Forward Short Leg
The birth of Crashrafool.
Birthdays are meant to be celebratory occasions and at least once in your life, you must celebrate your birthday in a crash and bang manner, waking up the next day and not remembering a single thing, regardless of who you are.
If you are somebody though, the basic rules don’t change, but the intensity goes through the roof and into the homes of aliens in galaxies far, far away.
The arrival of Ashraful was one such occasion. Whether he was somebody or not in the beginning of his career is irrelevant. He was small, he terrorized Australians in one game and had strokes that made Ricky upset. That was enough for us to crown him a ‘somebody’.
So we celebrated his birthday. We banged, we crashed and we lit things on fire. By things, I mean fireworks, not people. That was Ashraful’s job, to set bowlers on fire, so we let it be. We woke up the next day not remembering a single detail.
Unfortunately, Ashraful never stopped celebrating. Worse, he chose his birth date at random. It was often and it came several times a year. Every time it was celebrated in the same manner-crash and burn. Ashraful burned often and he burned quickly. Sadly, it was Bangladesh that crashed every time.
Staying true to the very last detail of the analogy, Ashraful remembered none of it the next day. Jamie Siddons tried to bring back his memory, but when a man has no hair to protect his brain, who is going to trust his ability to remember? Hence Ashraful forgot and looked every bit the fool, just like his name.
But the ‘fool’ only made him half a man and that is just downright insulting. He is no longer a boy, but a strapping young lad of twenty-five who continues to crash...a word that conveniently contains the first part of his name.
And so crash joined fool, to become Crashraful. The little boy was on his way to becoming a man.
Purna blogs at Cricket Minded, and is not South African.
"Yeh Andar Ki Baat Hai" Breaking News - Bored Posts raided
Language Mafia raids Bored Posts
Officers belonging to the Grammar, Syntax and Semantics department of the Language Mafia have conducted simultaneous raids on multiple Bored Posts, it has been learnt.
Officers were seen gleaning through the different Bored Posts to identify any syntactic or grammatical errors. "Its a can of worms" one officer was heard to be saying.. "F7 F7 please.. F7" said another.
Our reporters on duty have also learned that officials belonging to the Arts Department have conducted seperate raids on Bored.. While no official was willing to comment on record, some officials described the situation as "too sketchy" and "too much bad pun".
No official statement has been issued by the Language Mafia so far. However it is suspected that the ongoing spat between two Bored members has triggered this raid.
KhufiaBaaz: whose side are you on?
Previously on the world wide web, Bored Member Achettup had entered into conflicts with Bored Guest Shree Sam alias Chandler alias this and alias that. Even though company name changes were carried out by Shree Achettup, and not by Shree Sam, the conflict was of Shree Achettup’s creation.
Shree Achettup’s notoriety has earned him a block from upcoming cricketer and tweeter Aakash Chopra; uncalled for sarcasm at the expense of growing boy Yuvi are not uncommon either - now you know why trouble is his middle name.
"Yeh Andar Ki Baat Hai" Late Breaking News - "Patki-di my inspiration"
"Patki-di my inspiration", says Bhadka
Bhadka the Hutt, cousin of Jabba thrice removed and host of the very popular TV show "The Duck Squats Here" has credited MAK Ko Patki-di as the inspiration behind the title of her show.
"It so happened" said a breathless Bhadka, "that we were in phoren, going on a long drive to nowhere when, all of a sudden, a deer of some sort, possibly a black buck, was spotted at a distance. On seeing this, Patki-di jee commented "The buck stops here".
"Bas phir kya, I was so taken by the statement that I wanted to name my show "The Buck Stops Here". But Sharmila aunty said that the name would not pass through the Censor Board. So, showing verbal dexterity that has come to define my show, I decided to name it "The Duck Squats here" ", said a beaming Bhadka.
"Yeh Andar Ki Baat Hai" Breaking News - Catfight at Lokhandwala
Catfight at Lokhandwala
A war of words has broken out between Slimline Sheety, owner of one of the Bored Game franchises The Rials and Pity D. Junta, owner of the Kinks of Punjab Presents.
Ms Junta, daughter of a failed South American dictator, is alleged to have said that Ms Sheety, daughter of Rama Sheety of Dagdi Chawl fame "purposely chose Shame He'sWorn and Some Twat to derail my team's campaign this Bored Game season".
Ms Sheety is believed to have retorted by questioning Ms Junta's questionable selection of the love child of Charlize Theron and Juan Peron.
Things got so heated that Aaj Iamjustthechaperone and Bas Wohdiya had to step in to separate the two ladies.
The failure to make the semi finals is assumed to be behind this showdown. That and the fact that both have acted in movies with another franchise owner, who shall remain un-named at this moment.
Neither Ms Junta or Ms Sheety were available for comment.
A Right-eyed View Of The Bored Scandal
I was a sleeping member of the Bored Committee until now. As you probably know, I haven't said much in the last few weeks. But I have woken up. And I will show no Sharmila-pan in admitting that the entire scandal has not been handled very well so far. We should have endeavoured to keep all the dirty linen in the house and taken care of it Chupke Chupke.
OK. Let me be the first to admit that I should have stayed awake for longer periods of time to keep tabs on the brewing problems. But you know, it is difficult in my age. I suffer from the HD-Deve-Gowda syndrome and am known to doze off in meetings, out of meetings, during calls etc. I even fall asleep in the middle of counting all the cash I receive from the BPL.
Anyway, what is done is done. Now that I am awake, I demand that everything be scrutinized, probed, washed, bleached, conditioned etc. Let us give the BPL a Whirlpool-clean up. I sincerely hope that Hon. Bored Member Shri Homer will attend the meeting and put forth his point of view. If not, I call dibs on his share of Rasmalai. (the dessert type...not the Goodness Gracious Me type...can’t handle those types any more!!)
Sincerely
MAK Ko Patki-di
For Aam Aadmi
Bhaiyon aur unki behnon,
It took me a while to understand what Mango Man means. You see, as Minister of Agriculture I have been so engrossed about my portfolio that I have stopped seeing the funny side of things. But this letter is not for such trivialities.
It has been brought to my attention that I have a role to play in the recent Bored scandals. I have absolutely nothing to do with the Bored in any way. My son-in-law is a stakeholder but I never liked him for deflowering my precious daughter.
I used to be an esteemed Bored Member but I have bigger fish to fry in six months. For those who want a piece of it, get your own frying pan and fish. I cannot hand out free food with the price rise in food products, everyone will know I have been hoarding them in my basement.
This is just an attempt to gain political mileage out of the sport that belongs to the Peoples. There are foreign elements at work. Elements that want to pressure me and my more suave sidekick into giving unconditional support to the establishment. Let me assure you this Maratha will not walk quietly into the sunset - But do not tell anyone of the Lamborghini I shall be driving into it.
Sincerely,
Darad Power
Bored Council Working Committee To Meet To Be Called Tomorrow
Bored Member Hon. Shri Homer does not have the authority to call an Extraordinary General Meeting. In all his years at Bored he has never called such a meeting in the past, hence there shall be no Extraordinary General Meeting unless I am calling it.
We shall meet tomorrow at a Bored Council Working Committee Meeting to discuss Bored Member Hon. Shri Homer's continued workings at a Bored level. Nobody need fear missing out on dana paani ka kharcha, sufficient quantity has been ordered for all attending the meeting and everyone shall have his own individual share which cannot and will not be withheld by any member and especially a member who does not have the authority to withhold appetizers at Bored Meetings. Also, kindly do not RSVP for Bored Member Hon. Shri Homer's Extraordinary General Meeting.
And Bored Member Hon. Shri Homer is hereby required to attend the Bored Council Working Committee's Emergency Meeting tomorrow, but he shall not be allowed to make a statement. Neither is he applicable for Rasmalai (desert).
Dear Shri Achettupji,
It is with great sadness that I read the show cause notice issued to me by Bored. The show cause notice is illegal and in violation of the Consititution of the Bored.
Per clause CMLXXXXVI of Article 7.5.4.3.6.7.8 para 378, "a show cause notice can be issued only in the case that a 2/3rd majority of the Bored Membership is in agreement and an affidavit of the said agreement is notarized by three legal notaries and filed in triplicate. It is also mandatory that said notarized affidavit then be posted, via regular mail and reach the noticee in no less than 3 business days from the date of the vote."
Therefore, the show cause notice is null and void. I am taking this opportunity to call on an Extraordinary General Meeting (EGM) of the Bored at a time and place of my choosing.
RSVP ASAP.
Sincerely,
Your good friend,
Homer
Sources: Content Of Bored Council Email Leaked
Dear All,
It has been brought to my notice that some of you are planning to "leak" the previously sent meeting invite on the Bored forum in the interests of "transparency".. It will behoove you to know that any such action will bring about the strongest reprimand.. And if you still insist on the above course of action, it will also behoove you to know that REDACTED , REDACTED and REDACTED are on my People I Follow list. And REDACTED is a follower..
Now that you have digested that, I would again repeat my strong urging to you to desist from leaking anything anywhere ( not to be taken literally). And do remember, my last line of defense is that my e-mail account was hacked and there is no paper trail of the said meeting invite.
Please do note that my minions are, at this very moment, digging up the dirt on you.. It wont take much to prove your "Internet Rights" are dodgy or that your "Bhevioral Patterns" are inconsistent.
So be warned ( yet again).
Sincerely Yours,
DDDDADVCB XXXXX (COUNT THE NUMBER OF Xs HINT HINT)
PS:- Please note that the above threat is equally applicable for this note too. And please also do remember that those leaking this mail ( or the previous one) stand to lose thier dana paani ka kharcha for the Bored meeting ( and that is just the appetizer).
Clarification on the "Statement issued on the ongoing Bored Scandal by Bored Member Hon. Shri Homer"
It has been brought to my notice that a statement has been issued in my name on the pages of Bored.
I categorically deny having issued any such statement. This is nothing but a lie used by my opponents to sully my reputation.This is a conspiracy by certain vested interests in the Bored who are jealous of me and the work I have done for the Bored.It saddens me that after all these years dedicated to the Bored, I have to endure this humiliation.
I have been subjected to a media witch hunt, having been selectively misquoted by sections of the media to besmirch my good name.
I have always been, and shall remain, a loyal and humble foot soldier for the Bored. To my supporters, be aware that my sex life is alive and well. Sure it take a blue pill, sometimes four, and I put the quick in quickey more often than not, but atleast I am not Matthew Hayden in Chennai colors.
To my well wishers and friends, you are the great unwashed. This makes you our future.God help us all!
And for those who are yet to be convinced, you will note that the Statement issued in my name does not contain my name!
Homer.
Bored Member Homer To Be Reprimanded For Unnecessary Disclosure
We are hereby taking the strictest possible action against Bored Member Hon. Shri Homer for unnecessary disclosures which amount to a breach of contract signed with Bored when he joined. Action has been taken under Article 42 (the meaning of Bored) Clause IXV Section (iii), which states
A Bored Member of seniority may be reprimanded by other members of the Bored, of greater, equal or lower standing, in the event that in the opinion of the Bored Council, that member has made public, statements that the Bored Council deems inappropriate or unnecessary for the knowledge of the Bored Universe. Bored would also at this time like to dispute the Big Bang theory, but that shall be followed up in greater detail in Article 6.023, Clause X, Section 23 where the thoughts of skeptics who dwell on turtlebacks shall be made in their entirety and with full clarity.Bored Member Hon. Shri Homer is hereby reprimanded and requested not to repeat the same in a public forum on behalf of Bored or in his capacity as a Bored Member. We are hereby invoking Bored Principle 36.2.1.14 which specifically was drafted for just such an occasion and which reads
Know Your Role, And SHUT Your MouthBored (legit) Disclosure: The above was not plagiarized, just borrowed.
Statement issued on the ongoing Bored Scandal by Bored Member Hon. Shri Homer
I have had no sexual relations with that woman. Or any other woman. No further comments.
Sources: Bored In Crisis Over Threat To Leak Bored Threatening Emails
Sources have informed this Bored member that threats have been made to or by senior members of Bored about the threat of leaking threatening emails made to the Bored Committee. I would like to dismiss these allegations of the threats being made about the threat to leak threatening emails as false and unfounded rumors. There is no question of leaking threatening emails since if a leak is made it is made by the entire Bored council and not by a solitary member, and all members are fully aware of this. It is in the interest of Bored secretaries with conflicts of interest not to create an unnecessary conflict within the Bored. No leaks about threatening emails within the Bored committee have taken place.
I will reveal all later at a suitable time.
With or without Sachin, we've decided to go ahead...
Soon after 8 pm today, Bored Members and friends, Live here. We would've covered Sachin's fingers, but looks like they're wrapped up already. Btw Thank You Sachin! if He plays, Sorry Sachin! if He doesn't. Will the IPL finals be any different without Him- eh, not really, He wasn't there in the first two either...
Why Great Cricketers may not make Great Administrators
A lot has been said about team owners in the IPL meddling in their team’s cricketing strategies. The argument used is these owners don’t know what it’s like to play top-level cricket and hence stick to the business side of things. The argument does hold a lot of weight. After all, getting your employees to fulfill their sales or collection targets is a lot different from getting your batsmen to average 40 at a strike rate of 150. Why then, do people think cricketers have what it takes to comment on what should happen with free agency? Sure they’re allowed to have their opinion as they have to play alongside and against their peers. But there are a lot of other factors at play.
Take the recent article on cricinfo in which Sachin Tendulkar talks about franchises being able to retain 4 Indian and 4 overseas players. Unfortunately, he hasn’t taken the time to get into how feasible this is.
Firstly, there will be two more franchises who will have to start from scratch next season. They are based in relatively smaller markets and have paid almost thrice as much as the team based in the biggest market. Hence, they are already at a disadvantage to start with. Taking away 4 overseas players from each of the 8 existing franchises may not be as devastating – there will still be 6 international level overseas players freed up. It might be a slight disadvantage but not nearly as big a handicap as that of not having access to 32 Indian players, and Tendulkar has made a distinction between Indian and domestic players. What this means is the two expansion franchises will be scraping the bottom of the cricketing barrel in the October auction, and even there they will be competing with the eight existing franchises.
Secondly, Tendulkar hasn’t gone into how the eight players should be retained. Intuitively, a player who knows his franchise wants to retain him knows he is sought after in the market. Why then would he choose to stay with his current team instead of testing the market? His current franchise anyway has the option of outbidding the competition and retaining his services. Even if a player decided not to put himself into the auction, how will it impact his salary? There is a salary cap of $7 million and it will be difficult for owners to retain 4 Indian Internationals and 4 overseas players without getting awfully close to the salary cap. This might lead to owners finding alternate means of compensating the players. For example, India Cements might offer Suresh Raina a contract of $350,000 and appoint him the Brand Ambassador for their cement company, for which they would pay him, say, $500,000. Ashok Malik has highlighted this problem on cricinfo. He has used the example of Whyte and Mackay appointing Kevin Pietersen their Brand Ambassador. Whyte and Mackay is a whisky brand owned by the UB Group which also owns Kevin Pietersen’s IPL team Royal Challengers Bangalore.
Lastly, some players may also be unhappy with their current employer and want to switch teams even if their current employer is offering them the highest salary. They may want to either test the market or simply sign up with another team if they’re able to negotiate a contract with that team. For example, what happens if Virat Kohli is able to successfully negotiate a contract with the Delhi Daredevils? It makes no sense to retain a player who doesn’t want to play for you. William Gallas once threatened to score own goals if Chelsea didn’t sell him to Arsenal. In such a situation, does the player then have the right to sign with the new team or is he obligated to go into the auction pool?
There are a lot of issues that need to be resolved with the coming auction and with the problems the league faces at the moment they may not be resolved for quite a while. It is well and good for Sachin Tendulkar to voice his opinion, but with all due respect to him, he should leave this to cricketers and administrators who can look at this issue objectively and from all angles.
No more IPLs till the slate is clean
I was very proud of this Indian product called the IPL till very recently. But with the IPLGate saga unfolding over the last two weeks, I realized that this is actually a national shame and the tournament should be suspended till the time there is some transparency in the whole system be it on the details of stakeholders, the bidding procedure and how the IPL is contributing back to the game and so on.
As much as I love cricket and the concept of the IPL, I must say that national interest is more important than what seems to have now become a silly passion. There is already sufficient proof of huge amounts of tax evasion through this event and now we hear that the IPL actually is dictating our lives since the national carrier has diverted some of its flights putting genuine travellers in jeopardy to accommodate the VVVIPs of our country, the spoilt brats of today's age - the cricketers.
Till now the argument was - Oh it's great for cricket and our domestic cricketers.. look at the opportunities available to them and also the employment opportunities created for many others by the IPL.
But the costs seem to outweighing the benefits at this point. Consider this -
1. Money laundering by corporates/politicians.
2. There are power cuts in a number of metros during this part of the year but there is enough power supply for these guys to stage those day/night matches.
3. Tax-free IPL parties for these buggers which players are actually obliged to attend. No time for players to sleep - fitness goes for a six. Longevity of a player's career directly affected.
4. And all of this when we don't even know how much the IPL has reinvested into the game/infrastructure for the game.
5. The virus of betting and fixing could be at play once again.
Trusting our political class and the BCCI many more scams are likely to crop up in the future.
So no more IPL until these guys come clean on everything.
Mumbai v Bangalore, Uncensored and not on TV.
The Bored Members will be live from 7.15 pm IST, for the IPL semis (click here to replay) - if MI wins it will be Thank You Sachin all over again, but if they lose, it could be the new chant of Sorry Sachin! Hulchul Singh, RDX, Mumbo Jumbo, orange cap hunter, TMK, wannabe MSD, Polaroid, and all sorts of instant developments will take place.
And here are some tips from Mahek for the Bored Game
The semi-finals are a few hours away so make sure you make full use of the Unlimited Transfers before the start of tonight's game. Here are a few pointers. Feel free to ignore them, use them at your team's peril.
1. Only four teams are left so make sure you don't make the mistake of picking someone outside these squads.
2. Remember that either Chennai or Deccan will play two games between the first and second game for either Bangalore or Mumbai. Therefore, replace the players from the side that wins tonight with those from tomorrow's semi-finalists.
3. The best players for Deccan have been classified as allrounders. Make sure you leave a spot or two open in that category. Don't want to end up picking Monish Mishra. Or do you?
4. Mumbai have the best players in the list of batsmen. What's more, two of them (Rayudu and Tiwary) are quite cheap. They also have some of the best bowlers in Harbhajan, Zaheer and Malinga.
That's it from me. Hope the tips help you slide down the table. I'm still ninth and could use your help in making the top 5.
JATMAN: Origins of my shoulder injury
Many years ago I was very fond of acting – my favourite film was Sholay. My favourite character was Thakur – my favourite scene was when Gabbar cuts off Thakur’s arms – I’m a sucker for punishment, I loved to do retakes of this scene till it was perfect, till my arms ached and my shoulders were nicely screwed.
Even today I cannot forget those painful days – every T20 World Cup something happens to my shoulders. They are served notice by my Thakur days.
People only remember the 2009 and 2010 T20 World Cup – but if you think back, I even missed quite a few games in the first T20 World including the Finals that India won.
The way I look at it, even if I don’t play some youngster like Vijay with more passion will get a chance.
And yes, another character I like a lot for obvious reasons is Veeru – but most of the time I am playing myself so I will always be partial to Thakur’s role.
My shoulder is hurting and I must stop writing now, time for physiotherapy.
Your man, Jatman
Origins of Sehwag’s shoulder injury
After DD’s elimination in the IPL, back in the hotel room, captain GG and good friend VS share a moment.
GG: I need a shoulder to cry on…
VS: Areh, you can’t cry on my shoulder…
GG: Why? You think I’m a baby…
VS: No, no, of course not…
GG: You think I’m ordinary..
VS: No, no…
GG: You think I’m…
VS: I don’t think…
GG: That was evident…the way you batted
VS: No, no…you can cry on my shoulder but…
GG: But what…I’m not good enough for your shoulder?
VS: No, no…I have a shoulder injury
GG: What? Again? Just before the world cup – come, you can cry on my shoulder…
VS (Soliloquy) How do I tell him, that my shoulder is ok, but I’m not ok with cry shy on shoulder boulder..
VS (to GG): I would love to cry on your shoulder but I have an eye infection…
After Thank You Sachin, what next?
Saurav and Sachin are talking on the phone. While Saurav is in his tub playing with a rubber duck, Sachin is leafing through a coffee table book titled Thank You Sachin!
SAURAV: Thank you Sachin!
SACHIN: I-LA! How did you know I was reading that?
SAURAV: Are you? I want to thank you for not playing today…resting Zaks, Bhajji, Polaroid..
SACHIN: Polaroid bole toh?
SAURAV: Pollard…Polaroid…kya instant mein develop ho jata hai!
SACHIN: Good joke! I will share it during a team meeting…Pollard Polaroid…yess..
SAURAV: Bravo bilkul bewakoof – what he says nobody understands, so your team was in total disarray baba…bilkul beautiful…thanks again…means a lot to me to go out on a winning note…next year ka chance strong hai…and Eden crowd baba…too much
SACHIN: Bravo says even he can’t understand what he says…I-LA! What was that?
SAURAV: Oh, I just squeezed the rubber duck…
SACHIN: WTF?
SAURAV: Sorry Sachin…mistake..
SACHIN: What an idea, sirjee…Sorry Sachin…new campaign, coffee table book ka…Tharoor, Modi all apologising to me…
Just then, door swings open and Bhajji barges in
BHAJJI: Sorry Sachin...I just had to see you now
For AB baby!
Whenever I chat with A Bisht (high time we call him The Bisht) about cricket or cartoons, I usually get a cartoon idea. So if you have no idea of either cricket or cartoons, Anil is a good one to speak to – it works for me, it could for you.
Anil is one of the early settlers on Bored, and he’s always been open to thrashing the hell out of a cricket idea. This may seem like a post without a cartoon or an idea but I’m yet to speak with Anil. Catch up soon, Anil – god knows this post needs a toon, and if I don’t do it, you might have to.
Happy Bored Day AB, and as we say for your toons, have a 'ABulous day!
Encounter with Prof. Deano
Ran into former Aussie batsman Dean Jones at the Delhi Golf Club recently. Even as he was practicing his putting ahead of a Pro-Am event, I spotted him from a distance, walked up to him and here is what followed:
K: Hi Professor Deano. I'm Nikhil from the PGTI.
Prof Deano: Hi.. You can call me Deano.
K: Deano, d'yu know I'm the kid who was perhaps your team's biggest supporter during the 1987 Reliance World Cup final.
Prof D: Oh... So you're the one (laughs).
K: Deano, what d'yu have to say about the use of the Mongoose by Mr. Hayden?
Prof D: You know.. sporting equipment is getting bigger across various disciplines (eg. racquet heads in tennis, club heads in golf) but what's this guy upto? Doesn't make any sense to me..
To cut a long story short, we engaged in some more discussion on the IPL and on our favourite sport golf. But I soon realized that he takes his golf as seriously as he used to take his cricket.. I therefore left him in peace to practice his putting.
KhufiaBaaz: Yuvi eats well
Here's what newtron has to say:
Yuvi... 500 ka bill kiya itna kya khaya?? utne me mera 2 din ka khana ho jata yaar!!! lol..!
t20 is a batsman's game...
not that i had any doubts about it... neither do i envy murali vijay...
but when vijay got a century cheeka jumped up and down in ecstasy and then settled down to sigh on national tv... that had it not been for the icc rule to select t20 world cup team a month in advance... he would have picked murali vijay... without a hint of guilt...
by the same token, why not a single word for two bowlers... ojha and mishra... who are the highest wicket takers this season...?
Rista cricket ka
I had to get away from the Daredevils, their non-cricket cricket, so I landed up in Kashmir. At the J&K food stall in Dilli Haat there was this big flat LG screen, focussed on the cashman. Now I wanted to eat here, but then how will I watch – the cashman offered to tilt the TV my way, but I preferred the highway – I marched into the restricted staff area, pulled myself a chair, and sat me down alongside (which match was it?) – yeah checked, CSK vs KKR who were getting the bollocking of their life. Then came my Rista (meatballs in red gravy) with ½ plate rice. My meal was done by the 20th over of the 1st innings. I was over the Daredevils' defeat, and quite looking forward to KKR losing this one.
KhufiaBaaz: Conflictofinterestwallahs Anonymous
The leaked minutes of the last Conflictofinterestwallahs Anonymous meeting!
The President: I declare this meeting of Conflictofinterestwallahs Anonymous open. As usual, the new members of our support group will introduce themselves.
SF: Hi everyone, my name is Shashi Furore and I have several conflicts of interest. I am a Minister of State in the External Affairs Ministry in charge of the Middle East. I may also have a few business interests in Dubai. I am a member of the Congress Party. I may also be a writer of bad novels that have been critical of Nehru. Thank you.
LS: Hi, I am Lalit Shady and I have several conflicts of interest. I am the BigDick of the worlds biggest sporting league. My family members may have financial interests in certain teams in this league. Thank you for welcoming me.
The President: Everyone, please join me in welcoming these two conflictofinterestwallahs.
Everyone: Welcome Furore, welcome Shady.
The President: Now to briefly introduce myself. I am Sharad Gawar, the Cabinet Minister for Agriculture. I may also be the richest farmer in this country.
Bored Game: IPL Fantasy League Update
And so the conspiracy continues. You would think a 39-ball 78 would beat a three-for on a turning track but you would be wrong. Just as Gautam Gambhir was about his team. As a result, I'm a hundred points less than where I should be thanks to the IPL commentators having something against me. But I'll have my revenge soon. For now though, Sid has opened up a slight gap between him and ABVan who is around 400 points ahead of the alphabet man. Jatman has moved into the top 20 thanks to his trump player Raina.
Mumbai have ensured they will finish top of the table with 8 games left in the league stage. It's a mad scrap for the three remaining semifinal spots. Chennai, Bangalore and Delhi are occupying the semifinal positions right now but two of them have indulged in a bit of harakiri. Bangalore have gone from 4-1 to 6-6 while Delhi have lost three in a row in comically pathetic fashion.
Deccan look best placed to capitalise after their three-game winning streak and both their games are away from home, not that they've really had a home. They have a bad net run-rate but win two and it won't matter one bit. Rajasthan are as unpredictable as the English weather and have to play Bangalore at home with their last game away at the Eden Gardens. Neither game will be easy. Kolkata are on the back of two maulings but will be happy to be playing their last two games at home. They should back themselves to beat Rajasthan and might even fancy their chances against Mumbai who will probably rest a few key players. They'll have to win those games big because they have the worst net run-rate in the league.
But there is a very remote chance of Punjab sneaking into the semis.They have to win their two remaining games and hope Bangalore, Kolkata, Deccan and Chennai don't win any games and it will come down to net run-rate between Punjab, Bangalore, Kolkata, Deccan and Chennai.
Does this have any bearing on our little fantasy league? Not much, but a look at the schedule will tell you to replace your Bangalore players with those from those from Kolkata on the 17th. Once the league stage is over, there will be unlimited transfers as teams like mine will be given the opportunity to make up for their non-performance.
Mumbai have ensured they will finish top of the table with 8 games left in the league stage. It's a mad scrap for the three remaining semifinal spots. Chennai, Bangalore and Delhi are occupying the semifinal positions right now but two of them have indulged in a bit of harakiri. Bangalore have gone from 4-1 to 6-6 while Delhi have lost three in a row in comically pathetic fashion.
Deccan look best placed to capitalise after their three-game winning streak and both their games are away from home, not that they've really had a home. They have a bad net run-rate but win two and it won't matter one bit. Rajasthan are as unpredictable as the English weather and have to play Bangalore at home with their last game away at the Eden Gardens. Neither game will be easy. Kolkata are on the back of two maulings but will be happy to be playing their last two games at home. They should back themselves to beat Rajasthan and might even fancy their chances against Mumbai who will probably rest a few key players. They'll have to win those games big because they have the worst net run-rate in the league.
But there is a very remote chance of Punjab sneaking into the semis.They have to win their two remaining games and hope Bangalore, Kolkata, Deccan and Chennai don't win any games and it will come down to net run-rate between Punjab, Bangalore, Kolkata, Deccan and Chennai.
Does this have any bearing on our little fantasy league? Not much, but a look at the schedule will tell you to replace your Bangalore players with those from those from Kolkata on the 17th. Once the league stage is over, there will be unlimited transfers as teams like mine will be given the opportunity to make up for their non-performance.
What we forgot during the 37th IPL match
1. It was April 6th
2. There was more to it than CSK v MI
3. There is life beyond the IPL
4. It can be a Bored Member’s Bored Day
5. It was a Bored Member’s Bored Day
6. He is a teetotaller, he can forget
7. But I am not, how did I forget?
Som, we forgot, but then so did you. It is the duty of every bored member to update, remind, write their own Happy Bored Day message if it does not appear by a goodly time. Happy Bored Day Som, 7 up to you.
Jatman's hands are aching
Place - Jatman's house
Time - The day before the MI match at Mumbai
Jatman comes home shouting for his mom asking her to heat a bucketful of water.
"What happened Puttar? Why do you need a full bucket of hot water for relaxing your fingers? Won't a small bowl suffice?"
"No Maa! My entire hand is paining after all the exercise."
"Why? Did you bat for more than 4 balls at the nets today? Those DDDs really overwork you. My poor kid! Should I call up Gouti to stop treating you like an ordinary batter? Wo meri baat jaroor sunega."
"It's not like that Ma! I batted only 2 balls as usual. But later I had to massage Gouti's hamstring, which unlike RCB, doesn't wilt under pressure."
"But why didn't Gouti ask the physio to attend to him?"
"DDD pays pittance to even its star players. The physio is paid peanuts so he refuses to do overtime as it was past 5.30 p.m. So I had to do the job "
"But how much is he paid?"
"I told you no Ma, peanuts! 1kg every day."
"Ohh puttar you must be really tired."
"Maa, it doesn't end there." Jatman said with tears in his eyes "Later I had to go to Sachin Paaji's place."
"Why did you go to meet Sachin?"
"You see, we are playing a match against him tomorrow. I was sent by the coach to plead and beg with him to let us win the match."
"And what happened there?"
"As I entered the room I saw Sachin sleeping on his bed and Anil bhai sitting near his pillow. He was there to plead for his team's cause as well."
"So if Anil beta was sitting there puttar, how could you beg and plead with Sachin in his presence?"
"Arre Maa, I always play my natural game and today was no exception. Pressure doesn't get to me. Ever!! My natural pleading style is pressing people's feet and today was no exception. I went and sat at Sachin Paaji's feet and started pressing them."
"The what happened Puttar?" JatMa asked with baited breath
"As soon as Sachin Paaji opened his eyes, he saw me first. So I was given the first option of choosing either he desisting to play against us or the rest of his team not playing against us."
"So what did you choose?"
"Obviously I asked him not to play against us. But he said that he would have to take permission from his owners."
"And what did Anil puttar get?"
"Well, Sachin Paaji said to him that RCB couldn't be helped even by HIM if Kallis batted for 15 overs."
"Puttar, the water must be boiling hot by now. You have a long day tomorrow. Go get some rest and don't start your hourly night phone call to Gouti now."
This piece is a mix of a figment of one's imagination and some ideas inspired from the Mahabharata. This is an MI fan's ungli cricket piece. Let the battle begin :-)
Bored Game: IPL Fantasy League Update
Right. I'm back after a short break. Didn't have no mobile company sponsoring it though. There are just 10 games left in the league stage and only one team has made the semis. Even that team isn't assured of top place. So what does this mean for our fantasy game? Not much, except that teams won't be resting their key players unless they lose a couple of games and are ruled out of the semis.
Sid has taken the lead and ABVan is right behind. It appears to be a fight between the top four but all it takes is one big performance by an unknown player for the others to catch up.
There are two games tomorrow with Mumbai playing Delhi at the Barbourne and Kolkata walking into the furnace that is the Chepauk. Make sure you change your trump player between games.
The halwai's revenge
As this is in line with my "cricket-in-desh" theme, I'm linking to a post - on the biggest hitting I've ever seen (and why it felt that way) - at Different Strokes on Cricinfo.
A little colorful detail I left out at Cricinfo - the lad I talk about in this post was a pretty roly-poly dude, a bit of a halwai. Perhaps thats why he fell out of favor.
Things you can name after them
Lalit Modi: A cheerleader grooming institute called Lalit Kala Academy.
Jacques Kallis: Courier service. Always delivers.
Shane Warne: Elevator. Lifts others.
Sachin Tendulkar: Wine. Grows better with age.
Graeme Smith: Fish Fingers. Known for their crisp brittleness.
Yusuf Pathan: Fizzy drink. Sizzles and then fizzles out.
Ajit Agarkar: Kamikaze planes.
open letter from gautam gambhir to mahek...
dear mahek,
thanks for your frank but 'ordinary' letter...
there is a very thin line between success and failure... if you ask viru, it is a matter of how you look at things 'half empty or half full' or 'a quick single stolen or disaster'
when i run, i run to steal a quick single... i don't run to get out... so, if a throw directly hits the stumps and i am short of ground, i face criticism... i can be run out due to confusion also... so the quick run attempted remains the same, only the mode of run out is different...
this is to make a point to defend my approach that is often described by critics as 'reckless'... but i insist it is 'natural'...
my natural running is my strength... that is how i grew up and scored most of my quick singles... and i am playing at the highest level coz of my natural style...
so i will not mince words... i won't change my natural running style...
sincerely,
gautam gambhir...
Open Letter to Gautam Gambhir
Dear Gautam,
Let me take this opportunity to wish you and the rest of the Daredevils the best of luck for the remainder of the IPL season. I am not wishing you luck because I'm a Daredevils supporter. I am doing so because you and your mobile sharing buddy have taken it upon yourselves to put the team in a mess game after game. What's more, both of you have chosen the same mode of self-destruction.
I have never gone beyond club cricket so you may not care about my opinion. But it didn't stop the black-haired blondes of Bollywood to unfairly criticise you so I reckon I can say a word or two.
I understand Twenty20 is a fast-paced format. I also know it's a format where the presence of bowlers is considered to be an inconvenience. You and your peers have turned into spoilt brats who piss themselves if the ball does anything off the pitch. Your teammates who endure injuries to their ankles, knees, back, shoulders, elbows while you and your fellow batsmen make the most of flat tracks, shortening boundaries, bigger bats, knight-like protection and biased rules.
It must be hard as a batsman to bat on a pitch which makes you look like a bunch of buffoons. I hope some of your bowling teammates knock some sense into your thick head after yesterday's shitshow. Sure the bounce was low. Sure the ball didn't come on to the bat the way your lot wants it it. But it's not like you were in any physical danger. Half your players have played in these conditions for years. You even had the advantage of winning the toss. So stop bitching about the pitch and get on with it. The pitch didn't run you out, did it? Neither did it fool your buddy into playing an atrocious shot first ball. You had strong words for those Royals after you pummeled them in similar conditions, maybe you need to use those words on you and your batsmen after they frittered away the advantage against the worst team in the league.
If you would rather play away games make sure you play for some other team from next season because I would hate of see my side being led by a pussy who cringes at the prospect of a challenge from the bowlers.
Sincerely,
Mahek
The legend of Ultappha
Robin U was once lying in his hotel suite gazing at the pictures of the "king of good times" cavorting with swimsuited hotties (which had been compulsorily put on the walls with a penalty of $5000 for removal or defacement of the same). As he admired the ampleness of the king, he wondered, "what is my legacy da?"
He had achieved a lot in his life. He had won India matches with the power of the inside and outside edges of his bat. He had been in the squad which won the inaugural T20 World Cup, a feat so awesome that it led to the IPL itself. He had been accused of stuffing money in the locker room by no one else but a Pakistani (being accused of wrongdoing by a Pakistani nutcase ranks just below an ICC level infinity offense and above allegations of ball tampering in terms of "you have arrived, people are so jealous"ity). He was so awesome that he was left out of the 3rd edition of the T20 World Cup. Who wants to see a one sided affair. Also Utthappha in West Indies = Acute beer shortage for others.
Anyways, the Robin without the Batman was thinking about how to become immortal. The man had been blitzing sixes yet was being sent after Dravid of all people. Dravid? Who wants to see the cultured batting of the Wall when there is the awesomeness of the "ugly hoick over the boundry in any direction except where intended"? He had to do something lest the people will forget about him.
Then it struck him. He had to play a shot. A shot so ridiculously useless and risky that no one else would play it. If no one else plays it, he will be the only one to play it. Genius!! What about playing a reverse pull off a wide down leg side (thereby losing the extra run) to third man (irrespective of whether a third man is there. It has to be risky and useless, remember). When he unfurls it, people will be shocked ("WTF was that?"), surprised ("he wasted a perfect wide"), confused ("all that effort to get out?") and angry ("this is pieterson. I have the copyright to that shot. My lawyer will be talking to you."). Yes, that will do it. That will imprint his name in the minds of the cricket crazy universe. Now he just had to name it. What name will perfectly symbolize his awesomeness and the reverse nature of this mindboggling shot?
Thus was the Ultappha born. May the legend live on forever.
Kotla ka Ghotala and other IPL related things.
Watching the game between the KXIP and the Double Ds, one has to wonder why is the Kotla getting a game. The pitch is not even fit for gully cricket. The pitch at Gandhi Maidan in Chembur, Mumbai has more consistentcy than this one. If the game can be shiftd from grounds because of things like tiffs with the home associations, civil unrest, etc., it is high time it gets shifted for cricketing reasons!!
Talking of tiffs, has anyone been following the tweets of the greatest Modi of them all? He has been laying into the Rajasthan CA officials for percieved mistreatment of RR officials. It is to be noted that the Modi was once chief of RCA before being defeated in the elections. Soon after the defeat comes the news that RR matches are being shifted to Gujarat which has a friendlier CA. While the tiff is expected, what is not expected is the use of Twitter. Has Twitter become this influential?
Yesterday was the day when Rahul Dravid announced to the world that he has been picked in RCB for batting. Yesterday was also the day when Uttappha introduced to the world his version of the switch hit - the Ultappha.
Once upon a time
He will often brag about his self goal, but his cricketing highs far outweigh anything football in the mouth. These were the heady 90s, Tubs in aviators, stubble, the drinks’ boy, bag and pre-mixes in hand and always a good sledge away from you – Birdy on strike, Tubs keeping, but before that, a brief background – Birdy was unemployed, a corporate hippy. Tubs behind the stumps, enquiring about Birdy’s pay-package, how many figures? Do they even pay you? Weak grin from stoned Birdy. Pink slip, salary slip, more slips of the mouth – how does it feel to be unemployed?
Birdy was stoic enough, he never spoke much, more grins. And drinks happen, swigs, Pussy partakes, Freddie, Keith, Bhaskar, Sajith, Kartik did you? One thing’s for certain, Roop did not partake. Those was rummy cricketing days, daze, yeah.
Through Delhi, Bombay, Hyderabad, we talked cricket, dirty, filthy, abusive cricket – Maninder-Saba Karim imitations…kehna parega, Saba; I even mailed Saba Karim, (the only cricketer I’ve ever mailed); years later when I ran into Saba at a bookshop, we finally got closure on that episode, or did we?
Tubs spent most of his adult life imitating Imran Khan, you can hear him Immu away here. It’s in print, but if you listen close enough, you’ll hear him alright. Maybe you can put your ear to the screen.
Phone call, looks like I lost the thread. But we did talk some cricket, which beats writing cricket – Happy Bored Day Tubs.
and they said we can't play short pitch stuff...
take your eyes of the ball... get your helmet knocked off to stumps... look around visibly embarrassed... and hope your country men proclaim that actually it's indians who can not play short pitch stuff...
The night before – IPL Party
The players, blondes, media, shady sorts, everybody’s there. Gibbs and Symonds catch a word with each other midst all the crazies
SYMONDS
(inebriated)
You lucky….you lucky…you lucky not playingGIBBS
It’s not easy sitting out but finally there are only four foreign players you can play…SYMONDS
Have you…have you gone…gone insane…I’m not the f#@*** media, man...manGIBBS
Shhh…we’re being watched, always…I just watched LSD…these media guys, they want videos of us doing…SYMONDS
Doing? Doing what…what are….who we doing…you man sold out…not drinking enough…and your f&*** benchedGIBBS
(To journalist)
Very nice Virgin Mary, you never know when your team needs you, tomorrow is a big game and I’m raring to go…SYMONDS
(agitated)
You…you loser drinking virgin mary…let me give you a bloody nose…Symonds aims to knock Gibbs nose, who ducks and instead he smashes a blonde hostess – appropriately, Blood on the dance floor starts to play
NOHIT SHARMA swears in a shady corner, while Raina and the CSK crowd walk out behind MSD. Symonds catches MS by his collar
SYMONDS
Man, you…you…you buy me next time I wanna wannaGIBBS
Hey man, MS, you know that Priyanka Chopra chick man…she’s got the right credentials…Cut to Shastri at the Bar
SHASTRI
Hah…and the eco tip of the day is to drink Mojitos…Two Blondes laugh hysterically alongside Shastri, as Russel Arnold murmurs into his drink -
ARNOLD
Some guys have all the luck...
Cliche!
I am a Mumbaikar.Have been one all my life. No, that is not the cliche.
And one of the important rites of passage that comes along with being a Mumbaikar, in addition to traveling in locals during peak hours and speaking Hinglish, is playing tennis and rubber ball cricket in the galli.Or a maidan, if you are so lucky. Or are living in Navi Mumbai.
Rubber and Tennis ball ( not to be confused with tape ball) cricket meant that anyone with reasonable pace could bang the ball in short and have the batsman playing anywhere between his chest and head. Or higher.
Playing in the maidan also meant a few mandatory rules. Under no circumstances were runs behind the wicket allowed. And often times, because of a lack of quorum, runs on the offside were disallowed too.
Which meant that the bread and butter shots were the front of the wicket hook and pull.. Variants included the lofted drive and the ada patta shot.
Which in turn meant that almost all, if not everyone in my group was a good puller and hooker of the ball.. Not so much a driver, because hitting the ball along the carpet with a packed leg side field, drew much scorn. From your team mates.
Anywho, this is the background.
And on the basis of this back ground, here comes the main story.
We went to Murud Janjira on a school excursion. Where, in our infinite wisdom, we decided to play cricket. On the beach. Correction - on a sandy beach. Plenty of hoo haaing later ( "will the ball bounce?", "how many tappa before the ball is called dead", " should we pull in the boundaries because the ball wont carry", "lets play under arm instead"), the game got underway.
And it took just one delivery for all of our preconceived notions to go out through the window.
For, a field that read five in the deep on the onside and four on the off, changed to two slips, point, short cover, forward short leg, short square leg, deep fine and a short midwicket.
For no one, and I mean no one,had accounted for either the skid or the bounce on that sandy strip.
Batsmen used to playing the pull and the hook were top edging balls, plenty of balls were going off the splice of the bat and there wasnt one front foot shot played in anger that afternoon.
Which brings me to the reason for this post - this little passage on Cricinfo
Dinda v Warner: The first over of Delhi's chase. Ashok Dinda sent down four successive dot balls, all of them short of a length and skidding into the left-hander David Warner, hurrying and cramping him. Warner attempted to short-arm jab three of those on the leg side but failed. The fifth was straighter and quicker. It skidded through Warner's defences before he brought his bat down and demolished off stump. For a batsman reared on the hard and fast surfaces of Australia, Warner was surprisingly beaten by Dinda's pace.
In trying to explain Warner's failing against Dinda, the writer resorted to a tired cliche - that because Warner is Australian, it is automatic that he is a good player of pace.(And that wickets in Australia are fast and hard) And he may well be, but what the writer forgot, or deliberately omitted, is the fact that prior to the game in Kolkata, Delhi had played three games on the trot at the Kotla. And given the nature of the Kotla wicket, with a tendency to stay on the lower side and stop a bit, it wasn't much of a surprise that Warner was late first up when playing under the lights on a slightly bouncier and skiddier Eden Gardens track.
Because it was a matter of adjustment. And swishing across the line without taking into account either the wicket or the conditions is just bad batting. Whether you are Australian, Indian or a poor old sod from the maidans of Mumbai.
And sometimes, the explanation is just that simple.. Without resorting to cliches.
Sreesanth in New York
INT. NEW YORK TUBE STATION - NIGHT
Sreesanth walks into the deserted station, clad in flashy clothes, gold chains; close by is a black kid with his hi fi system, hip hop playing. Sreesanth starts to breakdance. From nowhere a bunch of rapper hooligans emerge
RAPPER
Ho Mofo, wataya dancing like that foSreesanth senses trouble, he kisses his locket, crosses his heart, head, prays, all he usually does at the start of his run up.
SREESANTH
Mind it, do you know whose son you are clashing with – the prodigal son of Indian cricketOne of the rappers slaps Sree, who immediately starts to cry – the rappers are zapped seeing an adult cry like a baby.
As Sree cries, a loud train pulls into the station - a new bunch of gansta’ rappers emerge – the old bunch run, Sree is still crying. The new bunch give Sree the thrashing of his life, rip his gold chain, clothes, watch. Sree is left standing naked in the tube station, clapping.
Morgan Freeman appears, he’s the cleaner, broom in hand. Nirvana plays in the background
MORGAN FREEMAN
Did I just see what I just saw – you were stripped naked by those boys and you stand there applauding them – are you outta your god damn mind, son?SREESANTH
You won’t understand, it’s called Sarcasm.Sree continues to clap and cry inconsolably.
DIRECTOR
Cut, cut…Sree that was total crap, I’m gonna cut 20% of your fees
Jatman: Proud to be an Indian.
I started with 6 players from DD in the Bored Game. But we kept losing so I had to rest some of these useless DD players – I was tempted to rest myself but it was my team. Anyway, I have still played only Indian players – my motto is simple, be Indian, pick Indian. And if you pick a firang, then they can always drop him at the last minute - look at Murali, at his age he doesn't deserve to be dropped. Dropping Murali is like dropping Anil Kumble. They are both very senior players with very senior egos. They may not show it on TV, but on the bench#@$%
Soon, not only my Bored Game team, but all IPL teams will have Indians playing. The foreigners will be there for drinks and sitting on the bench – anyway they sound very good on TV as they know better English than us. Of course when the telecast is in Hindi and regional languages we won’t even need them to serve drinks and talk to the firang commentators.
Your man, Jatman
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